This chapter is the longest I've ever written so I cut it in two parts to make it easier for you to read: at some point you will find a music video (a song that adapts perfectly to our love-birds story) dividing the text. From there on there will be mainly Wooyoung's pov, you will understand why...

[you will have more important notes at the end of the chapter, do not worry 😂]

[ AFTER ]

He had been hiding for far too long to know how much time had actually passed. His back was hurting and the long march of that day had drained him of all his energies. He needed a bath, he needed his bed but he couldn't move from that narrow spot in the dark. He had secretly followed the king bringing Wooyoung to his quarters, his already tiny body looking even smaller between the man's arms. San had noticed Wooyoung looked slimmer, his cheekbones more evident on his face now paler than usual. Dark shadows circled his beautiful eyes and San wondered what had happened during the time he was away to drain the poor boy's body that much. When he fainted he couldn't stop the gasp that left his mouth but luckily it was covered by many others and the king's one was the loudest. He had turned, holding Wooyoung up as better as he could and looked at the men standing behind him with fiery eyes until they stopped on San standing in front of everybody else. His pupils had indulged there for a second and San found himself unconciously stepping back.

He knows.

That's all he could think. His hand istinctively flew to his belt but panic took over when he realized he had left his sword outside. He was fucked: the king mouth opened and to San it felt like everything had started moving in slow-motion. He could turn and run away from the still open door, but Wooyoung? He couldn't leave him there. He stood still, waiting, unable to move a muscle and ready for anything the king would say. He looked at him, but suddenly the king's eyes moved away.

"Call a healer" he ordered looking straight at one of the guards standing not so far from him who rushed outside, "And you—" his head pointed at Yeosang's direction who had ran at Wooyoung's side when the boy had lost consciousness, "Don't just stand there and help me to take him upstairs"

So I was wrong? San let himself sigh in relief, allowing his heart still hammering inside of his chest to slow down a little. The king looked at his men once again but this time his eyes didn't meet those of San. Yeah, I was probably wrong!

"Your king is probably overwhelmed by the situation, he needs rest and quiet, we will celebrate tomorrow" he stated and without waiting any further he walked away with Wooyoung, helped by Yeosang.

All the soldiers had muttered their goodbies and San as well had pretended to walk to his room before he silently sneaked away, running to where he knew the king's quarter would be. He knew he couldn't just barge in there, it would be too suspicious so he had stood behind a column not so far waiting for something to happen. He couldn't go to sleep before he was sure Wooyoung was fine. After a few minutes he heard footsteps and soon the guard that had rushed outside followed by a short man wearing white appeared before his sight. They knocked on the door and it didn't take long before Yeosang opened it, letting the short man in and walking away. He had passed in front of San's hiding place and for a second he considered stopping him to ask him about Wooyoung but he couldn't put Yeosang at such risk and moreover the boy wasn't alone and San didn't know the other guard. So he had waited, for so long that his legs became numb but finally the door opened again.

"Do not worry, your highness, I'm sure it's just exhaustion. Seems like the boy's nerves have been put under a huge stress lately but the infusion I gave you will make him feel better. Let him drink it three times per day and make sure he feeds himself properly. He's young, he will be better in no time"

San let himself fall against the column, his heart lightening of the huge weight it was holding. He will be fine, he could just repeat distractedly listening to what the king was saying. He heard how the man asked the healer for an infusion for his nerves too and how, unable to wait for the morning to come, he had suggested to follow him to his lab. He heard the footsteps moving away and then there was just silence. He knew Wooyoung was alright, the reason why he had followed the king, the reason why he had waited hidden, was fulfilled, he could go back to his room, but his body didn't think the same. He had never been one to act impulsively, so he couldn't understand what he was doing when he sneaked out from behind the column and reached Wooyoung's door before pushing down the handle. It wasn't locked and he hurriedly stepped inside making sure to close it silently at his back. But despite his efforts the click of the lockset resounded loud in the silence of the dark room.

"Jagi?" a flebile voice arrived to San's ears, a voice he hadn't heard in months and that caused shivers running down his spine, "Dongyul, is that you?"

San followed the voice without replying, he couldn't even if he wanted to, the lump in his throat didn't move of an inch as he gulped down, stepping forward. As he walked closer and closer he thought he was the one about to collapse for how fast and loud his heart was beating, he had been in that room countless times but it never felt that way. He felt anxious, it was almost a frenzie the one that pushed him ahead, he knew he was at great risk: he wasn't allowed to be in there since he wasn't Wooyoung's personal guard anymore, but he needed to see him, to touch him, even just one second of it would be enough. He thought he was going to die if he couldn't see him even just for a moment, just enough to make sure... To see that sparkle in the boy's eyes, make sure he still loved him, that he still was his. The last corner, he could spot a flebile light coming from behind it, he could feel the strong smell of the infusion left by the healer, he could hear the soft but uneven breaths and they arrived to his ears urging him forward.

Silence, rustling of sheets, a gasp and then again his favorite voice in the world.

"W-what– You shouldn't– I... A-am I dreaming?" Wooyoung started shaking unable to understand if what he could see was reality or just a sweet hallucination. He tried to untangle from the thick blankets that covered him to stand up, hands clumsily grabbing the fabric, but San moved faster and in a second he was kneeling at his feet, strong arms extending and engulfing him in the sweetest hug he could remember. San head was leaning on his thighs, heavy and real and it felt only natural to bring a hand to his hair, it had grown longer. He heard San inhaling deeply, face buried against the soft fabric that hugged his legs, his hands moved from where they were pressed against his back to touch him more: fingers lingering on his waist and hips, slowly running down his thighs and then back up, sneaking under the nightgown to touch the warm skin directly. Wooyoung breath came out of his lungs loudly.

"Are you okay?" San's voice arrived muffled as he started moving his face finally looking up, "You got me so worried" he whispered again moving from the kneeling position, his hands leaving their previous spot and taking Wooyoung's face between his hands to look at him closer.

"I'm okay now" the smile that opened on that sweet face caused San's heart to skip a bit and he had to refrain himself from kissing him stupid, "I just had a bad moment back there, when I didn't see you I thought–"

"But I'm here now, I came back to you, yeah?" San rushed the words out unconsciously leaning closer but stopping when their mouths were only inches apart to whisper again, "If... If you still want me"

Wooyoung eyes were already speaking for him, but still San couldn't help the knot in his stomach to thighten a bit until he noticed the smile appearing on his lover's face "Choi San, there's no world where I don't want you" Wooyoung hands found their place on San tiny waist pulling him in until the soldier was almost straddling him, "I missed you so muc–" he couldn't finish his sentence but only because he was silenced by San's lips crushing against his.

And Wooyoung could just melt in the kiss, San's hand moved from his face carefully curling around the back of his neck, a soft sigh against his lips and it felt like time had stopped. All those months being apart from each other suddenly washed away, any doubt or remorse gone too. Nothing existed but San. San's smell. San's soft lips against his. San's hands. San's little gasps every time their mouths detached a little. It felt like being finally able to breathe again, like being finally back home. Home – because there was where he belonged, between San's arms and nowhere else. Wooyoung felt like his chest was going to explode for the sudden happiness that invaded him and his body jerked forward at the realization, his hands pulled San in a bit more because he couldn't accept any space to interpone between them now that they were finally together, in Wooyoung's room like he had always dreamed of. In the room where–

The sudden realization made him stop, his lips moving away from San that whined for the loss trying to chase Wooyoung's mouth but the younger gently pushed him away.

"You have to go" he whispered feeling his heart break a little as he noticed San's dreamy expression turn into a pained one, "It won't be long before he comes back and if he catches you in here..." he didn't want to think about it.

It felt hard to push him away once and Wooyoung knew he couldn't do it twice, but he sighted in relief as he noticed San finally standing up and walking to the window. Wooyoung followed him worried.

"What are you–"

"It's safer from here, don't worry is not that high. I've climbed higher walls" he smirked leaving one last soft peck at the corner of Wooyoung's mouth before he opened the window. A fizzy breeze filled the room making Wooyoung shiver, "Will I see you tomorrow?" San asked, one leg already passed the windowsill.

