『見ぬが花』

(Minu ga hana)

Literally: Not seeing is a flower.

This means: Things will never be as you imagine, so you're better off not seeing them.

Japanese Quote

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"𝕃𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕝𝕪 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝."

That would be me.

I just 'exist'

To watch everyone from the shadows.

"I'm okay."

It's one of my favorite lies.

But no one even bothers

To find out the truth.

I'm that one girl.

The only loner

In a class full of

'Friends'.

That one girl

Whose name is apparently so long

That her teachers

Always forget about her existence.

But I'm aware.

It's not my name

Nor my existence

That is always forgotten.

In reality,

It's me.

A person no one wants to think of.

Just once more.

Just once more.

I wonder why I trusted in my own lies.

But once again...

"I'm fine."

These words, that fail me, keep slipping from my tongue.

No one would be bothered by the truth anyways

And I'm scared to say it out loud.

My father deceives me every day.

"You are precious, my dear."

If that would have been true

Then maybe I would have mattered to my mother

And she wouldn't have left.

But I don't worth anything.

I know.

If one day I were to disappear

No one would notice.

And by vanishing,

I would be doing this world a favor.

However, to satisfy my wishes,

I believe in yet another lie.

One day I realized

I didn't need anyone but my father

But that evening happens to be

The last evening... that I can remember right now.

I had never once even thought of suicide.

I really wanted to live.

Even though I believed that,

"My life's too good to just end it,"

Somewhere,

Somewhere deep down,

I was lonely

Under my happy-face mask.

It was an accident.

My leg slipped.

The last thing I remember seeing

Is my own red blood

On that fateful evening.

I remember well.

The setting sun,

The drizzling rains,

The happy people,

The children jumping in puddles of water,

And my yellow umbrella

Which my father had gifted me.

I owe my father my life.

Not once, but twice.

For he not only brought me to the world,

But also saved me

From Death itself.

As I lay on this soft bed

With my father's warmth enveloped around me,

Whilst I couldn't see because it hurt to open my eyes,

I really didn't need anyone

But my father.

I hear gentle, comforting words.

"My dear, precious child. How are you feeling?"

I immediately knew it was the truth,

And that I meant the world

For someone.

If I had a chance to go back in time

And reveal my new outlook on life to my past self,

I think I wouldn't change anything.

Because...

That's the reason

I'm me today.

That's the reason

I'm able to say

Words from my heart.

When I told my father,

"Papa... I'm happy... because you're here..."

Finally,

I wasn't lying for once.

Thank you so much, father.

I love you.

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I was inspired to write this while listening to a very beautiful and powerful song.

Japanese: ローリンガール

English: Rolling Girl

Featuring: Hatsune Miku (Vocaloid)

Producer: Wowaka

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"Sometimes happiness is a feeling. Sometimes it's a decision."

Unknown