"IT'S TIME TO GO"

you sit at the house all day, laying in bed and waiting for the hangover to pass. belly went with laurel and susannah to shop for debutante dresses, steven and jeremiah were working, and you had no idea where conrad went, so you had the house to yourself. the next few days passed in a similar blur, where belly prepared for her debutante ball and hung out with a guy who jeremiah called 'cam cameron', who you found out later that she had met at the bonfire.

one particular day, you were sitting on the couch, re-reading your favorite book for probably the thousandth time. jeremiah had gone to work early that morning, but he had come to your room and said goodbye to you before he left. he had done that a lot recently, ever since the bonfire. you wondered if part of him just felt bad for you, but you didn't mind even if that was the case. it felt good to have someone checking up on you. especially him.

laurel and susannah were devastated for you when you finally told them the news about peter and cassie the night after it happened. laurel was immediately on her feet, absolutely pissed, mumbling about how much she— and you— had done for cassie and how much of a backstabbing bitch she was. susannah had gathered you in her arms, holding you tight. she reassured you that you would do much better someday and while friends and lovers come and go, family is forever, and she reminded you that you were surrounded by your family now and to cherish that. that night, you couldn't sleep, so you snuck into laurel's room and asked her to move over so you could stay with her, just like you did when you were a kid. she was happy to have you there with her. after that night, and the continued support you got from everyone, you really were feeling much better. the reality did kick in, though, and you began to be very bored during the days while everyone was living their lives. you had spent so much time worrying about peter that you forgot about your real life. you considered getting a job. you decided that was a future you problem. for now, you were going to read and chill on the beach. maybe next week you'll find a job.

as you're lost in your book, your trance is broken by a loud crack of thunder outside. it was so sudden that it made you physically jump from your position spread out on the couch to completely sitting upright. you look outside and your eyes widen. the sky was so intensely dark that you wondered how you didn't notice the lighting in the entire house dim. a few moments later, the rain begins to pour down, falling in literal sheets. you didn't start to panic until the wind picked up and the next rumble of thunder shook the entire house. you shot up from the couch, your mind immediately racing, trying to think of where everyone else was, and trying to figure out if there was anything you needed to do to keep the house safe from the storm. suddenly, you remember that conrad was at the beach. everyone else was out somewhere where they could definitely find shelter, but conrad had gone surfing just an hour ago. your heart began to race as you ran to the door, trying to see out to the beach. but, the visibility was terrible. the wind was insane, and the rain would not stop coming. you pull out your phone and text him, which you figure is a long shot, but it was worth a try. while you had your phone out, other texts began to flood in.

belly: hey, u okay? storm picked up pretty fast. powers out at the club, they're sending us home as soon as it calms down a bit

laurel: Are you and Conrad the only ones home? Are you guys okay? Go into the basement if you get too worried or if the wind picks up more. Keep me updated.

steven: hey, you okay? is conrad with you?

jeremiah: this storm is WILD. stay inside, i'll be home soon. no lifeguarding when the weather could kill you!😋

as you're reading everyone's messages, the sliding door opens. your head shoots up and you breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of conrad, completely drenched, standing on the mat inside the door. you throw your phone down and immediately hug him tightly, not caring that he was all wet. "thank god you're okay."

he hesitates, but hugs you back. "yeah. saw the storm coming, but still got caught in it. you okay?"

you pull back and nod. "me? i'm fine. you scared me shitless, though."

"sorry," he smiles sheepishly. "where's everyone else?"

