A/N: these are all now fics that I wrote wayy back when before i even had wattpad and just posted on tumblr, they're from like 2018 so excuse the bad writing lmao<3

Loki thinks you've died in the New York attack and blames himself... until you convince Thor to let you visit him in his cell on Asgard.

...

"Y/N, I can't let you go in there. He's dangerous and unstable, you could get hurt."

Dangerous and unstable. Commonly used words to describe the man you loved. Sometimes you wondered why you couldn't have fallen in love with someone normal, but then again you were an Avenger now. There wasn't much 'normal' in your life. Loki was no exception.

Being a daughter of one of the more upper class, wealthy families in Asgard you'd had a lot of association with the royal family, especially the young princes Thor and Loki. But while your friends had been happy to charge around with Thor wreaking havoc around the palace, you'd preferred to sit with Loki quietly in the library, poring over strange books in different languages or exploring the gardens and finding weird creatures whose names you didn't know. You were fond of Thor too of course, but you and Loki, you clicked. You stayed firm friends for a long time, until suddenly friends wasn't enough anymore; there was something more. The kiss had been inevitable, but had still blown your mind and turned your world upside down, and then you were dating a prince of Asgard. Secretly, of course. You hated attention as much as Loki. You met in secret and stayed away from everyone else as much as possible, in your own bubble. Everything had been so perfect.

Then there was that stupid fateful day when they'd all gone charging off to Jotenheim and everything had changed forever. With Thor banished, Odin asleep and Loki suddenly the king, there had been no time for meeting in the library anymore, there'd been no time for anything. No time even, it seemed, for you.

You'd watched with an aching heart as Loki had turned into someone you didn't recognize. You'd known that something had happened in Jotunheim which he was keeping to himself, but you never got a chance to find out what, because suddenly Thor was back and everyone was saying that Loki was dead.

At first, you refused to believe it, Loki would never, he couldn't have just left you like that, but as time wore on you began to except the fact he was gone. You went through it all alongside Thor: the grief, the anger, the pain, and it bought you closer together than before; he became like your brother. At last you reached the other side of the grief together. It was still there, but it hurt a little less: a shard in your heart which only hurt badly if you thought about it too much.

And then, right as you thought things were about to get easier, Thor came to tell you that Loki had appeared through a wormhole on Earth, mind-controlled two people and was planning on activating a thing called the Tesseract so that he could overtake the realm. And he wanted you to go to Earth with him to help a group of people calling themselves the Avengers. You'd never been more confused in your life.

Long story short, you'd gone to Earth to help fight, with a personal agenda of getting Loki back and keep him from getting killed, and only just succeeded at the end of the battle by throwing yourself in front of a huge green monster who was quite literally beating Loki into the ground, narrowly avoiding being killed yourself after the monster had batted you aside like an annoying fly. Afterwards they told you that you'd been lucky not to have sustained any serious injuries; a broken arm was an apparent blessing. Bruce had been most apologetic. The day had been saved and everyone seemed to be happy, apart from you. They were all convinced that Loki was a heartless killer, hell bent on taking over Earth, and granted, when you looked at it from their perspective it did seem that way. But they were wrong. And now you just needed to find out why they were wrong.

If only you could get into Loki's cell.

"Thor. He won't hurt me."

"Did you not see what he did on Earth? Were you not present at the scene?"

Good point.

"Listen. I'm certain."

"Just wave at him through the glass and let him know you're alright."

You shot him a withering look.

"Fine! Fine. But I'm staying right here, and you get out of there straight away if he gets violent."

"He won't."

No response.

You took a deep breath, and entered the cell, hands shaking, heart racing.

He was there. Right there.

"Brother, I told you, as much as I appreciate your little visits I don't think –"

Loki stopped talking abruptly as he looked up and saw who was standing in his cell. The book he had been reading fell to the floor as he stood up rapidly, blinking.

Your eyes were already filling with tears, even though you'd told yourself you wouldn't cry a thousand times. Instinctively taking a step forward, you froze as you watched Loki back away, shaking his head. He looked torn. Broken.

"Don't." he said hoarsely, breathing hard.

"Loki..."

"Don't!" he yelled, and you took a step back. You could picture Thor in the other side of the door, ready to pull you out at any moment. That couldn't happen. You needed answers.

It was taking every ounce of strength you possessed not to just launch yourself at him, to either hug him or hit him, you weren't sure. You waited, feeling your heart throbbing painfully in your chest.

His eyes searched your face, and then flicked down to your cast around your arm. He pointed.

"What's that."

"I broke my arm yesterday."

"How."

"When the Hulk, Bruce, was attacking you... I tried to stop him."

He nodded almost imperceptibly, his eyes still darting around your face. Now you understood, he was trying to work out whether this really was you, or a trick.

"Tell me something only you-"

"When we were kids." you started talking before he was done, knowing how the sentence was going to end.

"We'd sneak off into the library and find the oldest books we could and try translating them even though we had no idea how. Once we managed to translate one sentence and you got so excited you knocked that vase over; it was an antique and Frigga went mad..."

