I sit up in bed, hearing the commotion downstairs.

Slime is watching over Luna and Dorian – who are supposed to be watching Hannah in the living room. They're currently trying to figure out what's going on and why Hannah would resort to such lengths to take Slime back to her old town. Because of the traumatic events, Dorian and Luna said we could stay upstairs if we wanted. I accepted but Slime wanted to make sure they didn't harm Hannah out of anger.

I feel guilty for not being there with them, but I couldn't stop the words Hannah said to me from entering my mind. I can't stop thinking about it. Am I really... that bad?

My mind shifts to the last time the four of us went on a killing run.

It was a couple weeks ago. Dorian wanted this kill – a boy named Dudley. I was standing behind them, more focused on not leaving any trails behind, to reduce police attention. Luna and Dorian were brutally attacking this boy, and Slime was making sure Luna wasn't going to kill him before Dorian could.

I calmly started mopping up the blood, starting where the blood was furthest from the body. The attack happened in an alley, so the blood hadn't gone too far. I turned around to face the others, and at the time I wondered what it would be like to be that powerful – to be able to kill another human being – like they do.

As I was drifting around through my thoughts, I didn't notice someone approach me from behind.

"Ahh!" I coughed, a hand around my neck, another around my waist. None of us realised Dudley had goons, we thought he was a friendless loser who liked to pick on others weaker than him.

We weren't careful enough.

I wasn't careful enough.

At first, none of them seemed to notice my... predicament, as they were too focused on beating up this guy. Until the person holding me swung me around and shoved my face into the alley wall, making me scream. I coughed a little, blood emerging from my mouth.

It was as if the battlefield had died. All noises stopped and the girls turned and looked towards me in horror.

"Peachy, are you okay?" Dorian asked. I felt so guilty, this was supposed to be her moment and I ruined it with my lack of observational skills.

I nodded, and tried to talk, but the blood in my throat made it a challenge to speak. The mysterious person holding me aimed my head forward toward the floor, and I coughed up a stream of blood.

"Y – yeah." I said in return. "Please don't worry about me, continue with your w - *cough* - ork."

Once I said that, I got kicked in the stomach, making me cough more blood. I remember thinking that coughing up such a large amount of blood was probably not healthy.

After they finished kicking me, I reopened my eyes, and saw Slime sprint down the other end of the alley. I was glad she made it out okay, although a small part of my mind felt angry and betrayed she'd left me in such a vulnerable state.

"We'll make an exchange – this ugly chick for Dudley." A man's voice could be heard from behind me.

"Call her by her fucking name, you dick!" Luna retorted back. I remember this very well too – as I was shocked she put me in front of her favourite pastime. Or at least even considered the matter.

But I knew the truth. "Guys." I coughed again, feeling a horrid burn in my stomach and throat. "Please, don't. It's not worth it to make this trade."

Dorian and Luna's shouted protests were cut off by the man holding me angrily shoving me into the wall again. It was so painful, but I didn't feel to upset from it because I was the one who created this whole situation in the first place. If I had taken better care of looking around my surroundings, if I decided to watch Dudley for a bit longer before deciding to attack, if I wasn't so weak.

This entire thing wouldn't have happened.

THUD.

With a loud clang, one of the men behind me fell to the floor, his face directly to the right of me. I glanced at him in shock, as does the man holding me, before another thud is heard and another body is on show.

I suddenly felt a cold line pressed against my throat.

"One step closer and I'll do it!" The man said, turning left and right, dragging me with him. The motion started to cut a red line on my neck, but before the silver dagger went any deeper, I heard another loud clang, and saw the man's baffled expression, before his eyes closed and he fell on me.

Safe.

I sigh, remembering it now. It was only a couple weeks ago, but I wasn't able to do anything. If it wasn't for Slime, who had sprinted all the way around to the other side of the alley to attack them, the situation would probably have become a whole lot worse.

I gingerly touch and trace the small scar on my neck, carved by the deadly weapon. I could cover it up, but I don't want to. It reminds me of what I don't have that the others do, what I lack that they don't.

Falling back onto my bed, I try to listen in to the conversations below me but I can only hear screaming. Whose, I don't know.

I want to be stronger, to be someone worthwhile for the team.

Right now, I'm a dead weight.

I sigh again, running my fingers over my... favourite drawer, but decide not to open it today, like I haven't done in the last six months. It wouldn't do to start again now. I instead open my second favourite drawer, and remove the anime blanket I got for my birthday last year from the girls. I pull the fluffy blanket up to my chest and bury my face in it. Without realising, tears start to emerge from my eyes, and they fall onto the soft blanket.

Maybe its pointless for me to be here... I think to myself. I can't fight, I can't defend, I can't do anything. I'm of no use to these girls, who spend all their time killing. I'm enjoying being here, I really care about them, and I love every second where I get to spend time with them. But... is that selfish? All I've done is hold them back... my tears start to flow faster down my cheeks, as I imagine how much easier they would be able to go about their life – without me in it.

I mean, its not like they care about me or anything – they do so many things without me. I think, falling further and further into my paranoia. When I talk to them, they often respond with just a single word, it makes me feel like they really don't care what I'm talking about. I bet they'd much rather I'd always stay home. Recently they've been leaving the house more often – maybe they're having fun without me because they don't want me ruining the mood?

I sigh again. Come on Peachy, get it together! I'm sure they care about me, it's just my stupid paranoia.

I glance towards my drawer again, but instead of badly wanting to open it, I feel incredibly angry at my emotions.

"I won't be weak anymore and succumb to my feelings." I mutter to myself. "I'll be strong and be able to fight alongside everyone."

When I was young, before I lost my parents and started hanging around with Slime, Dorian and Luna, I practised many different hobbies. One of which – which I practised for just over two years – was Tye-kwon-do. Maybe, it wouldn't be so hard to pick back up?

I think about it and shift into L-Stance. Raising my right foot, I perform a turning kick. My foot slices through the air, in a perfect formation.

"Ahh! I did it!" I smile, satisfaction racing through my veins. I next try a knifehand strike, which I also perform with ease. Throughout the rest of the night, while the others were engaging with Hannah, I was practicing to be better, to be something, to be useful.

But... could I still be doing more?

Hey its another update! This... has been something I've wanted to write about for a while, and its something I deal with all the time that I've wanted to express. I constantly doubt my friendships. My paranoia takes control and leaves me powerless in my own brain. Because of it I become clingy, and sometimes even controlling to those I've loved. It's caused me to... lose several people I care about, and its why I fear things like abandonment and betrayal. It scares me to imagine losing everyone I know and love.

I've... tried other methods of being in more control of my body, but they've left me in less control than when I started. I'm trying to use my writing as a way to gain a hold of that control, to help me feel more comfortable and less scared of my actions when talking to friends and others in my life. I've tried to demonstrate that here with the martial arts.

And yes I really have spent over 2 years learning Tye-kwon-do irl, although I quit a couple years ago because of the intense training. Well in my opinion intense training. I also didn't have any friends there so there was that...

But that's enough about me, this was all supposed to be about Slime's arc, and instead... I spend a chapter being sad. Yay, great content.

Anyways, I'll try to move the story back in the direction of Slime's arc.

Hope you all enjoyed!

But for now...

Peachy out! 😊