title : hate the sin , love the sinner
oc / pairing : stuart johnston and
clarence stevens (stevenston)
trigger warning : religious trauma

──────────── ✦ ────────────

CLARENCE FROZE .

HE COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO describe what was going through his head. There he was, sitting in the passenger seat of Stuart's car with him in the driver's seat. Their lips were still close together after that godforsaken action that they called a kiss. He couldn't help himself, and he felt the hot, sinking guilt pour into his chest. He couldn't even look Stuart in the eye. And it wasn't his fault, either. He liked it.

He liked it.

It seems as if Clarence finally let out a breath after a while. A gasp of realization as escapes as it hit him. He pulled away from him, his eyes changing from dead to terrified in a matter of minutes. Stuart's eyes reacted, turning to worry in a matter of seconds.

Clarence immediately gets out of Stuart's dark blue '79 Ford Thunderbird that's currently parked in front of his house, Stuart soon follows after him.

"Clarence─" Stuart starts. He tries to touch him, and he's immediately cut off.

Clarence put his hands in front of him to prevent that. "Don't touch me," He tells him, his voice is quiet, but it is also deadly.

When he sees that Stuart won't come any closer, he puts his hands down. The two of them are silent. You can hear the breeze pass by them, the leaves rustling. His brown eyes stare down at the man who just kissed him in the car. But, he backs away, not wanting to say another word to the lawyer.

Clarence finally walks inside of his house. He leans his back against the door after he closes it. A sigh escapes his lips as he gently grabs the crucifix that gently rests upon his chest. He looks to the window. Burgundy curtains hang from the rods. He walks over to them and lifts them slightly. He sees that the Thunderbird is gone, and for some reason that shatters his heart.

He pulls the curtains back to the position that they were previously in. Clarence fully makes it into the living room. There isn't much. The walls are beige with white trimming on the bottom, but he's been meaning to fix that for Sinatra's sake. A couch black that was sitting near the kitchen door, and a recliner on the opposite end.

Clarence sits his navy blue blazer jacket over the recliner before he sits on the couch. His body relaxes, but his mind still wanders. He can't stop thinking about Stuart. He can't stop thinking about his sweet, but mischievous smile. His dark eyes that appear to be much clearer behind his glasses, his Brooklyn accent, his tall figure, the way he winks whenever he's being flirty ...

This was a test ...

This was a test sent by God himself; one that he needs to pass.

Clarence sits up as the other realization comes to light. The kiss that happened that Stuart's Thunderbird helps him put all the pieces together. It helps him realize what he did wrong.

And for once, Clarence wished that it was Marianne that kissed him in that car.

Tears run down the southern man's cheeks as he leans back onto the couch. His hand touches the crucifix once again. He looks up at the ceiling, disappointed with himself, thinking that he strayed off the path that God had given him.

It was all his fault.

It was his fault for letting the charming, flirtatious, and goofy lawyer slither into his religiously tarnished heart. But, he couldn't blame Stuart for that entirely. He didn't know better. His parents taught him much differently than what his own parents taught him. He didn't know better.

But ... He hadn't felt such tenderness until Stuart came into his life. He's head over heels about the goofy lawyer. But in his family's mind, he would be nothing more than a "disgusting heathen," and he heard those words over and over in his head by various different family members.

"Forgive me father," he cries quietly, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

But could he be forgiven? Clarence didn't know. It's his initial thought as he repeatedly utters those words.

But Stuart ... He made him feel bubbly. He made him feel warm and comfort. Marianne was never able to do that. Marianne didn't even make him happy.

But Clarence hated the sin. As for the sinner, well ... There was more to it than that. Oh, how he wishes for that same comfort right now in this very moment. Clarence, shakes his head at the thought of being his true self, convinced that he just ruined the only other positive thing that he had in his life.

And that was the thought that made him cry even harder. The love that he truly garnished for the lawyer that he wasn't supposed to love. Yet, he yearned for it more than anything.

( ── ♡ AUTHOR'S NOTE ! )
─ this is actually something that i wrote for
my fiction workshop class a while back !
although a few things are altered , this IS
also a snippet of a (future) chapter of my
fic to figure out , as well as a project that i
plan to work on called stuart , can you hear
me .

now i tagged it (or put the pairing) as
stevenston but it's mainly a clarence
drabble ? but stuart is involved whether
he's present or not, so ... anyway hope
you enjoyed this !! <3