4. Speedrun some Introductions.

It's been a few eventful weeks since then.

Despite Rei's initial efforts, Tsuna becomes notorious in school. He got the new transfer student from Italy to be his lackey, then he threw hands with Ryohei and actually won fair and square, somehow.

Yeah, Rei will omit those details.

-

Tweet by @Springzy_86 || Haru Haru:

[Image ID: Reborn is walking along the walls outside a house. He's wearing his usual baby-sized suit, complete with his orange-rimmed fedora.]

Daily Reborn-chan sighting! ❤❤❤

Liked by @boreensensei, @scorpionfoods, and 50 others.

@GRE3NH0USE || Rei-chan replied to this tweet: "Creep"

@scorpionfoods || Lady Poison Scorpion replied to this tweet: "Ignore the hater ^^ their obviously just jealous of u"

-

What the actual fuck is Bianchi doing on twitter?

Okay, so apparently, Haru has met the chaos goblins. That is awful news. She's horribly in love with the idea of love and this always ruins their plans for their next collab because she delays them for her crush journeys.

Rei frowns.

Sui is streaming on the channel now, apparently playing four-dimensional chess with some guy on the internet and it's really intense.

"You're thinking really hard about it," Dad comes by, ruffling his hair.

"Well, yes," Rei sighs. "Stuff's going to happen soon, but they're kinda touchy if revealed to the world, so I can't really film them."

"Huh? What kinda stuff would that be?"

"Hmm... stuff like, Mafia business."

Rei glances over, gauging his father's reaction. Would he react like a standard Namimori citizen and dismiss that as a joke, or...?

His father laughs. "Yeah!" he agrees, "that would certainly be kinda touchy! I'm pretty sure they have laws and stuff against being too open. Is that the game you guys have been up to with the Sawada house? I've been hearing explosions, lately."

Rei sighs. What did he expect?

HARU:

I am in love with Tsuna-san.

REI:

FFS HARU YOU ARE NOT

HARU:

He jumped into a river to save me
My hero, I love him

Tsunasan_003.png View Image.

REI:

Let me guess. You're going
To be insufferable from now on.

HARU:

Yeah who do you think I am?
U think I do anything except super
Hyperfixate on my crushes? Pfft

-

"Rei! Rei, listen to this!"

Rei raises a brow. He'd come to school on a weekend, with Sae and some lunchboxes in tow, just to see lots of explosions and Yamamoto covered in soot. Tsuna, hooked under his arm lifelessly, looked half dead.

"Gah! It's the Relatively Harmless one," Gokudera says, coming by with a scowl. He fixes a glare on the eight-year-old. "What's with the kid?"

"She's my younger sister," Rei says. "She made us lunch."

"I'm Sae!" she beams. "Yahoo, Takeshi-nii!"

"Hi, Sae!" Takeshi returns. Then, proudly, "she's really good at cooking. And she also grows all the vegetables straight from the Ninomiya backyard."

"Hi, Sae-chan..." Tsuna croaks, half alive. "That's really cool."

"Is there a point to this conversation?!" Gokudera snaps.

"Ah, right," Takeshi whirls back to Rei. "Rei, listen to this! I was batting these funny firework baseballs—"

"Grenades," Gokudera corrects sharply.

"—and then, I hit one that was actually a kid! And so we were panicking, but then Tsuna went and just chased after it and caught it in mid-air!" he says, enthusiastically. Rei hasn't seen him this excited since snow, "he caught my home run! In mid-air!"

"I thought I was gonna die."

Rei stares, entirely baffled. Takeshi doesn't break his arm this time in the story, and due to his additional dojo training, he's not too devastated about his current slump in the baseball club either. Rei'd been wondering what Tsuna would be 'saving' him from to earn his respect this time, but okay. 

Okay, this is fair.

"...Can we wind back to the part where you batted a kid into a home run?"

"Oh, he turned into an adult, so no worries," Takeshi says. Pointing upward, "he's on the roof right now."

