7:14 AM

Call from Lord and Savior (LOCK)

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Morgan--"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"...did you just fall? I heard banging. You know, beyond the high-pitched squeal you let out prior to that."

"Dude, I'm sorry, and-- Wait, I didn't fall! I, uh, that was my dog. Sprinkles."

"So you've trained your dog to say 'Oh fuck me with a tree branch' whenever it runs into something?"

"Yes."

"Morgan, why did you freak out? I don't have all day. I need to leave for work in ten minutes."

"Your voice is deep."

"And?"

"I'm a sucker for chain smokers? Not the band, though, I haven't sunk that low in my post-emo phase."

"I don't smoke."

"Back at it again with the emotionless facade I see. Well, you're in luck, buddy boy o' mine. Because I happen to excel at turning grumpy frowns upside down!"

"Ten minutes, Morgan. Is there something specific you want to talk about, or is this going to be another of your mindless rambling sessions?"

"Your cruel words wound me, Nessie! Alas, I must concede your point: I have babbled too long."

"Still going at it from where I'm sitting."

"Er, right. Yeah. I just... thought it'd be cool to hear your voice, is all. Never had a pen pal or anything--"

"We're not even... Morgan, we live in the same zip code."

"--and you stick around through all my shit, so. I dunno. I wanted to hear you for once. Ya know you could've left a voicemail yesterday, woulda made this whole thing unnecessary."

"I'm against leaving voicemails."

"What? Dude, the fuck? That's so weird."

"Maybe. But if I have something important to discuss, I'd rather get it done immediately. If a person can't be bothered to call me back right away, that's their issue, not mine."

"So professional. You must get all the ladies, huh? Ladies love a husky-voiced professional. Bet they're kicking down your door as we speak!"

"Seven minutes, Morgan."

"Ugh, party pooper. Let me girl talk with you! As in, talk about girls! Or guys! Whichever! Tell me something scandalous and illegal!"

"Too bad for you I don't have anything like that in my repertoire. My relationships have all been boring, relatively speaking. At least by your standards."

"You're kidding. Nothing? Not even a crazy-jealous ex who haunts your nightmares and stalks you from time to time?"

"No. Are you speaking from experience?"

"Well, not from my experience. A friend's. Billy's, actually."

"Oh?"

"Wow, that's scary. That tone? The one you just turned on me? Exact same pitch and whiff of disdain as my fourth grade piano teacher. He couldn't handle my raw, unrealized potential and banned me from class performances. What a guy, honestly. Anyway, not to worry! Billy and I are on what the hip kids these days call a hiatus."

"That's good."

"All thanks to you, Nessie. I'm taking some time to figure out who I want hanging around me. I'm gonna be changed for the better after this."

"Again, that's good. I'm glad you're taking this seriously. But time's up, Morgan."

"Awwwwww, really? Damn, and I was gonna regale you with tales of my youth!"

"Text them to me. I'll read them when I have the chance."

"Pfft, yeah. Sure, buddy. Can do. I'll get right on that. Leave it to--"

"Shut up, Morgan."

"Righto, shutting up. Right after this: TALK TO YA LATER, LOCKY!...oh shit, he hung up. Bastard."