~Astra~

The week or so between the announcement that Hestia Carrow was going to be executed and the actual execution date were incredibly chaotic, to say the least. Mr. Jordan had me doing two broadcasts a day about it, and to be honest, I hadn't known there were so many ways to call things unjust. I almost suspected he had Artemis studying a thesaurus to write these reports.

Beyond that, though, the whole compound had a new energy I'd never seen before. People were constantly hurrying around carrying piles of cloaks or stacks of papers or boxes with no labels. Faith and Mrs. Potter were talking on mirrors nearly nonstop, getting updates from every source we still had at the Ministry (apparently, the number was dwindling). People were practicing dueling in the open space near the broadcasting studio. No one was saying it, but we all knew—the execution was going to important, and everyone had to be prepared.

Of course, when I managed to catch Mrs. Potter alone, I asked her the only thing I wasn't sure about. "If all of these people who are here in hiding are going to fight, can I go, too?"

"Absolutely not." She didn't even stop to think about it, or look up from the draft she was proofreading. "You'll stay right here."

"What? You can't be serious. I already have experience fighting!"

"And that's part of the reason you're not going." Mrs. Potter glanced at me. "You've done enough, Astra. You can let the adults handle it now."

"I am an adult!" I crossed my arms and sat back in my chair. Apparently, seventeen was the age of adulthood in the wizarding world, but so far not a single person over the age of twenty had ever treated me like one.

"You know what I mean, dear." She was already back to proofreading, distractedly taking a bite out of her half-eaten sandwich that I'm pretty sure had been on her desk for over an hour. "I want you to be safe. So does your aunt. I suppose if you'd like, I could call Andromeda..."

"Don't bother," I said sullenly. If she could've kept me from doing these broadcasts, she would have. There was no way she'd let me do something like this. "I'll just sit here all day, anxious and alone and unloved..."

Mrs. Potter sighed. "Stop being dramatic. Plenty of people will be around. Some are watching the children or keeping guard. Marcus and Artemis will be here, and I'm really considering not letting Faith go, either, since she would be a huge target for Russey. You certainly won't be alone or unloved."

"But anxious?"

She kept reading the draft without acknowledging that for long enough that I'd started to wonder if she was simply going to ignore my question. Finally, she put the paper back down. "I'm afraid we'll all likely be anxious until this is over. I'll keep a mirror on me and contact you as soon as everything's finished, if that'll help."

I wanted to tell her it wouldn't help at all, since that was true. But I knew it was the best thing she could offer, if she was this set on not letting me go. Bringing up the fact that Wren and James would most certainly be there would probably not help my case either, so I sighed and nodded. "I guess that'll be okay."

She smiled at me, her expression somehow tired and grateful at the same time. "Thank you for understanding, love. I know it's hard, when you've been so involved in the past. I'm just trying to protect you from even more pain."

"I know." My eyes drifted to the window. There were at least a dozen people dueling on the lawn outside. I wished I could join them.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Teddy and Toire are both planning on going to the execution," Mrs, said, dragging me back to the conversation as she picked up another draft to read. "I could take you to their flat so you could help watch the girls, if you prefer that."

That was a million times better than being here. This place was already so gloomy and depressing as it was; I couldn't imagine how much worse it would be without most of the people. "That's sounds great, honestly."

"Lovely!" Mrs. Potter smiled widely at me. "I think it'll probably just be you and my mum."

I blinked. Of course, Mrs. Weasley was lovely, and I'm sure it would be nice for Charis and Cassie to spend time with their other great-grandmother. But if she was going to be at the flat, where would Aunt Andromeda be? She wasn't anywhere near old enough to need help taking care of two kids, especially the two kids she was currently living with. I frowned and shook my head. "Wait, why would she be there?"

"Well, for one thing, she doesn't get to see Toire or the little girls as much as she likes, since they're in hiding. My brother doesn't even get to see them too much. And if we need someone to watch the girls—"

I winced. "Sorry, it sounds like I don't want to be around your mum. I'm just wondering why put so much work into this if Aunt Andromeda will be there?"

"Oh." Mrs. Potter pursed her lips and considered me for a second, her brow furrowing in concern. "Well, you see, she's decided to go to the execution as well."

"What?"

"She hasn't been in hiding long enough to be on any kind of watchlist," Mrs. Potter said patiently. "There will likely be too many people to really check, but all of the help we can get that won't be arrested on sight is good."

