Living in a Jumble of Wishes

Epilogue

Sitting on the stairs with snow falling around me, my thoughts went back to the start of it all. I was back at the age of fourteen, sitting in front of my mirror and thinking about how much I wanted to be pretty.

That was the first wish that had ever come true for me. Well, that was what I had thought back then anyway. Maybe it was never this way. Maybe it was just coincidences or all just in my mind.

I mean come on, wishes coming true? Those things only happened in movies, not in real life. Maybe I was just so desperate for the wishing thing to be true that I thought that it actually did become true.

Now, thinking back to all the wishes I have made, I noticed that they were all stupid. The really meaningful and useful wishes were the ones that never came true.

Maybe there was a time where my wishes were coming true but after they messed thing up for me, they just stopped.

Maybe that was all just a lesson for me.

Ever since the day that I wished for Landon to forgive me after the carnival thing, I never wished for something again.

I know that Landon eventually forgave me but that wasn’t because of the wish; that was something I did. I didn’t want to wish anymore because I did not want to depend on fictional things to help me solve my problems and get everything I wanted.

I wanted to work for the things I want. I wanted to make mistakes and fix them on my own, without the help of wishes.

And as the wishing free years passed, I noticed that I was better off without them. I learned to appreciate the things I got on my own and I learned that working for things is much, much better than having them handed to you.

Back in high school, I worked for my grades and I was proud of myself when I got a good grade. It made me want to work even more.

And during my college years I also worked hard for my grades and my work paid off because I was getting really good grades.

I didn’t go to a university abroad at first, I wanted to stay close to home mainly because I wanted to stay near my mom. It was hard for her those years after my father passed away.

We were now okay again and better than before. It had been four years since that day. We both still feel the ache and we both still miss him but we started accepting it.

Carla and Kate went to the same university as me. The first year went as we had always planned. All three of us were at the same university and we were even closer than we were in high school.

Landon wanted to study medicine. He got a scholarship to McGill in Canada but he said that he didn’t want to go if I wasn’t there. I didn’t agree to that, of course.

I recall the day that it happened.

“Look at this!” He had yelled as he barged into my room on a Saturday afternoon.

I took the letter from his hands and read that they had offered him a scholarship. I was so proud of him and he looked so happy and excited.

“Will you go with me? To Canada?” He asked that day, his green eyes bright and filled with happiness.

I didn’t want to take away that happiness from him, but I couldn’t agree to go with him.

“Landon…” I trailed off. “I-I can’t leave my mom. I really want to go with you but I just can’t.”

That was all it took for the happiness to vanish from his face. I felt so bad for taking that away from him.

He didn’t stay for a long time at my place that day. He went home soon with a look that was the total opposite of the one he had when he came in.

I went over to his place the next day and I took with me his favorite chocolate cake. We talked about our future that day.

“I don’t want to go without you,” he had said.

“Please don’t do this,” I begged him. “It’s McGill, Landon! Don’t let me ruin that for you. I’ll visit you and you’ll visit as well and we can talk every day, I promise.”

“You know that long distance relationships don’t work,” he said.

“We’ve been together for over a year, we’ll make it work,” I argued even though I didn’t want him to leave because I knew he was right. Studying medicine takes a lot of time and he won’t be back here anytime soon. We will grow apart no matter how much we want it to work. But I couldn’t be that selfish. I couldn’t take that away from him. It was his future.

“No, I won’t go,” he kept on saying and I kept on arguing until we finally agreed that he should go to McGill.

I was happy that he was going to go there because he deserved it but at the same time I was sad because he was going to leave.

Being with someone for a long time and truly loving them makes it so much harder to let them go.

As we said, we kept on talking every day and he visited for a few days after he had left for a few months but it wasn’t enough to make up for the previous months we had spent apart.

After every phone call or Skype session, my mom would comfort me as I cried. I had missed him so much. He used to be around every day and his sudden absence was killing me.

Just like we both expected, our phone calls became less frequent, Skype wasn’t happening anymore, and visits weren’t even discussed.

Our phone calls decreased to one minute conversations only.

I expected that to happen but I didn’t expect it to happen in just after eight months.

“We need to talk,” my mom had told me one day.

“What’s up?” I said as I took a seat on the couch next to her.

“You’re not happy,” she said to me.

I shrugged. “I miss him.”

She sighed. “Pamela please go to Canada.”

“What?” I said, giving her a shocked look.

“I know you stayed here just to stay by my side and I was really grateful for that because you’re my only child but I know how much it hurts to lose the guy you love and I can’t watch my daughter go through that. And it’s your life, you have to be independent. My life is almost over, it’s your turn now. Go, follow your dreams, and follow the guy you love!” She said to me, giving me a smile.

I shook my head. “I can’t do that. I won’t leave you here alone.”

“I’m not alone, Pamela. You know that my sisters come here almost every day and I spend most of my time with the new neighbors. Don’t worry about me, I will be fine.”

