An immense, full bodied yawn cracked it's way up my throat and wrenched my mouth open in a suffocatingly thick inhale as I clutched the neck of the bottle I'd located in the liquor cupboard and swayed a little on my stool.

After falling asleep against Loki, exhausted, I'd been subjected to a constant chain of unnerving night terrors of troubling reincarnations my mind created that would wake me up yelling and thrashing around at least once every damned hour until I'd given up around six in the morning and went to drown out the waging battle in my head with a litre or two of pure spirit.

And of course, Loki had been there through it all. Every time I'd become restless and rouse him from his sleep with my flailing fists, he'd hold me and wake me carefully, reminding me where I was, where he was. He'd take me in his arms and cling me to him, wordlessly reassuring me I was safe and he was there with me. It helped, almost too much as I allowed myself again and again to fall into a deep slumber and succumb to my cruel mind once more.

"Bastard." I muttered quietly under my breath as I took another long swig and watched a squirrel scale a tree just outside the window opposite me.

"You're gonna kill yourself at this rate." A voice called out behind me as Charlie shuffled into the kitchen, tossing her head towards the bottle in a matter of factly gesture. I allowed myself a prolonged, scrutinising glance at her as I took in her state for the first time in a few days, recognising the deep purple eyebags under her eyes, and the scabbed skin of her rose-tinted lips from biting at them.

"That's the plan." I joked dryly, spying the reserved disappointment in her gaze and feeling an uncomfortable guilt grip my every muscle, until I was tensed to the point of shattering. I knew she was seemingly affected by how I'd spoken to her last night. It didn't exactly need a genius to figure that out. But I also knew exactly what she needed, and I was hard pressed trying to figure out exactly how to go about it.

Again, I wasn't used to this. Reassurance and comfort were not in my nature and I doubted they ever would be. But Charlie was disappointed, and she needed to know she wasn't just an inconvenience, that she wasn't a minor priority and was not likely to be kicked out like she worried she would be so much.

I opened my mouth to say something when the deafening sound of a glass smashing sobered me up and I whipped my head round to find the source of the noise. Seeing a wide eyed Charlie staring at a pile of shattered glass, her brow creased in anxious worry as she looked from me to the glass, over and over, waiting for my reaction.

I bit back a yawn and raised a single eyebrow, leaning up over the island to look at the pathetic crystal shards, glittering devastatingly across the tile. Then I sat back down and rubbed my eyes.

"I broke the glass." She whispered quietly, looking at me with a blatant fear lighting up the dark, glowing embers of her eyes as she swallowed forcibly and I twisted the cap on my spirits bottle.

"Do you want to go through some training then today?" I queried nonchalantly, sliding off the stool to deposit of the bottle, wavering shakily as my healing muscles still trembled with their torment.

"But I broke the glass."

"Okay...Do you want to train?" I repeated again, slower and deliberately like I was talking to someone from another planet.

"But...but the glass."

"That's not part of the training, C."

"But I broke it."

I stilled for a moment, letting the warm water run over my shaking hands as I sighed to myself and tried to understand her obvious trauma-induced trepidation. It was tiring, but I knew I couldn't just breeze past this. I needed her to know she was safe here, and under my protection. And nothing she did could change that...okay maybe not nothing, but definitely not a damned broken glass.

I sighed and took another look at the heart wrenching guilt studded across her expression, and I walked over to the cupboard next to her, reached out with trembling hands to grab a glass, before pulling my mouth into a grimace and letting the heavy thing fall from my hands and smash loudly against the tile. Right next to where she'd dropped hers.

Her eyes widened and she stepped back a little, her clear surprise drowning a majority of the guilt etched into her features as I dusted my hands off and waltzed back to around the island.

"There. I did too. Now. Training?"

"You broke a glass." She repeated, this time a hint of amusement appearing within her tone as I bit back a grin and zipped up my hoodie all the way.

"Yep."

"What are you going to drink out of now?" She mused quietly, still staring at the piles of glass but with a telling smirk curving up the sides of her mouth the slightest bit. I scoffed and tossed her a disparaging look.

"You know for a fact I prefer to neck it from the bottle." I objected, smirking when a large grin lit up her face and she finally relaxed her tense state. Then I let out a quiet laugh and spun on my feet toward the exit, unfortunately finding my way blocked by a tall, stocky figure just inches from where I'd stood, catching me off guard as I'd nearly walked straight into it.

