Kehlani POV

as i sit here and look at the letter i was reading i wrote this letter my mother ive had this letter for years now i never got the chance to send it to her which caused me to turn it into a song now is listened  by millions i did change alot for the song not putting everything into it 

as i read the letter over and over again i started tearing up everytime i read this letter i just cried i honestly put all my pain into this letter i wanted her to feel the hurt she caused me she left me at such a young age she made me grow up and have to take care of myself i was welcomed into her sisters family 

till i wasn't anymore then i was a nobody to the family everyone hated me they wented me dead and gone in the family because they blamed me for being born everyone accused me for  my mother doing drugs everyone said it was my fault and they made sure they never let me forget it

they would tell me everyday how much i ruined her and how smart she use to be if she didnt give birth to me she would be the smartest girl in the state and how she wasn't on drugs before she never even thought about drugs till i came along they used to call me a jinx but what they didn't know is my mom was doing drugs before the peoples around the way would bring up her problems 

she wasnt smart our neightbor who went to high school with my mother would tell me how she skipped school and had a hard time trying to grasp alot of thing in school she fail most of her class 

the drug problem was always a problem way before i was born i was always told my father caused her drug problem and got her hooked but i find out that she started using after meeting my half brothers father he got her hooked on it  when she was just 15 years old nobody knew about it because she  was able to hide perfectly

my mom end up stopping at 17 she tried staying clean for the sack of my brother but once he was born she did good for couple months that was untill she started working on this stripclub and meet a girl name liz  

she pressured my mother into trying some one night and as much as she said no the girl didnt take that as a answer but liz called her out so my mom did it and from that day she knew she loved doing crack and that how my mom got hooked again 

she was good at hiding it from everyone that was until she had me next i guess meeting my dad really took the icing on the cake because she went down a downhill spiral she couldnt hide the face was on drug and everyone blamed me for it but nobody  realize "auntie" liz was the reason

liz stay around the family and never told them it was her who got her hooked she blamed me also she felt she would save face i always hoped and wished one day the guilt would eat her alive and she would tell the truth but it never did she still till this day that she blames me 

as i think about everything that has been going on and with the upcoming meeting with my mother i was debating on if i should see her or not if i was ready to face this women again and allow her to see my daughter  i couldnt figure out if i should 

because my mother hated me for as long as i could remember so for her to come out the blue and tell me she loves me  and wanted to see me just has me on ten i just couldn't shake the fact she might be trying to set me up something in me kept saying she was setting me up but i couldnt prove it 

"what got you thinking so hard" von said walking in the room i looked at him just smiling at him von was a sweetheart to me when he find out about my mother he had tink and durk look into her reasoning on contacting me and if she was reallying dying "my mother" i said  sighing 

"i just got a bad feeling about everything" i said looking at him i didn't know what to believe with that women she was always up to something "i know but i got you ma no matter what" he said bring me into a tight hug  "plus if the bitch does anything i shot her in the head for you"

i laughed and rolled my eyes at his comment "von stop" i said trying not to laugh von was crazy but it felt good knowing he was welling to protect both me and deya no matter what "will you go with me if i decide to go?" i asked looking nervously at him "lani i will always go with you but we not taking deya" he said looking at me 

"i know i wasnt gonna take her anyway if i go it will be me and me only i will put deya in harms way" i said i wasnt lying i didnt want deya involved into this mess she knew in her heart that her mother had something up her selves 

she didnt want to deya to be harm she would never forgive her self if anything happens to deya "nothing will happened to you or this baby im gonna have the gang posted up around just in case" von said which made me feel a little better that there would be back up for them i sghed and looked at my phone before dialing her number 

NEW CHAPTER NEXT TUESDAY @8PM CST

SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE

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