"Why on earth would she do that?" I shook my head. I'd heard her stories about the last war with Voldemort. She hadn't participated beyond occasionally hosting a safehouse; she'd even stayed home with a very tiny Teddy when his parents went off to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts. Why would she be deciding to fight now? Significantly older, with far more people to leave behind?

Mrs. Potter was watching me, and I wondered if my thoughts were so clearly written out on my face that she could tell what they were. As I forced myself into a more neutral expression, she sat back in her chair. "From what I understand, she doesn't want to watch Teddy and Toire run off to danger by themselves. She thinks that's too much like last time, and she can't lose them in the same way she lost Teddy's parents."

"But... but she's too old!"

"She's only, what? Eighty?" Mrs. Potter shook her head. "Wizards have much longer lifespans than muggles, dear. She's perfectly capable."

"But..." I shook my head in disbelief. She didn't want to be left behind while they ran off to get themselves killed? How did she think I felt? "No, I can't let them go without me."

She frowned sympathetically, which was a little annoying. "I have to admit, I did talk to them yesterday about keeping you from the battle. All three of them agreed that it was the right thing to do. They want you safe and protected, Astra."

"No!" I felt like I was going to tear up, which was frustrating because I was very angry just then, not upset. I think. "No, that's even worse."

"Why?"

"I... I don't know. It just is." I honestly didn't know what I meant. It wasn't like they were all going to fight specifically to protect me, or even because of me. It was for the whole wizarding world. But somehow that's still what it felt like.

Mrs. Potter sighed before pushing the pile of drafts to the side. "Astra, I was a little younger than you when I fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. I watched my friends die. I lost my brother. I saw my mum become something terrifying trying to protect me. Of course, a war is hard on everyone, but when you're still this young it haunts you in a way I can't describe. I don't want you to have to experience any more of that."

"So instead you'll just make me stay home and wait for the news that my whole family got killed?"

"That's not—"

"You don't know! What are the odds that you actually win, if there's a battle?"

She smiled sadly. "I have no idea. There are too many variables. But I do know that your family is going to be fighting their hardest to come home, not just win."

"That doesn't make any difference," I muttered, crossing my arms and glaring out the window.

"I'm sorry, Astra, but I'm not changing my mind. You'll just have to trust me that the most helpful thing you can do is to stay here, where you're safe."

I didn't believe that at all. How could that be more helpful than having someone else to fight? Though I knew Mrs. Potter just wanted to protect me, it didn't change the fact that this wasn't fair.

Unfortunately, that wasn't my most pressing concern. The time period that Stillens had given me to turn myself in was drawing to a close. In fact, the day before the trial would mark exactly two weeks from when Lily got attacked. Even though Mrs. Potter and Mr. Longbottom had both been assuring me that everything was under control, everyone I cared about was completely safe, I could think of at least a dozen ways they were wrong. James's only protection was Russey's good favor, and Stillens could overrule that if he wanted. Wren and Lily and Ciara and Elcie were at Hogwarts, supposedly safe, but Mr. MacMillan had been fired. Even he couldn't have protected them from threats inside the castle, anyway; I didn't care what Mrs. Potter said, any of Stillens' spies was more than capable of killing them. Aunt Astoria and Uncle Draco had repeatedly turned down DA protection, apparently, and even though their protection charms were supposedly the strongest in the world, I was sure Stillens could get around them if he wanted to.

And, of course, no one knew if Albus or Colette were safe. If Albus had been recaptured, none of us would know. Until Stillens killed him to get through to me, at least. And maybe Stillens wanted something from Colette, but if he wanted me more, what was to stop him from killing her?

With all that, I think I was counting down the days with more anxiety than most people.

Really, I wanted to be able to talk to Wren, beg her to be careful and find any excuse to stay at school. Maybe this last message had been purposefully timed with the execution in mind, and Stillens was going to kill someone there. He had no way of knowing I wasn't even allowed to go, so that wouldn't stop him from doing anything. And Wren was someone I loved that he already hated so deeply—as the days went on, I was starting to realize that she was the most logical choice. Despite what Mrs. Potter said about promises to stay at Hogwarts, if Russey asked Wren to be at the trial, she had to be there. I was about to lose her without even getting to say goodbye.

I had so thoroughly convinced myself that that would be Stillens plan that I wasn't expecting it when I was called up to Mr. Longbottom's office late Friday night, two days before the trial. Not that I'd had some false sense of security or anything—I hadn't been feeling secure at all. I guess my anxiety had just been misdirected.

"Who died?" I asked as soon as I'd closed the door. Someone must have died, after all. That's what they'd threatened, and I didn't know why else Mr. Longbottom would be taking the time so see me right now, when there were so many more important things to attend to.

