━━ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄!
❪ how to tame a vulture ❫

𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: kaden goes by he / they pronouns!

⋆        𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘𝗦 𝗪𝗘𝗥𝗘 all standing around, looking at each other. Oscar folded his arms, giving a soft sigh as he looked over to Holt's office, where the Vulture was getting information about Jake's case. Oscar tilted his head towards Jake, who was crossing his arms tightly, and Oscar could tell he was hugging himself, trying to convince himself that this case was not going towards the Vulture. Oscar looked down at the ground, and before he could speak to Jake, the sound of a door opening caught everyone's attention.

"You know, before I solve this case, I'd like to thank you all for doing the super―easy work, you know, the real Nancy Drew―level stuff," the Vulture said as he walked in front of the detectives with a smug smile on his face. Oscar rolled his eyes, already being used to the Vulture's cockiness. He knew how Jake worked hard to solve this case to be taken off the topic at the last minute. Oscar knew how that felt, especially with his history with the Vulture.

"Oh, yeah? Well― well, did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders?" Jake replied sarcastically, but Oscar raised his eyebrow, sensing that Jake was unsure of what he was saying. But, of course, Oscar knew it was a lousy counterpoint to start with, as Nancy Drew did indeed solve many murders.

"Yeah, she did―" Detective Pembroke started to speak before Charles interrupted him without realising it. "―Murder on Ice, Recipe for Murder! Nancy was a wonderful detective; I always wanted to be her when I grew up," Charles said as he smiled and looked at the others. Oscar raised his eyebrows, giving a slightly concerned look towards Charles, who didn't understand at first but then looked at Jake and realised what he had said.

"Thanks, Charles. That's very helpful," Jake said as he blinked slowly at Charles with a look before staring at Oscar, hoping for an explanation. Oscar shrugged his shoulders, holding back a laugh in his throat.

"Hey! Should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case?" Detective Pembroke said before sitting on top of Oscar's desk, knocking over his pencils and files that Oscar had placed neatly this morning. Oscar rolled his eyes as he gritted his teeth, but Amy nudged him, which calmed him down a little. There was still an uneasy feeling, but Oscar exhaled, trying to let go of the stress.

"Nope," Rosa said as she walked into the conversation, holding a cup of coffee. Her facial expression revealed nothing but anger; her mouth turned into a frown, which was easier for Oscar to notice her emotions. Oscar nodded slightly towards her, knowing that she hated the Vulture.

"I mean? What was it with Diaz's last impossible extortion case? What was it, six hours?" With a small cocky smile, Oscar was getting sick of it as the Vulture said that. Oscar crossed his arms tightly, a sign of aggression that was best to keep quiet. Instead, Oscar glanced towards Jake, with whom he maintained eye contact. For some reason, Jake calmed Oscar, with the stress fading away but still settling in his mind.

"That's because it was 98% solved," Rosa said, crossing her arms as she started to get annoyed. 

"You know what they say, that last 2% is the hardest to get. So that's why they leave it in the milk," the Vulture said as he smiled slyly. Oscar blinked, confused at what he was trying to say. At this point, it was all becoming white noise to Oscar, and he stared into space.

"What?" Jake said, confused as well, as he raised his eyebrow.

"Oh! Wow! Looking good, Santiago! Those pants are helping with―" the Vulture started to speak, becoming distracted by Amy. Oscar gritted his teeth again, straightening his back as he was about to say something, but Amy scoffed as she crossed her arms.

"Go rot in hell," Amy said, and Oscar nodded proudly with a small smile that he tried to hide from the Vulture. Oscar thought that the Vulture got what was coming to him, and he was glad that the squad knew how much of an asshole he was. But it seemed that Oscar didn't get away with his smirk, as the Vulture scoffed when he looked at Oscar.

"Hey, Twink? Are you laughing at me? Watch it before I tell your mom about you," the Vulture said with a voice that made Oscar clench his fists. Kaden stood across the Bullpen, watching the conversation play out, but paused when his mother was brought up. Oscar looked over to see that Kaden was uneasy, and Oscar closed his eyes, still remembering the screams as his breathing started to hitch. It was an uncomfortable moment, and Oscar wished to crawl into a dark hole and hug himself.

"And, hey, you feel free to call me anything you need me to come down here and help powder that big white ass of yours," Detective Pembroke said as he went towards Jake and smacked his butt. Jake exhaled as he hung his head low, holding an unreadable expression.

