~Albus~

I don't think I've ever seen anyone as shocked as Gideon and Vinnie when I showed up on their doorstep in the middle of the night. Vinnie didn't even correct Gideon's "Holy Merlin."

Of course, once they'd gotten over the initial surprise and ushered me inside, they were full of questions. What was I doing here, how had I gotten out, did anyone know where I was? I was so mentally exhausted that I could barely answer their questions, though I did get them to promise to tell no one I was there. I think I fell asleep on the couch after that, and didn't wake up until it was nearly the afternoon.

They were gone when I woke up, probably out chasing some story. That was perfectly fine with me—gave me a little more time before I had to explain everything. How could I possibly explain? The weight of everything that had happened last night was settling onto me, and I found myself struggling to wrap my mind around it all.

Colette was just... gone. Forever. It was my fault, it was Teddy's fault, it was everyone involved's fault. And there was nothing anyone could do.

On top of that, I'd run away. I blinked away tears, latching onto that to keep myself from crying again. I'd run away from Teddy and Mum. What was I supposed to do now?

Obviously, I'd come here for a reason: if I knew anyone in the DA who could (and would) let me stay with them while hiding it from the rest of the DA, it was Gideon and Vinnie. That didn't necessarily mean they'd keep it a secret, once they'd heard what happened, but maybe I could convince them. Let me stay here, don't tell anyone. I supposed I could go to the Shrieking Shack when the full moon came around. I had about two weeks until then to figure out what that would look like, since it seemed like I wouldn't be able to get any wolfsbane potion now. But what if Gideon and Vinnie didn't want a werewolf staying with them?

Well, if that's what happened, I'd run off on my own. It wasn't fair to not tell them, and it wasn't fair to force myself on them, considering how dangerous I was now. I'd go to the Shrieking Shack and decide what to do from there.

For lack of anything better to do (and to keep my mind off Colette), I wandered around the apartment. The walls were covered with articles, many of which they'd written. That might've looked vain to some people, but many of them I recognized as their best attempts at looking incompetent while actually bringing attention to horrible things or questioning the status quo. Colette had read so many of these to us...

There were also several from my fifth year, the stories building up to the attack on the Ministry. The original article about Cassie was there (nope, skip, couldn't think about her), and all those articles slandering Astra (absolutely not, move on, couldn't think about her either), and Faith's first time getting in trouble for sarcastically insulting the whole country (perfect, wonderful, read that five times in a row to forget all the other ones).

It was a really small two bedroom flat, and almost the entire living area was taken up by their workspace. There were two computers with multiple monitors, an enormous collection of photography equipment stacked next to the fireplace, and a bookshelf overflowing with even more copies of the Prophet and dozens of the small notebooks Vinnie always carried around. On top of that, there were several curtains cordoning off one entire corner, which I discovered was a makeshift darkroom for developing photos. There were probably some compact mirrors hidden in the dark somewhere, but I didn't go looking for them.

I'd wandered into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal before they returned. They were loaded down with grocery sacks and chattering about something, but broke off almost as soon as they saw me. Gideon dumped the groceries on the counter and Vinnie dropped into the seat across from me, brows knitted together in concern. "You're awake! Are you feeling all right?"

I blinked. If they hadn't even known I'd escaped, they couldn't possibly know I was a werewolf, right? "Uh... I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You were really... distraught last night," Gideon said slowly. "Do you remember that?"

Of course I did. Not that I wanted to think about it, but if I was going to impose myself on these two the least I could do was explain what had happened. "Yeah, I remember. I... Colette..."

Gideon and Vinnie exchanged a glance that I couldn't read. After that, Vinnie drew herself up a little straighter and smiled sadly at me. "Why don't you start at the beginning, if you can?"

"Right." I swallowed down the sudden desire to cry. Hadn't I done enough of that already? "Well... I mean, I guess you might've known we were taken to a detention center."

Gideon nodded. "It's never been official public knowledge, but we all kind of guessed, even before one of Neville's source confirmed it."

"Great. I guess you wouldn't know they had some operations going to get people out?"

"The Quibbler published something about a recently escaped prisoner, but that was months ago," Vinnie filled in for me. Her eyes lit up. "Was that you?"

"I... no." I smiled a bit as it hit me that at Scorpius had been out for months now. "I was only taken out two weeks ago or so."