Mr. Longbottom shook his head. "No one, thankfully. There wasn't even any lasting damage. Have a seat."

Somehow, that didn't ease my fear at all. I sank into the chair he gestured to, watching him warily the whole time, waiting for the other shoe to drop. His tone was clearly meant to put me at ease, but it wasn't having the desired effect.

"Astra, I don't have any bad news, all right? The opposite, in fact. It seems like Stillens tried to carry out his threats, but he failed. Everyone is safe."

"Who'd he go after?" I asked dully. How safe was he talking about? Completely traumatized but safe? Hurt so badly they'd ended up in St. Mungo's but safe? "Are they okay?"

"It was your aunt and uncle," he explained calmly. "We think both the Predatels led the attack with around eight other people. Draco and Astoria were tipped off by an alarm when one of the protection spells was broken, so they were ready by the time the attackers made it to the manor. From what I understand there was heavy fighting, but your aunt and uncle were both able to apparate to safety in the end. The worst that happened was that Draco's nose was broken." He pursed his lips as if he were trying not to smile at that, and I suddenly remembered that Uncle Draco didn't want DA protection because he didn't like Mr. Longbottom and Mr. Longbottom didn't like him.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Back to the present. "So... they failed?"

"Spectacularly. Astoria called for aurors as soon as the alarm sounded. The Predatels were nearly apprehended."

"But they weren't."

"Not this time. But this seems to me like evidence that they're getting overconfident. Which leads to being sloppy." He smiled at me. "At least we don't have to worry about those warnings Stillens was trying to send, right?"

At that, my brow furrowed. "You don't think he's going to just try again?"

"I believe your aunt and uncle are staying in some flat in Ireland right now that belongs to Astoria's sister. They've probably put up even more protection charms, as well. They're perfectly safe."

"No, that's not what I meant." Obviously, Uncle Draco and Aunt Astoria were more than capable of protecting themselves. But Mr. Longbottom couldn't really believe Stillens was just going to give up after this? "Who's to say he's not going to try again with someone else? They failed now, but what if we wake up tomorrow to find out that Madam Cantha murdered one of my cousins in their sleep?"

"Elaine and Nico are very vigilant in keeping an eye on Stillens' other agents at Hogwarts. There's really nothing to worry about there."

"You don't know that!" I bit my lip as a lump started rising my throat. "Or... or maybe it'll be Fred Weasley getting picked off at a quidditch match. Or... or Poppy Stevens' family again. Or—"

"I promise you, we're doing everything we can to keep people safe. Fred is in the DA, so he has somewhere he can apparate to the second anything happens. And I've got Hermione and Ron running a safehouse right next door to Poppy's grandmother. We've thought of everything."

That was literally impossible. Stillens was always one step ahead, it felt like. How had they even broken through Uncle Draco's protection charms? Those were supposed to be impenetrable. Who was to say that the charms over Hogwarts weren't equally faulty? Or that they wouldn't be targeting anyone remotely connected to me at the execution?

And... and my family had nearly been killed. Because of me.

"Astra." I started at the sound of my name, only then realizing that I'd zoned out. Mr. Longbottom was watching me with concern. "I know this is stressful for you. It is for all of us. Obviously, I don't want to watch someone die any more than you do. But I need you to remember that we're doing everything we can to keep people safe, all right? That's all we can do. Any of us, including you. I'm hoping for the best, of course, but we've prepared for the worst. Stillens won't catch anyone by surprise, which will make it that much harder for him to follow through on his threats."

Something was missing. There was something that wasn't being done that could be. One loose Jenga block that was going to make the whole tower fall down. But with so many options of what might happen, I had no idea what this something was. I couldn't make anyone understand what I meant, either, except to just explain that they couldn't possibly have prepared for everything, but that just got me a reminder that they were doing the best they could. I didn't want to have to say I told you so when it wasn't enough.

But, like I said, I couldn't make anyone understand. Instead I just sighed. "All right."

"This will all be over soon, hopefully. Ginny's probably a little more pessimistic than I am, but I really think we've got a shot at overthrowing him at the execution. Even if Stillens wants to try again, what can he do between now and then?"

That was the first point anyone had made that I felt comfortable conceding to. After all, one day was a tough turn-around time to try to squeeze in another attempted murder, especially since it seemed like they'd planned this one out far enough to know how to break through the charms. I managed a nod. "I guess that's true."