Oscar was getting a little pissed with the Vulture here, revealing his secrets, one by one, to the squad. He was worried their thoughts on him would start, and he felt foolish for even telling him when they attended high school together. Oscar thought he was his friend, but it proves that he was naive in his youth, learning not to trust a man to blackmail him. After Detective Pembroke finally left, the elevator doors closing on him, Oscar felt himself trying to fight back the tears. He knew he was losing the fight, with his tears threatening him to be set free.

"Can you― uh, excuse me? I'm just going... to head towards the bathroom," Oscar said as he excused himself from the conversation starting up again, which had something to do with changing Holt's mind. As Oscar started to head towards the bathrooms, his head was begging for him to let out the tears and let the memories free to forget everything about his terrible past.

He opened the door to one of the bathroom stalls and fell onto the toilet seat. He couldn't help but his chest shudder with fear, his anxiety taking over his mind. His emotions were becoming revealed, and his glasses became tear―filled. Then, finally, after two minutes, Oscar could hear someone coming into the bathrooms. He quickly wiped his face and exited the stall, wiping his tears away.

"Oh, hey there, Jake―" Oscar said, as he didn't expect Jake to be here.

"Oh! Hey― wait, are you okay?" Jake said as he noticed Oscar's dishevelled glasses, and his eyes seemed puffy from crying. Oscar was surprised at the reaction and quickly tried to think of an excuse. Even if he knew that Jake was a good detective, Oscar hoped he wouldn't find out why he was in the bathroom the first time. 

"I―I'm fine," Oscar said as he put on a smile that he hoped was convincing. Instead, Oscar's chest heaved, skipping a breath on accident, which might have given his emotions away. Jake must have looked through the white lies because Oscar felt dragged into a hug. As soon as he thought of Jake's embrace around him, Oscar couldn't hold it back, and he broke down.

"Hey, if you want to talk about it, I'm here for you, okay, buddy?" Jake said as he patted Oscar's back, momentarily placing his hand on his shoulder. Oscar felt better than before, straightening his back and wiping the tears away from his eyes.

"I'm fine now because I'm with you," Oscar sniffed as he wiped his glasses from the smudges, his smile appearing again. Jake showed a soft grin enough to melt Oscar on the spot. Jake hugged him again before patting him on the shoulder.

"We're heading to Shaws; you, uh, wanna come? It might take your mind off things!" Jake said quickly, and Oscar chuckled before nodding, looking at the ground.

"Sure, let me just tell Kaden because I need to pick up my little sister from school today, and I need his keys," Oscar said before sniffing for the last time. Jake nodded and gave a small smile once again before leaving the room. Finally, Oscar felt better and could breathe normally again; his heart beat quickly. Everyone was calm in his system, and Oscar finally could be at peace.

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⋆        𝗢𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗥 𝗚𝗥𝗜𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗜𝗦 hands on the wheel, looking at the traffic lights, sighing before he rested his head against the car seat. He looked over to his little sister, who was fiddling with the radio, pushing random buttons, making Oscar raise his eyebrow.

"Uh, are you the driver? I'm pretty sure only I choose the music here and not the passenger," Oscar said as he smiled, while Liliana sighed as she crossed her arms. 

Oscar chuckled before reaching over to press one button before stopping as Another One Bites The Dust by Queen started to play through the speakers. Oscar tapped his fingers on the steering wheel against the beat while Liliana softly bopped her head. Oscar's phone started to ring before they could sing along with the music. Liliana looked toward Oscar before picking it up for him. Oscar thanked her with a nod as he turned left towards the bar.

"Hello, this is Oscar's favourite sister speaking," Liliana smiled before getting a nudge from Oscar, who was trying not to roll his eyes, but he still had a smile on his face. He had no idea who was on the phone, but his eyes widened softly when he heard Jake's voice on the other side of the line.

"Ah! Oscar and Kaden have spoken highly of you; you must be the famous Liliana! By any chance is your brother getting close? We just got here―" Jake spoke, and Oscar softly smiled before realising that Liliana was looking over at him.

"Oh, I see you are the Jake my brother keeps talking about! Well, we are nearly there, and― oh my god! Oscar! Did you nearly crash? Jeez, I understand you like Jake's voice― Oh, well, he's taking the phone away from me, okay, bye!" Liliana said as she rambled into the phone, with Oscar taking the phone away at the last minute. Oscar felt his face tint up, and Liliana started to giggle.

"Oh my god, you like him, don't you?" Liliana spoke, realising why he was a little red on the face. Oscar groaned as he pulled onto the curb and hit his head on the wheel, overcome with awkwardness.

