*Ciel's Pov*

"Come on silly, it'll be fun." She giggled at me, smiling.

She knew her smile was irresistible to me, I couldn't say no when she smiled. I grunted when she grabbed my hand knowing she had won. I hated roller coasters. I swear they were invented by the devil himself. Alpha to be scared of roller coasters, I'd laugh at myself if I wasn't so afraid.

We stood in the line for thirty minutes before it was our turn. The next few minutes on the damn thing was unpleasant. She just laughed the whole time.

I couldn't have been happier to have my feet on the ground, where they belong.

"You're lucky I love you." I joked.

It only made her smile more "I love you to."

I just stared at her, amazed at her pure beauty. Her brunette hair fell to her shoulders, a pair of sea blue eyes flowing with her features. She always wore make up but it only added to her beauty. She was wearing shorts with a white tank top, a cute little cardigan over top to block what wind we had.

I always wondered what she was doing with me. She knew I was going to be Alpha one day, find my mate but she never once seemed sad about it, just loved me. I can't count how many times I asked Nox to let her be my mate, our packs Luna. Life without her would be unbearable.

"What are you thinking about?" Her soft voice pulled me from my stupor.

"You." I answered, gripping her waist in order to pull her body to mine.

"Hmmm, what about me?"

"Just how beautiful you are, how much I love you."

She nodded "What else?"

I should have known she would know that wasn't it.

"Nothing." I lied.

"You don't have to tell me but know I'm always going to be here for you."

I frowned "I know you will but you won't always be with me."

She sighed "We knew what we were getting into Ciel and what would eventually happen. We've been together for four years now, I'm not saying it won't hurt but I accept it."

Her eyes watered and I used my thumb to erase the tears.

"Marry me." I whispered.

She looked shocked "W-what?"

"I asked you to marry me Alyliena."

Instead of an answer her soft lips connected to mine. The whole carnival greyed as she kissed me. No one else mattered in this moment but her. After I don't know how long, she broke the kiss.

"Yes." She whispered for me alone.

I woke up abruptly, tears were already drying on my cheeks. It took me a couple of seconds to realize someone else was laying next to me.

I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do.

Thud.

"What the hell!"

Okay, maybe shoving him on the floor wasn't what I should have done.

"What do you mean what the hell? What the fuck were you doing?" I responded.

He rubbed at his shoulder as he spoke.

"I couldn't stay on my knees all night."

I gave him a look of confusion.

"On your knees?"

"Shut the fuck up." He grumbled as he stood.

I sat up fully "Why are you even here?"

He stared at me blank faced before answering.

"I was worried about you." He said looking at the ground.

It clicked in my mind what he was talking about.

I held out my arms "Come here."

He slowly moved one foot then the other. I grabbed him, pulling him the rest of the way into my arms.

"It's going to happen more often now but I promise I'll be fine."

He pulled back, shaking his head.

"No it won't."

I sighed "It will and it's okay."

He kept shaking his head "It won't because I'm not letting it.

"The only way that's possible is if-" I stopped.

"Exactly."

I didn't know what to say. Was he going to say what I hoped he would? What I've been waiting for him to say for three years.

"I'm not accepting us being mates if that's what you think."

I frowned "Then what?"

"Bethany said that the symptoms will slow down if I'm around you more."

I kept staring at him, confused.

"Of course I can't be around you all the time but I'll make sure I see you more often than before and maybe spend the night with you. I don't know, I haven't really thought it through completely but if it stops or slows down the withdrawal..we'll figure it out."

I chuckled curtly.

"We'll figure it out." I mimicked.

This time he looked at me confused. I was too baffled by him still refusing me but wanting to help me.

"What?"

I chuckled again, only more from being unable to comprehend what else to do.

After a minute I calmed down and shook my head.

"We aren't going to figure anything out."

"Why?" He frowned.

I moved my face inches from his, the hazel of his eyes becoming clear. Looking into them I found myself wanting to hurt him, make him feel a little of what it's like.

"Because I would rather die."

His eyes watered "D-don't say that."

I smirked, pulling his face closer to mine.

"You're not my mate Princely, I don't care what you want."

The tears escaped from his eyes, rolling down his face.

"Stop." He tried pulling from me but we both knew it was futile.

"You're pathetic, I've been wasting three years of my life on you and you can't handle a little of what you give out? You're not worth it anymore."

Once the words left my mouth I felt out of body, like it wasn't really me but I continued even though the tears were flowing from his eyes.