Mr. Longbottom's face broke into a wide smile. "That's the spirit. Give it forty-eight hours. We'll either have won or have a whole new set of problems to face, but in either case Stillens is going to have a lot more to worry about than a feud with a teenager, okay?" He stood up to walk around his desk and pat my shoulder. "I think it's probably a good idea for you to get some rest tonight. The next two days will be hard, but I promise we'll get through them."

I managed a tired smile as he showed me to the door. I hadn't thought about how much things would change after the execution. Well, I'd thought about how they'd change if we won, of course, but not if we lost. Honestly, I couldn't even imagine what the world would look like in that case. Perhaps that was for the best.

I slept fitfully, dreams full of battles and death and chaos. Those may have just been nightmares, to be honest.

The next day, Mr. Jordan had three broadcasts planned. All three would be heard in the Ministry lobby, as well as around Diagon Alley and in Hogsmeade. Normally, we would never do more than one in a single place, but I guess today's message was more important than most. Our first broadcast was a call to arms, reaching out to every citizen of the wizarding world who valued justice and truth to come stand for what was right at the execution. I'll admit, it was a little hard to say all of that when I knew I wouldn't be doing it myself, but I think I managed to be inspirational anyway.

During the hour or so break between the first and second broadcasts, Mr. Jordan sent Artemis and I up to the house to see if the Quibbler staff had any last minute updates to add to our line-up. I left Artemis to that while I ran upstairs to find Mr. Longbottom. I hadn't had the courage to ask the night before, but I'd been so worried about Wren and James this morning that I'd finally broken and decided to ask if it was possible for some of the aurors in the DA to at least station themselves near my friends the next day. I wasn't ruining their cover or anything—I was going to make it clear that this was in spite of the fact that they'd abandoned the DA, but that didn't change the fact that I cared about them. Besides, Wren had helped us when we'd been stuck trying to restore Artemis's memories. That had to count for something, right?

The house was full to bursting today. I had to dodge several people rushing to meetings on my way upstairs. By the time I got to the third floor where Mr. Longbottom's office was, it had quieted down a little—up here was mainly offices and storage for all the furniture that got displaced when the DA took over, from my understanding.

It occurred to me as I rounded the last landing that Mr. Longbottom might be in one of the many meetings going on downstairs. If I'd climbed three full flights of stairs for nothing... I shook my head. If he was downstairs, I'd talk to him later. Or maybe even just bypass him and ask Teddy to recruit his auror friends for the James and Wren protection detail.

The only one in the hallway up here was Oleander, hurrying towards the stairs as I started down the hallway. He was in such a rush that I don't think he noticed me until he bumped into me.

"Oh, sorry," I said automatically.

Oleander blinked at me in surprise for a moment. It took a second for him to get his wits about him. "Right. Sorry. I... yeah." He shook his head quickly, then started walking past me. "You were warned."

"What?" I turned around, but he was already disappearing down the stairs. Surely I hadn't heard him right. All I'd done was bump into him, after all; how many times had I done the same thing in the infirmary? Once, he'd dropped a whole tray of calming draughts because I wasn't paying attention and ran into him with the laundry cart. What could he possibly be talking about right now, with this I was warned business?

As I turned back around, though, I noticed that Mr. Longbottom's office door was cracked. Slowly, I felt the chill from the suddenly enormous pit in my stomach spread through every inch of my body. The color definitely drained from my face, and for a moment all I could do was stare, my brain refusing to think the thought that was causing all this.

Slowly, I made my way over to the door. I couldn't hear anything from inside. The glimpse of the room I could see from the hallway looked completely normal. That didn't ease the dread I felt as I slowly pushed the door open, not even daring to cross the threshold at first. The dread that increased as I saw a dark spot on the rug behind the desk, slowly growing.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and stepped through. I'd been here enough to cross the room without sight, only stopping when I felt the corner of his desk in my hand. When I opened my eyes, I was standing to one side of it, staring down at... at the worst.

The unimaginable.

The horror I'd been dreading this whole time without even realizing it.

Mr. Longbottom was on the floor, glassy eyes staring up at the ceiling, face eerily pale, a gash in his neck that was still spilling blood.

My first reaction was to scream. My legs were about to give out. Before I fell to my knees right next to the scene, I stumbled backwards towards the doorway. I was about to pass out.

"Astra, what's wrong?" I bumped into Mrs. Potter at the door, come from right across the hall, staring at me with thinly veiled fear in her eyes.

My voice wasn't working. Tears were burning in my eyes. All I could do was shake my head, point to the desk, steady myself on the doorframe.

