She just ran away. I’ve called her so many times, I’ve sent her many texts with no response whatsoever. The time she picks up the phone it’s in fact Mila to tell me Moni is dead, which only means she doesn’t want to talk to me. But why? I thought… I honestly thought she felt the same way as I do. I mean, she kissed me back last night, I felt it in the way she held onto me for dear life and the way she looked at me before she ran away.

What’s the problem? I want– no, I need to know why she did that.

I’m in my flat, pondering all the options and trying to call her again from time to time, but it’s still as futile as it was during this morning. I’m trying to know what to do, how to approach her, but I feel there’s something important and I need to know that before acting. Moni never does something without a reason. She wouldn’t have kissed me back if she didn’t feel the same way, and she wouldn’t have run away if she hadn’t had a reason to do so. There’s something there and I need to find out what it is.

Well done, mate! I knew you could do it, I’m proud of you, my little padawan – Harry

I read the text that breaks through my thoughts and I don’t know whether to throw my mobile phone away or to laugh. I’m not sure how Harry found out about it, but he does know.

I don’t know if I did well, considering she doesn’t wanna see me now – Ed

I don’t have to wait for a reply because Harry calls me immediately. “Explain yourself,” he demands when I pick up the call.

“What I told you, man. She doesn’t want to see me. She doesn’t pick up my calls, she doesn’t answer my texts and last night she ran away. By the way, how did you find out?” I ask trying to keep my mind out of this issue. I don’t want to overthink this situation because it hurts. What if she really doesn’t feel the same way? What if that’s the reason she ran away and she doesn’t want to talk to me?

“What the fuck? Okay, I need to talk to her now,” he states and I think I hear him moving.

“No, Harry, don’t. I don’t want you to push her to do something she doesn’t want to,” I say to stop him. I really don’t want her to do things because other people tell her to.

“But this doesn’t make sense! I know she fancies you, she should be happy and with you there, being all disgustingly cheesy,” he trails off and I chuckle, I can’t help it. “There must be a reason,” he carries on and I sigh. I know there must be a reason, I just don’t know what it is.

“It’s okay, maybe she needs some time,” I suggest but that idea doesn’t make me happy nor put me at ease. I can’t help it, I can’t stop myself from wondering the same thing over and over again: why is she hiding from me? “Let’s talk about something else, please,” I ask because I can’t keep going like this any longer.

Harry and I have a conversation for a little while before he has to go and I stay there. I grab one of my guitars and start strumming some melodies, but I’m not really in the mood. I just want to keep my mind busy with other stuff. I know the answers to what is happening are not in my head, but I don’t know how to get those answers.

Soon, my phone goes off with a new text and for a moment I get excited. Maybe she replied, but it’s not Moni who sent the text.

We need to talk. I’ll meet you in 30 mins in the same Starbucks as always – Mila

I don’t know what she wants, but I feel her words urgent and I know it’s important. I leave my guitar aside, take my hoodie and put my trainers. Whatever Mila has to say, I hope it helps this situation.

Forty minutes later, I’m still waiting for Mila and I laugh to myself, thinking of all the times Moni has told me how her best friend is always late to wherever they agreed on meeting. Finally, the black-haired girl walks in and goes directly to the table in which I’ve been waiting. I smile at her and she looks serious, she looks worried. “You okay?” I ask as she takes the seat across the table.

“Just worried,” she confirms my suspicions. “It’s about Moni,” she adds and I nod. “She’s my best friend, you know that. I love her so much and I want the best for her and I’m trusting you here, Ed, hoping you want the same for her. I swear, you hurt her and I will kill you and I will make it look like an accident.” I know I should worry for her words and the seriousness with what she utters those sentences, but I understand her point of view perfectly.

“I want her happy,” I agree and she smiles, nodding.

 “She really cares about you, maybe too much. That’s why she’s hiding right now,” Mila explains but I can’t follow her.

“How’s that possible?” I inquire because I honestly don’t understand it.

