9:01 PM 

Hottie McHotterson (LOCK)

"Heeeeeeyooooooo, buddy, my pal, my Nessie! How are you on this fiiiiiiiiiiine evening?"

"...please tell me you're drunk, Morgan."

"Drunk? LOL--"

"Did you really just--"

"--I am sooooooooooo past drunk, Nessie, so past. I'm like, super drunk. Super-duper drunk! Super-duper-pooper drunk!"

"What's the occasion? Considering this obviously isn't an everyday sort of thing for you."

"Ohhhhhhhh, yeah, see, it's the usual, y'know, it's just... just my big bad bro being a dick! Pft, he's a huge dick and it's fuckin' hilarious 'cause he ain't got one! I should start callin' 'im Small Dick McGee!"

"Morgan--"

"Lock~!"

"Morgan, seriously, are you by yourself again?"

"Uhh..."

"Are you home at least?"

"Nu-uh! The bitch is there!"

"The who?"

"The bitch! Big bro's bitchy girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend? You said he didn't have one."

"She's new! New, new, new! He met 'er on the plane from China, 'parently. He's so smoooooooth. Fuckin' fuck 'im."

"And... what? She just invited herself over while he's away on business?"

"Yup! And my parents like... are scared of 'er? Or something. Scared a' big bro, maybe... Whatever, they won't kick 'er out. So here I am, gettin' drunk off ma ass and talkin' to the hottest guy I know!"

"I'm flattered. Where are you, exactly?"

"Walkin' round town, dunno where... Left the bar like... so long ago..."

"Shit."

"Omg you cursed! Nessie swore!" 

"Go home, Morgan. You're upset and that's valid, but getting yourself killed crossing the street, or mugged, isn't going to solve anything."

"GIVE ME DEATH! Imma millennial we all wanna die... Tumblr says so."

"I'd really prefer it if you didn't die tonight, Morgan."

"Awwww, such a sweetheart, Nessie. Yer a cutie-pie, y'know that? I tell ya that and ya don't believe me, do ya?"

"Morgan. Listen to me. What street are you on?"

"Um. Fuck I'm so drunk. Um, uh, it's uh... Parrrrrrrrrkerrrrrrrrr? Paaaaaaaaaaarker. Parker! Parker Ave Maria!" 

"Parker Avenue?"

"I can't sing Ave Maria, Nessie, I dunno the words!"

"Do me a favor, Morgan."

"Whatever ya want, Lock Down." 

"What are you standing in front of, right now?" 

"It's uhhhh.... oh geezum, like a.... big ass building. Um. Noisy big building. There are soooooo many people here, what the fuck, what's the hurry... Hey lady! Yer nice lookin'! Can I pet yer puppers?" 

"Don't bother her, Morgan. And stay there. I think I know where you are."

"Huh? Er, um, thanks lady! That doggo's the cutest!... Wait, wait, wait, Nessie, what're ya talkin' bout?"

"I'll come get you."

"Huh? HUH? Nononononononononooooooooo, bad idea, baddddddd idea, Nessie, if ya come I'm gonna like... I'm gonna catch on fire, or somethin', I can't handle ya... And I'm so fucking drunk I can't... not... I'm gonna act so stupid!"

"A little late for you to be self-conscious, Morgan. And I'm already on my way, so just... keep to yourself until I get there."

"..." 

"Morgan?"

"..." 

"Fuck. He hung up."