Chapter 2 – I miss her.

Beck's POV

I spend a total of four days and four nights on the road, following my feet to wherever they feel like taking me. For the most part, I stick to the cover of trees so that I can travel in wolf form, which is always much faster and more fun that walking as a human, but I do occasionally have to change back if the trees start running a bit too thin. The last thing I need is to be spotted by a bunch of humans who start shooting their mouths off about a random wolf they spotted trotting down the backroads of town-nowhere, because that's where I seem to be right now: in the middle of fucking nowhere. I don't mind too much, though. In fact, the smaller and quieter the place, the easier it is for me to stay under cover. Living in the countryside is a hell of a lot easier than some big city when you're a werewolf, even if the people are usually a lot nosier.

During the nights, I find somewhere surrounded by trees to set up camp for a few hours so I can get a bit of sleep before I set off again. It's not glamorous, I know, but then my life's never really been that glamorous before. I make do with what I've got and if I haven't got a lot then I just have to suck it up and deal, there's no point in complaining. On the fourth night I'm fairly lucky, though, as I set up camp not far away from a small lake. I'm fairly certain I'm on privately owned property right now, if the barbed wire fencing and 'trespassing' signs are anything to go off, but I don't really care. I stink. I've not had a proper wash in four days now and there's no way I'm going to pass up this opportunity.

If some crazy farmer guy comes running at me with a shotgun then so be it.

I quickly drop my bag to the floor and dig through it for my shampoo and a clean shirt and boxers. I'll have to make do with my jeans, despite the hole on the knee now being bigger than my fist and the fact that they're covered in mud and grass stains.

I really need to get some new jeans.

Once I've got everything I need I quickly clamber up the nearest tree and hook my bag onto one of the branches, not wanting to take any chances of it being stolen. When you've not got a lot it makes you a lot more inclined to protect what little you do have.

Dropping down to the floor again, I snatch up the shampoo and my clean clothes before heading in the direction of the lake, carefully climbing through the wire so I don't catch my jeans on it. The hole is big enough as it is.

With one last check of the perimeter to make sure that there's no one around, I strip off my clothes and jump into the water, leaving my clothes sitting a little way away on the grass to stop them from getting damp.

Goosebumps dot along my arms as soon as the cold water hits my skin, but I quickly get used to the temperature and duck my head under too. I've spent my entire life washing in lakes and streams and so it's pretty easy for me to adapt to the cold now, it doesn't really bother me anymore.

My lips tug into a slight smirk without my permission as I think of Lucy and her undying hatred for the stream next to the cave. It was always freezing to her, even in the middle of summer, and she never got used to the idea of me washing in it every day. According to her, I was going to give myself pneumonia. It wasn't even that cold.

The smirk slips off my face as I think of Lucy. I wonder what she's doing right now, if she's missing me as much as I miss her.

Probably not, the irritating voice at the back of my mind tells me. She's probably too busy with Justin.

I wince at the images that thought conjures up in my mind, making me reach for the shampoo for a distraction. There's really not much of it left and so I have to use all of it and make do with what I've got, throwing the empty bottle over to where my clothes sit.

I wonder what it would be like right now if she'd chosen me instead of him. What would our plan be? Maybe we'd settle in the next town we came across, get jobs and move into a small apartment somewhere. Maybe we'd stay in that town for the rest of our lives or maybe we'd move to somewhere in the middle of the woods, letting our wolves free all day and foraging for food. We could've gone anywhere, done anything, but she said no before even giving it a chance.

She said no.

My chest clenches uncomfortably as I think back to that time in her bedroom when she first told me that she was giving it a shot with Justin. I'd known already, of course. I'm not an idiot. I could see the way they looked at each other, I just pretended not to as it was much less painful for me to tell myself that it was nothing. There's no pretending once the cards have all been laid out on the table like that, though.

I wanted her but she wanted him: simple.

Maybe she made the right choice, as much as I hate to admit it. Maybe I'm not right for her. She's good, pure, and I'm... not. I'm just not. I'm a rogue. I was raised as a rogue and, no matter how many times I lie to myself and tell myself that I can choose to be whoever the hell I want to be, I know that it's complete bullshit. I'm a rogue, through and through, as I proved when I ripped my own father's throat out four months ago. There was no hesitation, no mercy... no humanity in me at all. I'm a monster and Lucy deserves a hell of a lot better.