I watched Mrs. Potter gasp and clutch the desk for support, her expression stricken. "Neville..." She swore, standing over his body for long enough that I thought she'd frozen. Suddenly, she crossed the room, ripped a picture off the wall, and slammed a button that had been hidden beneath.

Instantly, an alarm sounded, loud enough that I would've put my hands over my ears if I could have moved. I just stared at Mrs. Potter, unable to even ask what she'd just done.

She pulled a small receiver off the wall from what I'd always assumed was a decorative telephone. "This location has been compromised. Begin procedures for a full evacuation. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill."

When she put the receiver back, her voice began to play over the alarm. I glanced up at the ceiling as if there might be a speaker there, trying to wrap my head around what was happening. Mr. Longbottom was... and now...

"Astra, look at me." Mrs. Potter had grabbed my shoulders and was now staring into my face. I started as my mind suddenly switched its entire focus to her. "You need to get out of here now. Go downstairs, find Marcus, and tell him to leave the papers for Faith and Xenophilius. He needs to take you to his secondary safehouse."

"His... what?"

"Everyone has a secondary safehouse in case of this kind of emergency. Yours would be with Teddy, but you can't apparate. So you'll need to go with Marcus."

"But..." I shook my head. "What's going on?"

Mrs. Potter's eyes searched mine for just a moment before she answered. "Neville was our secretkeeper, Astra. Which means that now everyone is a secretkeeper. Including—"

"Oleander..." I took a deep breath and found myself gasping for it. My chest was too tight. The room was spinning. There were black spots dancing across my vision.. "This can't... he said—"

"We don't have time for this, love. Go find Marcus and get out of here. I'll find you."

She kissed the top of my head before pushing me out the door. Almost as if I was in a dream, I found myself walking away, towards the stairs. When I looked back, Mrs. Potter was running out of the room as well. The room that was now engulfed in flames.

Somehow, through infinitely more chaos than before, I found the Quibbler's office. Here there were flames too, as Faith, Marcus, and Artemis seemed to be burning literally every piece of paper in the room. Artemis paused as I appeared in the doorway. "What's happened?" she asked softly.

I shook my head instead of answering. I couldn't even think about that right now, not if I wanted even the slightest ability to function. "We need to leave."

"We're helping with—"

I cut Marcus off. "Mrs. Potter said to leave it for Faith. You need to go."

He hesitated, but Faith barely spared us a glance. "Get out of here," she managed, wand flying over piles of papers. "I'll be fine."

"Right." Marcus glanced back at Artemis. "You've been given a safehouse to go to, haven't you?"

"Mrs. Potter said it was the same as yours." She glanced at me. "Do you know where you're going?"

I stared at both of them, breath coming faster and lighter and was the room growing dark? All I could hear was the alarm. "I... I can't..."

"They never gave you one?"

They had, but that wasn't the problem. "I... no, I just... I can't apparate."

That made both of them pause to stare at me. Artemis slowly shook her head. "I don't think it matters whether you have your license or not right now, Astra."

"No. I can't. I don't know how." My eyes darted between them. I think I might have been crying, but I didn't even care. "I haven't... I mean, since Pouri..."

Marcus's eyes widened a little in understanding. "Right. Well, I guess you're coming with us, then."

"She doesn't know where it is, does she?"

Though Marcus raised an eyebrow at me, I found I wasn't even able to find the words to answer. After a moment, he shook his head. "We'll have to figure that out when we get there." He held his arm out to me. "Think you can handle this?"

There was a crash from somewhere in the building, and I heard people yelling. Was the building falling down on our heads? Or something worse? Artemis suddenly looked terrified. "We need to leave right now."