"Wow..." She looked down at the table, and I imagined she was taking notes in her head or something. "You've been there all that time, then. What was it like?"

"Vinnie!"

She winced, immediately regretful. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that. I'm not interviewing you."

"Tell us whatever you're comfortable with," Gideon added. "No pressure."

If I stuck to what I was comfortable with, I would probably have just stopped there. Instead, I closed my eyes and propped my head up with my hands. "They got me out, but they left Colette."

A small gasp that sounded like Gideon was the only response to that. I bit my lip. "She... I didn't want to go. Didn't want to be rescued without her. But they didn't listen to me. And now... now she's disappeared."

There was a pause before Vinnie slowly asked, "What do you mean, disappeared?"

"Gone. Erased from the records. Vanished from existence." I looked back up, blinking quickly to keep tears from falling. "It's like she was never there, apparently."

"No..." Vinnie was blinking, too, and Gideon seemed to be in shock. "Oh, that's horrible," Vinnie whispered. "Is there anything they can do?"

"No." I swallowed hard again. "She's beyond help, is what they said. Teddy said. I... it's his fault."

Now they both looked a little confused. "Teddy Lupin?" Gideon asked. "How is it his fault?"

"He's the one that rescued me, and I told him, I told him what would happen if he left her there alone, and he didn't listen. Took me without my will. Forced me to leave her behind." A sob got caught in my throat, and I had to take a breath. "And... and now she's gone."

For just a moment, they looked simply stunned. Gideon shook his head slowly. "I... I'm guessing this happened recently? Did you run away?"

I nodded, reaching up to wipe at my eyes. "It was last night. I... I just couldn't bear being around them, having them trying to cheer me up... Don't tell my mum I came here, please. Or Teddy. Or anyone. I can go somewhere else if I need to, of course, but—"

"Out of the question," Vinnie decided automatically. "Of course you're welcome here."

"We're pretty good at keeping secrets," Gideon added. "No one from the DA will know."

"Maybe we can find some leads on where Colette ended up, too!" Vinnie said, eyes widening. "We've got some contacts in the auror department who won't ask questions."

For the first time in weeks, I felt myself relaxing a little. A grateful smile made its way onto my face. "Thank you, really."