Sighing, I rinse my hands off in the water – because shampoo in the eye is a bitch – before closing my eyes and pressing my thumbs against my eyelids.

I need to stop thinking about her.

I quickly finish washing before pulling myself back out of the lake and heading for my clothes. I use my old T-shirt to quickly dry off before pulling on my clothes and gathering my stuff back up.

I'm running out of clean T-shirts now, but I know I can't really wash the dirty ones in the lake here. It was risky enough to wash in the lake at all, but to wash my clothes and also wait for them to dry would be a very bad idea, seeing as it's private property and all. The last thing I need right now is for someone to call the police on me and get me arrested. That would definitely not be my idea of a good night.

I slowly make my way back to where I decided to set up camp for the night, climbing back through the fence and heading up the small hill leading away from it. When I get to my destination I quickly retrieve my backpack and then plonk down with my back against a tree, setting my bag down next to me as I look around. I'm surrounded by trees, giving me just enough cover to stay hidden from anyone walking along the road, but I'm not chancing it and am sticking in human form. The trees started thinning out about an hour ago and so I decided to change back after spending the whole day as a wolf.

Sighing, I lean my head back against the bark and look up at the night sky through the leaves overhead. It's a full moon tonight, lighting up the sky and making the woods around me feel less dark. It's also fairly warm, a nice night out, so I can't really complain.

Reaching over to my bag, I pull out a packet of crisps and a few biscuits that will have to tide me over until tomorrow. I'm starting to run out of food now; I really need to find some shops soon. I also need to pick up a toothbrush and some toothpaste as I left those back at the cave like an idiot. I guess I was kind of in a rush to leave, though, what with Lucy there and all. The longer I stayed the more time she'd have to convince me not to go, which I couldn't let happen.

I wonder what she's doing right now.

Probably sleeping, dumbass, my mind tells me. Or maybe...

I groan and whack my head back against the tree with enough force to make my teeth clash together painfully.

Why do my thoughts always end up trailing back to her? Why am I such an idiot?

With another sigh I force my thoughts back on track, thinking about what to do tomorrow.

I need a plan.

I've gotten as far as I can go now, I can't keep going as I am or I'll run out of food and clean clothes. I already need more shampoo, a toothbrush and toothpaste; I need to find some shops. I've got some money on me (not a lot but enough to get by for the next few weeks), just over one hundred pounds in cash that I can use tomorrow if I can't find somewhere that I can safely steal from. Maybe I can find the nearest town tomorrow, stay there for a few days and gather a few supplies before starting out again. I might even be able to find the odd errand to run to get a bit more money to my name.

It's not a bad idea.

Once I've finished with my food I quickly stuff the empty crisp packet into the front pocket of my bag, not wanting to leave it to blow away in the slight breeze. I've never been one for littering, which a lot of people don't really expect to hear from a rogue lone wolf. Lucy hadn't when she first met me.

"What's the point?" she had asked me as I shoved all of our rubbish into a bin bag near the entrance of the cave. "Doesn't living here, away from other people, mean you can do whatever you want?"

"Exactly," I had replied. "I live here, outside. Having people's trash littering up the place isn't exactly fun to look at."

There aren't many rogues that share the same logic as me, though, as most don't really care about that kind of thing. It doesn't come as a big shocker that my opinion clashes with the other rogues, to be honest, most of them do. I might be a monster but I'm definitely my mother's son when it comes to things like that; whereas my father only cared about power, my mother spent her time trying to make the world a better place.

My lips curve into a slight smile at the thought.

She was a good person, one of the best I've ever met.

I miss her.

My smile disappears.

Sighing, I lean my head back against the tree and look up at the sky once again. It's getting late; I should really get some sleep.

Now I frown, looking over at my bag that I've been using for the past few nights as a pillow, not liking the idea of sleep at all. When I was younger I started getting nightmares, bad ones, and they've stuck with me ever since. It wasn't so bad when I was back at the cave, despite being so close to the source of over half of my nightmares, and I thought that they were slowly stopping. Whenever Lucy would stay for the night it was like a golden guarantee that I wouldn't get one, I don't know why. I guess it was because I've always seen Lucy as someone who needs protecting, both from my father and from the jackasses in her Pack, and so I always had to be strong when I was with her. I never told her; I don't tell anyone about them. They're just one more weakness of mine to add to my mountain-sized list of disappointments that my father would always beat me for.