"Then go!" As she disappeared, Marcus glanced back at me, as if somehow I might have magically found the ability to talk again. I was having enough trouble breathing. After about two seconds of hesitation, he grabbed my arm and apparated anyway.

~~~~

I hit the ground hard when we landed, and out of nowhere my arm lit up with fiery pain. I could barely get myself to sit up, let alone figure out what was going on.

"What did you do?" I heard Artemis yelling, but the tears in my eyes were suddenly so thick that I couldn't see her.

"I didn't mean to splinch her!" came Marcus's reply. "I've never done side-along apparation before!"

"Are you serious? I could've done it!"

Suddenly, there was an arm behind my back, supporting me. I slumped against it. All I could think was pain.

Mr. Longbottom bleeding out on the floor.

Pain.

Mrs. Potter's stricken face.

Pain.

You were warned.

Pain.

Marcus was swearing very loudly, very close to me. He and Artemis were arguing frantically, but I couldn't really follow their conversation. I only really noticed when they suddenly cut off. Confused, I blinked a few times, trying to see what was happening. There was another figure, who seemed like they'd appeared out of thin air. I squinted, trying to see through the blur of my tears, and started to make out a familiar form. Completely out of my control, my voice was croaking, "Professor?"

"Oh dear," came Professor McGonagall's voice. I would've sagged with relief if I'd had any part at all in holding myself up just then. I was vaguely aware of her moving towards me, bending down to look at me, or maybe my arm. Why did it feel wet?

"Astra, listen carefully, my dear. We'll get you inside and patched up soon. You're at my home. It's a safehouse. As soon as you pass the gates, you'll be perfectly protected."

I don't know if I nodded or not, but I guess something in my expression or demeanor gave her the impression I'd understood. She stood up. "Help her inside, please." I felt both Artemis and Marcus helping me to my feet and guiding me towards the house that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, too.

For a while, things were a blur. I ended up on a couch, or maybe a bed. Someone was pressing something cold against my arm, and the pain started to float away. People were in and out of the room, talking over my head as I drifted from the present to the horrifying world of my thoughts.

You were warned. How long had Oleander been there, biding his time? No one could have expected something like this, something so impossible. But I'd known we were missing something, hadn't I? I should've realized last night was only a distraction, something to take us off our guard so the real thing could go off with no one the wiser. I should've realized something like this would happen. I should've done something about it. But now Mr. Longbottom was dead. And it's my fault.

After what might have been minutes but might also have been hours, I realized that I'd drifted back to the present fully. I could look down at my forearm and see the bandage wrapped around it, only a dull ache where such a sharp pain had been. My sleeve was ripped and covered in dried blood. I was lying in a bed, but found it was easy to sit up. Everything was so quiet, almost surreal. Had anything actually happened? Had it all been a bad dream?

Something shifted at the edge of my vision and I turned towards it, flinching instinctively. There was someone in chair in the corner, and for a moment I wondered if I was still dreaming.

Scorpius launched himself out of the chair and threw his arms around me, which felt solid enough. Maybe this was real life. "Oh my gosh, Astra, you scared us all so badly! I've never seen someone react like that to getting splinched."

"You..." I sat back to stare at him. "You're here..."

He grinned before pulling me back into a hug. "I've missed you so much!"

This was too many things to think about. I could feel tears on my cheeks again but it wasn't like I could do anything about that. My brain was short-circuiting—I couldn't do anything except stare and try my hardest to keep breathing.

The door opened, and I looked over to see Professor McGonagall enter the room. She smiled sadly at me as she sat down in another chair pulled up to my bedside. "I hope you're feeling better?"

My head was nodding with no input from my brain. I forced myself to say something. "It doesn't hurt that much now."

"Good." Her smile faded, expression growing serious and concerned. "No one who's shown up here can tell me what happened beyond chaos, but I'm told you were with Ginny."

"I..." A sob caught in my throat and I had to pause. It was all real, no dream at all. "I... I found Mr. Longbottom..."

"Go on, dear." She took my hand.

"He'd been... he'd been killed..." My voice was so small, so weak. I wanted to scream about this, fly into a rage. To cry and yell and get this hurricane out of my head. But instead, it was just making me so small.

"I feared as much." McGonagall glanced over at Scorpius. "Would you mind trying the mirrors again, dear? Perhaps someone's settled enough to pass along news."

I watched him leave the room without argument, even though I felt like I should have been begging him to stay right next to me and never leave. That's what a normal Astra would've done, right? What kind of Astra was I right now?

"If you're feeling better, perhaps you'd like to come out and put everyone's mind at ease? Poor Mr. Dillam is convinced that he's killed you."

I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do anything. Everything had suddenly become so horrible that I couldn't even process what it all meant. I wanted to just stop existing, for this to all be over for good so I would never have to think about it or feel anything ever again.