...It was LAMBO?! 

Rei whirls over to see Adult Lambo sitting resigned on the edge of the roof like a trapped cat. He sees them and gives a curt salute.

"So, Sae-chan, do you always help out at home?" Tsuna's crouched down beside Sae now, "that's really admirable. You're a very independent girl, huh?"

"Sae is super capable!" she beams.

And Tsuna's so sick of the situation he's escaping reality.

"Anyways, do I pass the test?" Takeshi asks, "the uh. Family entry test or something?"

"Yeah," Reborn says, showing up out of nowhere, helping to set up the picnic mat for some reason. "Welcome, Yamamoto."

"Wait!" Tsuna whirls around.

"Hold on!' Gokudera adds. "I don't acknowledge this!"

"Ah, Ninomiya. Nice to meet you, I'm Reborn and I'm a big fan of your channel," Reborn says. "Would you like to join the family?"

"WAIT!" Tsuna yells louder.

"HOLD ON, I don't acknowledge this!" Gokudera loudly adds, "this guy's weak! He can't contribute as a member of the family!"

"Oh, you're going to join too, Rei?" Takeshi asks.

Rei doesn't know how to deal with this.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not physically, emotionally, psychologically, therapeutically and mentally capable of this," he says, holding up his hands defensively, nursing a genuine headache at this point. "Like, all of this. In general."

"Half of those were the same thing, but it's okay, we have cutting-edge technology and will find a cure for your chronic illnesses," Reborn says, "I already called Shamal."

"You already called him?!" Tsuna yelps. "How many times are we gonna do that schtick until we remember he doesn't treat guys?!"

"Darn it, the joke's too overused to be funny now."

"If you want to get rid of two of my chronic illnesses right now," Rei points at Gokudera and Yamamoto, who are still fighting, "I think a gun will do."

"You're not getting Leon."

"I don't know how to fire a gun, Mister Baby. Do it for me."

"You're paying me?"

"100 yen."

"Do you want to get shot?"

Meanwhile, Sae sets down the lunchboxes full of sandwiches and onigiri.

"Food's ready!" she calls.

Like a summons from the emperor, the boys immediately move to the picnic mat. Gokudera even takes off his shoes, and Tsuna smiles when Sae pours him a cup of soda. They put their hands together and thanked for the food before starting to eat.

Rei stares at them grimly and realizes no one is sane.

In the distance, Lambo turns back into a child and starts crying louder because he's stuck on the roof.

"Ah, there he is," Takeshi says, a happy observation.

"He's a little too high to get, though," Tsuna says.

"Leave him," Gokudera's contribution is far worse.

"Agh, geez!" Rei throws his hands into the air, frustrated. "I'll go get him! You troublemakers stay here. Sae, make sure they don't go off and cause more trouble."

-

Lambo's sobbing into his shoulder, snot and tears and all. Rei sighs.

"You guys ought to treat children better," Rei chides.

Gokudera clicks his tongue, muttering something about annoyances. Takeshi laughs good-naturedly, and Tsuna looks pointedly away, a little guilty.

"I know this is a grenade-throwing, bazooka-totting child and all, but it's still a literal baby toddler," Rei sighs. "I'm saying this most specifically to you, Reborn."

Reborn makes a whiny noise, tugging at his pant leg. "But I'm also a literal baby toddler. Be nice to me too."

Rei sneers at him. "Don't underestimate me," he says. "I'm one of the few people in this town that has 'common sense', so I definitely don't believe you're a normal toddler."

Reborn's smile quirks up.

"For someone that insists they have 'common sense', you sure speak with an unusual amount of confidence," he says, snidely.

Rei stands up straight, feeling his shoulders tense.

Reborn's smile was usually unreadable, but today, it was undeniably unsettling. And Rei knew why— Rei isn't supposed to think of Reborn as anything other than an eccentric infant. The fact that he alluded to something more, the fact that he alluded to Reborn as anything of a threat, was not a good indicator for a mafiosi.

