That day at school, I spent every hour staring into space. I didn't blink, I didn't move one finger. I was dead still, whether I was staring at a speck of dust on Killian Maddox's sweater, or dried out chewing gums sticked under a desk.

I didn't even bother to ask myself whether Erasmus had noticed or not, it honestly didn't even cross my mind.

My mind did not drift in weird places as it usually would. I did not think about aliens. I did not think about the one. I didn't think of anything. I just felt emptiness. And a constant feeling of anxiety eating me alive, tearing me apart from the inside.

I didn't eat at lunch. I sat at the table with the others but I didn't even bother to take a plate. I kept staring into nothingness. Amber tried to approach me, she asked me why I wasn't eating, but I didn't answer.

I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't even look at her. I felt Andrew's eyes constantly staring at me, looking at everything I did. At every move I made.

When someone grabbed the bottle of water I was staring at on the table, I needed to focus on something else. This happened to be Josh. I stared at him kissing Amber. I didn't even realize that I was looking at him. He probably did. And I think he waved, at one point. But there was no reaction from my part.

The whole day was like that. I shut down all my senses, closing myself into a cocoon, letting everyone live while I slowly died inside.

At one point, though, Amber became insistent, she asked me why I wasn't talking to her, and I had to talk.

"I'm..." my voice barely came out, I hadn't spoken a word for too long, so I cleared my throat, "uh... I'm feeling kind of bad today..."

"Why so? Are you ill?" She actually sounded concerned.

"I don't know..." I had to make conversation. She would have asked me what was wrong. If I was mad with her. And what would I have said? I sighed. "So... Josh."

"Yeah. We went out yesterday. Me, him and Andrew," They didn't invite me. Andrew didn't even bother to tell me they went out. "And it all happened really fast. We were talking and then, all of the sudden, we were kissing."

"Wow..." I muttered, still staring into space, talking in an emotionless way, "I don't even know him. I never talked to him."

"Well, you should!" She was all excited, "He seems like a nice guy."

He seems. How do you kiss someone that seems nice. Someone that you don't even know.

I looked at Josh as he talked to Andrew while eating in a kind of rough way. He didn't seem really nice. He didn't look very friendly. He looked hot, that's for sure. With his biceps and his jawline. He was really handsome, but he had that bad boy look.

"So... are you two, like... in love with each other?"

"Woah!" I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye, "In love! Wow! See... I don't really believe in love. I don't even think I can love. This is just for fun."

I didn't look away from my staring spot, I just raised my eyebrows, though my eyes remained as lifeless as they were.

"I know what you're thinking," she kept talking, "You think I'm an unpleasant bitch. I think so too. I don't know how to be nice. And I don't know how to love. And I'm a troublemaker too. I always ruin my relationships and other's. People should stay away from me."

"I think you're nice..." My hands were tied between my legs as I was still staring at the edge of the table. I don't know what was so interesting about that, but I just couldn't look away.

"Thanks," Her cold hand on my leg broke the hypnosis and sent some life back into my eyes.

I looked at her. Her eyes made me feel better. Safer. Warmer. It's like they were staring right into my soul.

I looked at Andrew on the other side of the table. He was staring at me. He looked livid. His eyes made me feel terrible. Anxious. Colder.

Later, when Amber left us for a moment to talk with some girls, Andrew approached me and Josh.

We were walking close without saying a word. I wanted to say something, get to know him, but I was scared.

"Hey," Andrew said, looking at Josh, "I heard Peter here saying you look like an asshole."

Josh stopped. I stopped. We all stopped. Even Erasmus, who was walking ahead of us, stopped.

Josh looked at me, he peered.

I put an hesitant smile on my face and said, "You don't believe that... do you?"

He came closer, still looking at me. I looked everywhere but into his eyes. The smell of his cologne inebriated my senses. It was a really nice one. But I couldn't think of anything nice in that moment.

I looked at Andrew. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

All of the sudden, I felt Josh's hand smacking on the side of my face. It was all so fast, I didn't even notice him raising it.

I kept my smile on, though I could feel my left eye staring to water.

"W-What the fuck," I babbled, still smiling like an idiot.

Josh turned around and walked away. I stopped smiling and looked at Andrew, who, instead, never stopped, while walking towards class.

My eyes then moved on Erasmus, who witnessed the whole scene, but then he also turned around and walked to class.

Why didn't I react? Why didn't I slap him back? Why was I so null and void? Was I really like Andrew said? A loser without any shot at redemption? And why did I keep smiling? What was I even trying to accomplish?

I wanted to meet Josh? Well, there he was. In all his painful glory. Was that supposed to be a nice guy? Why did girls always go for the bad boy? And why did proper nice guys like me get slapped in the face and stabbed in the back?

I just wanted that day to end, go back home, crawl into my bed, and shut my brain.

• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •

"He turned on me! He straight-up turned on me! 'I'll put the whole school against you' he said. And so he did! He made his friend hit me!"

Even tucked inside her sweater, Belle looked like she was shining, like the sunlight never left her hair and summer never left her eyes.

That day, the wind was blowing rather hard, and it was cold. There were very few people at Flushing Meadows Park, which was good. It allowed me to speak without the fear of someone eavesdropping.

"This behavior doesn't make any sense," she observed, "You have to react, though!"

"No!" I almost screamed, tears in my eyes again, "I don't want to react! If I react it gets worse! I don't even know how to react! I'm lost... I... I just have to let the days go by..." I took a deep breath and started nodding like a madman, "I can do this... I don't speak to anybody. I pretend I don't exist... everyone pretends I don't exist. And we're all good. The days go by. School ends. Summer comes around and I can go back to living."

"That's idiotic!" she put a hand on my shoulder. Her hands so warm, "You have to do something! You can tell Josh that Andrew is hitting on his girlfriend! You can do that!"

My eyes lit up. "You're right! I could do that!"

"S-So... Josh..." I said the next day. Josh was standing alone by the wall, Amber a few feet away. That was the first time I actually talked to him.

"What do you want?" he said with an harsh voice.

"I wouldn't trust Andrew so much..." I felt a tic in my eye, created by the fear of him hitting me again, " He used to be my friend... and he's desperately trying to score with Amber..."

"Yeah, well..." he walked over to Amber to smack her ass, "Who isn't?" He laughed and kissed her.

I swear that, in that moment, I could feel the weight of gravity hitting me down. Like the whole world had just fallen on my shoulders.

"It didn't work," I told Belle later that day, "It so didn't work. I looked even more pathetic. This is ridiculous. I don't know what to do anymore."

"I'm sorry..." she tried to say, but I kept moaning.

"I'm avoiding Andrew. I stand behind bushes at the bus stop. I try to avoid Amber... not even Erasmus seems to want to talk to me anymore. This is ridiculous."

And so the days went by like that. Every day. Avoiding everyone. Staring into space during classes. Sometimes Josh and his friends would pick on me. He probably told his friends "Hey look, that's a loser. Let's make his life impossible." While Andrew watched. He was pleased. He was happy for my misfortune.

Then, one day, at lunch, Andrew came, all mad, to me and pushed me as I was standing by the wall near the window, away from all the tables and people.

"What the fuck?" I said, looking at his neck. Not his eyes.

"You told Josh that I was hitting on Amber!" he growled.

"Yeah," This time I looked him in the eyes, "And you told him I said he was an asshole. Now, which one of us told the truth?!"

And then he put both his hands on my shoulders and hit me with a hard knee in my stomach.

Everything went dark for a moment. A sharp pain crossed all my upper body, even my back. I fell down on my knees, coughing. But then, I don't know how, I stood up and put my hands around his neck, screaming.

A few guys ran towards us as fast as they could, including Josh. They broke us up, "Captain, what are you doing?" Josh almost whispered to Andrew, "You want to get suspended?"

I ran a hand through my hair, the other around my waist, looking at everyone sitting at the tables far from us. Only a few seemed to have noticed what was going on. I looked around me. A crowd had formed. I recognized some of the guys that were always around Josh, like Matt Hogan. There was also Killian Maddox , the nerdiest of nerds, trying to establish peace. Seeing him there made me feel a little bit safer.

Meanwhile, Josh turned to me. He was dangerously close, so I put my hands up, in front of my face, but all he did was push me. Push me really hard. I felt every organ leave my body for that second.

I fell back down, this time feeling the hard floor on my back. I stopped my head from crushing down as well just in time. I wanted to cry, but I held back.

He started kicking me in the ribcage while I was down. And then his friends too. Even Killian Maddox. The scholar guy who looked like a peaceful nerd, was there kicking me.

They were all kicking me down, until I couldn't distinguish anything anymore. All I felt was the pain and the dust, from the floor and from their shoes. I wondered if my eyes were open or not, as I couldn't see a thing.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I heard Amber's voice, yelling at Josh.

The crowd started to separate, so I could look up. Josh put a sick smile on his face and gave his boys a signal. They all turned around and left along with him.

Through the ringing in my ears I heard Amber ask if I was alright. I felt her cold hands on my wrists, helping me back up.

"Do I look alright?" I managed to say without spitting. I couldn't help but cry.

"Come on," she said, taking my hand into hers. This time, mine was as cold as hers, "Let's get you out of here."

While walking to the exit door, I looked back and saw Erasmus standing across the room. He was looking at me, he had probably seen the whole beatdown, but as soon as my eyes met his, he looked away.

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Huuuuge chapter! What do you think? Did you like it? Feel free to let me know with a COMMENT and a VOTE!

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Peter and Amber will be back next week, make sure to be there!

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