( IN WHICH PETER PARKER FINALLY READS THE LETTERS FREYA KNIGHT WROTE TO HIM, TWO YEARS LATER )

this letter may come at a bit of a shock. I am not sure when you are reading this, but when you are, well, I am most likely dead.

I guess I should start with an apology, because really, I am so, so, sorry for everything that has happened and then everything that will happen when you read this letter. I hope that when you see this, you've had the chance at a good life and you've long since forgotten about Emily Knight because that's what I've asked. If not, please...well, guess I can't stop you from reading.

Let's start at the beginning, not the entire beginning but the beginning of this point on, sort of. I'm writing this with every intention of killing the woman who's been controlling my every move, Inga, and then rushing to warn you of what is to come (I hope, at least). My goal is to save you and your future and stop whatever is to come your way, whatever they have planned before it can even begin.

 That will, of course, result in my life ending rather suddenly but that is accepted, I don't expect to make it through and I don't really care about my life. I will be sending other letters to Anthony Stark and hopefully, he believes me and understands that this is the truth, with the evidence brought along though, I am sure he will. I am to find you wherever you will be, wherever the strange lightning man will be, and warn you - perhaps stop you - before you're lost forever. And then, because I know you're a right idiot and will refuse to take the 'potion' I've left you on your bed (it's just blue water, by the way), I plan to slip it to you in the form of one of Inga's strange devices. I stole it from her two days ago, she's used it on me so, well, it's reliable. I doubt it will be hard to give to you, considering how often I have discovered she would give it to me. Also, because for someone who's supposed to have a secret identity as a superhero, you're not exactly good at being careful.

And then you won't remember a thing and I'll disappear completely. There are a couple other points but they're unimportant, the main factor is that you will have gone through your entire life and just believe I played with your heart and ran back to Canada. Cruel, yes, but it had to happen. 

You see Peter, you had/have a future; I did and do not. My fate was either to become a weapon or die, and I chose the second option because for once, I decided to be, I don't know the word but more caring for others. However, you, you're so smart and sweet and kind and you actually want to help other people, and people like that are needed in this world. You're going to have such a good life, at least I hope so; you will be a hero, have a wonderful wife or husband and have a couple kids who turn out just like you, I hope. People like you, you deserve to be on the earth.

People like me, don't.

I know that my letter is short and leaves a lot out. In my defence, I have only so much paper, and most of it was wasted on your friend (is he your friend? colleague? father?) Anthony Stark. I just had to write you this message and tell you that I was sorry and I am sorry for what I have done. Or, what I will do, as while I'm writing this, everything is still what could be said as 'normal'. I know my plan and ideas have not been properly made clear in this, either, I'm sorry about that too. Again, I only have so much paper and so much time and I refuse to have your life taken simply because I wanted to write to you what you call an 'essay' on my feelings. Those are too complicated and unimportant for such a waste.

Alright. This is me, saying goodbye, hopefully long after my fake one. I hope your life has gone well, and that you've still got that cute suit you were so proud of - I hope Spider-man is still the hero I knew him to be. I guess that doesn't matter though, so long as you're happy, Peter Parker. That's all that matters, right? I hope you're happy.

I don't believe in love, but if it counts, if I did, I think I could have felt it for you. I don't know exactly how it works, and considering I was raised to feel nothing but hatred for anyone (including ourselves), I guess I can't be held accountable for that. But, when I was with you, Peter? I felt happier than I've ever been, and I had the chance to smile and kiss a cute boy who didn't mind that I was a right asshole of a human. And that was amazing while it lasted, I only wish I could bottle that up and save it for, well, forever.

Thank you for making my life worthwhile, and I am sorry for almost ruining yours.

That's all, Peter Parker.

I write quickly, for soon the time will have come, it is almost upon me, now. Plans have changed and I fear the worst but hope for the best. I never thought I would care for hope, or that it would be what I stood for but here I am, just hoping that something turns out right.

I will admit I am scared, but only a little. I know what I am trying to do is right and I guess the only fear I hold is that I will fail and make things only worse. That is a worry that's been with me since the start, only this time it is for the safety of you rather than myself. If I fail, and you are taken, I will never forgive myself. I just have to do my best to get you out. I know what is to come and even with plans changing I know what has to be done.

I hope you can read this. I hope I succeed in killing her somehow and that you escape. I don't know if that is how it will work out but it is all I can focus on. Focusing on failure is never a solution, I've got to focus on the prize, not the things that fell in the process.

Never thought anything I learned at that hell would come into use, but suppose I was wrong.

I am in the process of finishing up my plans and then it is to begin. Your friend Stark will be informed, Inga will be killed, the lightning man will be stopped and you will be saved. I am ready to fight like hell for what is to come, and for once truly be on the right side. It is a curious feeling, to do the right thing, but one I actually like.

Alright.

I hope that you can and have lived your best life because that is the only thing I want anymore, Peter. To know you are happy makes me happy and helps make the idea of death one that doesn't hurt my heart too much.  

  53.9045° N, 27.5615° E 

This was meant to be published when this book hits one million reads, but A) I'm too excited to wait and B) I'm going to be mad busy the next few days so I don't think I will have time to publish or edit and such, so I'm doing it now and just saying my thank yous now, in anticipation. That's why this is going up and I'm about to say 'thank you for one million reads', don't hate, appreciate (that I'm giving y'all another chapter to this book, like hell I love this book + you lovely readers too much for my own good).

In honour of this book (soon to be) hitting one million reads, I give you this, which would have been the letters that Freya wrote to Peter before she began the mission, which also hopefully give a little insight into the night. It helps gives a little of explanation to things such as 'well, did he actually drink what she asked him to drink??' or things like that. I know many were curious as to what she wrote, so here we are. (and the coordinates mention is just a little something added, wink wonk wonder where that was to).

I had to do an edit and make it just two years later, which would be probably around his last year (from estimations) so that it did not run into Infinity War, because...well...let's just say there wouldn't be much reading being done on Peter's end. (no spoilers left in the comments, please)

On another note, thank you so much for this book's success, even more than I ever dreamt or imagined. I mean, when I finished this book I think it was maybe at 200k reads, which was huge for me at that time and honestly if it stuck with that, hell I'd be fine with just that. But hell, this book has surpassed absolutely everything and gained that much and it still blows my mind that people read this loki mess of a book, that so many people adore this character like I do. Obviously, this book is far from perfect and I've got to do a whole lot of edits and damage control and such, but jeez, it's my baby and I love it to bits and pieces and it makes me so happy that so many others do, too. It means far too much for words that people have enjoyed this book, enough to even reread on several occasions, and so I won't even try to put into words how happy this makes me. 

Just, thank you, for this. All the love to you all.