"belly and jere are at the club, but they'll be back soon they say. i think steven's there too. i don't know about our moms. they were super weird when they left, just said they had to go into town and they'd be back later. i've heard from my mom, though."

conrad's face drops when you mention your moms and their secrecy. he runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "alright. i'm gonna go change. let me know if you hear anything else. and uh, stay away from the windows, okay?"

you nod and he walks past you and up the stairs. honestly, that was the most you had talked to him since you guys got to cousins. but, as jeremiah and belly both told you, there was something going on with him. you knew that there was nothing anyone could do about it, though. conrad was stubborn. he was going to figure this out on his own, and reach out when he was ready. at least, that's what you kept telling yourself.

a minute after conrad disappears up the stairs, the power goes out. you groan in frustration, taking note of the immediate drop in temperature and the very little light inside the house. in a house with so many windows, you'd think it would not get that dark. today though, with the conditions of the grey sky and never ending rain, there was no natural light coming in. luckily, you knew that susannah always had candles, so after searching a few cabinets, you found her collection. you lit a bunch of them with matches, placing them all around the downstairs to attempt to spread the light. then, you lit the fireplace, hoping to add some warmth to the room. in anticipation of everyone else getting home, you grab some blankets from the closet and put them on the couch, finding the softest one and wrapping it around your own body.

a moment later, to your surprise, the front door creeks open. you peek around the corner (making sure it wasn't a murderer first), and sigh when you see that it's steven, belly, and jeremiah, all drenched from the rain, just like conrad was.

"what are you guys doing here?" you ask, moving towards them. "i figured you'd be at the club a while. the roads are too shitty to be driving on."

jeremiah and steven share a nervous look, then look back at you. "i uh—" jeremiah starts. "i drove us back."

"you what?" you ask, your face dropping.

jeremiah took a step towards you. "(y/n), i know. but listen, we were all so worried about you and conrad being here alone. we just figured it was safer for all of us if we came home. and the drive wasn't even bad, i promise. we made it here, right? we're okay!"

"you could've died, jeremiah," you say. "you could've killed yourself or belly or steven or all of you. they close the roads when it storms like this for a reason."

"he drove really well," steven chimes in. "like, even better than usual. and you know that jere's like the best driver. it really was okay."

you sigh and look at all three of them. they all had guilty yet worried expressions on their faces, and belly wouldn't even look at you. you sigh. "you're all idiots. go change, guys. i got the fire going in the living room when you're done."

"yes ma'am!" steven salutes you and trudges up the stairs, belly following close behind. jeremiah stays for a moment, facing you.

"(y/n), i'm sorry. i really am. i just...we figured that family needs to stay together. and when the power went out, we were just worried about you guys here. conrad's okay, right?" jeremiah sidetracks. you nod and point upstairs and he sighs. "okay good. just, don't be mad. please. i promise we didn't mean to worry you."

you sigh and rest your forehead on his shoulder. "not mad at you. i just...freaked out. that really was a terrible thing, jere. i don't know what i would've done if something happened to you guys."

he wraps his arms around you and squeezes you lightly. "you don't have to think about that. we made it."

"i know. i just wish you would've stayed where it was safe so the thought didn't have to exist at all."

"you're happy we're here, though," jeremiah teases. you push him away lightly, shaking your head.

"whatever. go change. check on conrad while you're up there."

"whatever you say," he gives you one last smile before heading up the stairs. you turn back to the living room, throwing yourself down onto your favorite spot on the couch. eventually, belly appears in the doorway. you hold your blanketed arm out and she sits next to you, wrapping the blanket over her shoulders. her skin is cold next to you, so you grab another blanket and lay it over her. she rests her head on your shoulder.

"sorry we almost died," she says after a few minutes. you sigh.

"it's okay, bells. i'm just glad you guys are okay," you say. "how was your practice today?"

she shrugs. "it was fine. it was dance practice, though. and i was alone. i just...i gotta figure out who's gonna escort me soon or else i'm gonna get in so much trouble."

"what about cam? i thought you were gonna ask him."

belly stretches. "i uh, broke things off with him, actually."

"you did?" you ask, shocked. "why?"

"conrad's been, um, different with me lately. a good different. i just have thought, maybe..." she trails off, her eyes focused on her lap. you bump her shoulder with yours lightly.