I sucked in a breath and the smirk fell from my face as I realised the tall, dark mass was breathing heavily, chest rising and falling with every rushed breath. My eyes followed a path over his arms before landing on the dagger clutched threateningly in his hand, poised to attack. I gulped almost audibly and chewed my cheek, finally dragging my gaze up to his emerald stare as I forced a wary smile on my face.

Relief flooded his harsh expression when my eyes met his and he blew out a withheld breath, sinking his tense shoulders and letting his eyes close for a moment.

"I heard glass-"

"I broke it." I assured him hoarsely, my voice cracking a little when I recognised the torment lighting up the swirling pit of his iris in a stark lightning bolt that struck me with guilt.

"Uhhh yeah I'm gonna let you guys just...sort this out and I'll go-"
I snapped my fingers harshly and held out a hand, cutting her off before she could dart out of the room and leave me alone with Loki to do something dumb that I'd end up hating myself even more for.

"Don't you dare go anywhere." I implored her harshly, never once breaking eye contact with the glowing green light that flooded from Loki's unsettled, crashing iris'.

"I don't think he'll kill me with a child present." I explained to her as she slowly edged to the door and I finally wrenched my stare away to glare at her as she threw me an apologetic grimace and flounced out of the kitchen.

"Traitor." I snapped under my breath, still avoiding Loki's piercing glare as I ignored the words that begged to escape me and instead cleared my throat, hoping it would dislodge some of the sour discomfort that had built up in the back of my mouth.

He took a single step forward which in turn prompted me to take one step back. Then another, and another until my back made contact with the edge of the island and my breath caught in my throat when I realised there wasn't much option on where to go or what to do now other than press myself into the surface and keep my eyes strictly at the leather markings on his chest as he drew closer again.

I gulped forcibly and folded my arms over each other, wracking my brains to find something, anything to grab onto as a distraction that would pull me from this uncomfortable situation and drop me safely in the arms of blissful ignorance. But of course, there was nothing. Just him and nothing, as it always was.

He'd stripped me down to the very shard of me that was left, a shrivelled, ugly thing of pure evil and imperfection. The very conscience that made me, and I'd dressed it up in masks of decency and softened it with society's airbrush before lacing up the corset around its deformed body to shape it to a standard that comforted myself and others.

But he'd torn everything away. His hands; curious capable hands that had devastated every facade, every alteration that I'd so carefully built up. He'd seen the blunt unguarded corruption of my blackened reality and every poisoned root that led away from it and he'd...stayed. He'd shown how much he wanted it, more so even, than he'd wanted the versions of me I'd thrust at him that should've been easier, more appealing. But no. He wanted me.

And I despised him for it.

A cool palm brushed under my throat, and I let out the breath I'd held in my lungs when his gentle fingers curled around my jaw and tugged my chin up to force my eyes onto his glowing green inquisitions. Before dropping his hand away and blinking once, simply allowing every raw emotion battling in his mind to flood his shining eyes as I looked on as a hesitant witness.

"I thought-...I thought you'd been taken..again"

his velvet words trailed off as his eyes broke away from my stare and poured over the rest my face, just watching, inspecting, absorbing. But I could barely hear his cracking submission as I strained to quell the roaring anger that had ravaged every nerve within my body, holding tight and holding fast as it tore at my waning impassivity with a feral vengeance.

I bit my cheek and blinked away the rage that had reached the beacons behind my eyes, threatening to show behind the neutral mask I'd wrenched down over my face in a hopeful illusion. my breath was shaky as I clenched my fists and I inhaled deeply, hoping to diminish my livid fire that was only stoked and fuelled by the guilt that ate away at the light behind Loki's stare.

When the steady breath left my lungs again and Loki had finally grabbed hold of my gaze once more, I unclenched my jaw and ignored the roaring blood pounding in my ears, believing I'd got away with it. That was, until his eyes had narrowed sharply and he moved impossibly closer, challenging my glare with an intense, blinding tornado of his own that crushed right through me as I could do naught but stand and watch it happen.

"You're angry at me." He mused softly, silkily, as he trailed his burning stare over the rest of my form to confirm his suspicions, his eyes glinting mischievously when he recognised the tension in my every muscle, and the trembling hands that twitched by my sides. His iris flashed darkly as he observed me again and his brow furrowed ever so slightly as if he was surveying the fury that poured from me, stripping me exposed under his scrutiny to find the root of my anger that twisted sharply and suffocatingly tight around my chest.

"Why?"