A person with 'common sense' wouldn't have purposefully placed himself under that sort of skeptic eye.

Reborn was staring him down with a look that wasn't the calm, unimpressed gaze of his toddler persona— it was the look of an assessing hitman, determining his threat. It was full of a skeptic bloodlust, ready to strike, depending on his next move.

Tsuna had tensed, and Gokudera was watching warily. Takeshi had stopped mid-drink, a hand not-so-subtly reaching for the shinai left by his side.

Rei couldn't help but swallow nervously. He averts his gaze, sulking.

"Well, I said I had common sense," he starts, defensive. "I didn't say I had any self-preservation instincts."

Takeshi bursts out laughing. Tsuna clearly releases a sigh of relief, and Gokudera scoffs. Sae, who didn't notice anything happening, simply stared in confusion.

Reborn's smile eases. "I can definitely see that. You'll be a good addition to the family! Join us, already."

And that's where the sputtering starts all over again.

"Reborn, I said no!" Tsuna yelps, "don't drag him into this, Rei-kun's constitution isn't going to be able to handle your insanity!"

"Ehhh, but look at him, he's such a good babysitter for Lambo."

"OH! You're right, Reborn-san!" Gokudera beams, "in that case, I agree! Welcome to the family, Relatively Harmless guy! You're in charge of the Stupid Cow from now on!"

"Alright!" Takeshi cheers, "all us boys are playing the Mafia game together now!"

"For the last fucking time it is NOT a game!"

-

Tweet by @GRE3NH0USE || Rei-chan

[Image ID: Rei, Takeshi, Tsuna, and Gokudera are seated around the picnic mat. Takeshi and Tsuna are covered in soot. Rei has a sniveling Lambo in his lap, and Rei's slathering honey on Lambo's sandwich to try and cheer him up. Gokudera is covering his own face from the picture, growling at whoever is behind the camera, which is most likely Sae.]

Somehow, I'm now the official Family babysitter. — with @27yoshi, @UMAFINDER, and @Baseball_Sushi_

Liked by @K-yoko_chan, @DONValentino, and 56 others.

@Springzy_86 || Haru Haru replied to this tweet: "Why wasn't I invited?!?"

-

"Like... this," Rei snaps his fingers, producing a flower from his sleeve.

Gokudera pounces, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling down his sleeve, twisting his wrist around back and forth, squinting skeptically. He curses loudly, "this is impossible! What's the trick?!"

"Magicians never reveal their secrets."

"That's not scientific!"

"Okay. I'll do it again and you try to figure it out?"

"Yeah!"

Tsuna watches them, bewildered. They were in Rei's house now, nursing drinks as they gathered around the living room. Reborn was enjoying a cup of espresso himself as Rei's father watched from the kitchen.

"They're getting along, even though Gokudera-kun hated him so much," Tsuna says, in awe.

"It's his magic power," Takeshi says. He turns toward the adult standing at the doorway to the kitchen, donning an apron. "So, Yuuichirou-san, are you just gonna stare from over there or...?"

Yuuichirou wipes away a happy tear. "Rei's made so many friends..."

"Wha— he's a doting daddy?" Tsuna asks, incredulously.

"I didn't get a lot of chances to watch him grow up before, so," Yuuichirou chuckles. "I'm just happy I can witness these things now. So, you kids staying for dinner?"

"Yes!" Takeshi says. "You guys too, right?"

"Ah, yes!" Tsuna says. "I'll just have to give my mom a call."

"I'm not going home until I prove to this shithead that his magic's not real!" Gokudera snarls, and Rei simply smiles on, moving from flower tricks to card tricks now.

Yuuichirou smiles warmly, coming by to rest a hand on Rei's head. "So I'm going to pick up my daughters now. Watch the house, alright, you boys?" he says. "And keep an eye on the pot, I've got soup on the stove. Don't burn the house down."

"Okay, dad."

"Have a safe trip!"

"Leave it to us, Yuuichirou-san!"