I wanted to go to Canada and be with Landon, I really did, but I was hesitant because I didn’t want to leave my mom.

She was the one who gave me everything in my life and I wanted to be next to her.

“I raised you to follow your dreams and go your own way,” she said, as if reading my mind.

“But mom—” I tried to complain but I was silenced when she lifted her hand and then grabbed her purse.

She took out a white envelope and gave it to me.

I opened it and inside I found a plane ticket to Canada.

“Mom…” I trailed off.

“I talked to some people and they said that you can transfer to McGill. They saw your grades and they are willing to have you start next semester there.”

Next semester starts next month, I had thought.

“Go pack. You’re leaving tomorrow night.”

“Mom this is so sudden! Don’t I get to think about it first?” I said as she pushed me upstairs.

“Once you arrive to Canada and see Landon you’ll know that we made the right choice,” she said to me.

We.

That was the word that made me agree to go. She insisted that she was a part of this decision and that she wanted it as much as I did.

So I did as she said. I packed my stuff and got on the plane to Canada. I felt bad for leaving my mom behind but she kept on assuring me that it was really what she wanted. Even my friends said that it was the right decision.

I finally believed them and went to Canada to be with the man that I loved.

Landon didn’t know that I was coming to Canada but my mom had made sure that I took with me a paper that had his address on it. He had gotten an apartment near the university when he moved here. It was not very big but it could fit two people.

When I was standing in front of his apartment, I remembered feeling so nervous. Thoughts started clouding my mind and they weren’t good thoughts. I kept on thinking that maybe he didn’t want me here and that maybe he liked another girl now and that maybe he has moved on.

I was going to go crazy with all those thoughts so I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

My heart was beating so fast as I heard shuffling inside and footsteps coming closer to the door. It seemed like hours before the door flew open.

He was still the same, only his hair was a bit longer than it was the last time I saw him. He was dressed in sweatpants and a blue hoodie.

“Pamela?” He said with disbelief. I had missed hearing him say my name. I didn’t say anything to him, I just jumped on him and gave him a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when we pulled away.

“My mom, she got me a ticket and she made me come and she talked to some people and they want me to finish my studies at McGill so I’m here,” I rushed out.

“So you’re staying with me?” He asked, his green eyes widening.

“If you want me to. I mean you might want to throw me out and let me stay on the snow,” I joked and he laughed.

“I can’t believe this is finally happening,” he said, hugging me again. “I thought I was losing you.”

“I did too,” I replied honestly. My mom had been right because the moment I was in his arms, I was sure that coming to Canada was the right decision.

That was around two years ago and now I was sitting on the stairs of McGill waiting for Landon. A few minutes later, someone sat next to me and I didn’t need to look to know who it was but I did anyway and he gave me a warm smile.

“Did I keep you waiting for long?” He asked.

“Long enough for my nails to turn blue,” I said, showing him my hands.

“The creation of gloves is a good one, you know,” he said jokingly.

“I thought you were the sweet one in the relationship,” I teased him. “That wasn’t a very sweet thing to say at a moment like this.”

He laughed. “I don’t have to be sweet all the time. It gets boring.”

“Mmm,” I said as I moved closer to him, trying to get warmer.

He put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a hug that made me a bit warmer.

“We can leave now,” he said suddenly.

“No, let’s stay for a bit,” I told him.

He nodded and we sat silently as we watched the snow fall.

Soon we both got too cold so we went back to the apartment. We made some sandwiches and then we sat in our TV room with a huge thick blanket above us as we had dinner.

I had left my mom and my best friends just to be here with Landon. We were in a country where we didn’t know anyone or anything at first but we had each other.

Just like Landon had made me his priority the day we got together, he has become my priority now. I never thought I would choose to be with a guy instead of my mom or my best friends but now I learned that when you truly love someone you would leave everything behind just to be with them.

I left my home, my mom, my best friends; I left all my life there just to be here with the boy I loved, in a small apartment, in a freezing country, but under the blankets and in his arms I never felt cold.

Landon and I struggled a lot. We had fights like the time when I said that I didn’t know him at the carnival, we had to go through hard times when I lost my dad, and we got separated when he left for McGill.

Yet, we made things work out. After the carnival incident, we got together, after my dad’s death we got closer than ever, and after the separation we got reunited.

The bad and hard days in our relationship didn’t matter because after them always came good and amazing days.

“Want to go for ice-cream?” He asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. We had finished our sandwiches and it was already dark outside.

“Yeah,” I replied. I couldn’t think of a better thing to do right now than to go for ice-cream.

Even in Canada, during the coldest days of the year, we still wanted to have ice-cream. Some things never change, I thought as I put on my coat.

But then again, I don’t want them to change.

I smiled and took Landon’s hand in mine as we walked into the cold and darkness but all I could feel was the warmth of his hand.

THE END.

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