"You're our friend, Al," Gideon said, shrugging. "You've been through hell. It's the least we can do."

~~~~

Over the next week I got into a normal rhythm. Gideon and Vinnie were gone most days, and I spent that time either reading their stacks and stacks of the Prophet or sneaking around Hogsmeade with a cloak fully covering my face, figuring out the best, least noticeable out of town so I could get to the Shrieking Shack easily.

I told them I was a werewolf at some point, after realizing I'd been so focused on Colette originally that I'd left that part out. Neither of them seemed that concerned about having a werewolf in their flat, which was a relief. Vinnie went as far as offering to go to Knockturn Alley to find some black market wolfsbane potion, but I shot that down immediately. No need to go to that much trouble for it, give people a chance to ask questions. I'd just make sure I couldn't get near anyone.

It had been six days since I'd arrived when I finally found the first mention of James in the Prophet. Not that I was looking for him, really, but... I mean, how could he have joined the Ministry? Maybe a little part of me was hoping that one of those articles would let something slip, show that somehow, some way, he hadn't really abandoned our entire family. Obviously, I knew that was a ridiculous hope, yet hear I was, scouring every paper in the past year for any sign of him.

However, the very first article about him wasn't just about him. I felt like the floor was dropping out from underneath me as I read,

Russey Offers Hope for Potter and Predatel

What the hell?

Of course, with a headline like that, I couldn't help reading on, where my suspicions were confirmed. It wasn't just James. It was Wren. Wren had joined Russey and his Ministry. Wren was right up next to James, showing public support. Wren, who need exactly what kind of monster Russey was. Wren, who had been kidnapped almost a year ago! Was this something Stillens was forcing her to do, in exchange for seeing James or something? But it said she was returning to Hogwarts, so that didn't make any sense unless she'd completely switched sides. It hadn't sounded like Stillens was going to let her anywhere near freedom ever again if he had his way. So had she escaped, somehow? But why would she have gone to the Ministry?

Something wasn't adding up. James, sure, that made sense. He'd made it perfectly clear where he stood on everything, even if that was while Wren was gone. But how could Wren have turned her back on the DA? Surely she couldn't have, right? Not when she'd been helping Nico Jasper get involved with the DA, fighting so hard against everyone there, staying strong for far longer than I could have in her position. That didn't make any sense. According to these articles, this must have happened the same week that Colette and I had been arrested. Things couldn't have changed for her that badly, that quickly, could they? None of this made any sense.

By the time Gideon and Vinnie stopped by for lunch, I'd read every single Prophet article about either of them, and I already had a plan to answer a lot of my questions. It said she was at Hogwarts, right? That meant it wouldn't be hard to get to her, or for her to get to me. I just needed to get a message to her. Which would've been hard, except I was living with two reporters who had a perfect excuse to get her by herself.

"Absolutely not," Vinnie said the minute I brought it up. "I'm not delivering anything to her."

"You only just found out about her?" Gideon asked, running a hand through his hair as if he couldn't quite get a grip on any of this. "No one told you what she and James have been doing?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "No one thought it was important I guess. But I need to talk to her."

"Why?" Vinnie shook her head in bewilderment. "What do you have to talk about? It's pretty clear what's going on with them."

"It's not, though." I groaned and closed my eyes, cursing the stupid fidelius charm that kept me from explaining why. Wren wasn't scared, not enough to do something like this. She couldn't be. It didn't add up. "She already knows you two work for the DA, and she hasn't told anyone yet, right? So there's no risk. I have to talk to her."

Gideon and Vinnie were exchanging a reluctant look when I glanced back up, but Vinnie was the one who sighed dramatically. "Fine. But don't blame us when something goes horribly wrong."

"Or when she starts telling you things you don't want to hear." Gideon huffed. "How do you expect us to get her alone, exactly?"

"Simple." I pushed one copy of the Prophet across the kitchen table, one that had an article about these radio broadcasts Astra had been doing. Apparently, she'd been focusing a lot on some trial Wren had testified at (and completely dragging her through the mud, which didn't bode well for where Wren's loyalties lay but I was choosing to ignore that just then). "You interview her about that."

Vinnie squinted at the paper. "About the trial? That was over a month ago."

"Obviously not. I meant these broadcast things. Wren and Astra were best friends, you know. Maybe you just want a story on how she's coping with this."

I could tell that got her, because Vinnie didn't immediately shoot me down. Instead, she glared at the paper for a moment, then huffed. "Listen, just because it'd make a good story doesn't mean we want to do it, okay?"

"You haven't had to watch everyone at the Ministry and the Prophet worship the ground they walk on," said Gideon. "They're Russey's favorites, you know. I think the way Faith phrased it was 'his pets.' You see why we might not want to put ourselves back on her radar?"