Wooyoung nodded, "After the party, I'll wait for him to fall asleep and I'll come" he pushed himself forward to kiss San once again before the boy pushed himself out, hands and feet securing his weight on the climbing ivy that covered the palace walls, "Sanie... Be careful!"

"You too, love" one last caress on his cheek and he was gone, feet touching the ground before Wooyoung could even realize.

He was so caught at staring at San safely landing on solid ground that he didn't hear the door opening once again, footsteps entering the room and a deep voice calling his name.

"Wooyoung!" he jumped on his spot turning to face the king looking at him with a worried look, "What are you doing there?"

"Jagi!" he chirped, trying to put on his brightest smile, "You're back, I missed you" he put his arms around the king's neck and pushed on his tip-toes to leave a kiss on his cheek.

He hoped it would distract the man but it didn't seem to work, "Why did you open the window?"

Wooyoung pouted, "Why are you talking to me like I did something wrong? The room was too hot and I needed some fresh air, it felt suffocating, I couldn't–" he left the king and took a step back, palms pressing against his eyes like he was feeling dizzy, "W-why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, I just don't want you to catch a cold. Come on, go and lay down for me, tomorrow it's an important day and I want you to be at your best, okay?" he patted his head and moved a strand of hair behind his ear before he turned to close the window.

The king's back was turned otherwise he would have seen Wooyoung's smirk open on his face before he chirped a soft "Anything for you, jagi" and walked to the soft warm mattress awaiting for him.

•

"Yuyu, fuck! Have you grown some more?" San heartily laugh resounded through the already noisy room.

"I think it's you the one who's shrinking actually" he chuckled, "How are you? I'm happy that you're back all in one piece" Yunho sat down next to San, a hand on his shoulder squeezing it lightly.

"Did you have any doubts?" he smirked.

"Not even for a second, come on, let's drink, we must celebrate" the jar was already half empty but it was enough to fill two glasses.

The wine was sweet and thick on his tongue, a flavor he had almost forgotten as he got so used to the watered down thing they had at the front. It was strong, stronger than he remembered and as he emptied his cup encouraged by Yunho he thought he'd better slow down if he wanted to be awake long enough to join Wooyoung in the forest. Just thinking about the boy made him spin his head to where he was seated, beautiful and smiling as always. Wooyoung was usually wearing Hala's color but that night he showed up in a red uniform with black and golden details. As always he had sat at the main table next to his husband without sparing even a glance for San, but the soldier couldn't help but stare. Too many nights he had spent trying to remember the boy in all his beauty and now that he had him before his eyes it felt impossible to look away. Wooyoung was filling the king's cup for the umpteenth time, one hand holding the jar the other rested on his husband's arm with such gentleness, thumb rubbing against the man's wrist, that San felt his stomach clench, blood rushing to his head. He forced himself to finally look away, eyes falling to the empty jar and asking a girl to refill it.

"As the captain commands" she replied, bowing before San and looking at him straight in the eyes with a seductive smile before she walked away with the jug in her hands and Yunho whistling in her direction.

The night seemed to move on fast: the music kept playing, violins and flutes inviting people to dance and sing, many joined the table where San was sitting offering him cups and cups of wine, cheering to his success and calling him a worthy heir of his father. He was having fun, laughing and celebrating being back at home with his friends, head feeling lighter at every glass. He told Yunho about his days, about how it felt to be on the battle field. He told him about the adrenaline, about how a human's body makes much more resistance to the blade than the mannequin they used to train with, about the blood, about the stench of death. Everyone seemed to listen fascinated by his tales and he made sure to not mention the nightmares, the guilt and the horrible feeling that pervaded him every time he had to close his eyes at night.

"You must be so brave, Choi San-ssi" the same girl had whispered to his ear as she leaned above San shoulder to fill up his cup once again.

Her hair had brushed against San's neck tickling and making the boy shiver. Yunho had watched the scene amused, eyes meeting in a smirk those of San.

"Why don't you keep company to our captain, darling? I'm sure he didn't get to meet such pretty girls while he was away" and without waiting for a reply he led her to sit on San's legs.

"It will be a great pleasure for me" she smiled, hands flying to San's broad shoulders to keep her balance as she turned to look at him batting her eyes, "My name is Soohyun, captain"

"S-soohyun-ssi" he could feel the embarrassment showing on his cheeks, "This won't be necessar–" but he stopped to gulp and lean back slightly as he noticed the girl bending forward and reducing the space between them.

"I really like shy boys" she chucked, her lips brushing against San's ear and moving to his jaw line getting dangerously close.

"You're very nice, but I don't think this is a good–"

CRASH

The sound startled everyone, music stopping and eyes flying to where the noise came from. At the royal table's feet a pool of red wine had formed, fragments of what used to be a ceramic jug scattered all around it. Wooyoung stood up hurriedly, eyes moving away from where they had been fixed for all that time, the hand that had been holding the jar was still shaking.

"I-I'm sorry–" he stuttered crouching down to pick up the sharp fragments, "I don't know what's come over me"

The king had stood too on wobbly legs, "Somebody clean this mess!" his hand flew to Wooyoung's arm pulling him up gracelessly and whispering something to his ear.

San had watched all the scene, instinctively standing up too not caring even for a second about the gasp of Soohyun when she almost fell. And with a lump in his chest he noticed Wooyoung turning even paler than what he already was after the king had spoken to his ear. The music had started playing again and Soohyun hand flew to his chest trying to catch his attention once again. He could hear her speak but no understandable sounds arrived to his ears too caught up with looking at Wooyoung who had turned to the king's direction arms locking around his neck and smiling to him reassuringly before he pushed on his tip-toes to kiss him softly on the lips. He looked at them talking to each other, brief words that seemed to reassure the king whose expression seemed to relax a bit, hands flying to Wooyoung's waist and pulling him in before he kissed him passionately.

San wanted to throw up. He turned to look at Soohyun who was staring at him expectantly, one hand still on his chest while the other was offering him a cup of wine. He took it gulping it down in one shot, the liquid sweetly burning down his throat and warming him up. His head felt lighter but not enough to numb the terrible pain he could feel burning him from inside. He raised the cup about to ask the girl to give him another one when the king's voice resounded loud in the room.

"My husband and I will retire now, but please keep celebrating, everyone did great and Hala owns a lot to his brave soldiers" he raised his cup once again followed by every body else.

Only San kept looking unable to move. His eyes locked with those of the king that was unequivocally staring at him, lips opening in a knowing smirk before he turned his head back to drink the remaining of his cup. San kept looking as the couple turned and left the crowded room. Wooyoung never turned to his direction.

"I will–" San started, eyes turning to look at Yunho, "I will retire too" he said as he gently pushed Soohyun away and took a few steps back.

"What? Why? We have just started" Yunho complained.

"I'm tired, I just want to crush on my bed" San scratched his head, he couldn't stay there a second longer.

"Do you need help to get ready for the night? I can prepare a bath for you if you–"

"I prefer to be alone, thank you Soohyun" he cut short, "Good night!"

The walk to the forest had never felt so short.

•

"You shouldn't be looking at other men while you serve your husband"

He recalled what the king had whispered to his ear, hand firm on his arm clutching so much that it almost hurt. He panicked for a second but managed to fix the mess he had made, after all he knew the king couldn't resist him much. He was drunk, he wouldn't remember the day after, not if Wooyoung could drive his attention to something else and as expected his plan seemed to have worked perfectly fine.

Wooyoung sat in front of the dressing table looking at his reflection in the big mirror, his hand touched his injured cheek which had already started to swell. That night the king had been rough, he always was when he drank, but Wooyoung wasn't ready for the blow that had hit him on the face when he had closed his eyes for a brief moment trying to imagine he was somewhere else. He had cried in pain, eyes filling with tears, but the king hadn't shown any mercy keeping pounding inside of him and saying horrible dirty things. Luckily he didn't last much longer and when Wooyoung had felt him spilling inside of him he had exhaled in relief.

Loud snores came from their bed now and through the dim light of the candle on the table he could see the king sprawled on the mattress, unmoving except for his back raising and falling in rhythm with his breathing. He stood up staring at his reflection one last time and making sure he looked presentable, he really hoped that the darkness of the night would hide the bruise. He didn't even take his coat, he just needed to be out, out of that room, out of the castle, where he knew he would find hands that would mend his pain.