But I found myself nodding. I let her help me out of bed and over to the door. Outside was a small sitting room, overflowing with what might have been two dozen people. I hardly recognized any of them.

"Oh thank Merlin," came Marcus's voice, and I turned to see him and Artemis sharing an ottoman near the door. Everyone was staring at me, but I pretended I didn't see it and instead sank down to the ground next to them.

"It seems that Neville Longbottom has been killed," Professor McGonagall said sorrowfully, her voice somehow radiating calm even though that was some of the worst news she could possibly be giving. "Hopefully, we'll be getting more details as people reach their safehouses. I will relay any new information I get to all of you as soon as it comes."

Several people in the room were watching me, whispering to each other. I turned my back on them, instead facing Marcus and Artemis. At least their stares were also those of concerned friends.

"Are you doing better?" Artemis asked quietly.

"What?" I blinked at her. Was the lack of an actively bleeding wound not enough?

"I mean... you were so shaken when you found us." She pursed her lips. "You didn't... I mean, did you...?"

My chest tightened as I realized what she was talking about. Instead of answering, I looked down at my lap. Did I see it happen? Was I the one who found him? That also seemed obvious enough to not warrant a response. I didn't know if I could give one.

"This is... I mean, it's absolutely mad." Marcus's voice sounded far away, but listening to it was a better alternative than thinking.

"It was calculated," Artemis corrected. "It makes so much sense, when you think about it. Tomorrow was the DA's best chance to fight back, and Stillens just... I don't know. It's like he kicked us in the back of the knee or something. Hard to fight from the ground."

"I don't know why you're saying was," someone nearby said. Her voice sounded vaguely familiar—maybe she was one of Albus's aunts? "We can't give up now. If anything, this is a rallying cry."

"If Stillens thought he was going to put us out of the fight, he's got another think coming," someone else added.

When I looked up at Artemis, she was wincing. "Listen, I... I haven't been here very long, I know. A lot of you probably don't know who I am. But I understand how Stillens works, okay?"

"A little cocky, there," came a mutter.

"Not at all." Marcus shook his head, expression hard. "You all know that Stillens kidnapped muggleborn children in America just like here, don't you?" A murmur of agreement, then Marcus was gesturing to Artemis. "Here's one in the flesh."

A round of whispers that I couldn't make out. I finally dared to turn around and found, to my relief, that no one was looking at me anymore. Artemis was now the center of attention.

She didn't seem to be quailing under the pressure. "It's true. I was completely indoctrinated. I believed everything that Stillens said—about the DA, the Ministry, Astra Lestrange."

"What the hell are you doing here, then?"

"Clearly not working for Stillens." She sighed. "My memories were restored, and I've defected. But I still know how he operates. Everything is thought out to the minute detail. This attack was planned well in advance, and it was meant to be today, just in time to scatter us so it would be more difficult for us to fight together."

The murmurs that went around this time were more subdued, worried. Finally, the woman who had spoken earlier shook her head. She definitely wasn't one of Albus's aunts, but she looked enough like Lacy that I could guess she was her mum. "We can't let this stop us from doing what's right. If Stillens is trying to drive us into the ground, we rise above."

"He thinks he's crippled us, does he?" someone else called out. "We'll show him crippled, won't we?"

The energy level continued to rise as everyone started joining in, declaring their renewed determination to fight against all odds tomorrow, to win or die trying. I couldn't bring myself to join in. I don't think I could have even if I wanted to. How could I possibly think about that when all I could see when I closed my eyes was Mr. Longbottom's glassy stare?

I jumped when someone put their hand on my shoulder, though when I turned around it was just Scorpius. He was frowning at me, seeming overly concerned until I realized that the room was growing smaller and I probably looked like I was hyperventilating. Through the noise, I somehow heard him ask, "Do you want to step outside?"

Within thirty seconds, he'd steered me through the crowd, past the kitchen, and out to the stoop. From what I could see, we were near the edge of a village, much like the ones James and I had driven through in Wales. I could see cows grazing in a pasture across the road, and a few more houses down the lane. I glanced at Scorpius apprehensively, and he just smiled. "The fidelius charm extends to the fence. No one can see or hear us, even if they were standing right at the gate."

I only nodded in response. While I felt a little less like my chest was going to explode, I was still on the verge of tears, it felt like. And though my breathing had steadied, my thoughts had not.

For a while, we just sat in silence on the stoop. A small part of me was cursing myself for not taking advantage of this moment, asking Scorpius every question I had for him and telling him everything that had gone on since I'd last seen him. But my mind couldn't find anything to say about that. I couldn't think about anything except what I'd seen today.

If I'd recognized Oleander's words immediately, instead of hesitating in the hallway for so long, would I have made it in time to save him? Or would I at least have been able to stop Oleander from escaping, erasing the need for immediate evacuation? I had to imagine he'd gone immediately to Stillens, or whoever his handler was, and come back with a small army. Why else would Mrs. Potter have been so frantically burning everything down?