"Oh, I will tell Kaden unless he already knows! Jake and Oscar sitting in a tree, k―i―s―s―i―n―g―" Liliana started to sing, but Oscar quickly got out of the car before she could finish it off. Oscar shut the door, adjusting his glasses onto the bridge of his nose.

"Jeez... You do like him a lot, don't you?" Liliana spoke as she exited the car and locked it for him. Oscar sighed, knowing she was right, but he placed his arm around her as they walked towards Shaw's. Oscar directed Liliana to sit with Kaden before walking towards the squad, whose drinks had just arrived as they entered the building.

"Oscar's finally here, Jake, now. Can you please tell us all about your 'master' plan?" Amy spoke before folding her arms. Oscar sat on one of the stools at the bar table and grabbed one of the beers.

"Okay, so, I'm buying everyone drinks!―" Jake started to speak, and everyone cheered before Jake raised his hand and started to speak again. "―As long as we're thinking of a revenge plan on the Vulture. The best idea gets 50 bucks! Throw them on out," Jake spoke before looking back at the squad, hoping for responses.

"What if you called him from a hospital and said that his whole family is dead? Like... They died of cancer?" Charles said, and Oscar nearly spat out his drink out of surprise.

"Charles, that is so dark... I'm putting it down!"

After a while, and the squad ran out of ideas, Jake put down the pencil and read the statements on the list.

"All right! Here's what we have down on here. First, steal his kidney, burn down his house, and replace his aloe tissues with normal tissues―thank you, Charles, for that. Second, leave a dead cat in his cedar closet. Note: he would have to own a cedar closet. Sneak into his apartment and burn popcorn in the microwave― again, thank you, Charles. Uh, Scully asked for mashed potatoes, so I wrote that down. Well... I hate to say it, but I think, by default, Charles' motorcycle idea is the winner," Jake sighed before handing Charles the 50 bucks. 

"Yeah! Winning by default!" Charles said as he looked happy about winning. Oscar raised his beer in celebration of his award. He felt his friendship with Charles was blooming well, and he couldn't wait to see the future.

"Alright! Let's roll!"

━━━━━━

⋆        𝗔𝗙𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗦 of the wrapping of the Vulture's motorcycle and the squad trying to help simultaneously Oscar rubbed his forehead, which was covered in sweat and placed his glasses back on. Everyone was sitting near the benches, waiting for Jake's phone call to finish. Oscar yawned as he headed over towards the stone walls of the building and rested his head against it, enjoying the rare New York breeze.

"Yes, sir... That is clear. Thank you," Jake nodded as he hung up his phone. He sighed before turning to the squad, looking tired and drunk simultaneously. Oscar could have sworn that he was about to fall asleep, which happened when he was drunk, the many stages of Oscar.

"Did Holt find out?" Oscar asked Jake, who responded with a sigh and nodded. Amy raised her eyebrows as she chuckled before realising that Jake wasn't disappointed; instead, he was smiling.

"You should be frowning; why is Jake smiling?" Amy stuttered, and Jake chuckled before he looked at everyone, who was also confused. Oscar softly laughed, knowing that Jake had thought up something, and waited for him to respond. But instead, Jake's eyes twinkled as he stood before everyone and crossed his arms.

"Because the Captain just gave us the perfect revenge plan! We team up and solve this case right now! Then, think about it: we go back to the crime scene, find the murder weapon and out―Vulture the Vulture!" No one gets in trouble if we crack the case!" Jake said as he tried to persuade the group.

"Screw it, I'm in," Oscar spoke as he stood up, exhaling a little as his head started to ache.

"Yes! That's right! We're angry; we're getting revenge. We're a little bit drunk; we should not drive. We're taking the bus!" Jake yelled before nearly stumbling on his two feet. Everyone then followed him to the bus stop. As they boarded the bus, Oscar almost fell asleep against the window again, feeling the same sensation as earlier. He could have sworn someone was staring at him but ignored the feeling. Oscar then felt someone joining him by his side, and he opened his eyes from the short nap.

"So the waitress saw the couple arguing during their dinner― hey, just letting you know before I forget, but you look adorable when you snore. He was having an affair, and it was not the first. Two years ago, she caught him with a dog walker who was walking his dog, if you know what I mean," Jake said as he raised his eyebrow in immaturity. Oscar chuckled, pausing momentarily, realising what Jake had said. He blinked slowly, trying to comprehend the words, but he ignored them and smiled.

"If you are putting it in that way, with that context, then yes, yes, I do," Oscar wheezed as he smiled. He couldn't help but fall for Jake's charms with every smile he gave. Oscar knew he was charming, but he never knew he could fall deep for it.