The air was still warm despite being late fall and the smells of the forest filled his lungs as he approached the wall of trees. He didn't need a light to know where to go, he had walked that invisible path countless times and despite the darkness he reached the little clearing in the blink of an eye.

He didn't even have time to focus on his surroundings that two strong arms circled him and soft lips found his desperately. He let himself melt in that touch, mouth opening to invite a warm tongue to circle his.

"Oh baby–" San whispered against his lips before he kissed him again, "Baby... Baby, I'm so sorry, I–" another peck, and another on the corner of his mouth, San's favorite place, and another just above the small mole under his left eye, soft, caring.

"Why are you apologizing?" he chuckled hiding his face in the crock of San's neck.

"You know why... I know you saw that girl, but I was pushing her away. I would never do something like that to you" and the kiss that he left on the crown of his head was enough to forgive him, even if Wooyoung had never been angry in the first place. He knew he wasn't very good at handling his jealousy, he had the nth confirmation when he noticed the girl sitting on San's legs and his hands started shaking so much that the jar fell on the ground. But how could he doubt San, his Sanie, when it was so clear that his heart belonged to Wooyoung and Wooyoung only?

"You're here now, between my arms, not her's and that's all it matters for me" he looked up and immediately a soft hand brushed against his skin, pulling him closer.

"Are you okay? What did he say to you?" Wooyoung could hear the worry in San's voice.

"Nothing important, nothing we have to worry about. He was drunk, that's nothing" he tried to kiss San again but the boy pulled slightly back.

"Woo, he looked at me. I thought I was imagining things but that's too weird... It happened yesterday when you fainted and again tonight, what if he knows?"

"He doesn't–" he gulped, San couldn't be right, they did nothing to give it away, "I made sure to... He doesn't know, he doesn't!"

"Woo, what did he say to you?" San asked again, his voice firm and low.

"He said..." what if San is right? "He said I shouldn't look at other men" he noticed the switch on San's face as soon as words left his mouth, he stepped back, hands flying to his own hair and pulling, he walked in circle in the middle on the clearing.

"Wooyoung, he knows–" he gasped, "Or at least he suspects something, we can't risk it. If he catches us, you– we–" words got stuck in his throat, "We can't do this anymore, Woo"

What? Of all things he sure didn't expect the events to turn out that way. He came to the forest with a light heart, but in that moment it felt like all the pain was back, heavier than before.

He almost ran to where San was standing, hands searching his. He couldn't be serious, could he?

"Sanie, no, you're overthinking. I'm sure he knows nothing. We've always been careful, I made sure he won't suspect anything. He won't doubt my loyalty, he..." but the look on San's eyes made him stop, they were staring, mouth agape, at Wooyoung's right cheek finally exposed to the dim light of the moon.

San's hand moved following the same path of his eyes and when his fingers brushed against his injured skin Wooyoung couldn't stop the hiss that left his mouth, "Did he do this to you?" he heard the anger in San's voice.

"It was an accident, he was drunk he didn't mean to–"

"He fucking hit you, Wooyoung! He did this to you only because you were looking at me. Can you imagine what will happen if he catches us? I can't... I can't, Woo! If something happens to you, I... I... Fuck!" he stepped back, going to seat on the bedroll, he was shaking, his back raising and falling unevenly in short breaths.

"Let's run away then" he said that without even thinking and as soon as he did he noticed San's head snap up to look at him, eyes wide and full of tears searching his in disbelief, "Let's run away, let's go somewhere where nobody knows us and start over"

"Are you being serious?" San sniffed, one hand drying his eyes and Wooyoung felt himself moving to his direction attracted to the boy like a magnet.

He found himself kneeled in between of San's legs, hands flying to his cheek to brush away the stains left by his tears, "I've never been more serious, there's nothing here left for me if I can't be with you"

San's eyes searched his and for a moment Wooyoung's heart made a flip inside his chest, sure he would say yes, agreeing to his plan, but suddenly San's face lowered, hands locking around his wrists and pushing him slightly back.

"It would be wonderful, but you know perfectly well it is impossible" he stated, voice so defeated that Wooyoung's confidence faltered too.

"It's not impossible, we can leave now, they won't–"

But San finished for him, "They won't notice until the king wakes up, he could be already awake for all we know. When they realize you're gone they will connect the dots and it won't be so hard to find you until you're inside Hala's territories, everyone knows your face"

"We will be careful, I will make sure nobody sees my face" he couldn't give up.

"Yeah? And don't you think it will be suspicious? We stop at a tavern and you don't show your face? Not all the innkeepers are so trustful, you know? More over, we have to walk while they will have horses it won't take long before they reach us"

"And if they reach us we hide, we're just two people it won't be hard, we will avoid the taverns if you think it won't be safe"

"And we sleep outside? Winter is coming, Wooyoung!" San had a point but the young king couldn't just leave it.

"You have been sleeping outside last winter too, you slept in this same bedroll and nothing happened to you" and now try to argue with this... but he didn't say the last part out loud.

"Yeah and you think your highness is ready for that too? Woo, please listen to me... I'm not trying to find an excuse, I just think–"

"Oh but it seems to me that you are!" he was pissed, "Do you really think so little of me? Of course I would bare the cold, I will never complain if–"

"Ok then let's say we manage to hide well, we manage to escape, we manage to leave Hala, we cross the border" but San was pissed too, "Have you thought about your family?"

"What about my family?" he yelled exasperated.

"Are you really that naive? If you run away with me a war will start and Aurora will be the first to suffer the consequences of that. Your father might be powerful but he's getting old and Hala's army is way stronger than his men. You accepted this marriage because you promised your family, your people, a lasting peace and prosperity. You break your oath they're doomed, can you live with that weight on your conscience?"

And maybe for the first time in his life Wooyoung was left speechless. A thousand thoughts started to run through his mind, things he tried to measure, things he tried to speak out loud, but he stayed silent keeping wondering. Was he really that selfish? Could he really put at stake his life, San's life just for the almost impossible hope to finally achieve a happiness he had always been denied? He thought about his mother, about his little brother, about the weight he held on his shoulders. Was he ready to give them up?

"Wooyoungie–" San whispered his name getting closer once again, their foreheads leaned against each other and like that Wooyoung could see the scary tattoos peaking out from San's shirt, "Tell me that you want this, tell me that you're ready to risk it all, tell me that you will die for me, that you will leave everything behind just for the love that you feel and we run tonight"

And in that moment Wooyoung knew that he wasn't ready, that he couldn't and he wouldn't. The realization hit him all at once and it felt like the ground fell out from under his feet. San's hands lowered once again from where they were holding his face, defeat and hurt showing in his eyes.

"I knew it" he just stated in a short breath.

Three words that struck Wooyoung right to his heart, lungs suddenly seeming too small to inhale enough air as he found himself choke on a broken sigh. The tears that he had tried to keep at bay for all that time finally ran down his cheeks feeling unstoppable and warm. His cries broke the silence of the forest and for the first time he didn't feel San hands on his shoulders trying to calm him down. They felt so empty, so empty and cold and new. He had spent years relying on San's presence, on San's love, and now that he didn't have it anymore nothing made sense.

"D-don't do this to me, S-san-ah–" he never thought he would step so low, "I beg you, I-I'll do anything you ask m-me but don't– don't leave me, p-please!" he never thought he would beg, not San, not like this, but there he was: face hidden between his hands trying to muffle his broken sobs, head low almost touching San's knees, unable to look at him, scared to find in his eyes nothing but indifference.

And it hurt, it hurt so fucking much, the ache reached his heart squeezing it in a mortal grip that only San's lovely touch could have mended but San hands didn't reach out for him, only his voice did.

"Wooyoungie–" a voice that had always sounded sweet like poured honey but in that moment the name left San's mouth like the umpteenth stab to Wooyoung's heart.