He takes off his apron and steps out, and Tsuna couldn't help but have his gaze linger upon him a little longer. He was envious, it was hard to deny that.

"He's a nice dad," Tsuna says.

Rei's smile was tight, his eyes soft with sympathy. "He's not perfect," he says. Not by a mile, not at all. "But he's trying his best."

Sometimes, that's good enough.

"Honestly, forget about dads," Rei says. "I'm jealous of you, Tsuna! Your mom's so nice!"

"Ehhh?" Tsuna balks. "I mean, she's okay."

"I don't have a mom," Gokudera says. "I'm an illegitimate child."

"My mom's dead!" Takeshi says, more brightly than necessary.

"U-turn! Turn back!" Rei calls, like an emergency, "steer the conversation back to dads!"

"Oh, my dad's great!" Takeshi beams.

"My dad is alive but he's dead to me," Gokudera says, dry as dust.

"My dad... became a star in the sky..." Tsuna says. "I think that's adult code for dying."

"Ooh, same, but my mom," Rei says. "Dad always says she's like the wind in his hands, always there, but he can't catch her..." he turns back to them. "Yeah. For all I know my dad's schizophrenic, or he just doesn't want to tell me she's dead."

They all fall silent.

"Do I try to steer the conversation to sisters or is that also a landmine?" Rei asks.

"Ground Zero," Gokudera immediately says.

This conversation was not getting anywhere.

-

"Sae's making stew today! —5PM Dinnertime stream" video by @GRE3NH0USE

[Video ID—

"Rei-chan, someone gave me this can of juice and it's kind of melting. What do I do?"

The camera is still on the simmering pot when Sui's voice comes from the doorway. In the living room, Rei can be heard choking on his water.

Sae comes out of the kitchen with the camera, just in time to catch Rei hurtling himself toward the front door, snatching up the can and immediately moving into an impeccable baseball pitching position, hurtling it into kingdom come.

It twinkles into the distance, and Rei sighs in relief, panting heavily.

"Nice pitch," Sae laughs from behind the camera.

"SUI," Rei hisses, falling to his knees and inspecting his sister from head to toe to fingers, "please don't ever accept anymore gifts from strangers."

Sui blinks, confused. "But they were very nice to me."

"Okay, okay, that's fair," Rei says, "but no food. That woman is the ONE person in the world where you should NOT accept food from."

"...but I didn't say she was a woman?"

"Just trust me, Sui. I know. Your big brother knows a lot of things, just trust me when I say do not accept suspicious cans of corroding soda from her."

"...okay?"

Rei winds back, seeing Sae with the camera and groaning in recognition.

"JUST SAYING," he yells into the stream, "if you're watching, you know who you are, just sleep with one eye open!"

That wasn't exactly wise, but Rei figured that if he makes her mad, maybe she'll target him directly instead of his sisters.

—End ID]

572,976 Views

Liked by @scorpionfoods, @Baseball_Sushi_, and 41k others.

@MeganeSimulation || The Shouichi's Gambit left a comment: "IS THAT WHAT'S STUCK ON MY ROOF?!?!"

-

It's drizzling when Fuuta runs from mafiosi, desperate to get away.

The doghouse down the street is among the best places to hide in this town. He'll go there, though it's a temporary solution. He needs to find a better one soon, but he doesn't understand number one.

"Number one in best hiding spots in Namimori Town," he sighs, opening his book. "...I don't get it. Where's the Green House? Is there an expensive place like that nearby?"

"He's over here!"

"The ranking prince is there!"

Fuuta jumps, closing and keeping his book immediately. Wherever it is, it's his best bet. The road to his other hiding spot is surrounded, he can't go there now. Then, maybe—

—he crashes straight into the leg of an older man, and he falls back with a yelp. He internally curses himself, stomach falling in dread. Have they found him now?

"Oh dear," the voice was kind. "Are you lost, little one?"

An umbrella pulls over his head, and Fuuta feels warm. The older man has slicked-back black hair and eyes blue as pure sapphires. His gloved hands reach down to take Fuuta's hand, gently leading him to his feet.