"No one loves you Princely. Not Cainis, Not Lincoln, Not Basel, Not Phelan."

After Phelan came out he wasn't just crying anymore, he was full blown sobbing and it pleased me.

"Pl-ease s-stop." He pleaded.

"You're not important enough to ask for anything."

He let out a heart wrecking sob and before I could react the door slammed open.

"That is enough!" I looked up, staring into Bethany's cold glare.

She walked over calmly, though her features showed otherwise, and grabbed Princely from me gently. She gave him a hug and whispered something in his ear I couldn't hear. He walked out after she let him go, her focus now on me.

She stalked towards me, getting in my face.

"I don't care what he does, he is you're mate and you forgive him."

Her hands wrapped around my throat.

"And as far as making him cry."

Her grip on my windpipe tightened.

"Never again or I will fucking end you. And I do not make idle threats little boy."

She was gone but I was still in shock. She was Bethany, soft and gentle. Kind and caring Bethany. She just threatened an Alpha.

I stood up and got dressed, slipping out the guest room window.

What the hell was that? That wasn't me. It couldn't have been. My heartbeat sped up and I started running. I shifted mid run. It didn't make a difference.

Brunette hair.

Blue eyes.

High cheek bones.

Bright smile.

Beautiful.

Alyliena.

Her eyes. Her voice. Her body. They all haunted me.

Why can't I escape myself?

I stopped at the borders and shifted back attempting to control my building rage. I wanted to brake something, kill someone. I hated this, it wasn't me. I can't make sense of it but it just wasn't me. It felt like someone else was acting, talking, but it was my actions and my voice.

I gripped my hair in frustration. I couldn't go home like this. I didn't want to risk doing something I would regret so I sat down where I was, looking over the pack lands.

The Beaux pack had always been a small group even generations before I became Alpha. Yet it wasn't always easy. With a pack of barely two hundred people, loss was ten times harder to handle. I wouldn't have it any other way because I have so much pride and admiration for my pack.

I sighed. What was happening?

What was going to happen to my pack? To the people I took an oath by our Goddess to protect? To me? To my mate? My heart skipped a beat at the thought of Princely.

I hurt him. How can I fix this? He already can't stand me and I just gave him a million more reasons not to. I didn't want to think about it anymore because my heart was breaking.

I stood up and dusted myself off, heading for home.

I turned on the shower, letting the water get as hot as possible before stepping in. The water stung and I welcomed it. I needed something to numb me, to make my internal pain lessen. I just stood there with my hand on the wall and my head down so the water didn't get in my face as much, my thoughts running.

It took years for me to melt her image from my brain. It took years of grieving to simply let her go. Why now? I moved on. I've found my mate. So why now? Deep down I knew I couldn't ever forget her but I didn't want to exactly remember her.

She was always so picky about her hair, preferring it down but hated when it got in her face. Her eyes were always thoughtful, seeing the things in life I couldn't. Her lips were always full, covered in earth tone colors. Her smile, perfection. Her height was just right and her frame so slender. She was always carefree and full of adventure.

I gripped my hand tight on the wall.

Princely's hair stayed short but long enough for my fingers to run through it. His eyes stayed neutral, not showing how he felt. His lips stayed rugged but plump. His smile stayed even, never fully giving away happiness. His height stayed an inch taller and his frame stayed built. He stayed cautious and weary.

I slammed my fist against the shower wall.

I shut the water off and threw on some boxers. I grabbed the bottle of Melatonin because I knew I couldn't sleep without it. I took out four, putting them back before heading to the kitchen.

I sat the pills on the counter so I could get something to drink. I had just opened my vitamin water when someone started banging on the door.

I swung the door open, ready to yell at whoever it was but they shoved me back and slammed the door behind them.

"You son of a bitch." Cainis spat.

I held my hands up in defense.

"Calm down."

He stepped closer "I have ever right to beat your fucking face in right now."

I nodded "I know."

"You fucking fix this and you better pray to the Goddess that you still can."

I nodded again "I will try. I don't want to have a fight with you."

He shook his head and chuckled.

"It won't be me you will have to face."

I crooked my head in confusion. Isn't that why he was here?

He sighed "Princely has practically been Bethany's cub since he was twelve years old. Hell hath no fury? Well hell hasn't faced Bethany and I sure as shit hope you don't."

He shook his head at me then turned to leave.

I stayed frozen for a minute before going back to the kitchen.

I took the pills and went to bed.

I waited for sleep to take over with my final thought.

Fuck this.

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Well..Picture is of Ciel.