It's still strange waking up in this small barren room. No windows, no color, no emotions, and certainly no hope. One would think that I would be used to the emptiness but I haven't gotten to that point. I have yet to break and give up, though I'm almost there. This room seems to function as a cage to tame me, to keep me from living like me.

When I first was brought here, I had just lost a child. It was a girl. A baby girl that I could have held in my arms, but no. I had to be one of the non-functional ones. Now, I am useless as a woman. I lost my only purpose granted to me at birth.

I woke up by the alarm in my head. At exactly 4:30 in the morning. I can still hear the pulsing beats from the domesticating library. It wasn't really a library because a library holds knowledge and dreams. All they had there were constant reminders of why we failed to be woman and all we were good for was to tend the higherups.

I stood up and walked to the only splash of color in this room. I picked up the garments granted to me and dressed quickly. One of the many things we are supposed to know how to do quickly. Then, I exited the room. I marched down the empty hall, past the uniform living room, and into the spotless kitchen. I picked up the small square paper on the counter.

Roasted vegetables with seasoned pork chops. Strawberry red wine (Mrs.), Neptune's Finest (Mr.).

I sighed. Time for work. I went to get the potatoes from the pantry. After opening the door, I noticed something in the lower left shelf behind the cans of peas that I had never seen before. It was a small unicorn colored in a pink glitter crayon. The foreign drawing took me back.

"Mommy!!" A little girl exclaimed with glee above all the playing children. A middle-aged Hispanic stood up from the bench and walked over to her child. "Yes baby?"

"I want ice cream!!" The little girl answered. The woman laughed but took the small creatures hand and walked away with her. I couldn't help but rub my 7-month growing baby bump. 'One day that will be me,' I had thought to myself. Now all hope is lost for me to hold a child.

I looked back at the counter where the small note was. I walked over to it and looked at it.

roasted vegetables witH seasOned pork choPs. strawbErry red wine (mrs.), neptune's finest (mr.).

No. There's no more of that. I can't make this. I will make the other thing... Hope. I will not break. I will live on. How could I pull such a foolish thing from a demand?

"Hope and fear can not occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay"

I invite hope...