"D-don't call me that" he hiccuped, "Spare the pity, I d-don't want it... I o-only need your love, I've a-always only asked for y-your love"

"And you have it" San voice resounded firm, and finally one hand reached out for Wooyoung, the calloused palm brushing against his jaw and forcing his face up, to look at him, "Don't ever doubt my love, Woo" and there was no pity, no indifference in his eyes, "My heart belongs to you and always will, I will love you until the end of my days and not even in death I will find peace" they were full of sadness, of adoration, "This isn't easy for me either, if I could I would stay by your side like this forever" the thumb brushing against Wooyoung's skin sent shivers down his spine.

"Then do it, stay with me. Don't do this to us" they deserved to be happy, they deserved it!

"I can't!" it sounded more like a desperate whine but he inhaled to speak more, "I feel like my heart is being ripped off my chest now that I see you crying like this, hurting you kills me more than any sword could. I feel like dying if I think I won't be able to kiss you, to hold you, to see you smile at me, because of me... I feel like–" it was San's voice to break this time, "Wooyoung, this is the right thing to do, you know it too" and unfortunately Wooyoung knew he was right, "Please don't make this even more difficult than it already is!" San begged and Wooyoung's heart broke a little bit more.

"Tonight–" he moved, scooting closer to San, caging him between his body and the tree at his back, "Just tonight and I won't ask for anything again. Just hold me tonight, if we have to part at least let us say our goodbyes properly" his voice was low, defeated, but he couldn't leave like that.

"But..." San started but Wooyoung leaned in, arms flying around his neck and pulling him in, into a kiss they both desperately needed.

"Let me love you just for one more night" Wooyoung lips brushed against those of San spelling every word there, unable to move away but unable to stop them either.

And San's hands moved to respond, fingers cupping Wooyoung's face and kissing him again, a gesture that allowed his request more than a thousand yes. Their lips met with hunger and need, soft and caring, but also aware that there wouldn't be more of that when the night would be over. It felt like they were taking all they could until they were allowed to, greedy and desperate, unable to move away from each other not even to breathe.

But then San pulled away, just briefly, just enough to say a sweet "I love you" against Wooyoung's lips, it was almost an imperceptible whisper but there it was, spoken and heartfelt, so much that for a second Wooyoung's heart fluttered with the hope that it wouldn't be over, that they would find a way. He kissed San again, kisses that were screaming silent prayers, prayers he hoped to come true, but he opened his eyes and the truth was there to take him back to reality. Truth in the form of tears running down San's face. Tears and fears of what was there to come. Fears that Wooyoung could feel too.

He couldn't stop the pained sigh that left his lips and San eyes opened too looking at his for a brief second before closing the small gap dividing them.

"Youngie–" experienced fingers opened his shirt, "I love you–" it was louder this time, almost desperate, almost like he wanted Wooyoung to know he was aching too.

And that's all he could say. San wished he could stop time. He wished he could decide for himself. If San could he would have been with Wooyoung like that forever. He would have told him that he was the men of his life, the only one he had ever love, the only one he would ever love. He would have told him that he wished he could marry him, have a family with him, cherish him until his last breath because there was no one - nothing - more important than him. But he knew he couldn't and so there was nothing left to say than those obvious I love you.

All San could do was to make the best of that night, their last one. He didn't know who had started to grind against the other first, but it didn't matter because having Wooyoung like that, on his lap, needy and whiny felt enough. He leaned in moving his kisses down Wooyoung's exposed skin brushing against all his favorite spots, hands moving along pushing the thin fabric down Wooyoung's shoulders and exposing him more. The pale skin seemed to reflect the light of the moon, so white and perfect that for a second San thought Wooyoung could really be some sort of god, looking ethereal between his lucky hands that had the privilege to tear him down to the mortal world. His palm drew heart shaped paths on the milky skin that showed goosebumps at its passage, fingers finding the only darker element and closing around a perky nub squeezing it lightly, just enough to make Wooyoung throw his head back, lips parting in a moan that sounded like San's favorite melody. A song reserved for him only, a music that he wanted to hear again. His lips found the other nipple and his silent request was fulfilled when the young king whined again, louder, San's name leaving his mouth.

"Ahh– Sanie–" and like that, called by the sweetest voice, his favorite, his name sounded different, important, needed.

"Yeah?" he almost stuttered, voice shaking when Wooyoung's hips grinded down against his once again.

He expected Wooyoung to ask for more, to plead him like he always did. His impatient Wooyoungie, his needy little baby that wouldn't resist a little teasing. He waited for Wooyoung's voice to come back, to beg San to take him apart, but the forest kept its silence and San looked up curious by the unexpected turn of events.

"Sanie..." and Wooyoung was already staring at him, eyes still shiny, more unshed tears, gathering there as he just stared, mouth agape and a plead, an unspoken one, above his lips.

"What is it, my love?" but he knew even before he asked.

"I don't want this night to end" the whisper arrived straight to San's heart, making it ache.

"I don't want it either" he pushed himself to say before he kissed him again pulling the boy down with him on the thin made up mattress.

Despite his words Wooyoung was fast to get rid of San's clothes, discarding them somewhere near the bedroll, soon followed by his own. Even faster felt his hand, long fingers wrapping around San's cock and giving it slow pumps.

"A-Aah–" San could feel himself twitch in Wooyoung's palm that only increased his pace when he heard him moan openly.

"Does it feel good, Sanie?" his words brushed against San's mouth in little puffs of warm breath.

"Y-yes" he stammered, leaking on his fingers even more.

"So messy" he couldn't see it 'cause his head was bent back but he could hear the smirk in Wooyoung's voice as he fastened his pace, "You always get so wet for me Sanie, so much you could easily slide inside of me now and there won't be much resistance..."

Oh fuck! He would have said it if he hadn't succumbed to another embarrassing loud moan.

"...wanna see?" he heard Wooyoung's voice saying again and before he could even connect the dots he felt the boy move on top of him, hand leaving his cock just to bring his wet fingers behind himself.

"Fuck, Wooyoung!" and this time he managed to actually say it out loud as he realized the boy was fingering himself wet just from his precum.

San hands flew to Wooyoung's butt cheeks spreading them and making sure his own fingers brushed against Wooyoung's already full hole, the opening twitching against his digits. The boy's mouth opened in a perfect shaped 'O', eyes closing shut and head slightly thrown back. San hand locked against Wooyoung's wrist forcing it down, and he immediately knew that his fingers had brushed deeper, to his most sensitive spot, because the sound Wooyoung made was entirely blissful, his back arching until his chest touched San's.

"Want you inside"

The whisper against his ear felt more like a sight, it arrived to his fuzzy brain slow, San was too lost in Wooyoung's pleasure to understand anything, too lost in the sight to realize the boy was already moving. Before he could even understand he felt Wooyoung's hand move away just to suddenly lead San fingers along with his to his opening, guiding him in and moaning out loud again. Wooyoung was loose, way too much for having taken only a few fingers but San tried to ignore it, tried to not think about it focusing on the boy's face contorting in pleasure when San curved his fingers up, leading Wooyoung's with his, and pressing right on his sweet spot. There was something incredibly hot in being inside of Wooyoung along with his fingers, San could feel the boy's hand shake next to his, succumbing to the pleasure he was receiving, trying to move in sync with San but failing most of the time. It didn't take long before Wooyoung removed his fingers leaving space for San to add two more of his own, while the boy's hand flew to San's shoulder nails sinking in the muscular flesh, right were one of the black tattoos was, holding for his dear life. His face hidden in San's crook of the neck, trying to muffle his moans along with his sobs, but San could hear them all, especially the sobs so clearly reaching his ear as much as he could feel the tears wetting his skin. Wooyoung was crying again and San knew that it wasn't for the overwhelming pleasure. For a second he thought he would stop and just hold Wooyoung between his arms, lulling him while whispering sweet words to his ear, swearing that everything would be alright, that they would have been alright, but he knew it would be a lie. They weren't going to be alright, not anytime soon. So he better thought to keep scissoring his fingers inside of the younger trying to give him all he could, his other hand flew to Wooyoung's face pulling him up just slightly, just enough so that he could press his lips against the boy's soft ones. Wooyoung kissed him back with so much need, so much love that San felt like he could drown in it.

"Need you–" another whisper, desperate like the kiss that was quickly resumed, "Sanie, please!"