“Moni is really scared, she doesn’t know how to be in a relationship and she doesn’t believe in herself. She thinks that she will hurt you because she doesn’t know how to show her own feelings. She, Ed, believes she’s broken to a point where it’s hopeless for her to expect for love or anything remotely similar. That’s why she’s hiding, because she doesn’t know what to do now. She hasn’t felt like this in more than seven years, Ed. She’s forgotten about all this,” Mila carries on and I don’t know what to say.

I have so many questions and I’m worried. Why? What happened to her that made her shut herself that way? Why is she so scared? Why doesn’t she want to be loved and to love? I just need to know what hurt her that much.

“Why?” I ask Mila in a whisper and she shakes her head.

“I know why, but it’s not my story to tell. You have to ask her, Ed,” she answers and I squeeze my fists.

“How do I do that if she doesn’t want to see me?” I snap, not to Mila, but my frustration is getting to me.

“Here,” she says handing some keys over the table. “Go to our flat, she’s there. Talk to her, Ed. Tell her, make her believe she can do it. I don’t know if I’m asking you too much.”

For a moment it seems like she’s asking me too much, it seems like this whole situation is bigger than what I ever expected and I’m not sure if I’m the right one to help her, but I want to. I want to be the one to fix her, to mend her broken parts and teach her that she can be loved, that she can love as well. I want to take her hand, take her in my arms and hold her tightly and never let her go. I really want to help her, I don’t want anyone else to do that.

“It’s not going to be easy, Ed. Moni, you know, is stubborn as fuck. She will never believe she’s good enough for you, but you have to make her see that it’s what you want. Make her see that she can’t make a decision for the both of you.”

I look at Mila and I see the plea in her eyes. She cares about Moni as much as the brunette cares about her. She’s capable of anything to protect her and I’m sure she can be as scary as Moni was when she was protecting her.

“I want her,” I say honestly, because I do, I really want to be with her, even when I know she’s broken somehow, even when I know it won’t be easy. I want her.

“Promise me you’ll take care of her. Promise me you’ll be good, Ed,” Mila asks me and I nod solemnly.  “Because if you don’t, nothing will save you. No one hurts my best friend, not even Ginger Jesus,” she adds and I chuckle.

“I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry.”

“I worry. I always worry for my best friend.” I know what she really means with those words and I nod again. She means that kind of worry that never leaves because that other person is always present in your life and every single moment is important. “Now go, make her believe,” she adds and I take the keys. I’ve been there before, I know how to get to that flat. “Good luck, Ed.”

“Thank you, Mila,” I say rising to my feet and she gives me one last glance. I see hope in her eyes before I walk away.

I can do it. I’ll find out what happened to her that got her so scared of love. I’ll fix her, somehow, I’ll get her to believe not only in herself again, but in us. I think she is what I need, that she can be with me and keep up with my lifestyle. I feel that she would let me fly and never hold me back, and she would be always there for me. I’m not sure if I’m the guy she needs, but I can try. I’ll try my best to help her, to give her what she needs.

I feel we can make it work, I just need her to believe the same.

I go as fast as I can to her flat, almost running up the stairs when the lift takes too long to get here, but the doors open and I rush inside. Soon, I’m right in front of her door and I use the keys Mila handed me before. The door opens silently and I walk in carefully. I don’t want to scare Moni.

I try to listen to know where she is and I hear music from one of the rooms, maybe hers. I’ve never been farther than the kitchen, living room and toilet. She’s listening to Godsmack, a band she likes, especially when she feels trapped. She told me that once, when we were talking about the different bands and singers we like.

I walk following the music until I’m in front of a door with a sticker of The Hunger Games. Yes, this is her room. Softly, I knock at her door and soon I hear her. “Mila? Come in.”

Slowly, I open the door and I see her in her PJ, her hair in a messy bun over the top of her head, whilst she’s moving the bed.

“Moni,” I call her and I see her going still. She lets the end of the bed she’s holding fall before turning around at the same moment that the song hits the chorus with the most powerful sound.

“Ed,” she whispers. I can’t hear her over the music, but I can read her lips.

“We need to talk,” is all what I say, never looking away.

-:-:-:-

Cliffhanger!

Dedication goes to @SamiieIsAPotato because this means a lot to her.

Bel, xx

PS: you should totally check Godsmack, I love that band!!