Fuuta is surrounded by mafiosi. He knows better than to blindly trust someone who seems nice to him, because that's usually a threat.

And yet, under this umbrella, he feels safer than ever before.

"Please hide me!" Fuuta says. "I'm getting pursued!"

Ninomiya Yuuichirou crouches down and smiles.

"Of course," he says, and he hefts Fuuta up in one arm, like one would a much younger child. "The Greenhouse is open for all lost children, always."

-

Tweet by @DONValentino || Ddddino

[Image ID: Sui is curled around a large turtle, peacefully sleeping under a shady tree with wilted leaves as their bedding. Sui's long black hair is splayed out messily around them, and the turtle chews on the edge of some strands.]

I think Enzo brought home a kid. I'm sorry. —at Namimori Hill.

Liked by @Baseball_Sushi_, @official_NamimoriDC, and 108 others.

@27yoshi || Dame-Tsuna replied to this tweet: "OH MY GOD I'll go get her stay right there!"

-

Rei ends up having to walk Fuuta to the Sawadas.

"According to my rankings, Ninomiya Sui ranks first on the list of 'people who are most likely to fall asleep while held at gunpoint," Fuuta says, opening his oversized book.

"I suppose being narcoleptic lets you have advantages in weird rankings," Rei sighs. "I just wish she wouldn't wander out into the mountains of all places."

"She is ranked 113th of 52,626 people with the greatest luck in gambles for life," he adds. "So it'll be okay. Even if she falls asleep at gunpoint, there's a high chance she'll get out of it alright."

"...can you give me a ranking that is just a little less unsettling to hear about?"

"Oh. Okay," Fuuta says, nodding wisely. "Then, figures in Namimori that are incredibly popular outside of town. In first place is Reborn, followed immediately by Rei-niichan, and then Tsuna-nii—"

"Hold on, why am I up there?! Why am I above Tsuna-kun?!"

"Your channel is really popular among mafiosi nowadays."

"...you're kidding, right?"

Horrific revelations aside, Fuuta rings the doorbell of the Sawada household, and he's invited in by a cheerful Sawada Nana and very welcoming Reborn.

Gokudera was already there.

"What are you doing, Dera-kun?" Rei asks.

"Don't call me that," Gokudera grumbles, murdering a carrot with all the precision of a man that knows his way around dicing things with a knife. "And isn't it obvious? I'm chopping a mountain of vegetables to be pickled in the fridge."

"...oh," it explains nothing, but Rei can sort of understand the turn of events.

Sawada Nana just wasn't someone anyone could turn down. If she wants your help in menial dinner preparations, you give her your help in menial dinner preparations.

"Ah, speaking of which," Rei lifts the plastic bag of vegetables. "Here is this month's share of Sae's harvest. Thanks for always taking them from us. We really don't know what else to do with them all."

Nana makes a very pleased squeal, "no, of course I'm happy to take them! They're a great help, financially! I try my best to use them before they go bad, too."

"You bastard, so you're the culprit of all these damn carrots!" Gokudera yells in the distance.

"Don't be so crude, Gokudera-kun," Nana chides. "Watch your mouth!"

"Ah, sorry, Maman!"

Rei watches in muted awe. Gokudera has been tamed by the power of a mother. She is to be feared, Sawada Nana... Fuuta heads up to Tsuna's room with Reborn, leaving Rei coming into the kitchen to help Nana put away the groceries.

"WoAH! The house stinks like carrots!" Tsuna yelps, coming in, kicking off his shoes. "Ah, Mom, Rei-kun is coming by— Rei-kun! You're already here? And Gokudera-kun. Hi."

"Hi, Tsuna-kun."

"Good day to you, Tenth!"

Sui is soundly asleep on Tsuna's back.

"So sorry. My uh, acquaintance... big brother... of sorts?" Tsuna says as Rei comes by taking Sui off him into his arms. Dino's behind him as well, beaming. "This is Dino-san, he found her. I wonder what she was doing in the hills, of all places."