His question ran silken threads around my skull as he spoke quietly, his words unfurling around me in a tempting caress that teased the answer he wanted out of me with every echo that sent my mind hazy. My lips parted ever so slightly as the intoxicated fog around my head begged me to say what was being coaxed out of me with every sinful persuasion he fed to me. But I swallowed it down with the strengthened wariness that had risen up like a deafening alarm bell as I narrowed my eyes and pushed down the warmth that had begun to seep into my veins.

"I'm fine." I uttered coolly, resisting the insistent hands of temptation that tugged at my every whim and grasped at my submission, trying to pull it to the surface. I almost flinched at the sudden, loud scoff that left him and I raised an eyebrow, avoiding his knowing glare as I tried to quell the burning rage behind my eyes.

"Ora." He uttered softly, but as his words drew closer, they got louder and silkily demanded my attention as I snapped my gaze to his and saw a devastatingly transparent emotion filtering the light in his eyes like cracks in blinds. He had me paralysed, held fast in his steely glare that had closed around me in a perfectly fitted cage, smothering every effort to leave his troubling torment.

I clenched my jaw and held his heavy gaze for a moment, only vaguely aware that my bottom lip had jutted out into a somewhat pout and I quickly swallowed and narrowed my eyes even more, pulling my lips into a thin line before he noticed. He was still observing me carefully, gently coaxing me into submission to lure me into telling him what he already knew in the haze of his mind but needed confirmation of. And I bit the inside of my cheek for a moment and sighed, parting my lips as I worked to find the words that had been swirling around the interior of my skull since yesterday. Refusing to be forgotten and demanding to be screamed until he'd finally hear.

But as quickly as the moment of sincerity had come, it had fled far away again for fear of shame and transparency, as I clamped my jaw firmly shut and turned my head to the side, shamefully pouting slightly again and not finding it in me to care if he noticed this time.

"No, don't turn away from me." Loki ordered sharply, gripping my jaw tightly as he wrenched my face back to his and leaned impossibly closer, his eyes narrowing as he forced a crying submission out of me with naught but the part of his lips as he exhaled a frustrated breath and gripped my face tighter, tight enough to bruise. Fortunately for me. My eyes widened of their own accord at his sudden intensity but they'd soon become lidded again as I looked up at him and ground my teeth together tensely, heavily debating the next words that would leave my mouth.

"Tell me now, Ora."

A defeated sigh seemed to slip from between my lips and I looked down for a second, unable to stand the exposure of his scrutiny any longer, feeling as vulnerable as I did.

"You shouldn't have come for me." I blurted out carefully, my words articulated as I tried to deliver them with as little emotion clouding them as possible. Loki blinked once, clearly taken aback with my admission as he searched my face for something hidden that he couldn't see in my guarded expression.

"What-"

"You should have just gone back to Asgard, left me there and carried on with your pathetic life." I ground out eagerly, forcing out every word like it was another dagger I could pierce his flesh with. And he stoically took every single one, a glazed emotion peeling across his eyes as he bled freely from the wounds I'd torn into his chest.

"Why-...you're angry because I saved you?" Loki quipped, velvet tone laced haphazardly with stark disbelief as he studied my face carefully, not quite understanding the root of my anger yet.

"Because you shouldn't have. You shouldn't have saved me, you weren't obliged to." I spat, rising up to my full height as my spine tensed straight up and I glare at him dead in the eye, studying his reserved reaction through the battlefield behind the emerald glass.

"My reasoning behind it was a lot more selfish than that I assure you." He spoke fluidly, his brow creasing as he leaned forward again and my mouth turned down as I tried to squish the warmth that had arisen at his proximity.

"It was my problem, my issue. And you took it on yourself."

"Why does that bother you?"

"Because, for some fucking reason you've willingly brought yourself right in the middle of my battle, and you weren't supposed to." I lowered my voice, narrowing my eyes so he could see less of the turmoil staining them. "And now, everybody after me will be going after you and Charlie as well."

He gave me a measured look, glaring at me like he wasn't exactly happy with the situation himself, as he studied me like a complicated equation he'd been trying to work out since the day he met me; never once coming close.

"You're not the only one with people after you." He spoke quietly, his silky voice dampened as his eyes flitted away for a moment, like he was reminding himself more than anything. A frown creased the defined contours of his face and he swallowed, bringing an unsteady gaze back to meet mine.

"I have people across the galaxy, in every realm, who are after me. Some, who are more dangerous than anyone you have encountered before, little hex."