"They did some sex times―" Jake said with a soft smile and jokingly nudged Oscar on the arm. Oscar chuckled, nodding as he showed that he understood what he meant. "―anyway, we know it's the wife who did the murder, you know? The stabby stabs," Jake said with a stabbing motion, and Oscar nodded as he leaned against the bus window.

"Hey, I― I don't snore, right? At least not loud, right―" Oscar said softly, looking at Jake, surprised at the question. Oscar raised his eyebrow, waiting for an explanation, only for Jake to chuckle and shrug his shoulders. "―Jake... I don't snore; please say I don't snore."

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"𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧! 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘'𝗦 𝗛𝗢𝗪 it went down to business―" Jake said as he faced the squad, recapping everything about the case, at least all that he could remember. Everyone stood around the kitchen, watching Jake. "―The wife goes down to the doorman and says a guy murdered her husband and then ran off. We know that she's lying. We've just got to find the corkscrew to make our case as airtight as possible!" Jake spoke before crossing his arms.

"Maybe we could do some role―play, see if something about it seems suspicious or something clicks?" Oscar spoke as he adjusted his glasses. Jake nodded at the idea before suggesting Charles come towards him.

"Darling, thank you for a lovely dinner! Perhaps we should have one more drink before bed," Jake started to speak, and Charles put up his finger and held it close to Jake, waving it in front of him.

"Don't you darling me, you philanderer!" Charles said with a high―pitched voice that surprised Oscar as he giggled a little bit. The drink hit him, and he couldn't help but laugh at little things.

"No, you're the husband; the husband had an affair."

"I'm always the victim; I don't want to be the victim."

"Okay, Charles is the door!"

"No! Please! I'll be the victim; please don't make me be a door again!" Charles said as he begged, and Jake sighed before nodding, placing himself in front of him.

"Great! Okay, so the wife goes into the drawer and gets the corkscrew. Stab, stab, stab! What did she do with the corkscrew?" Jake said as he questioned the squad. Everyone started to think about solutions, looking around in the kitchen to see if something stood out.

"She dumps it in the hallway trash chute on the way to the doorman?" Amy questioned, walking around the kitchen counter for clues that might have been missed.

"No, we checked the trash, like, ten times. We would've seen a bloody corkscrew by now," Jake said as he shook his head and sighed before nodding towards Hitchcock, who smiled.

"The body. The corkscrew's still in the body!" Hitchcock spoke, looking smug as he thought he had solved the case. Oscar blinked in confusion, trying to understand what he was saying, but Jake mouthed a no and nodded to Rosa to go next.

"Stab! I toss the corkscrew out the window, and it lands on a passing car," Rosa said as she yelled out before speaking calmly. Oscar flinched slightly, not expecting that to happen, and chuckled nervously.

"Security cams showed no one driving by at that time and nothing on the street. Oscar, you're up," Jake spoke, and Oscar thought momentarily before answering Jake's question. "What if she kept the corkscrew? She hides it and dumps it at the right time, where no one least expects it?" Jake nodded, keeping it in his mind. After a little while, with different theories from different detectives, Amy started to walk in front of the squad, looking toward the fridge,

"What if it is a magnetic corkscrew? If the corkscrew was on a magnet―" Amy started to speak before getting interrupted by Jake, who realised what Amy was hinting towards.

"It's stuck halfway down the inside of the trash chute― I figured it out first!" Jake yelled before running the door forward, with everyone following close behind. The trash chute was at the end of the hallway, near the elevator, which made sense for a good dumping area. Amy started to pull a flashlight bigger than Oscar's hand out of her purse, and Oscar raised his eyebrow at her before looking over at Jake, who was surprised.

"You have a ten―pound flashlight in your purse but not a hairdryer?" Jake said surprisedly, and Oscar chuckled as he touched his forehead. Amy ignored him as she looked down at the trash chute.

"I can't see far enough down; someone has to go down there... Someone with narrow shoulders," Amy said before looking at Charles and Oscar. Charles and Oscar shook their heads, coming up with excuses to escape this situation. Oscar was suddenly widen―eyed, realising that Amy was serious.

"Oh, no! My arms are broad; they look s―skinny, yeah," Oscar chuckled nervously before Jake chuckled, scoffing as he reached over to feel his arms but was shocked. Oscar grinned, liking his genuine reaction, and was taken aback when he realised that Jake's hands were still in his arms.

"Oh! Wow! Those are strong! Do you work out?" Jake questioned after noticing that he was speechless.

"Nah, but Kaden and Liliana sometimes do petty fights, so I must separate them. If it escalates, I lift Liliana to her bedroom before anyone gets hurt. But I mean... I do work out from time to time―" Oscar said as he pushed his glasses upwards onto the bridge of his nose.

