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I work hard to live to my full capacity. Since I was little I was told I’m not like the rest of the girls. I have a congenital heart defect that causes an enlarged heart. If I run too much I get the feeling of a stroke so for my safety any physical activity was taken away from me. I wasn’t allowed to play tag with the other kids or go to the park.

People look at you differently, some call you weakling and others are too scared to get even near you afraid the thing you have is contagious. I’ve moved to new schools and when they find out what you have they either pity you or make fun of you. The children’s parents looked at you like you were a disease.

I don’t ever cry and I always smile for my mother. I don’t blame her for smoking through her pregnancy with me because she was a smoke addict. She taught me to enjoy and be grateful for life.

The world has never been nice nor will it ever be. My mother grows weaker from the cancer slowly taking over her body and my father is still in prison for selling and taking drugs.

Chrissie was my only friend and my best friend at that. She was the only one who didn’t make fun of me or ask me why I couldn’t participate in Gym class or sports. She would even help carry my text books to class because sometimes even that was hard for me. And before you ask, no she’s not bi or lesbian, not that there’s anything wrong with that but she’s straight and even has a steady boyfriend for about two  years now.

Chrissie has never asked about my parents for the two years I’ve lived here and I’m truly grateful for that. I don’t know if I’ve been blessed to have Chrissie as a friend or if God took pity on me and sent her to me but either way I’m thankful.

“Hey Cass, you going to Elliot’s Party tonight,” Chrissie asked taking out my headphones which was playing All Fall Down by Onerepublic. 

“Nope,” I said walking to our last class of the day; Chrissie was in half of my classes and this one was no different.

“Why you never do anything on Friday nights,” she whined.

“Because I’m not a “people’s person” like you Chrissie,” I said struggling to find the right words. It wasn’t the first time she’s tried to get me into a party. You’d think she’d stop asking me if I was going every single time there’s a party because she knows what my answer is. No, she has to be as stubborn as a mule as always.

We walked into the classroom and took our seats in the back. I heard a few people snicker at me and some fake coughing while saying loser or weakling. I rolled my eyes at them and sat down in my seat and looked at Chrissie. She looked deep in thought and then she turned toward me.

“If you don’t go I’ll get drunk and probably do drugs because no one would be there to talk me out of it.” She said it in such a business tone voice I was completely stunned. She’s not really known for being the “serious” type.

“Chris-‘’ I started but she cut me off.

“No, Cass you know I get tempted easily if you’re not there who will protect me? What if something bad happens to me and I can’t get help or I’m hurt? That will be on the mind of your conscience more than mine.” She said in a knowing tone that almost seemed sad.

My jaw hit the ground needless to say. She has never tried that hard to get me to come with her to a party before so something has to be up. I rubbed the temples of my head and closed my eyes. Knowing her she would do something like that and she’s right, I would live with guilt forever if something bad happened.

“I’m pretty sure this is black mailing.” I said groaning.

“I’ll go, but just this once.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squealed and hugged me.

*              *              *              Later that night                  *              *              *

We finally reached Elliot’s house after Chrissie’s whole “I forgot this and I forgot that”, and turning back around to her house six or seven times to get whatever she needed.

I felt sick looking at his house and all the people outside meaning there was already a lot of other kids here as well. I hated being here, with so many people eyes judging you and looking at you disgusted or with hatred and lust.

Chrissie got out of the car. She was wearing a short red dress but not short enough that you would be seeing her butt. She let her long wavy blonde hair flow to her hips; her crystal blue eyes were gleaming with excitement and slight mischief. It was her eyes that brought all the guys to her knees.

I don’t have many friends but Chrissie managed to become my friend years ago and it still amazes me. Chrissie and I are close but we’re complete opposites. While she radiated confidence I radiated none.

I have long wavy dark hair, my eyes are brown, and I looked horrible in my black dress that was similar to Chrissie’s. I can’t compare my super pale tan skin with her porcelain skin that made her seem almost like a doll, or her personality to make anyone happy or smile. I looked ugly compared to her Aphrodite appearance. The only thing we had in common was our long slender body and both of us being about the same height of 5”8 without heels.

“Come one, let go Cass,” she said snapping me back to reality. She dragged me to the front door. She knocked and was hugging someone but I didn’t know who it was, I’m guessing it’s her boyfriend since I’ve never really met him, all I saw were people’s eyes staring at me… judging me of my appearance.

As soon as we entered the door Chrissie ditched me. I sighed and walked to the food area. I took a cup of punch and sipped it and immediately spit it back in the cup. Someone had spiked the punch and I could still taste the strong alcohol in my mouth. I grabbed a water bottle and chugged water down.

I heard laughter and my eyes immediately snapped to a guy wearing black jeans and a dark blue shirt. He walked closer to me and I noticed he had dark brown hair that was going straight up and in different directions, which I’m guessing he has gelled it or ran his hand through his hair so many times it’s now stuck like that. He had the most captivating light green eyes and beautiful smile which threw me off for a second, but what I noticed the most was that he smelled sober. I glared at him as he walked my way for making me want to ogle over him and also because he was laughing at me.

‘Not a fan of alcohol?’ he said in a light teasing tone and I looked away.

‘No, I hate it.’ I said bluntly. He seemed a little shocked of my blunt answer but quickly snapped out of it. He was about to say something but I cut him off.

‘I’m sorry but I have to look for my friend.’ I said leaving him without a reply.

I walked around and moved through the maze of dancing people. It felt like I was choking slowly in the room. I finally got out of the madness and was outside in the front yard.

I took a deep breath of fresh clean air and told myself to breathe. I heard laughter come from the side of the house and I followed the laughter.

‘Chrissie you want to try a cigarette or a Cigar?’ some guy asked leaning against the side of the wall.

‘I don’t know guys it sounds kind of gross…’ she led off but sounding unsure.

‘Chrissie the cigarettes will only make you feel happy and make you feel freedom,’ another guy said and I felt my blood boil in rage.

‘Maybe just once…’ she said picking up the cigarette. I couldn’t stand watching her throw her life away.

‘Chrissie what are you doing!’ I yelled marching up to her and pulling the cigarette out of her mouth.

‘We’re leaving!’ I yelled and started pulling her away.

‘Hey chillax, what are you her mother?’ the guy leaning on the wall sneered at me. I glared at him and started pulling Chrissie away. I felt her stop and saw that a guy was grabbing her arm.

‘Let her go.’ I said deathly calm, the guy flinched but didn’t let go of her.

I felt an arm on me and saw it was the guy that offered her a joint. Suddenly he was pushed to the ground and I saw the guy with the light green eyes that I had talked to at the food area. The other guy let go of Chrissie and backed up slowly.

‘You okay? I’m Luke,’ he asked me and I smiled weak at him. His eyes felt different than others, they didn’t feel judging but more accepting than anything.

‘Thanks, my names Cassie, I’m sorry but we really have to go.’ I said pulling Chrissie towards her car. I put her in the passenger’s seat and took her keys out of her purse and started driving.

‘Do you hate me?’ Chrissie asked me and I looked at her.

‘No, Chrissie the reason you’ve never met my dad is because he died years ago. He was addicted to alcohol and he died drunk driving. That’s why I hate alcohol.’ I started.

‘Then why do you hate cigarettes and drugs?’ she asked. I stared in front of the road.

‘Chrissie my mother has lung cancer. She smoked since she was 14 but went to rehab and quit after she found out the reason for my heart defect was because of her smoking. Even though she quit the cancer didn’t stop in her lungs and has actually spread to different areas in her body. I’ve watched her lose her hair from chemotherapy and her strength has faded so fast and I don’t want that to happen to you.’ I said expressionless keeping my eyes on the road.

‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.’ She said with tears coming down her cheeks.

“It’s okay, would you like to meet her?’ I asked smiling lightly. She nodded her head I made a U-turn and headed towards the hospital. When we got there it was a little over 11:30 and Chrissie pulled my arm.

“Aren’t visiting hours closed?” she asked and I smiled lightly before walking towards the hospital.

“They are,” I replied. When we got inside the familiar smell of sterilizer filled my nose, for most people it was horrible but for me it was like home. I nodded at the nurse by the front desk and went to my mother’s room where she laid with tubes in her throat and wires connected to her body, it was clear she didn’t have that much time to live.

“Cassandra,” she raising her hands towards me. I grabbed on to her cold skinny hands and kissed them. “Sing for me please,” she asked almost in a begging whisper. I looked at Chrissie and she had tears running down her cheek. I sighed; no one had ever heard me sing besides my mother and some nurses and doctors.

“Hold, draw me close, close to my lips, listen intently as I tell you this. Outside the world wages its wars, I'll rest in peace as long as you know. Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes, I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life. It’s you that I live for, and for you I die, so I'll Lay here with you 'til the final goodbye.” I sang staring at my mom who began drift to sleep. I looked at Chrissie and she shaking as sobs ran down her body. I hugged her and she held on tight.

“How are you so strong?” she asked. Thinking about it, I didn’t have an answer. I grabbed her hand and led her down a few rooms. I went to the bathroom and changed into a hospital gown. Chrissie’s eyes widened and covered her mouth.

“I know this seems really weird but do you want to sleep over? I have actual pajamas for you to wear.” I said real fast holding my breath. What can I say? I’ve never had or been to a sleepover. She nodded her head saying yes and I let out a breath I was holding.

“I think you kind of owe me a long time overdue life story lowdown.” She said laughing lightly her voice still husky from crying and I once again thanked God that he had given Chrissie to me as a friend.