"No worries, it's not the weirdest place she's fallen asleep in," Rei chuckles. "Anyways, you've got a guest over in your room. I think you should head up."

"A guest— Reborn's friend?! Then that's not good news at all!" he yelps. "Uh! If you'll excuse me I gotta go bye!"

Like a whirlwind, he comes and goes in a flash. Rei watches it fondly, adjusting his grip on Sui before turning to Dino, who was still smiling warmly at them.

"Ciao, I've heard a lot about you," he beams. "You're Rei, from the GRE3NH0USE channel, right? I'm Dino. Super big fan."

"No seriously, how are you guys pronouncing the leetspeak out loud?"

Rei mirthfully remembers that he's very popular among mafiosi, for some reason. Also, that's the exact same thing Reborn said to him in their initial introduction.

"Sometimes Reborn would just show up and tell me to imitate your parkour courses, but like, ten times more the floor is literal lava. I couldn't help but admire you after all that."

"...I'm surprised you didn't grow to hate me instead, dear lord."

"Speaking of those," Reborn speaks up from above the fridge, and Rei and Dino let out a unison shriek of fear, "Rei, we haven't done your entry initiation yet. Wanna do a parkour course but like, twenty times more the floor is lava?"

"No!" Rei and Dino yell at once. Dino adds that, "isn't he like, super fragile or something? You can't put him through that much stress!"

"Don't worry, we'll have the medical team on standby."

"THAT IS NOT OKAY."

-

Tweet by @DONValentino || Ddddino

[Image ID: Rei lays on the mattress on the ground, clearly breathing harshly. His face is pale, though partially obscured by a cold compress and an oxygen mask. They're in the middle of a forest area, and he's hooked up on some field machines and an IV, though his free hand is raised in a victory sign. Dino is crouched over him, looking incredibly bruised up but much more concerned for Rei than himself. Reborn is also posing for the picture.]

He passed the challenge! (p.s this was Reborn's idea, not mine, I am sorry) —with @GRE3NH0USE

Liked by @official_NamimoriDC, @EXTREMEBOXINGCLUBMEM and 9k others.

@Baseball_Sushi_ || Yamamoto Takeshi replied to this tweet: "Just saying, but Kuma-sensei is burning down the buildings looking for you so it's better if you don't come home today"

-

"Haha! You played a little too hard, didn't you, Rei?"

Rei whines into his shoulder. Getting piggybacked like this is common, but somehow, the crowd around them as they trudge home has grown.

"I'm so sorry about Reborn," Tsuna says, mirthfully.

Gokudera clicks his tongue. "You're just like this because you're weak," he says. "Do you have any idea how much of a pain it is to prepare all those medical supplies in the middle of the damn jungle for you? You better thank the team later."

"I've got a long way to go as a mafia boss..." Dino says, "but seriously, though. I still don't understand!" he throws his hands into the air. "I swear, half the branches you stepped on should've broken from your weight. How did you have so much airtime, were you flying or literally walking on air??"

Rei murmurs something incoherently into Takeshi's shoulder.

"He says a magician doesn't reveal his secrets," Takeshi translates.

"Liar!" Gokudera hisses. "You Relatively Harmless bastard, what sort of cheats do you employ?! One day it's gonna come to light!"

Another series of murmuring.

Takeshi translates again, "I think he just said 'fuck you, Dera-kun'."

"YOU WANNA FIGHT?!"

"Oh wait wait geez no!" Tsuna puts himself between them, "Gokudera-kun, no! He's not available for any more challenges of any sort! You'll kill him for real this time! And Rei-kun, how about you just rest?"

Dino bursts out laughing, "you guys are such a riot, really!"

"This isn't funny, Dino-san!"

They continue their path home just like that. Reborn watches from afar, satisfied with his progress. It's a good array of a family, and he's rather pleased to find so many good Guardian prospectives all neatly laid out in Tsuna's surroundings.