Now he had stopped searching your face and was looking at you, really looking at you.

"We found that giant blue bug in the gardens the next day and you couldn't remember what it was called, but Frigga wouldn't let you back in the library to look it up after you broke the vase. We had to sneak in and find the book in the middle of the night and we got lost because it was dark and ended up sleeping under a table. Thor came and found us in the morning and we had to beg him not to tell Frigga-"

You inhaled as he crossed the room in four strides to stand right in front of you, his eyes now vulnerable and open rather than calculating. He was shaking. Raising a hand tentatively towards your face, he slowly brushed your cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Y/N." he whispered, his voice hitching as he said your name.

A tear ran down your cheek as he cupped your face in his hands and wiped the tear away with a thumb, closing his eyes and exhaling, pulling you towards him. You pressed your face into his chest and tried not to sob as his arms closed tight around you.

"I thought you were dead." he croaked, his voice thick with emotion. You pulled back and stared at him, shocked.

"What?"

"The man, with the bow and arrow, who I..."

'Mind-controlled.' you finished silently for him.

"Clint?" This you said aloud.

"He... pretended to get a message on his earpiece telling him you'd died. I couldn't – the clamp on my mouth..." Here he closed his eyes and frowned, his hands clenching into fists.

"Hey." you said, resting a hand on his arm; you felt him relax.

"Let's just... sit." you gestured to the bed. He followed and you both sat down.

"Wait. Before you start." Loki said, before you'd even opened your mouth. He removed your cast shakily but gently, and held your arm gently in his hands. A feeling of warmth spread up your arm and you got pins and needles right up to your shoulder, and then he took his hands away and it was gone. You flexed your arm; there was no pain.

"Thank you." you smiled.

Loki flashed you the smallest hint of a smile before his face became serious again.

"I just need to know." you said, cutting straight to the chase. "Who made you do it."

The relief that spread across Loki's face was instant and palpable, obviously relieved that you didn't think him capable of what he'd done in New York in his own sound mind.

He told you what he knew, and you felt equal measures of relief and anger, but not towards Loki. Before you'd prayed that you weren't being recorded in here; now you hoped that you were. Loki wouldn't talk to anyone else like this, and everyone needed to know the truth.

"Two more questions." you said, and Loki nodded.

"What happened in Jotenheim, and what happened on the Bifrost. I know they're linked, and I also know you don't want to tell me. But I have to know."

He physically recoiled, closed his eyes again and turned his face away from you.

"No, no. Tell me. Whatever it is it won't change anything-"

"It will."

You were scared. What could have possibly happened that was so awful?

Grabbing his hands in yours, you squeezed them tightly.

"Look at me."

Those eyes. They looked different – vulnerable, scared.

"I promise you. It won't matter to me."

You watched as Loki fought an internal battle with himself, and waited.

"I'm not who you think I am."

"What? Don't be - " you gasped suddenly and let go of Loki's hands. They were blue. And the blue was spreading.

"You - you're..." you stuttered, unable to speak.

"A monster." he finished quietly for you, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

You fought back the raging emotions inside you as he raised his face to look at you solemnly, now entirely blue. His eyes were a shocking shade of scarlet. He looked so different... had you had never really known him at all?

"It's okay. You don't have to stay... I knew this would happen, although I had hoped..." here he trailed off miserably.

"No." you whispered, shaking your head. Different, yes. But still Loki. Loki, who you loved.

"Y/N, I understand, please just leave."

The heartbreak he was so obviously trying to conceal on his face was killing you; you grabbed his hands fiercely and shook your head again.

"No." you said, this time with more conviction.

"No what?" he replied, a glimmer of hope appearing in those scarlet eyes as he looked down at your hands. You were still able to read him so well, even like this.

"Not a monster. Never a monster. I love you."

Oh, hang on. You hadn't meant to blurt that out.

Loki looked as shocked as you, the blue on his skin fading and his eyes returning to their normal shade of piercing blue.

Neither of you spoke; you scrambled for the words to explain... and then realised you didn't have to. You'd meant what you said.

"You- "

"Y/N! Someone's coming, get out of there." Thor's urgent words carried into the cell as he banged on the door.

You leapt to your feet, cursing the timing of the situation.

"I have a plan, to get you out of here I mean. I just need to convince Thor, but..."

"Y/N!" Thor's insistent voice again.

You cast a desperate glance back at Loki, who still looked a bit shell-shocked, and quickly stepped out of the cell. Thor grabbed you and dragged you around the corner away from the cell door, and proceeded to strike up a fake conversation with you as a man in armor appeared from around the corner.

"So, as I was saying about the prisoner..."

"Thor – so sorry to interrupt, may I have a word?"

"Of course commander, Y/N, I'll see you at dinner?"

"Yes of course." you replied, and nodded politely to the commander as they moved away.

As you started to follow them up the staircase, you couldn't help but take a quick glance back at Loki's cell. He was already staring at you, trying to get your attention.

"What?" you mouthed.

"I love you too."

You'd never been more grateful to be able to read lips in your life.