“You have to make a move tonight!” Harry tells me and my eyes widen in shock. He chuckles at my expression but that only seems to encourage him. “Yes! If you really fancy her, you have to make sure she knows that. I know Moni, she probably is right now telling Mila that this is not a date, that you only see her like a friend and blah, blah, blah. God, she’s so stubborn. Tonight when the two of you are alone here, you have to make your move.”

I feel really uncomfortable about this, I didn’t want to talk about this to anyone, but Harry just showed up in my flat this afternoon and wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him everything about the date. He’s right about Moni being stubborn and I’m sure she is denying everything. Or maybe she doesn’t even know I see her with other eyes. She’s that oblivious sometimes. She can be so perceptive sometimes, but when it comes to her life, she’s clueless.

“Like what? She doesn’t get scared so I can’t offer her shelter. She doesn’t cry so I can’t offer her my shoulder. If I fake yawning and stretch myself just to hug her, she’ll cut my arm for being so cliché. What can I do, Harry? Uh?” I ask back, folding my arms.

“I don’t know, mate! Whatever you have to do. Sing her a song, teach her how to play golf.” Did he just say golf? “Be creative! It’s your move, not mine. The thing is that when she leaves this flat, she must know how you feel about her. You have to be that bold with her.”

That’s the problem. I don’t think I can be bold with her. In a way, she’s intimidating. She looks so confident and independent and comfortable with whom she is. She never mentions how she would like to be in a relationship. On the contrary, she always says how easier life is without a boyfriend. How can I be bold with her if I’m scared she might reject me? She would never date me out of pity, that’s not her. How do I tell her all what she makes me feel without scaring her?

“What if she says she only sees me like a friend?” I inquire rhetorically, not really expecting an answer, just expressing my fear out loud.

“She doesn’t,” Harry replies simply and I look at him. Why is he so sure about it? “It’s obvious. When it’s about you, she looks completely different. It’s like she loses all her armour and it’s just a simple girl. Plus, she doesn’t treat you like she treats the others. Has she ever pranked you?” I shake my head. “There you have it.”

“Would that mean she doesn’t care about me as much as she cares about you all? She has told me she pranks you and bullies you because she loves you,” I tell him and Harry rolls his eyes.

“She’s so weird. It’s hard to follow her mind. I’m just telling you, she fancies you and you have to make sure she understands you do too. Okay?” Resigned, I nod although I’m not sure if I’ll find a way to make her see what she means to me. I know it’s really easy to be with her around, but when it comes to this kind of stuff, I’m no good.

* * *

The bell rings and I almost burn myself alive with the boiled water I was pouring in my mug for a cup of tea. I look at the clock on the wall and I realise she’s on perfect time. That’s so her, always punctual. I forget about my tea and go to open the door and as I expected, she’s at the other side, smiling naturally and looking nice. She’s very simple with her outfits, she doesn’t care much about how she looks as long as she’s comfortable and that’s one of the things I like about her: her simplicity.

While other girls like to go on shopping sprees of shoes and clothes, Moni loves to go seeing cars or going to the tech department. Makeup? I think she only wears eyeliner.

“Hi,” she greets me and I smile immediately. Her cheeks are a bit rosy and that is because maybe I’m looking too intently at her. I step aside so she can walk in. “So, how did the interview go? Odd questions?” she asks me walking into the flat and making herself comfortable.

“It went well and nope. It was a dull interview this time. Tea?” I ask her and she nods with a huge smile. She really loves tea.

I come back with a mug with tea for her as well and sit next to her on the sofa. She is doing something on her phone but when I get there, she forgets about it and put it away. I hand her the mug and we talk a bit about her day and she asks me about mine. She always loves to know what I’m up to. After a while we start watching the film.

I picked some epic film I found on Netflix and that seemed nice. Moni looks really into the film and I know she loves the battle scenes from her grins and reactions. I’m not paying much attention to the film, I like to see how she reacts to different scenes.

I remember Harry’s words of how I have to make a move tonight but this film really doesn’t help. Maybe I should’ve picked a drama or something like that, this film is just making her hyper. I wish I could just tell her that I care about her, that I don’t see her as a friend, that in fact I’ve always seen her differently.

How can I do that?

By the time the credits are scrolling down the screen, she looks pleased with my selection and I’m happy about that. At least she enjoyed the film. “That was good, I really liked it,” she tells me. “Good film, good film,” she adds to reinforce her previous comment.

She lays back on the sofa, she is smiling and looking at the empty space above her. I lay back like she did but my eyes are on her instead. “I’m glad you liked it,” I tell her and her smile grows bigger.

