I pulled my knees tighter against my chest as I sat on the couch, trying to force myself to pay attention to the TV in front of me.

Something that was increasingly hard due to the huge, hulking mass of man that kept pacing around all of the apartment. And I mean, all of it. One moment he was in the hallway that led to our bedroom, the next I almost jumped out of my own skin as he zoomed past the TV - like some horrifying omen.

Occasionally he'd stop and stare at the news anchor that was on the screen, huffed, muttered some curse words, and continued with his pacing.

It had been like that for the past 57 minutes and I was slowly losing my damn mind.

"Alex, can you just sit down somewhere? You're stressing me out."

He stopped in place and glared at me, saying nothing. But, those eyes of his said everything, as usual.

"What, you think I did this?" I couldn't keep the hurt from my voice but he just looked away and scowled. "Oh, yeah, totally. I orchestrated a whole pandemic just to make sure you can't leave me in case we breakup. What the fuck, Alex?"

Unfurling my legs, and trying to ignore the painful pang in my chest, I stared at him in disbelief. Again, he said nothing, but I saw his brows furrow as if he was thinking over what I'd just said, before he started pacing again.

Well, someone woke up and chose violence.

"You can't be serious," I muttered and jumped to my feet, putting myself into his collision course. He halted. Stared down at me with a look so intense it made me shudder, but I stood my ground.

"This isn't my fault, Alex. I can't believe I have to even say that." I crossed my arms over my chest trying to appear more intimidating but pretty certain that wasn't going to be the outcome.

It was hard to appear intimidating when you were five foot five and the other person was six foot two.

Alex sighed, running a hand through his messy brown hair and looking to his side. "I never said it was your fault, Luna."

"Right. You just said nothing. Much better." I huffed and shook my head. From the start, he was more of the closed-off, silent, brooding type. When I was a teen that was kind of part of the appeal. Getting him to open up and talk to me. Finding a way to, as my mom would always say, turn his frown upside down. We worked on it, and we found a language that wasn't mine or his, it was ours.

Ever since we moved to New York for his new job a year ago, it felt like we were going back instead of forward. That the language we created together had become foreign and we were back to where we started.

After building something beautiful for seven years, there was nothing worse than watching it all burn down into ashes.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to you, Luna. This is hard for me," he ground through his teeth, a pained expression twisting his usually handsome features.

My heart clenched. Sometimes, when I'm hurt, it's easy to forget that the other person might be hurting too.

And they do say a phoenix rises from the ashes. If one thing was certain, I wasn't ready to give up on us yet.

"Then let's find a way to talk. Let's work this out," I said, reaching out a shaking hand to his cheek and turning him to face me. "We can get through this."

For a few seconds, he looked down at me, longing in his eyes, but then he shook his head and stepped several feet back.

"No. I can't anymore. Everything's been said." He kept shaking his head, as if a war was ravaging his mind.

It was certainly ravaging my heart.

"It hasn't. It hasn't been said. There's nothing we can't get past," I insisted adamantly and he threw me a look, a dark smile on his face.

"Did you go to sleep and just wake up today happy?" he said, and I swallowed hard. "Are you happy, Luna?"

My throat closed up. Words couldn't work. All I could do was look down at my feet and shake my head.

I could have lied. I could have told him I was happy. But, he would have known it was a lie. He always could.

Alex laughed, a dark, somber laugh that left me feeling empty and lifted his hands in the air.

"There you have it. We can't talk you back into being happy with me," he said, and started walking past me.

In a panic, I grabbed his hand and stopped him, my eyes filling with tears.

"O-Out of all the things we said to each other yesterday, why are you clinging to that?"

I knew why. I knew everything about him. About his past. About his life. I'd helped heal his wounds and now I helped break them open once again. Some things should never be said in anger.

"Because that's the only thing that matters, Luna." he said, his eyes two pools of sadness. "Everything else is just angry words. This was the truth. You finally said how you truly felt. I should thank you for that."

