I have her in my arms whilst she’s reading the book I gave her for Christmas. At the end, I discovered the series which the quote of her tattoos are from and for Christmas I gave her Acheron, her favourite book from the enormous series and this copy is not only hardcover, it’s also signed by the author, a woman that Moni really admires. Her smile when she saw the present and the way she looked at me after that was all I needed to feel happy.

She leaves for London again in a few hours and when I asked her if she wanted to do something, she just took my hand and told me, “I just wanna stay here with you, only the two of us.” So we’re now in my bed and while she reads, I keep stroking her hair whilst music plays in the background. I don’t mind at all that we’re not doing something productive, I love having her in my arms, even more when I know I won’t see her in a long time and this is the last chance we have to be together until I go back home.

“How many times have you read this book?” I ask her looking at the tick book. It has more than eight hundred pages and she’s practically devouring it.

“I lost track,” she answers, her eyes never leaving the pages.

“Why do you like it so much?” I question again. I know she can keep reading and talk to me at the same time.

“I guess I love how after all he had to go through, after all the pain and unfairness, he find the person that knows how to love him and help him to heal his wounds. I love Acheron and he deserves this story.”

The quote of her tattoo is not in this book, but it’s said by this character, Acheron, in a previous book –that’s what she explained to me.

“The first part of this book shows how love can destroy your life, and the second part shows how it makes you stronger. I love that,” she adds softly stroking her tattoo and I nod, understanding why she loves this book so much. She has it already in paperback, Mila told me when I asked her, but she always wanted the hardcover version and that’s why I found it for her, because I knew it would make her happy. “I skip some parts,” she carries on and I see her cheeks blushing and I wonder what kind of parts she skips. “Except those parts when all the drama is in its climax or the battle scenes, those are my favourites.”

“I love how deeply you get into your books,” I tell her hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek softly. I really love the way she feels towards those things that are important to her, like books. She’s so passionate.

I feel her relaxing against my body and can’t help smiling, because with every day we spend together, she gets more used to us being like this. She loves to cuddle, though she never says so, but I can see it in her eyes and the way some times she moves like a cat looking for more pettings.

“Ed,” she says after a while and this time she’s not reading. I know it because her fingers go up and down the page, caressing the letters printed on the paper. “Can you sing to me?” she asks me softly, shyly and just a look at her face shows me how blushed she is.

“What do you want me to sing?” I ask her, bringing her closer to my body, wrapping my arms tighter around her body, my heart hammering against her back and my lips brushing her ear.

“Anything,” she answers in a whisper. “One of your songs or any other. I just wanna hear you sing, just for me,” she adds and I know she doesn’t feel comfortable with this request, but she utters it anyways.

I know she likes all my songs, so picking one to start is rather difficult. I start singing the first one that comes to my mind, which is Wake Me Up.

I sing softly in her ear, my hands slowly caressing her belly careful not to tickle her and I hear her breathing deeply, relaxing even more against my body as she puts the book aside and takes my hands in hers, tangling our fingers together. Moni closes her eyes, just listening to my voice as I keep singing to her.

As I keep her like that, closely to my body, holding her and keeping her safe from everything and everyone, I wish this moment would never end. I wish to see her like this all the time, without fear in her eyes, just letting herself live the moment. I love when she doesn’t hide her feelings or what she wants, when she doesn’t pretend she’s the strongest of them all and she doesn’t need anyone when she feels lonely sometimes. I like when she’s not afraid to show me her vulnerable side. I love when she trusts me.

I’m really going to miss her after she flies back to London and I have to stay here.

* * *

The days seem to pass so slowly and no matter how much things I do, I always feel time doesn’t go by fast enough. I miss home more than I ever did before, and I know it’s mostly because I miss a special brunette.