"You're weak!"

"You're such a disappointment!"

"You are not my son!"

It would be a more than daily occurrence for him to spout that shit at me, usually leaving me with a black eye as he did so, before my mum would finally manage to calm him down. It only got worse after she died. I was almost relieved when he'd send me off to rogue camp... almost.

With a slight groan to announce to absolutely no one just how much I don't want to do this, I drag my bag over so that I can lie down with my head resting against it.

Maybe it won't happen tonight, I try to convince myself, knowing before the thought's even finished that it's no use.

I've tried everything and nothing I do works.

Closing my eyes, I try to think of something good to take my mind off of all the horrors that lie in wait in the unconscious part of my brain.

Something good, something good, something good...

Lucy.

It always comes back to Lucy. Her eyes, her hair, her smile, her laugh... she's perfect. She's absolutely and completely perfect.

She's also absolutely and completely not yours, the voice reminds me, making me want to bash my own head in just to get it to shut up.

Apparently I'm just a glutton for punishment, though, as I once again let my thoughts trail back to the girl I don't think I'm ever going to get over.

Yeah, emotionally or physically, my mind pipes back up again and this time I do slap myself in the forehead.

Shut up, I think back to it, well aware of the fact that I'm talking to myself.

I'm such an idiot.

Frowning at myself, I roll over onto my other side so that I'm facing the road, listening to how quiet it is. I haven't heard a car drive past in at least an hour; I really am in the middle of nowhere.

Trying to get my mind to shut up, I switch onto my back, opening my eyes briefly to look up at the stars once more before closing them again.

Why is it always so difficult to get to sleep?

Lucy always used to complain that I fidget too much. It would take me so long to drift off to sleep that I'd move at least ten times before I managed to, and for a while it drove her up the wall. She eventually got used to it and her complaints started becoming much less frequent. It was fun while it lasted, though. She always looks so cute when she's annoyed.

"Beck, pack it in," she would always say to begin with, her voice snippy due to tiredness. She always seems to have her bad mood switch dialled up to ten when she's tired but she hates when I point that out to her and so, of course, that's exactly what I'd always do. A small battle of words would then ensue, one where I'd egg her on every time I spoke just because I thought it was funny, and then she'd always finish it with the same threat every time.

"Beck, I swear to God I'm going to punch you in the face. Go to sleep!"

That's when I'd always decide to shut up and let her go to sleep, and I'd make more of an effort to stop moving until I was sure she was asleep. It would then take about another fifteen minutes before I managed to drop off too.

With a small smile on my face as I think back to all the times we had that exact same argument, I eventually manage to drift off to sleep.

 (Hey guys!!! So here's the second chapter, what do you guys think so far? I'd actually planned to write this chapter a bit differently but I decided that it was getting quite long and so I've split the original plan into two chapters :) Sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter but it's late and I'm tired and so my eyes probably weren't so effective when proofreading, sorry about that. 

So... yeah, what do you guys think? This chapter hopefully gave you a bit more insight into Beck's past and stuff, which we'll be going into in more depth throughout this story. I'm really excited, I've had this planned for ages! :D 

I'm really excited for the next chapter, as well. There's going to be some new characters joining us shortly and i'm really psyched for you guys to meet them. It'll be like introducing Beck all over again :') 

Okay, so I'm going to stop rambling now because I'm tired and am busy tomorrow so need to get some sleep. I hope you liked this chapter and if you did then go ahead and leave a Vote/Comment/Add/Follow as any and all support is great, thanks! I'm not sure when the next update will be. It probably won't be tomorrow because I'm out for most of the day but I also really want to get the chapter posted so I'm not sure. It's more likely to be Saturday or Sunday, I think. If you guys get bored before then you should totally go and check out my other story that I've started posting fairly recently called 'Knife's Edge'. It's a non-supernatural story but I'm really excited about that one too and am just about to post the next chapter after this, so if you wanted to take a look then thanks :) If not then fair enough, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. 

Right, so, yeah, I'm rambling again which I'm going to stop... now. Thanks again for reading/supporting this story and, until next time, byee!!!)