His velvet voice had lowered to an almost inaudible rumble as he spoke, his words becoming almost a warning, not only to myself but to him as I watched him swallow forcibly and tear his gaze away for a moment. I kneaded my scar profusely as I let out a stuttering breath and bit my cheek, trying to find the words that would explain the war that was waging inside my head.

"It's gone too far." I admitted quietly, pushing back away from the pleasant coolness radiating from his chest and gnawing at my cheek again as I steadied my face and held his strong gaze. It was a vague admission as far as disclosures went but the intense flash that streaked over his eyes as they narrowed told me he knew exactly what I'd meant.

"It went too far long ago, little hex." He uttered coolly, furrowing his brow as he clenched his jaw and gave me a measured look that bled with guilt and the slightest flash of recognition.

"It went too far when I locked you away, under my guard's protection instead of murdering you where you stood like I should've done." He spat out like the words coming from his own mouth disgusted him. His gaze flitted between both of my eyes and he furrowed his brow, holding me in place with the intensity in the fire behind his green, glassy eyes.

"You shouldn't have done that either-"

"I shouldn't have." He cut back quickly and I swallowed the sour taste that had collected on my tongue.

"But as much as I despise it, I can't say I regret it."

The next breath that left me, seemed to cut through louder and harsher than any of the words that had left our mouth before it, and it pulled his blackened stare to my lips for a mere moment that ceased my steady heartbeat, before I clenched my jaw tight and let my disinterest flood me once more.

"I'm not doing any of this anymore, we- we can't." I spoke bluntly, offering him a grim smile as I looked around him, finding the best way to leave, before his hands came up around me and gripped the counter either side of me, trapping me in place. His glare was the next thing to keep me frozen where I stood and I took in a harsh breath, spying the chaos and destruction that lay battered and exhausted across his tormented gaze.

"That won't help you, Ora." He spoke sharply, forearms flexing as he gripped the cool marble.

"What are you afraid of?" He queried with a resounding smooth toned admission, the deafening crack of his soft words echoing jauntily around the tiled kitchen. I clenched my jaw and sucked in a heavy breath, wanting to spin his jaw with my fist and slice his throat with the edge of my blade, before dropping to my knees and running my fingers softly over the wounds I'd created with an inevitably present fascination.

"I'm not afraid."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"I'm not afraid." I spat, quickly letting a flare of my anger spit out at him as it rose harshly inside of me. I could barely see through the red swimming through my vision before I felt cool hands grip my face in a demanding grasp that felt like it was bruising my jaw under his palm. And when he spoke, all of his fluid calmness had disintegrated.

"I'm not leaving until I hear the words out of your mouth, little hex." He uttered quietly, so close now his breath fanned over the side of my head as he spoke silkily into my ear, his lips threateningly close to my temple. My eyes fluttered closed for a single moment, allowing the small satisfaction of his steady breathing and glassy words ringing in my ears.

When my eyes flew open again, I bit the inside of my cheek and swallowed the warning growl that bit it's way up my throat. Leaving was exactly what I wanted him to do. All I had to do was say what he wanted to hear and I could be free of him. Something I'd convinced myself was best for all parties involved.

But for the life of me I couldn't find it in me to speak what was poised on my tongue. The emission of the simple truth went against every failsafe and instinct I ran on and so my mouth stayed clamped shut, refusing to utter the admission that was so fatal to me, to my guarded cell of withheld emotion and bitter truth.

"Ora-"

"I killed my parents..." I quipped out of the blue, my mind spitting out an excuse that could serve as the reply he needed, without me having to utter the vile truth I'd come to despise. The one I'd only just begun to recognise and hated myself for it.

"My parents, and- and my brother... my baby brother." I added hoarsely, the sickening words tumbling off my lips and stripping me uncomfortably exposed and vulnerable under the weight of the harsh truth and his heavy stare. The truth in question, had been too close to my core to comfortably admit into the open air, when the reality of it haunted me in waking and sleeping, and had done since the day I'd-

"How?" He questioned cautiously, his piercing eyes flitting up to meet mine as he carefully studied my expression, calculating where to step and how softly to tread around the subject matter. I scoffed aloud and folded my arms as I chewed my cheek harshly. I didn't care if he stomped across the truth or ripped it to shreds right in front of me. Lord knows I'd done the same to myself and worse, time and time again until it hurt a little less.

"It really doesn't matter." I retorted bluntly, unwilling to relive the memory again, but knowing it would come back to me in my subconscious as I slept. Just as it often did.