"Because, I freed you from me, finally?" I asked, dreading the answer. Hoping he wouldn't. Deciding to continue before he could. "So, you hate me now, is that it?"

Damn it, why did I keep asking questions I didn't want an answer to?

"I don't hate you, Luna."

"No. You just don't care anymore, right?"

A long silence. He shut his eyes and the next time he opened them, and turned them toward me, they were empty.

"Right."

Right.

I didn't even notice the tears streaming down my face before I tasted salt on my lips. Alex sighed, and before he turned away from me I saw regret fill his eyes. Well, I guess he still hated seeing me cry, at least.

"I could try to find a hotel or something," he muttered, running a hand through his unruly locks and pacing away from me.

On trembling legs I walked back to the couch and collapsed on it, pulling my knees back to my chest. I took a few deep breaths and rubbed at my eyes. There was no point to these tears, I'd already cried enough.

"It's a lockdown. Pretty sure hotels won't be accepting new people," I muttered, letting out a sigh and sparing a glance his way. Alex was already scrolling through his phone, no doubt in search of the aforementioned hotel.

"Besides, we're not supposed to leave the apartment other than for grocery shopping or emergencies," I added and Alex groaned, clearly having gotten that same information from the tiny screen he was now glaring at.

"I need a drink," he muttered and ran a hand down his face.

"It's like 10.05 am, Alex," I said, even though a part of me mirrored that sentiment.

"Didn't say I was getting one," he grumbled, pouting and my heart skipped a beat.

Living with him without being able to hug him or kiss him or touch him was going to be torture.

After a few seconds of silence spent by exchanging furtive glances, his cell phone started ringing. Alex looked down at the screen, pressed his lips together and looked back up at me.

"It's work."

"You can take the bedroom."

He nodded before turning around and walking toward our room.

When we moved in here, I loved the fact that the previous owner tore down the wall between two smaller rooms to create one huge bedroom. But at this moment, I really wished we had that extra empty space available.

Sighing, I leaned my forehead on my knees and tried to clear my head of all the dark thoughts. We had twenty days. He might not want to talk about it today, but maybe he'll be open to it tomorrow, or the day after. I just had to stay positive and believe that we could work through this.

Then again, what was it that we had to work though?

It's not like I just woke up one day and, wham!, suddenly unhappy. This feeling crept up on me slowly, chipping away at my smiles day by day until I barely had left.

I was sure he noticed, but he never said anything. Never asked me. Knowing his past, he was probably terrified of my answer. But, if he'd just asked me, maybe we could have talked about it before it got to this point.

If we talked about it, would I figure it out? Would I know why I was unhappy?

Was it him? Was it me? Was it something else entirely?

Well, I definitely had time to figure it out now.

I just had to hope it wouldn't be too late by the time I did. 

Hi lovelies! ❤️

It took me longer than two days to update but heeeey, it's here. 

I'm really gonna have to kick things into gear next week if I have any hope of finishing this by end of November. 😅  Tbh, as a copywriter for an e-commerce brand November is always the most hectic month for me (Black Friday and all that) BUT I am really hopeful this year! I'm just going to grit my teeth and push through and tell all my friends I'll see them in like 25 days. 😂

I WOULD ASK, how you're liking the story so far but I know these scenes have been pretty sad, so I won't ask BUT I will say that things do get better moving forward in terms of it being less sad more amusing and fun and fluffy as well so HANG IN THERE MY QUARANTINE GANG!! (Or Quarantiners?)

Instead, does anyone have any good movie/TV shows recommendations?

I think I literally watched everything. From Squid Game to the new Gossip Girl. I also really loved the new Locke & Key season and tbh I'm gonna be a very mad Kat if they make us wait a billion years for the new season again. 

ANYHOOT, LOTS OF LOVE FROM ME! Stay safe & stay strong!