If Wren hadn't turned them in yet, she had no intention to, I was sure. She couldn't have changed so much that she'd be willing to blackmail them with that, right? Clearly, whatever was going on, she didn't care about turning in DA members to Russey. I really hoped that wasn't all it was, some unwillingness to actively fight against the DA. There had to be more going on, right? My friend hadn't changed, not like that. She couldn't have.

"Please," I said finally. "Please, just a note. You don't have to take long. I'll even meet her somewhere else, if you want. But I have to talk to her. I need to hear all this from her."

"Prepare to be disappointed, then," Gideon muttered with an almost sad shake of his head.

"Fine." Vinnie sighed. "Might as well let her come here. No reason to put you in any more danger. At least this is a controlled environment."

"Right. We can stop her if she tries to do anything," Gideon agreed.

I didn't tell them that Wren would never hurt me, because I wasn't quite sure if that was true anymore. Not with this Wren who didn't make any sense. Instead, I just smiled as Vinnie passed me her notebook and told me to write my message, then, if I was going to insist on this. I don't even remember what I wrote, to be perfectly honest, just that I'd told her to come before the full moon, and they didn't let me sign it. It would have to do.

The next few days I was in a constant state of anxiety. They'd gotten the message to her that same afternoon, and assured me that ("unfortunately") she seemed like she was taking it seriously. I'd guessed that she'd be most likely to sneak out at night, which meant that even after it was long past I should have expected her, I couldn't sleep those next few nights. Even though Gideon had insisted I stay in one of the bedrooms when she got here ("just in case"), I was still running to the door at every sound that could even possibly be a knock, a tap, a breath. It still took three days.

Finally, finally, I heard a knock at the door and it was really a knock. The quick look I got through the peephole revealed almost nothing in the complete darkness of the entranceway, but someone was there. Vinnie pushed past me to take a look for herself, then Gideon was hissing at me to get to his bedroom and let them make sure everything was safe. I didn't want to, but I found myself sitting on the end of Gideon's bed before I knew it, my only view the bathroom door across the hall.

The front door opened and closed, then there was a bunch of whispering. I tapped my hand against the bed, fighting the urge to just go out there. Before long, the whispering ended. I rose to my feet as I heard hesitant footsteps coming toward me.

My plan was to act angry when she got here, in case she really was fully on board with James and Russey. Pretend it was James, or something. However, any chance of that happening disappeared the moment she appeared in the doorway, tears in her eyes already.

For a moment, neither of us moved. I'd been expecting her, of course, but I somehow couldn't believe it was really her, she was really here.

Wren seemed to be in a similar state of shock, but it cracked as soon as she tried to smile. Instead, she let out something like a sob and crossed the room before I had time to stop her. "Oh my gosh, Albus," she whispered, hugging me so tightly that I wasn't sure if she'd noticed I couldn't manage to get my arms to move to hug her back. I did my best to pull away without actually pushing her. Was I afraid of hurting her? Probably. I still wasn't used to the change.

Wren stepped back as soon as she felt me pulling away, her face red. "I'm sorry," she said, biting her lip. "I shouldn't have done that. I was just so..." She shook her head, seeming at a loss for words as she looked me over. "I can't... I mean, you're here, and I don't... how did... I mean..." She blinked, and several tears managed to spill over. "I'm so sorry, Albus," she whispered, finally meeting my eyes again.

My stomach turned. What could she be sorry about? Maybe she really had turned traitor with James. I'd somehow been clinging to the hope that that couldn't be true. "You're... sorry? Why would you need to be sorry?"

She looked down, hugging her arms across herself tightly, then squeezed her eyes closed. "I'm the reason you were there."

I'd never heard something more ridiculous, but my heart still dropped. I blinked at her for a moment, trying to understand what she was saying and utterly failing. "You're... what?"

Wren took a deep breath before opening her eyes again, though she didn't look up at me. "I broke," she said softly, voice hollow. "I broke, and Stillens saw that Colette's a spellmaker. That's what they wanted, right?"

I nodded slowly, feeling a little like I'd jumped out of the way of a bicycle only to be run over by a truck. I couldn't quite process what she was saying, it felt like. She'd broken. That's what had happened. That's why they'd known. But... surely that wasn't her fault. My mind flashed back to Nico's descriptions of what had been happening at the manor, Zaria Hempsey given free rein to torture Wren however she saw fit. Besides, breaking for her didn't even mean actively giving in, right? Just slipping, letting Stillens see something he wasn't meant to.

Wren was making a very obvious effort not to cry, and the sound of her shaky breathing pulled me back to the present. I shook my head, feeling my own eyes growing wet as I blinked. "Wren, no, you can't think like that. It's not your fault."