I let out the breath I'd been holding and gripped his arms, trying to lever his grasp off the counter so I could leave. But of course he wouldn't budge, his immense strength and unbreakable, stubborn hold proved my attempts futile as I pushed against him, cursing under my breath as I struggled in his grip and damned the weakened loss of my powers to hell.

Maybe If I wasn't so physically weak, exhausted and inebriated I could've phased out of his iron cage and away from the jeering spectators. But I was never that fortunate.

"Let me go." I uttered coolly through gritted teeth as I resorted to flying my loosely clutched fists at his chest over and over, before they'd been snatched up in his grasp and he'd pushed me back into the counter with a force that elicited a huff from my lips. His narrowed eyes glared at me as he growled a little under his breath but I unwillingly spied a flash of crippling weakness stain the fluid behind his eyes as he watched me with guilt-etched features.

He looked away for a second, allowing me to see the full extent of his waging inner turmoil that clashed a bloody battle behind sparkling emerald glass as he clearly debated on his next words, carefully selecting them and shedding them, deciding whether the consequence was too great for him to admit his truth like a complex card game, the fatal risk of his chosen card splashing wariness in his eyes.

"I killed my mother, my birth father and my brother. I murdered countless innocent people and wrecked entire cities. I turned myself into a snake when I was younger to trick my brother." He listed off quietly, seizing hold of my stare once more.

"You and I both know I'm not exactly afraid of a threateningly high body count. Whichever way you wish to perceive that." His fluid voice spoke smoothly, forcing a shaky breath out of me as one of his hands gripped half of my waist in his clutches, and the other trailed a chilling path over the rise of my collarbone. I bit my cheek and watched the hand at my waist and his thumb tracing circles over the material of my shirt.

My eyes followed his hypnotic movements, never once daring to look up into his eyes and give in to the impulse he triggered with every blinding flash of light from his stare. He let out an irritated growl deep in the base of his throat and suddenly a hand had circled my neck, forcibly pushing my head up to lock my gaze with him.

The side of his mouth twitched up ever so slightly when he saw the cracks in my resolve, hidden in plain sight behind my gaze, and I felt his hand shift, his fingers trailing across my jaw as he allowed himself a small smirk.

"Mischief." He uttered coolly, running the chilled pads of his fingertips over my jaw and throat as he breathed a steady breath and watched the movements his hand was making.

"Trickery.." he added almost to himself in a tone that drove the words into a nonchalant afterthought as he ran a finger down the length of my throat and back up again, sending painful chills prickling delightfully down my spine.

"Lies." He finished with a darkened growl that underlined his words as his eyes slowly travelled up to burn deep into mine. His finger halted at the top of my throat and stayed there for a moment as his stare searched me, dissecting me before him and scrutinising every flash of light he saw brutally attack my gaze.

"You really believe I wouldn't recognise a lie spilling out from between your sweet lips?"

I barely noticed his hand shifting until I'd felt the pressure of his cool thumb placed over my bottom lip, pressing and tugging down ever so slightly as I looked up at him with a large eyed gaze, feeling a certain sense of intoxication wash over me that I couldn't quell, not that I really wanted to right now.

But as I felt him push further between my lips a small warning in the back of my head that had been scarily present before, was now spreading thick and fast over the span of my mind and I let out a shuddering breath, seeing red flags dotting about my vision.

My eyes widened even further as I felt the pad of his thumb press against the top of my tongue and the whole room began to swim in the stark crimson masts that screamed danger. And soon, I realised with a fearful submission, that I was surrounded. So many flags of pure blood red surrounded my vision, and I realised I could no longer see the calming glass emerald of his eyes shining at me through the scarlet that stained my vision. And I crumbled, like the glowing green of his stare was the only thing keeping me upright as I folded into myself, crushed by ranks of loathing and despair.

With a sharp intake of breath I wrenched out of his gasp with such force he took a stumbling step back and fixed me with a harsh stare. I ran a shaking hand through my hair and stepped away, dizzy, putting as much distance between us as I physically could, before turning and darting straight out the room, leaving the unspoken truth and unresolved conflict to fester behind me and deep within me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one:
Me: eyEs, gReeN oRbs, StAre, gaaazed, glARe

Let's be honest My chapters would be half the size if I stopped harping on about eyes so much. Pls for give me I'm literarily incompetent ✌️😗

Ima be on holiday with no WiFi for a week so updates might be even more regular with so much time to write so idk... let's hope

I hope ur all doing ✨a m a z i n g l y✨ and as always thank you so much for reading you're all the best ppl ever.

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