Can I just say that

Life sucks rn

Everything I've said about myself before is becoming true

I fricking ruin everything
Damn

I'm such a party crasher

Now I'm starting to think that I made the right choice not to go to that one party at school

I mean, sure I was invited but only so they wouldn't make me feel bad??

I don't know

It just sucks

Hmm

I think it also sucks because i CaNt enD tHe suFfEriNg

Tbh, every time I think of the exact moment mY SOUL leaves my body once I'm dead it sends SHIVERS down my spine

Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't

Im so fricking sadistic what the hell

Im kinda at the verge of leaving and just playinf Critical Ops and Identity V now

And draw without posting it

Because idk

Im really starting to think that everything I do is worthless

Someone told me "stop being a depressed arse bish" but ruder

And tbh I'm trying :/

But there's this cycle that always seems to happen

When I'm actually genuinely happy, my friends and other people who are good acquaintances are actually sad or maybe upset.

But when I'm just so stressed and lonely, everyone seems to be having a good time without me

I keep asking myself on how everyone would react if they realize I'm gone. Would they be heavily affected negatively? Probably not.  Would they be able to actually move on. Possibly, yes. Definitely.

Besides, I don't want people to be as sad as me and be happier. Besides, when have I actually mattered to them? To anyone?

They keep telling me "oF cOurSe yOu mAttEr" then why can't they prove it? I never believed in "actions are stronger than words" but now I'm convinced with that line.

Idk, I just need a hug but I'm too much of a wimp to ask

(Jazz music stops)

Btw if I don't post anything in the next week that probably means I'm off doing something

*laughs at meme and watches youtube*

Maybe that'll be the only thing I can do for now

I feel unappreciated but undeserving of appreciation

Dam

*dabs*

Aaaaaaand that's all folks