"I chose to let it all go, Al."

"What happened?"

She sighed, and a story spilled out of James breaking into the manor, getting caught, being tortured. Of her not being able to watch it, Stillens reminding her over and over that she could end it. And though apparently Nico had erased many of her memories, Colette wasn't one of them. She hadn't even known at the time that everything wasn't there.

"I'm sorry," she finished, voice nearly breaking. She still hadn't met my eyes. "I... I'm so sorry, Albus. Will you... I mean, could you ever forgive me?"

There was nothing to forgive, and I knew it instantly. But I didn't say that. I wanted to hug her, but I didn't do that either. Instead, I drew in a deep breath. "Wren, look at me." She did, slowly, almost seeming afraid of what she'd see. I managed a smile that probably looked more sad than anything. "Of course I'd forgive you. I do. I always will."

She seemed surprised, which I felt like a knife digging into my heart. My throat was getting tighter; I maybe had two more minutes of talking before I was in tears, too. I kept going before she could say anything. "I should be the one apologizing, though. You never would've been in the place to break if it wasn't for me."

"Al, no—"

"Seriously, Wren." I closed my eyes and clenched my hand into a fist, because I couldn't touch her. I could hurt her. Or... when she knew the truth, maybe she'd be as disgusted as I sometimes felt. That's not the point. "I'm so sorry. I was stupid, and reckless, and I put you in danger. Even if you'd gotten out that night, it would've been a horrible thing to put you through. And..." A sob was coming, and I paused to swallow it down. "You deserve much better than that. I can't ever make up for it."

My eyes were still closed, but I could feel her moving closer to me. I pulled away quickly as she reached for my arm, and opened my eyes in time to see her wince. "I... sorry, I wasn't thinking," she said, looking down.

"It's not you," I said quickly. Trying to reassure her. "It... I mean, I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" Wren frowned at me, not seeming to understand. Obviously not. How could she?

I stared at her a moment, aware that my lip was probably quivering and the tears in my eyes were threatening to spill over any second. She was watching me with obvious concern, but I was so scared that that was going to change to disgust, or even fear, if I told her what I'd become. Even if she hid it quickly, it would show, if only for a second. And it would always be there, hiding. I couldn't face that.

But I couldn't lie to her, either. I took a deep breath, tried once to start speaking and had nothing come out. A second time, and I managed some sound. Good enough. "I... I'm a werewolf."

Though I braced myself, Wren's face was simply shock for several moments. It then melted into sorrow. "Oh, Albus..." Instead of drawing back, or even just leaning away, she clasped her hands. She stared at me for a moment, blinking back tears, then shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Al."

And then she leaned forward and hugged me.

I started back, which made her glance up at me in confusion. Had she gone mad? "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

I shook my head. "You can't... I mean, you shouldn't... I mean, aren't you... afraid of me?"

She stared at me like I'd asked her whether Christmas was in March, or something equally silly. After a moment that really, genuinely seemed to be her wrapping her mind around the question, she slowly shook her head. "Why should I be afraid of you?"

Damn. She didn't have to make me say it, did she? "I'm a monster."

"No, you're not." Wren tilted her head a little. "You're still Albus. I know you're not going to hurt me. You're one of my best friends."

With that, she reached forward to hug me again without waiting for my response. And somehow, I didn't have anything to say. It was like something had flipped a switch, and suddenly all I could do was cling to her as the tears started to fall and didn't stop. She might have been crying, too, I wasn't sure. But I certainly was. The floods that I'd been holding in for days now were finally raining down, threatening to sweep me away. But I just held onto one of my closest friends, and with her it seemed that I could weather out the storm.

Eventually, we did. The sobs faded to shaky breaths, the tears to occasional blinking. I finally pulled back, looking down. "I... um... well, I mean, I have a lot of questions."

Wren seemed to be expecting that. She smiled a little before sitting down on the end of the bed. "I'm sure I have a lot of answers."

You know, I'd put so much thought into how this was going to go, but this had already gone so far off script that I couldn't even remember what I'd planned to say. I sat down next to her, trying to figure out if there was a better way than to just be blunt. "You... it's just... you didn't abandon the DA, did you?"

She shook her head. "Not really, no. Neither did James."

"I don't want to talk about him."

At that she looked down. It took her a minute to nod. "Right. But... anyway, um, no. I haven't abandoned the DA. I'm just not part of it anymore."

I mean, I guess that made sense. She'd been a spy before. Couldn't really do that now. "I just... I don't understand... why Russey?"

She winced. "I can't really explain that without mentioning James..."

"Fine." I bit back a groan. "But no more than necessary."

For a moment, she frowned at the far wall like she was gathering her thoughts. "Do you remember when Russey gave me that cellphone last year and told me to call him if I ever found out something interesting?"