I realise one of her locks is falling over her right side, the one she has buzzed, and I can’t help myself: I reach my hand to pull that lock on the other side and at the time I do that, I softly stroke her short hair on her right side.

Moni turns to look at me immediately and my first instinct is to retrieve, but I have Harry’s words in my head so I leave my hand there and make sure to stroke her hair again and this time my fingers slide slowly to her cheeks, caressing her skin. Her eyes are on me and the moment is so intense I feel like I can touch the air between us. The way she’s looking at me and how it seems that everything has stopped around us has never happened to me before.

I lean a bit closer and right in that moment she stands up without prior notice.

“I’m going to the balcony,” she says without looking at me, and walks away before I can say something.

She’s avoiding me. She notices there’s something different this time and she has just run away. I can’t allow that, I won’t let her escape this time. Harry is right: I have to tell her.

I follow her to the balcony and she’s hugging herself. It’s really cold outside and no matter how much she loves this kind of weather; she can still freeze to death. “Moni,” I call her and she turns around for a few seconds. “You’re gonna freeze to death out here. Let’s go inside,” I tell her and she smiles briefly.

“I’m okay, I love the cold,” she replies and I step closer.

“I know, but you might catch a cold and you don’t like those,” I remind her and she chuckles.

“That’s true. I hate colds, but I don’t wanna go inside,” she tells me still looking at the view from my balcony.

“Then come here so you won’t get that cold,” I add and she turns around looking confused. I open my arms so she can understand what I mean.

Her cheeks turn bright red and she looks away immediately. “There’s no need, I’m gonna–”

“C’mon,” I insist stepping closer and I see her tensing up.

Some seconds pass and she doesn’t say anything, it doesn’t seems like she is breathing and I’m about to say something else when she turns around and accept my embrace. Her arms wrap around my waist and she hides her face in my chest. I hug her back immediately, tightly against my own body making sure she won’t get cold here outside. I low my head until my nose is in her hair and we stay like that for a few moments, just in silence, lost in our embrace.

Whilst I have her in my arms, I feel like never letting her go, like I could hold her like this forever. I pull away just a few inches to look her in the eyes, my hand grabbing her chin so she looks up and can’t avoid my gaze.

I feel her trembling in my arms and I’m not sure if it’s because it’s cold or because I’m looking at her.

I softly slide the hand that is holding her chin to her cheek until I end up cupping her face, my thumb caressing her skin again. I won’t let her look away this time and she can’t escape now, my other arm is tightly around her waist.

I could tell her so many things, trying to express how I feel about her or all the things she makes me experience when she is around, or even about the way that feels having her in my arms; but I don’t think she would appreciate that. It’s cliché and she has read about that so many times already.

I don’t think words are necessary this time. I’m sure she’s already reading everything in my eyes. I just have to make sure she believes what she’s seeing there.

I lean closer, my forehead touching hers and our noses almost touching as well. She trembles even more now and I’m sure it’s because of me this time, because of what it’s happening. I lean in a bit more, just a few centimetres, tempting her a little bit and I feel her irregular breathing and how her hands grab my hoodie tightly at my back.

I can’t hold it any longer, I finally lean in completely until my lips are over hers and I feel her reluctance at the beginning, but soon she hugs me tighter and kisses me back, her lips against mine in sync as I press her tighter against my own body, holding her close.

I cock my head a little bit to the right just to deepen the kiss and she replies to this as well, our kiss growing in passion and speed. Suddenly, it’s like I can’t get enough and all I need it’s the taste of her lips in mine.

We break the kiss when the need of breathing becomes too strong to keep ignoring it. I look in her eyes and I can’t stop smiling like an idiot. For the way she replied to that kiss, for the way her eyes are looking at me right now, I know she feels the same way.

That’s until I see panic in her eyes and she steps back.

“I–I gotta go. Mila must be waiting for me already and I–I–” she mumbles, her eyes wide open in what can only be classify as fear. But why? “I–I…v Later, Ed,” she finishes and turns around, practically running inside the flat.

“Moni!” I call after her, confused for all this, and following her inside; but when I step in my flat, she’s not there and her things are gone as well.

-:-:-:-

Thank you so much for all your comments, I can't believe how much you like this. You know it's really personal and I feel like I'm really opening to you and that you accept me... it means a lot. Thank you. I hope you won't end up hating me by the end of this chapter. 

Dedication goes to @deynlouise because your comment was incredible and I really hope your mum keeps liking my stories (:

Bel, xx