Tsuna's a blessed one, that's for sure.

Elements always unconsciously gravitate toward their fated sky, and this situation is no exception at all.

-

"Today, we are determining the best babysitter for Lambo," Reborn says. "The winner's mission for today is 'grocery shopping with the kids'. Everyone else will come with me to murder the guys that stole Maman's wallet."

Immediately, Gokudera stands up. "One vote for the Relatively Harmless green thing. That's all. I'm reloading my dynamite, tell me when we're leaving."

"Same here! Rei's used to taking care of Sae and Sui, anyways," Takeshi beams. "Also, do we want a baseball bat?"

Tsuna is flustered.

"At least call him by name, Gokudera-kun!" he whines. "And calm down, you guys! It's just a wallet! We've got plenty of food, and Mom's important cards are still with her!"

Reborn reloads his gun. "No. The crime must be brought to justice."

"You've done crime! You're literally a hitman, Reborn!"

"Exactly, this is in my job description."

"Oh– oh. Oh, right. You're right. I walked right into that one."

In the end, Rei is saddled with the children as they all escorted Nana to the shopping district. Lambo's on his shoulder and Fuuta's holding his hand, and at some point, everyone including Bianchi was whining to Mama because they wanted her to buy something for them.

He sighs. Nana's so loved.

I-pin comes up at him, tugging at his pants, hollering something in full Mandarin. She's pointing fervently at the roasted chestnuts stall, so the message is clear.

Rei buys it for her, and she thanks him, beaming.

She goes to show it off to Nana, who brightens at the sight. "Good for you sweetie. Share it out with the others, alright?"

And then Nana is distracted by Lambo and Reborn again, both who want to go to two separate cafes to buy two specific things that must be bought before the other person. Rei is exhausted just looking at her.

"So," Bianchi approaches Rei. "I believe this is the first we've formally met?"

"Nice to meet you, I hope," Rei says, not quite making eye contact. He stuffs his hands into his vest pockets and rests on one leg.

There's a pause.

And then Bianchi lurches a poisonous cake at him, and Rei rapidly ducks down into a crouch, cleanly dodging the acid concoction. They straighten at the same time.

"What the hell was that for?!" Rei snaps.

"Testing your reflexes," Bianchi says, turning to Fuuta who's holding the phone on record. "Can I publish this video as our collaboration? If you're in my video, I'll get lots of views, and more people will know about the effectiveness of my poison cooking, and more people will employ me."

"What a convenient advertising strategy," Rei mutters, annoyed.

Rei turns around and balks. The cake Bianchi had thrown had plunged right into a poor passer-by's face. He was on his knees, groaning weakly like a zombie. Thankfully, this wasn't a corrosive cake that melted bodies, this just gave you horrid food poisoning, so he wasn't dead yet.

Oh, this is probably the guy that stole Nana's wallet. Great, all works out.

"Holy shit we just committed a murder!" Tsuna screams, rushing over and gawking at the both of them. "We need to call an ambulance. Now. Oh my god Rei I trusted you—"

Behind him and completely undeterred by everything, Bianchi has Rei's phone in her hand, their elbows interlocked as they posed for a selfie. "I'm gonna use this as the video thumbnail."

"Yeah, that works. Wanna hold up a cake just for the looks?"

"Good idea."

"Fuuta-kun, you wanna be in the video?" Rei asks.

"Ah no, I shouldn't. Lots of mafiosi watch your channel, so if they find out I'm here, they'll start crowding the Greenhouse and causing you trouble."

"HEY," Tsuna shrieks, "care a little, you psychopaths!"

But he runs forward, completely forgetting about the half-dead body too. That was just how this society of dismissed insanity worked, and Tsuna really ought to learn how to adapt already.

"Sorry, Tsuna, can you do the freaking out for my share, too?" Rei turns to him. "If I exert myself any more than this week, I will no offense fucking have a seizure."

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME YOU FRAGILE GREEN THING!"