And as always San obliged, removing his fingers and pulling Wooyoung closer until no space was left between them. The tip of his cock caught on Wooyoung's rim and a gasp left the boy's lungs, "Hurry up" he begged again, more tears streaming down his eyes desperately looking at San, "P-please–"

San free hand moved to Wooyoung's hip, gently pushing him down and kissing him through it. Lips chasing his tears, trying to dry them, to prevent more to stream down Wooyoung's beautiful face but they seemed unstoppable and never ending. When he bottomed out he moved, careful to not pull out while he let Wooyoung lay down, San's body now pressed on top of his and he waited, more kisses were left on the boy's cheeks, lips, neck, each one bringing a silent I love you with it.

"Sanie–" Wooyoung called him again, hand stroking his cheek gently and San could only linger in it appreciating the warm caress, "Sanie, i-it hurts" the whisper came out in a broken sob and San knew perfectly well that he wasn't talking about the sex, his body too relaxed and loose to feel any discomfort.

How could he reply to that? He knew he had no way to mend that pain, he could only make Wooyoung forget for a short while, hoping he would forget as well. But could an ache so deep be ever forgotten? The grip around his heart tightened and he tried to ignore it pulling out slightly to slide back in. Both of them moaned to the friction, the ache transforming into something deeper, shared. The sadness turned into longing and San knew it wouldn't take long before he would get completely lost into their pleasures. He moved again setting a pace they would both enjoy: it was all deep and slow strokes, low grunts and drawn out moans. Slow because San couldn't rush it, he would take his time with Wooyoung, trying his best to make it never ending. And Wooyoung... He looked so beautiful, so perfect, his! San kept looking at him while moving, the halo made of dark hair around the blankets messily arranged under his body, the plump lips so swollen and humid for all the kissing and biting and Wooyoung's eyes looking at San through half closed lids, those eyes he had noticed the first time he saw the boy, those eyes he had immediately fell in love with. Eyes that weren't allowed to look at San the way they did but still lingered on him in pure adoration.

Why? Why did it have to be that way?

He groaned feeling Wooyoung clench around him when he hit deeper. A sound that muffled all the feelings he was trying to push back, to ignore, but that kept surfacing. He didn't want to let go. His Wooyoungie. His.

He couldn't let go just yet, he needed those whispered moans to be never ending, he needed to feel that love, that sweet ache, a little bit longer, just a little bit, just enough to make it easier for him to let go in the end. But it never felt harder. And he knew before he could even say it out loud that all those feelings would stay with him - haunt him even - until the end of times.

"I love you" he said again because he couldn't say more, but it didn't feel enough, words could never express fully what all that was. He belonged to that boy, his heart had decided a long time ago and there were no words that could express what San was feeling right there and then.

He kissed Wooyoung deeply before the boy moved away just to reply with another whispered love confession.

"I love you too" and San heart made a flip, his arms wrapped around Wooyoung's body pulling him up to sit on his thighs, close - closer - as much as they could.

In that position it felt difficult to hold back, he could reach deeper and he knew he was hitting right on Wooyoung's most sensitive spot because the younger's moans had turned high pitched and breathy. His thrusts turned into faster ones too, hot red waves of pleasure running through his veins and making his brain fog. He was getting closer and when Wooyoung begged him to not stop he knew his high was approaching too.

"I-I'm so close, San-aaaah" Wooyoung's hands were fisting San's damp hair as he breathed out those words as if they were the last he would ever say.

"Come on, baby–" San could just whisper back, "Come for me, show me how good you are for me" and his words pushed Wooyoung over the edge.

Cum spilling between their bodies as Wooyoung's head bent back in a silent scream, nails sinking on San shoulders leaving half moons that would probably show the day after if it weren't for the dark ink covering them. San drank on that sight, getting drunk with it until he felt his orgasm approaching too.

"Don't pull back" he heard Wooyoung breathing out, "I want you inside, want to feel you fully at least one last time"

And San was too close to think straight, too close to not oblige that last request. It arrived fast washing over him as he felt himself filling Wooyoung up, his warm cum spilling inside of Wooyoung's wet hole, so good, so perfect like they were meant to be linked that way and a moan slipped out of his lips, a moan that sounded like the only thing he had on his mind in that moment. It sounded like Wooyoung's name.

They layed in silence, only their uneven breaths could be heard as they tried to come down from their high and soon they managed to. The pleasure gone and only the sorrow remained. The knowledge that their time was over. Neither of them said a word but hugged each other in the tightest grip, arms and legs untangled, lips searching the other's in wet slow kissing that none of them wanted to end. More tears were shedded, so many that when they finally felt the sleep coming the bedroll was wet with them.

The sun raised slowly and pale the morning after, almost guilty for having broken the spell, and San eyes opened with its first rays. He was facing the forest and he couldn't find the courage to turn just to realize he was left alone, once again and this time forever. But he knew he had to face it at some point and so he managed to move: that part of the blankets were as expected empty and cold. He leaned there a bit longer, face buried where Wooyoung had layed, trying to find the last traces of his smell, trying to imprint it on his heart.

He felt like crying once again but he knew he had to thank Wooyoung for leaving in the middle of the night while he was asleep. If he had waited for the morning to come it would have been even more difficult and San wasn't good in saying goodbye. It had been for the best. Then why did it hurt so much? His palm touched his chest, above the wolf's head, above his broken heart still weakly beating.

"I'm yours, now and forever" he whispered looking in the direction where he knew the castle was, like he was expecting an answer to arrive.

But the forest stayed silent.

•

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

"I will love you either way" he had whispered caressing San's dark hair away from his beautiful face.

He had looked at him for a while, as long as he could trying to remember every little detail. His foxy eyes framed by long dark lashes, the high cheekbones and sharp jawline, the small pink lips now a little open and letting warm puffs of breath out. Wooyoung's eyes traveled down, to the muscular shoulders covered in those dark tattoos Wooyoung had always hated. Every time he looked at them an uncomfortable feeling formed at the base of his stomach almost like to remind him how different they were in that unfair life. But his eyes moved to a detail he loved much more: the little constellation of freckles that covered San's neck, a beauty mark that easily went unnoticed but that Wooyoung couldn't forget, a detail that he loved too much because he had always thought it was something reserved for him only to see. And maybe that would be the last time...

It was still dark when he walked down the last isle that led to his room and luckily he didn't find anyone through the corridors. His door opened silently and it quickly closed again at his back. Wooyoung leaned on it for a while, waiting for his heartbeat to slow down. He felt so hollow inside, he didn't even have anymore tears to cry, all he could feel was pain, so heavy and numbing that he thought he would live like that for the rest of his life. He was so caught in his thoughts that he didn't notice the small light coming from behind the corner and only when he walked passed it he realized how screwed he was.

The king looked up from the book he had in his hands closing it and as his eyes met those of Wooyoung he knew that he had to make up an excuse fast.

"You're back" the deep voice resounded in the silence of the room, "Where have you been?"

"Jagiya, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up" Wooyoung tried to control his voice but it couldn't help it as it came out of his mouth a little bit shaky.

"You didn't, I've been up for a while" his eyes didn't leave Wooyoung even for a second as he removed his dirty shirt to wear the night vest, "Where have you been?" he repeated.

"I just couldn't sleep and had a walk around the castle, I probably had too much food, full tummy kept me awake" he faked a chuckle sneaking under the covers and leaning his head on the king's chest.

"Wooyoung–" just the way his name was pronounced was enough to make Wooyoung shiver, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" the king right hand flew to Wooyoung's chin pulling him up, clenching so hard that Wooyoung hissed in pain unsuccessfully trying to move away from that hold.

"Why would I think something like that, jagi? I just–"

"You know..." the king interrupted him, fingers leaving his chin to hold him by the jaw, his other hand pressing on his cheek where the bruise was getting darker and Wooyoung whined in pain, "I thought this little punishment would be enough but I guess naughty kids need a better lesson to finally learn, yeah?"

"I'm not a n-naughty kid, though..." Wooyoung was terrified, his voice was shaking so much that he couldn't believe he hadn't started crying yet, "I'm not" he repeated trying to hold the stare.