That wasn't where I'd expected her to go. I squinted at her in confusion. "Yeah. Why?"

"Well... he was clearly trying to go behind Stillens' back. And I thought that probably wasn't something he would want Stillens to find out about..."

I stared at her for a moment, not sure I was following. "Are you... did you blackmail the Prime Minister?" She nodded, but that didn't clear anything up. "For what? James to get a shitty job?"

"Not exactly." Wren's eyes finally met mine again. "Apparently, James has had this plan for a while? And I'm so sorry, I don't really know what happened last fall, but he said the whole time he was trying to distance himself from the DA in order to be more desirable to the Ministry. He wanted to help organize resistance from the inside."

I stared at her, now feeling like I might've dodged the truck, but I'd just gotten run over by a train. "He... you mean... the whole time...?" It couldn't be true. James had put us through all of that on purpose? He'd been out there playing the hero without even telling us what he was doing? Why would he have lied to me, especially when he could see how much it was hurting. Brothers aren't supposed to treat each other like that.

"I'm sorry," Wren whispered, and I realized she'd leaned against my arm. "I think he wanted to tell you as soon as he'd gotten into the Ministry, but... but by then it was too late."

I shook my head, angry at the tears that were starting to form in my eyes. "It doesn't matter," I said gruffly. "So... you're both what? Tricking Russey into thinking you're on his side?"

"That, and running a secret society."

At that, I pulled away to look at her in the face. "What?"

"They're called themselves the Friends of a Brighter Future," Wren said, shrugging. "James founded it at the Ministry. With... well, with Eris Prince..."

"Has everyone lost their minds?" I stared at her for a moment, half expecting her to start laughing at how easily I'd believed that joke.

Instead, Wren pursed her lips. "There are so many people who want to fight Stillens but don't trust the DA, at the Ministry and at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts? You're doing it there, too?"

"I mean, I'm leading it in name only, really. Ciara's doing most of it."

Forget the train. I was getting run over by an airplane. "Ciara?"

Finally, Wren's eyes lit up. "They rescued her too! And Cassie Williams. I guess I forgot to mention that Astra and James worked together to get us all out. Sorry."

Okay, maybe it was a cruise ship. "I... what?"

Wren sighed, though she was still smiling. "I'm really not doing a good job at this, am I? Maybe I need to start at the beginning." And she did, starting with Nico at the manor, meeting Cassie, the day Astra and James showed up out of nowhere and hatched a plan to rescue all three of them. Astra and Ciara had left first, it seemed (so Teddy had lied when he'd said Astra had rescued Cassie, as well as literally all of the rest of this). That was where the story of James getting captured fit in, but they'd managed to escape, spirit Cassie away to the Lupins (lies of omission are still lies, Teddy). Astra had gone to the DA, and James and Wren to the Ministry, and somehow both Ciara and Wren had ended up back at Hogwarts, and Nico had started working with Astra to restore the kids' missing memories (Colette would've been so happy...) and Professor Rinduli was actually a kidnapped child who never got obliviated and was currently being vetted by the DA and... okay, there was a lot. Not enough to make me stop being angry at James, but more than enough to completely absolve Wren of any possible wrongdoing there. Let's just say I was getting run over by multiple cruise ships.

We'd been talking for nearly an hour before Wren finally looked down and softly asked how I'd gotten there, which made me feel terrible for not thinking about what she was going through just then. All I'd told her was that I had lycanthropy? Horribly inconsiderate, when Wren was likely just as confused about how I'd gotten here as I'd been about her. I closed my eyes, wondering how I could even explain it all.

"Um... the detention centers were terrible, of course," I said slowly. "I'm sure you can imagine."

Wren nodded, seeming pained. "Nico said that... said Welling..."

Before she could continue, I nodded once and closed my eyes. "Yeah. He was there. He was worse." Don't think about that, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. "Um... anyway, I guess Teddy's got a team going undercover there, trying to rescue people. Like Scorpius?"

"You're kidding." Wren's eyes grew wide. "He's safe?"

"As far as I know. No one really told me anything." I shrugged. "Anyway, I guess Colette and I were the real goal? But Teddy thought it would be better to try to get us out separately." Tears were blurring my vision again. "I was begging him not to do it, not to leave her there alone, but he didn't listen. He made me leave her."

Wren had grown pale. "What happened to Colette?"

Of course, she could already tell. I was sure it wasn't just because I was upset, either. She had to know how much of a death sentence that was, just as well as I did. I closed my eyes tightly. "She's not in the records anymore. Completely erased. She's gone."

"What?" Her voice was barely audible, and she looked a little like she might be sick all of a sudden. "She's... but..."

"I know." I closed my eyes tightly and felt a few tears escape anyway. "I can't... I don't know how to even put it in words."