We haven’t talked too much lately. I know she doesn’t want to bother me and that sometimes she forces herself to call me or text me because I asked her to, but I don’t want her to do things she doesn’t like. I want her to feel the need to call me like I feel. I wish she would tell me she misses me like I miss her. Yes, I know she’s really busy and she’s studying her butt off for this final term she’s facing, but still.

Harry tells me that she even texts him, to mock him, but she texts him nonetheless when she barely calls me and I’m abroad. Sometimes I wonder if she feels the way I feel. Maybe her feelings are not strong enough and that’s why she doesn’t like calling me.

Being away and with so little communication makes me doubt everything and I hate feeling like this, it’s just that she’s so different and sometimes it’s so hard to get to her. Sometimes she’s so open, but then it’s like impossible to know what she’s really feeling.

I’ve talked to the lads as they know her from before, even Zayn considering that he’s with Mila, her best friend. They all tell me that they talk all the time with the girls, even Alex who’s very similar to Moni. If Niall doesn’t call her, she will. And the thing is that I’m afraid to call Moni, because maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me, that’s why she doesn’t even send me a text in the whole day.

When she’s with me it’s so easy to know how she feels, but once she crosses the door it’s like everything blurs around me and I can’t understand her.

Every time I hold the phone against my ear waiting for her to pick, I’m shaking inside, afraid she may sound fed up with me for calling her again, but every time I can feel her smile in her voice when she says my name with so much joy.

“How’ve you been?” she asks in one of the occasions when I call her, relief running through my body as I lie back on my bed in the hotel.

“Good, really tired though. Things are crazy over here,” I tell her because I know she likes to know these things.

“I can imagine. I’ve been pretty busy, too. So many papers to write already,” she laughs and I like to hear her like that. “I’m sorry for not calling you, it’s just that I lose track of time when I’m writing and I’ve stayed till very late in the library,” she explains and I sigh.

“It’s okay, this is really important for you and you need to focus,” I say to put her at ease. “You don’t have to call if you don’t feel like it, I understand if you’re busy.”

“But I want to call you, sometimes it’s just too late when I finish and I can’t call you at four am, can I?” she asks me and I can’t stop worrying that she’s staying up so late. I’m normally a few hours behind her, but still.

“Are you having enough sleep?” I ask her and I hear her sigh.

“I’ll get some sleep back later, now I need to finish these stuff if I want to graduate.”

“Then I leave you to finish, okay? Call me when you have free time, don’t mind the time. I’m in LA after all,” I tell her to put her at ease and she makes a noise in agreement.

“Okay, I’ll keep it in mind,” she says with laughter in her voice. “Get some rest yourself and good luck.”

“You too. Moni,” I call her after a few seconds. “Do you miss me?” I ask her because she never says so.

I hear her chuckle on the other end. “Of course I do, I miss you so much, Ed. I think that’s why I’ve been studying so much, because it helps me to bear this and like that, time passes faster,” she tells me and her words are like a glass of cold water after walking for days in a desert. “I know I don’t say it much and I’m sorry, it’s just… hard for me to take the first step. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I tell her because I don’t want her to feel bad about it. “I know it’s hard for you, but little by little you’ll get used to it, right?”

“I will,” she promises and I believe her, I know we’ll sort this out. We just need time.

“I miss you, too,” I tell her with a silly grin on my lips. “And I’ll see you soon.”

“I can’t wait. I need one of your hugs.” I chuckle because I’m dying to hug her, too. “I’ll make it up for all the lack of communication, okay? I’ll cook for you anything you want,” she offers and I laugh.

“That’s so tempting. I can’t wait to come back.” Now I hear her laughing. “Good night, Moni.”

“Good night,” she says back and I want to say something else, I have stuck it in my throat, but I hold it back and end the communication with a deep sigh.

I’ll tell her later. 

-:-:-:-

I know last chapter was in Ed's POV as well, but for what I wanted to write, I needed his POV again.  There're still more chapters to come, like 3 I guess.

Dedication to @scottihorantomlinson because she really likes this story (:

Bel, xx