"Mmhhh" the king kept looking at him almost like he was deciding if believing Wooyoung or not, "My darling, maybe you forgot so let me remind you: since your father signed our deal you belong to me and I don't like to share. But I closed an eye more than once, I've always been a nice husband, haven't I? I gave you all you could desire and I can give you the world if that's what you want. But remember that as I give I can also take. And I don't like being tricked by ungrateful brats, so..." his hands left Wooyoung's face pushing him back on the mattress, "I will pretend that nothing has happened tonight, but I won't be so generous next time, try to remember it" he moved to blow the candle and as he did the darkness swallowed them, "You better sleep now, it will be morning soon"

Wooyoung couldn't close an eye that night and when the sun finally raised he was still shaking under thick soft blankets.

•

He had never noticed how much things had changed since the war had been over. He was so used to San presence, to look for him everywhere he went, sure to find the boy staring at him even if that wasn't his duty anymore, that it felt unnatural to not see San for so long. Since they had parted he realized how much San's role had changed. He had responsibilities to attend, a role to play, people to lead and all those reasons were enough to keep him away from Wooyoung. What was he expecting? After all San wasn't his personal guard anymore, but still... Since the army came back from the war he hadn't realized things had changed so much because somehow San had always found a way to be close to him, but now everything was different.

San couldn't be next to Wooyoung and he promised he wouldn't.

"Your highness–" Yeosang voice rescued him from his thoughts, "Shall I ask the cooks to prepare something specific you would like to eat? You have barely touched your–"

"Kang Yeosang-ssi" the king's voice boomed through the empty room startling Yeosang that immediately turned to face the man, head low and hand above his heart, "You're not his maiden, or have you suddenly changed your role?" he scoffed.

"Please forgive my insolence your highness, but–"

"I'm okay Yeosang, thank you for your concern but it wouldn't be necessary. I just don't have an appetite today" he interrupted scared of what Yeosang could say.

It was true, his concerns were real, and Wooyoung knew fully well he should eat more. He had barely fed himself since he broke up with San but as much as he tried it felt useless: food would get stuck in his throat and hunger was a feeling he had almost forgotten. Everything felt too gummy, difficult to chew, tasteless and once it reached his stomach it was difficult to keep it down.

He smiled to Yeosang that kept looking at him with worried eyes, a stare Wooyoung couldn't stand making him feel even more guilty. He speared another piece of his meal slowly taking it to his mouth and chewed trying to make it look normal as he kept feeling Yeosang's eyes on him but as he gulped he could already feel the acid raising to his mouth. He inhaled trying to focus on something else, forbidding himself to vomit and luckily the awful feeling went away.

"I received a letter from my nephew this morning" the king spoke out loud attracting Wooyoung's attention, "Him and his mother will visit probably in couple of weeks"

"That's wonderful news, jagi!" Wooyoung clapped his hands, "Would you host a banquet to welcome them?"

"Not that I have a chance. His idiot brother got himself killed on the battlefield. Mingi took the lead and I'm sure he is coming with favors to ask otherwise he wouldn't bring his mother along. Damn the day my brother decided to marry that wench!"

"Jagiya, don't talk like this, they're your family, I'm sure they will–" Wooyoung tried to say but the king's laugh echoed so loud that he had to stop.

"Sometimes I forget how young and naive you still are, angel!" he didn't wait for Wooyoung to reply that he stood up from the long table at which they were seated, "I'll make sure they feel welcomed when they arrive but I'll show you how hostile a family can get"

When the thick black door closed at the king's back Wooyoung found himself sigh in relief, but he couldn't relax for much longer because soon Yeosang's questioning voice came back.

"What's wrong?" his hand flew to Wooyoung's shoulder, "Woo, are you sick? Do you need a healer?"

Wooyoung tiredly smiled, can a healer mend a broken heart? He wanted to ask but he preferred to just shake his head, "Nothing is wrong, Sangie. I'm just not very hungry"

"You can't lie to me, I can read it clearly on your face that something has happened. You don't eat and looking at the dark circles under your eyes I guess you are not sleeping either"

Wooyoung sighted defeated, "I will be alright, I just need time..."

"How much time? If you keep going like this you'll get sick. You lost too much weight, you haven't fed properly during the war either. You're getting weaker every day, I can tell, I look at you, Woo! I'm worried for you"

"Sangie, I swear I will be okay" but he couldn't believe his own words, so he didn't expect Yeosang to believe them either.

They kept looking at each other for long until Yeosang eyes lowered and his mouth opened like he wanted to say something but he hesitated.

What is it? Wooyoung was about to ask but he didn't need to because he finally heard Yeosang whisper.

"Is it because of San?"

Wooyoung felt like his heart had jumped to his throat when he heard those words, his eyes immediately watering like only a name could make everything resurface.

"We have to go, it's going to be a very busy week since the Song will–"

"Wooyoung, you can talk to me! I can't pretend to not know any longer, do you think I don't hear you? I can hear everything fucking thing, Wooyoung! I hear you crying when you think you're alone, I hear you whisper his name. I don't know what you two have, but I think–"

"You're not allowed to think!" he didn't mean to yell, but his voice left his lungs unwillingly, "You don't know. You heard nothing"

"But I did" Yeosang yelled back. He had never yelled at him, "I did and I'm worried for you, for both of you"

"Let me make this clear to you: I'm your king, not your friend, your duty is to protect me not to worry about me. Who are you to stick your nose in, huh? If I say you heard nothing, you reply 'Yes, my king!' and you lower your head. I won't repeat this twice. I will have you replaced if I hear one more word. Do you understand me?"

He could read the anger and disappointment in Yeosang's eyes and he was sure the boy would say something back but he didn't.

"Yes, my king" he just replied, his eyes filled with a sad shadow looked at Wooyoung one last second before they lowered to the ground.

"Good!" Wooyoung ended their conversation turning on his heels and leading the way to the throne room.

He was glad Yeosang was walking behind him because he didn't want him to see how his eyes were full of tears ready to fall. It seemed like his destiny was to be alone, but he would have gladly accepted it if it meant he could keep those he loved safe. Yeosang would forgive him eventually, and even if he wouldn't it would be a fair price to pay as long as Wooyoung knew his dearest friend didn't risk his life being involved in a treason that didn't concern him.

Time is relative: alone and with a broken heart two weeks felt like a year to Wooyoung. He tried to busy himself as much as he could but he kept avoiding food and sleep didn't seem to be an option anymore. He grew weaker, he couldn't stand for more than a few minutes before his heart started hammering inside of his chest and his head became dizzy. A healer was called in the end but infusions and bloodletting seemed useless, sometimes worsening the situation even. Yeosang didn't say anything anymore but Wooyoung could feel his worried gaze lingering on him every time he found the young king lean on a chair or close his eyes exhausted.

"Oh– Wooyoungie–" he had heard him whisper one time when he had almost fainted, caught just in time by the soldier's strong arms.

"Sorry, I– I tripped over" Wooyoung said, conscious that his excuse wouldn't convince anyone.

But Yeosang didn't reply to that, he only helped him up once again and offered the young king a cup that smelled like the infusion he was supposed to drink three times a day.

"You should get ready" Yeosang had added, helping him walk to his room direction, "The banquet will start soon"

"Thank you, Sangie" he couldn't help but whisper realizing he had used the nickname only when he felt Yeosang stiffen.

"It's my duty," he had paused, "Your highness" and with that he had moved away from Wooyoung taking his position next to the door.

That night seemed to move on slowly too and a life time could have been passed when people finally started to gather in the huge room. Wooyoung looked around, he knew he had the king's eyes on him but he couldn't help it, he felt delirious as he kept looking from left to right in a frenzy. But as much as he searched the crowd he couldn't see the eyes he was looking for. He had almost given up when his attention was caught by the door swinging open and a name being announced. A tall, blond guy walked through the isle side by side with a very beautiful woman that could be a few years younger than the king, they stopped at the end of the few steps that led to the throne and both of them looked up. Two pairs of ebony eyes that indulged on him before they moved to his husband.

"Uncle, it's good to see you again, do you remember my mother?" the handsome boy turned to the woman's direction who nodded and bowed even deeper, but a smirk could be read on her lips.