And... well... this was my fault, wasn't it? I should have realized that Isaac and Katreena Predatel weren't stupid enough to leave witnesses unless they wanted to, that it was only a diversion when they'd attacked the Malfoys. Stillens hadn't failed at all—he'd gotten exactly what he wanted. He'd even gotten to rub it in my face, too. There was no way around that.

Mr. Longbottom had died because of me.

Sure, it was a crippling blow to the DA. I wasn't denying that it had been a strategic move for Stillens. But it was also a message, directly to me. It didn't matter how safe I thought I was, how safe I thought anyone was. Stillens could reach them. There was no escape.

If I'd turned myself in, would this have happened? I wanted to say no immediately, but I couldn't. Because the truth was, I didn't know. Stillens had calculated this, but what Mrs. Potter had said a few nights ago had been true, as well: he was an unstable man. And he seemed to be more unstable than usual when I was involved. If anyone else had been with Wren and Albus, he wouldn't have bothered with the theatrics the night of the DA raid. He would've killed or captured all of them immediately, instead of giving us a chance to escape. If the elder wand had been in anyone else's vault, he could have snuck in and out with a good chance that no one would've been the wiser.

If I had turned myself in, he might have ignored the DA just long enough for them to strike.

Everyone had told me that this ultimatum wasn't true, that there was some mysterious third option other than give in or watch people die. But didn't this prove the opposite? I might have the choice of resisting, but people would still die. People I cared about. I didn't think Stillens was a trustworthy man, but if there was any chance my friends would be safer...

It was rumored that Stillens himself would be at the execution. According to some of the aurors, an entire fourth floor had been erected at the venue that was going to be completely off limits, even to them. They weren't supposed to patrol up there, and they were to guard the stairs against anyone else, as well. That was where he'd be, if he was there. And if he wasn't? Katreena or Isaac would be. This was too important to happen without supervision. That's what everyone said, anyway. I had to agree.

Who else would have to die before he finally got to me? Who would be next? I could imagine too many people, every person I loved. Even the Lupins left their flat to get groceries, after all. No one was safe.

Not as long as I chose to fight.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the door opening behind us. Artemis and Marcus nearly tumbled over us, seeming surprised that we were sitting right in the doorway. "Oh, good, we were looking for you two," Artemis said.

"Why?" Scorpius stood up and offered me his hand. His brow was furrowed in concern. "I think Astra might just want to be left alone..."

"She'll want to hear this," Marcus said quickly. He glanced over his shoulder and pulled the door closed, but even then his voice was nearly a whisper when he continued. "I know Mrs. Potter told us we weren't allowed to go tomorrow, but she technically made us promise to stay at the compound. Now that things have gotten more complicated, it seems like a completely logical move to help fight..."

Artemis was watching me apprehensively. "Of course, neither of you should feel obligated to come. You've got to decide that for yourselves. But we wanted to let you know what we're doing, if you did decide to join us."

Scorpius seemed almost incredulous, but he looked at me to wait for my answer before saying anything. I pursed my lips, wondering if I would be able to find words now. To my surprise, they came easily. "Of course I'm coming. How could I not?"

"Perfect! What about you, Malfoy?"

I wondered if Marcus had bothered to explain that we'd become friends again through the DA. That didn't really matter. Scorpius was wincing. "I... I mean, I'm not really any good in a fight. I feel like McGonagall would kill me, too."

Artemis nodded seriously. "She's more intimidating than I expected her to be."

"Oh, she's actually really great." Scorpius shrugged. "It's been wonderful being here. I just think she'd be worried enough to follow if I snuck off to the execution. Though, I mean... I guess she'd be just as worried about the three of you."

The way Marcus's eyes widened in fear told me he hadn't thought about that. "Merlin, you don't think she'd come after us?"

"It wouldn't be her first battle." Scorpius shrugged. "If you're all set on going, I'll come, too. Just expect McGonagall to be on our heels, and not very happy about it."

"Once we get there it'll be too late for that," Artemis said decidedly. She glanced between the three of us, excitement and fear waging war in her eyes. "Whatever happens, we're not giving up."

Scorpius and Marcus agreed, and I just nodded. I'd been so overwhelmed today that no one thought to ask me anything else about it, even as the three of them made plans later.

Which was good, considering my plan wasn't to fight.

My plan was to get upstairs.

My plan was to turn myself in.

And my plan was to end this once and for all.

~~~~

And you guys thought I couldn't get worse after Harry...

Question of the Day: Um... do you hate me?

If it's any points in my favor I kept having to stop writing this to scream...

On a much lighter note, hufflepuff-cat made a meme book for this series that you should go check out! She's making a chapter for each chapter of this series, which is an enormous undertaking, considering this book alone already has over 70.

Vote and comment!

~Elli

Word count: 7848