"just be careful with your heart, bells. make sure you know what you're getting into before you dive headfirst, okay?"

belly nods. "i know. thank you."

she settles back on your shoulder and the two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while. soon enough, jeremiah comes back downstairs, steven close behind him. steven immediately grabs a blanket and beelines for a spot on the floor next to the fire.

"this feels incredible."

you smile. "we're just lucky susannah put wood in there recently. otherwise we would've been screwed."

"hey, uh, where is she?" jeremiah asks, as if he had just noticed her absence. "and laurel?"

"they went into town earlier," you explain. "wouldn't tell me why. but my mom texted me not too long ago. they should be okay."

jeremiah nods, although he seems somewhat unconvinced. "okay. thank you."

before you can say anything else, he disappears into the kitchen. belly calls out, "don't open the fridge!" and he laughs. "i know!"

eventually, conrad joins you guys in the living room and you're all sprawled out, talking and laughing like you used to do a lot when you were kids. as you've gotten older, all of you were still close, but had definitely grown apart from where you were as young kids. things change as you grow up, people change. as much as it hurt, it truly was inevitable for anyone. but this, this felt like it used to. these people felt like home.

"oh my god do you guys remember that one time when we were at the boardwalk and conrad puked after the tilt-a-whirl so belly ran away and we couldn't find her for an hour?" steven says. you all burst into laughter, even belly, who's cheeks turned slightly pink.

"it was gross! i wanted to get away from it, then i got lost. i cried that entire hour."

"we've gotta go back to the boardwalk this summer," you say after you all stopped laughing as hard. "we haven't been in years! i miss it there!"

"yes please!" jeremiah exclaims. "i hear they've added more rides that are like, utterly terrifying."

"that's...definitely something to be excited about," belly says sarcastically. "but yes, definitely we've gotta go. maybe after deb season is over, though. i just feel like i have too much going on right now as it is."

"oh yeah," steven says. "bells, who are you bringing as your escort? isn't the deadline like, the end of the week? the ball is in like less than three weeks."

belly casts a quick look at conrad, but almost immediately after they lock eyes, she looks away. "i...don't know. i'll figure it out. i hope."

"i can take you if you want, bells," jeremiah pipes up. everyone looks at him, shocked. your heart drops. "i mean, i was at your dance lesson today. i know a lot of what goes on. and i know i've got a suit somewhere. if you don't find anyone else, just let me know."

belly grins at him. "thank you, jere. i'll probably take you up on that."

the two of them share a smile and you look down at your hands, your stomach suddenly in knots. did he really just offer to be an escort for belly? after all his big talk about never participating last year? out of everyone in cousins, belly was the exception for him? suddenly, you felt like an idiot. of course she was the exception. they've always been best friends. you felt so stupid for ever thinking that maybe things were shifting to more for the two of you. it was for the better, anyways, right? he could be belly's escort to the ball, you could watch them be perfect together, and pretend it didn't bother you. exactly like how you had acted every summer before now while jeremiah flirted with other people. nothing had to change. you just had to get these thoughts out of your head.

you're broken out of your thoughts by belly bumping your shoulder with hers. "(y/n)? you good?"

"huh?" you look at her, suddenly aware you had been just staring at nothing. "oh. yeah, i'm fine," you take a quick glance at jeremiah, who suddenly is really interested in his blanket. you stand up abruptly. "i'll just, i'll be back."

before anyone can say anything, you go upstairs, and close your bedroom door behind you. you felt terrible for ruining the good vibe that the five of you had going, but you really were starting to feel sick. as much as you tried to suppress your feelings for jeremiah, it really wasn't ever going to work. you would forever feel this pathetic longing for him; always be the one pining. it wasn't fair, honestly. he was the one who constantly flirted with you and went out of his way to do things to make you feel special, yet you were the only one with feelings. it was a disgusting feeling. you wished for nothing more than for it to go away. good for belly for finding someone to escort her. good for jeremiah for finding his one exception in his life. good for both of them. you just had to play supportive sister in all of this, even if it made you sick.