"Your highness" her voice was sharp and determined, a tone so authoritative that Wooyoung pushed himself to sit straighter on his throne even if just two words were pronounced and none of them were referred to him.

"Ryujin-ah–" the king called her like an old friend, but his eyes looked at the woman with hostility "of course I remember, how was your journey? I hope you can find some comfort now that you are here" he paused to turn to Wooyoung's direction as he pointed at him with his right hand, "Please, meet my husband, Jung Wooyoung of Aurora, king of Hala"

Wooyoung bowed his head and as he looked up again he put on his best smile, "It's a pleasure to finally meet my husband's family"

"Dongyul," Ryujin's mouth fell open with no effort to hide her shock, "he's a kid!"

"Mother!" he heard Mingi gasp, trying to pull her back down into a kneeling position but she just shrugged his hand off and took a step forward instead.

Her eyes moved from the king to Wooyoung, lingering on the boy for a second longer and making him blush, "He could be your son, how could you marry a boy so young?" she shook her head disappointingly.

"Insolent as always I see..." the king replied standing up from his throne, "We should feel insulted by your words but I will ignore them because I'm sure you didn't come here to start a fight with me"

"Oh, believe me... I wouldn't be–" but this time she didn't manage to finish her sentence because Mingi pulled her back, standing before her and speaking directly to his uncle.

"I hope you will forgive us, uncle. We're very tired and my mother is just very proved by the long journey"

"At least you know some manners, you're already smarter than your silly brother" the king scoffed lightheartedly but Wooyoung could see Mingi's eyebrows frown and eyes flaring up, but he didn't reply just bowing his head in silence:

No other sharp comments were made by two parts and soon the banquet started. Mingi sat next to his uncle engaging in a lively conversation while Ryujin took the empty chair next to Wooyoung. They exchanged the usual conventional courtesies, questions and pleasantries flying from the entrée to the first and second course until Mingi pushed his chair back to stand up in such a hurry that everyone including the king got startled.

"Please excuse me but I just saw someone I absolutely need to say hi to" he was smiling from ear to ear, eyes fixed forward, he didn't wait to receive an answer as he ran to the middle of the room calling a name, "Choi San-ssi" and Wooyoung's blood freezed in his veins.

He followed Mingi's movements until he stopped in front of a figure Wooyoung knew perfectly well. San face enlightened so much that the young king felt his stomach clench, San had never smiled like that for anyone.

"So that is the infamous Choi San?" Ryujin asked and Wooyoung turned to look at her mouth agape.

Infamous?

"Infamous?" like the king had heard his thoughts he said the word out loud almost laughing.

Ryujin turned to face him after she had ignored the king for most of the dinner, "Mingi told me how brave he is. He's one of your captains, isn't he? You should know how worthy your soldiers are" she teased turning once again to look at the two boys still hugging each other like two good old friends.

"He's nothing special, just one of the many..." the king tried to sound indifferent but Wooyoung noticed the little shake in his voice and probably Ryujin heard it too.

"Mmhh– Well I guess he's a little bit more than one of the many. Mingi told me how he had saved his life, San had risked his own safety to protect my son and to me this is the bravest thing a soldier can do"

"Or the most stupid" that annoying scoff left the king's lips once again.

"I've never seen a king belittle his soldiers like you do, are you sure of what you're saying or you're saying it just for the pleasure of contracting me?"

More words were said but Wooyoung couldn't hear any of them. His senses were directed towards something else, something he couldn't stop staring at and that was giving him belly rumblings. The two boys were close to each other hugging every now and then and even when their bodies were far Mingi's right hand stayed on San's shoulder or his left found his waist. On the other hand San wasn't touching his friend but the way he looked at him, the way he spoke to him, it was enough for Wooyoung to feel the blood in his head boil. That look was supposed to be reserved to him only and seeing how friendly the two boys were made Wooyoung doubt everything. He was about to stand up and run away but he felt his body freeze on his spot when the two of them turned and started walking together down the isle and to his direction. San eyes raised and finally met those of Wooyoung and as they did a darker shadow ran through them, something Wooyoung couldn't quite grasp since it lasted so shortly before San's attention turned to Mingi once again. They stopped in front of them and San bent on his knee, head low and hand above his chest embodying the perfect soldier.

"Mother, I would like you to meet the bravest man I had the luck to meet" his hand fell on San shoulder that slowly raised his head to look at his friend first and to Ryujin immediately after, "Choi San, this is my mother Song Ryujin"

San was about to say something but he stopped when he noticed the woman standing up and walking to his direction. She didn't give him the time to speak as she pulled San up and hugged him in the tightest, most spontaneous hug Wooyoung had ever seen. She kissed San's both cheeks too and Wooyoung noticed how the boy blushed, embarrassed and clumsy on his feet, not so sure on how to react to all of that.

"Choi San, I finally get to see you in person" Ryujin said moving away from the hug but taking San's hands in hers, "My son told me all about you, you will forgive me for the impudence of my actions but you saved my baby's life and I can't help but consider you less than a son" she kissed him on the cheek again and even if the blush on San's cheeks hadn't decreased he finally smiled back.

"There's nothing to forgive, my lady. Your son is the best friend I could ever ask for and the bravest soldier I have ever met. I was the lucky one to meet him and it's a pleasure to meet you now" his smile grew even bigger and he moved to bow again but Ryujin stopped him.

"Drop the formalities, you're part of my family San! I would love to have you at our castle very soon" she turned to the king's direction, "Actually, I would gladly have him in my ranks if you don't want him" she mocked him but to her surprise the king laughed along.

"Go ahead, Ryujin-ah. If the boy's happy he's yours!" he just said.

Wooyoung panicked and he was sure he would have thrown up the little food he had eaten during the dinner. He knew that everything he and San had was lost, but at least he had the certainty to be silently next to him. As long as San was in Hala Wooyoung was sure he would have survived the sorrow but if he left... He felt dizzy, his head started spinning so much that he thanked the gods to not being standing otherwise he was sure he would have fell. His heart was hammering against is chest menacing to break through it. He looked at San with begging eyes and he hoped the boy would look back at him but their eyes never met.

Please San, don't do this to me!

He could read all the thoughts running through the soldier's mind and when he opened his mouth to answer Wooyoung was sure he would have died.

"I'm honored, I would gladly visit you and Mingi very soon..."

No, this isn't happening.

"But I took an oath a long time ago and I'm not one to break my word"

Wooyoung felt like he could breath again, he realized his hands were clenching the wooden armrest in a deadly grip, so tight that his palm hurt and his knuckles had turned white. He let himself exhale a sigh he didn't realize he was holding and he felt the king move on his chair.

"My sword and I belong to Hala. What you offer me is an extraordinary honour, Ryujin-ssi, but one I must decline"

"I would have expected nothing less from my honorable friend" Mingi chuckled slapping a resounding pat on San's back, "Come on, let's drink, tell me what have you been doing–"

More bows and greetings were exchanged before the two friends could finally walk away. Unfortunately they didn't go that far and Wooyoung couldn't help but stare at them for all the night until he heard the king moving at his side signaling that he had drunk enough and it was time to retire. Maybe for the first time he felt relieved that he was finally leaving, he knew that what awaited him behind the closed door of his room wouldn't be nicer but everything sounded better that witnessing to San's happiness with someone that wasn't him when all Wooyoung could feel was sorrow.

But at some point the thick black door closed at his back and suddenly he remembered why he hated his life so much. Indiscreet hands sneaked up under his vest pulling his shirt up and roaming all around his naked skin, cold and harsh, making him shiver in rejection. But he knew he couldn't escape as he stood there, unmoving and silent, while clothes were ripped off his body. He had learned a long time ago how to shield himself when nights like that occurred, usually it was easy to escape, to turn numb from any feeling just by thinking of being somewhere else. But that night it didn't matter how much he tried, all he could think about was San's smile, San happy, San who seemed to have already forgotten him, and it felt impossible to ignore those hands on his hips feeling completely different from those of the soldier. Those hands that he wouldn't feel anymore, hands that soon would touch someone else like they used to do with Wooyoung.