"Uh, excuse me? We have a case to do; you can stop flirting for now," Amy smiled before pointing to the trash chute. Oscar felt his face red and the blush appearing across his cheeks, and he could have sworn that Jake was also blushing, but it was too late to see as he had already moved towards the chute.

"Okay then, seeing as Oscar genuinely works out, Boyle, you go down," Rosa spoke before pushing him lightly towards the trash chute.

"N―no! I have broad shoulders like Oscar! I also have narrow hips but more shoulders!" Charles said, trying to make an excuse. After more reasons, everyone finally convinced Charles to go down halfway to the chute. Oscar could hear a few more people walking behind him and turned around quickly.

"Freeze! Hands in the air!"

"Ah! We're cops!" Jake said before reaching into his shirt to show his badge as he raised his arms. The rest of the detectives raised their hands, including Amy and Oscar, holding Charles. Oscar realised that Charles had fallen deep down into the chute.

"Charles!" Oscar quickly yelled out, checking to see if he was alright, but sighed as he heard a sound from the trash chute.

"Broad shoulders! Stuck! Told you, broad shoulders!"

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⋆        "𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨 going to do now! Holt will kill you if he finds out," Amy yelled to Jake as everyone arrived at the 99th after being caught by the cops. Jake sighed and smirked slightly before revealing what he held in his hand. Oscar smiled and felt excited that Jake had solved the case with the squad's help.

"You found the corkscrew!"

"Stuck to the side, just like you said!"

"Oh my god! You guys! We out―Vulture the Vulture!" Amy squealed before doing an awkward dance that was supposed to represent a Vulture. Oscar accidentally giggled as he shook his head, Rosa doing the same.

"What is that, may I ask?" Oscar asked, his voice becoming soft.

"It's a vulture...?" Amy said as she raised her eyebrow, looking confused. Oscar was about to add something to the conversation but jumped slightly when Holt yelled at Jake to come into his office. He nodded at him for good luck and headed towards his desk to clean up for the night. Jake responded to him with a small smile before heading to the office, not knowing what he was about to get as a response. Finally, after a minute or two, Jake, Captain Holt and Detective Pembroke came out of the office. Oscar wasn't sure whether or not it was good news, but it wasn't good, judging by Jake's creased eyes.

"Hey, keep up the bad work, champ!"

"Here it comes―" Jake said, bracing for the smack on his butt, which Detective Pembroke proceeded to do. "―why does he keep touching my butt?" Jake questioned himself before rolling his eyes as the Vulture walked toward Amy.

"Stay foxy," Detective Pembroke said as he did the suggestive finger guns towards Amy. Oscar cringed inside as he looked over to Amy, who seemed unbothered about it, and Oscar's heart sank a little, knowing she was used to it. Before he knew it, the Vulture was coming towards him. Oscar could see the war in his eyes and braced for what was to come.

"Stay out of trouble. I wouldn't want the men dressed in black to come to punish you," Detective Pembroke whispered. Oscar swallowed hard as he looked at the ground, trying not to recall the memories. he felt someone watching him with sympathy, but he couldn't guess who.

"Well! Case closed; good work, everyone! Let's― uh, call it a night without any further discussion whatsoever," Jake said quickly before Holt stopped him with a furious look on his face.

"No! All of you broke into a crime scene under the influence of alcohol, overstepped your jurisdiction, and disobeyed my direct orders! Everyone involved tonight is going to get written up!" Holt spoke, his voice making Oscar straighten his back, becoming concerned. He was about to say and explain that he was sorry before Jake stopped him in his tracks.

"Okay, fine! Here's everyone who was there. Jake Peralta, J Peralta, Dr Jacob Peralta, a PhD in slow―jam studies from Funkytown State University! Also involved was the right honourable J―" Jake started to speak, but Holt raised his hand to show that he understood what he was trying to do. "―sir, my point is, it was a Peralta special... No one else was there."

"Well, Detective, I'm happy to see you're learning to be a part of a team. But, everyone, go home, sleep it off," Holt said as he dismissed everyone before heading to his office. Oscar sighed, letting go of his breath that he didn't know he was holding, as he looked over to Jake with a smile on his face.

𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐒!
✶ me: i'm fine!!
also me: *decides to give characters' trauma because i feel like it*
,,, anyways i'm sorry about the pain that i am giving oscar, but i swear it's all a part of the master plan that is happening for this fic!! so just relax, and enjoy the ride as i continue to mess up oscar <3

𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗞𝗦 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚!