Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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Deep Cosmos

By ProjectKyle

After the tragedy at cosmic 5. David Bell finds himself fighting for his life, and matching wits against the worst villains in the universe! Can David survive the galaxies darkest mysteries? Or will he crumble into the never ending void...of the Deep Cosmos.

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The title is easy to read, but it's written crudely. But I'm guessing that's the look you were going for. It looks nice for the look assuming you wanted it.

Blurb • The blurb is good. It's simplistic and raises curiosity. I recommend you add a quote, though, as it'll make it even better. Quotes really spark interest.

Title • The title is good. It works well with this story, and it's not too basic. I wouldn't change it.

Descriptions

I could imagine a lot of the things in the story. I felt like the characters needed a stronger description, and the settings lacked strong imagery occasionally. I could really visualize the actions, though. 

Characters

I felt like they needed to be described more, as I said. They do have a lot of inner demons, so I'm curious as to what they'll turn into as time goes along. I liked David, and I found his character intriguing and enjoyable. He was... strange. But in a good way. 

Plot/General Writing

I enjoyed the plot. It automatically set up curiosity. It makes you wonder what exactly David did right away. I felt like it was a little fast-paced, though. I don't really like that Sophia found out David's secret so soon from his diary, and I wish it took longer. She should've found it later or discovered it from David himself. 

Grammar

This is one thing I noticed had a lot of problems when I was reading. Lots of commas are missing, for one. Another big thing is the lack of apostrophes in possessive words. Also, the "..." aren't used well. Don't have them connect two words (an...example) and don't have more than three. It should look like "an... example" in my opinion. Lastly, and one that grated my nerves the most, was the overuse of the exclamation point. I see that you wish to use them, but I found them extremely aggravating. It's like you're trying to show that a sentence is amazing, but you're assuming that we can't realize it. The way they are used with everything just made me feel like I was too dumb to realize when something was surprising, and it felt wrong since it was a third-person story. Please, cut out most of the exclamation points. Occasionally: have one. Every few sentences: please, no. 

Reader Engagement

I felt curious while reading, wishing to understand David. However, the finding of the diary bummed me out since it revealed too much too easily. However, I do wish to know how David will get out of this mess. 

Overall

3.5 stars out of 5

The story was pretty good. I enjoyed the characters. Characters are hard to give personality, but you did it well. I just really want you to fix the grammar. Really, really, wish for you to fix it. I recommend those looking for a science fiction filled with dark pasts and mystery. 

Good luck, lollipop!