He had asked the king to do it from behind because he knew he couldn't stop the tears that would fall down his cheeks at every thrust.

Like every other night he had waited for his husband to fall asleep sitting at his dressing table. Like every other night it didn't take long before the man started snoring.

Unlike every other night though Wooyoung didn't feel his heart race in his chest. Unlike every other night he didn't stand up to silently walk to the door and disappear into the darkness. Unlike every other night nobody was waiting for him in the forest.

He tried to think at something else, anything that wouldn't push him to just stand up, open the window and jump off it. He needed some air. Some fresh air would do him good. He thought as he took one of his cloaks and stepped out of the room. It was getting cold, winter had arrived all of a sudden, the long corridors were chilly enough to let him decide that it wasn't the best idea to walk to the gardens. From far away a muffled noise could still be heard: voices of those who had stayed up, probably too drunk to go to bed. He wondered if San was between them, if he went to sleep or if he was still awake, maybe thinking about Wooyoung.

He sighed knowing that indulge in that kind of thoughts wouldn't do him any good and for the first time he tried to allow himself to not think at all.

He let his body lean against the wall, the surface was cold and it hit his back making him shiver through the thin layers of his night clothes but it felt good, it helped him to feel something different from that numbness that he had experienced until then. It helped him to focus on something different, on his body, on how it felt. And it felt damn tired. He slumped to the floor, sitting there and inhaling deeply. He needed to force himself to eat properly, he had never been so weak and he couldn't recognize himself in that moment. He wasn't reacting, he was just letting things happen to him and he couldn't accept it. San would have scolded him for that.

San...

A defeated smile appeared on his lips. He missed him. He missed him so fucking much and it seemed like he just couldn't take the boy off of his mind. Everything reminded him of San and it kept hurting. But just for that moment he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about anything at all.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He listened to the noises coming from
far, noises he had grown used to... He thought at how unfamiliar that place used to be, how big and scary the castle felt with his black walls, black doors, black soldiers. But after all those years he had learned to find his place there, he had learned to call it home. Sure, there were moments when he missed his old life, but in the end Hala gave him things to be thankful for too: it was the place that allowed him to find love, real love, he had grown between those walls, inside the many rooms running from the kitchens where he could steal a little treat when the cooks weren't too busy to the endless library that disposed of a quantity of books he wouldn't be able to finish even if he lived a hundred years. He had met good friends too, he had Yeosang, and he had the chance to meet the people of Hala, his people, he had the chance to really help them.

The bitter smile turned into a happier one. Not everything was lost. He could do it. He had learned to be strong, he could also learn to be stronger.

The noises had stopped, only the hooting of the last owls from outside could be heard as the first lights of the sun appeared in the sky. He didn't know for how long he had sat there but probably long enough for his feet to turn numb from the cold. He stood up on wobbly knees and for the first time after weeks he felt his stomach rumble in hunger. In a few hours he would have had a nice warm breakfast. He would be better, he just knew it.

He opened the door still wearing that proud smile on his face. He opened it and–

"You never learn, do you?"

"Huh?" he turned on his spot, scared and confused by the voice coming from his right, he did nothing, he could explain himself but he didn't got the chance to do it because suddenly the back of a hand hit his face.

The blow was so strong that he felt his body fly and hit the wall, his head bumping against the solid surface with such strength that his sight became blurry for a second. He saw black, sounds distorted around him and the only thing he could perceive clearly was the taste of blood inside his mouth. He realized he was on the ground and he tried to stand again but another hit, to his stomach this time, made him fall once again as new pain immobilized his body. He coughed, breath pushed out of his inexistent lungs as he felt himself spit acidic saliva and blood on the floor beneath him.

"W-wait–" he tried to say, but his voice was low, inaudible, "I–" this time he could explain.

A hand grabbed his hair pulling him to his feet and pushing him against the wall keeping him there. It hurt! He tried to pull that angry fist away from his head, to free himself. Nails sank into the flesh and he heard the king hiss before he slapped him in the face once again.

"You really can't be good, can you?" his voice was angry, unrecognizable and it scared Wooyoung deeply.

"N-no, j-jagi" he tried to speak, voice shaking, "I-it's not w-what you think. I-I can ex-explain"

"Explain then!" the hand left his hair but only to fly to his throat, "Explain how you can't live a day without being fucked by that runt, how you can't restrain yourself from being his whore" his face was so close that spit landed of Wooyoung's face.

"I haven't" he cried but the hand closed even tighter around his throat choking him, "I swear I haven't seen him for weeks" he was going to die, he was gonna kill him.

"Oh! I see! Of course you haven't, you don't care about him anymore, do you?" he spat on his face, so angry that his eyes looked bloodied.

Wooyoung could just shake his head slightly, mouth opening and hands grasping, pulling, scratching, he needed air, he couldn't breathe. But suddenly the hand loosened its grip and the king's face got so close to that of Wooyoung that he could feel his breath on his ear as he tried his best to inhale all the air his lungs could channel.

"Well if you don't care you wouldn't mind if he would suddenly disappear, a little accident might happen if one is not careful enough, yeah? I guess the infamous Choi San can make mistakes too, don't you think?"

"N-no" Wooyoung wanted to scream but he couldn't find enough voice to do it, he tried to jump forward, nails aiming for the king's face but weeks of malnutrition and sleep deprivation had left him weak and useless.

The king laughed on his face as another punch hit him at the base of his stomach pushing out all the air left. Wooyoung fell to his knees when the hand around his neck left him.

"You'd better think at your mistakes because you will have a lot to ask mercy for" he took one of his capes looking at Wooyoung from above, "Take the day to think about it. I will demand answers tonight"

He was still facing the floor when he heard the door open and close again, footsteps walking away reached his ears. He stood up, his body was shaking like crazy and he knew he looked completely wrecked but he couldn't wait, he had to inform San, he was in danger. He opened the door and ran as fast as he could to where he knew the soldiers rooms would be.

"Choi San" he stopped one of the guards walking down his same corridor, "Take me to Choi San's room"

"Your highness? What happened to you? You need a heal–"

"This is a fucking emergency" he hissed, "I need to see him right now, can you show me the way or am
I just waisting my precious time?" he didn't know how he had managed to say so much, he felt his body shake terribly and he was sure he was about to faint at any moment but he needed to see him, he needed to tell him to run.

"This way" replied the guard moving fast to one of the doors on the corridor, "This is it, do-do you still need me, my king?"

Wooyoung took off one of the rings he was wearing and offered it to the soldier, "Go! And if they ask you haven't seen me" he didn't wait for a reply as he knocked with his fist twice on the heavy door.

No answer, but he couldn't wait. He pushed down the handle and to his luck it was open. He stepped inside and there he was, leaning on one of his elbows and still lying in his bed. Chest completely bare and the head of the wolf in clear sight.

"Wooyoung?" the speed in which San jumped off the bed was proportional to the one that saw Wooyoung's body giving up.

His legs ceded underneath his weight and if it wouldn't be for San's arms he would have hit the floor.

"Oh my gods, what happened? You're seriously injured, w-what–" he heard San panic as he kneeled down with Wooyoung still between his arms and pushing his hair away from the bloodied face, "Oh my gods! Oh my gods! It's all my fault, if I hadn't left you–"

"Sanie..." he wanted to reassure him, to tell him it wasn't his fault, that he would be alright but there was no time and he didn't have enough strength to say it all, "Sanie, he's coming for you" he could breath out.

"Huh?" the shock on San face was clear.

"You have to leave now! You're in danger" he was still talking and he didn't know how.

"N-no... No!" San sniffed, face falling to the crook of Wooyoung's neck, "I'm not leaving without you"

Oh! He had missed him!

"Sanie, I–"

But he couldn't complete his sentence because many soldiers broke through the door. He heard screams, orders, San's voice yelling back, his arms trying to keep him away from those men but it all felt useless. Somebody managed to separate them and the world turned black.

A/N
Next one will probably be the last chapter and I think I finally found a way to end this story properly.

I can't say it's gonna be a happy ending because it will still leave a bitter taste, but it won't be completely tragic either. I really hope you will like it.

Thoughts about this chapter? Please leave a comment, I would really appreciate it ❤️