Wren let out a quiet sob, and I shifted a little so I could put my arm around her. This wasn't fair. Wren and I both had practically returned from the dead. Why didn't Colette get to do that, too? Why did she have to keep suffering, completely and utterly alone?

"What... what do they think happened to her?" Wren asked between shaky breaths.

"Um..." I tried to remember if Teddy had said anything about that, but I was pretty sure he hadn't. "They don't know, I think. Teddy said he'd never seen anything like it before."

She nodded slowly. "So... so that means she's probably still alive, right?"

"For now." I closed my eyes, trying not to imagine what it might mean. It was far too painful.

It took Wren a few moments to say anything, long enough that I finally turned to look at her. She was frowning at the far, seeming deep in thought, but shook her head slightly when I moved. "Maybe... I mean, clearly they took her somewhere, right? Maybe it was somewhere they couldn't even put in the detention center records."

A pit was growing in my stomach, though I wasn't entirely sure what she was saying. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe... maybe Stillens got tired of waiting? Maybe he wanted her nearby..."

The pit in my stomach was now large enough to swallow me whole. "Like... you think she's at the manor?"

"I don't know," she said quickly. "I hope not. Just... it's a possibility, I think." She hesitated for a moment, they buried her face in her hands. "This is all so horrible..."

"I... yeah..." I took a shuddering breath, an effort to get a hold of myself.

Suddenly Wren gasped. "If she's at the manor, Nico might be able to find her, at least. See if she's okay."

For one moment, there was a spark of hope, but it went out immediately. "No, that won't work. You'd have to tell him how you know Colette disappeared, and no one can know I'm here."

Instead of looking dejected, Wren. winced a little, the look she got when she knew she was to say something I didn't like. "It might be a good idea to tell him—"

"Absolutely not!"

"No, wait, just listen." She held my gaze for a moment before looking down. "I'm just thinking practically, Al... I think it'd be good to have some way to communicate, one that didn't rely on Gideon and Vinnie. They can hardly stand being in the same room as me."

"So what're you suggesting? Nico just sneak out all the time instead?"

"What? No. I mean his snakes."

I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it again. Maybe she had a point. It'd be nice to not have to beg Gideon and Vinnie to deliver any messages again. Besides, the only other parselmouth I knew besides Nico was Professor Sulcan, and I was sure Nico had already warned his snakes off him. There was literally no way any messages we sent could be intercepted.

The question now was whether all that was worth it to have to filter everything I said through Nico Jasper.

At least he probably wouldn't tell Haverna. And, I mean, I guess he'd dropped much lower on the list of people I was furious with. He wasn't as bad as Teddy and James, or even Astra, and certainly had nothing on Welling. I probably wouldn't fight him on sight. Maybe Wren was right.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh that was more for show than anything. "I guess that makes sense."

Wren smiled at me almost like she was relieved. "Maybe, you know, if Poppy helped, we'd be able to figure out how to brew the wolfsbane potions? Between the three of us? Becausee—"

I found myself shaking my head, and ended up cutting her off. "You're not telling Poppy."

She blinked. "What? Why?"

"I can't..." I closed my eyes, like that would help me figure out what I was even trying to say. I hadn't even consciously thought about this, really, but now it seemed my subconscious had made some decisions for me. "I just can't handle that right now," I whispered. "I... I'm afraid I might hurt her, or maybe she'll be scared of me? And... and even if she's not, she shouldn't have to be burdened down by all this. She doesn't deserve that."

"Are you crazy?" I opened my eyes to stare at Wren in surprise, only to find her frowning at me. "Do you know how hurt she'd be if she heard you say something like that?"

I blinked; nothing I'd said was that horrible, surely. "I... what do you mean?"

"For one thing, she certainly won't be afraid of you. And she would hate that you're trying to protect her by keeping her away. Surely you know she wouldn't want that."

Would she not? What if I told her how I'd accidentally killed someone? And how could anyone really be sure if they'd feel fear or not when hearing something like this? Sure, Wren wasn't afraid of me, but she'd met monsters far worse than I was. Poppy hadn't. Hopefully, I was worst she'd ever meet, but if I was... who was to say that wouldn't frighten her?

"No. You can't tell her."

"Albus..."

"No." I frowned at her, trying to show her how serious I was with just an intense stare. "You can't tell her. It's something I should be able to talk to her about. When I'm ready. And.... and I'm not ready yet."

Wren looked down. "I really do understand, Albus. But... I mean, don't you remember how upset James was when I tried that?"

"That was different."

"Not much!" She took my hand, and I turned my head away so I wouldn't be able to see her pleading with me. "The longer you wait, the more hurt she'll be. Sure, she's not going to blow up like James did, but it'll still be so painful. Do you really want to do that to her?"

It wouldn't be like that. Surely it wouldn't. This was a totally different situation. Poppy wasn't James, I wasn't Wren, and this was nothing like Wren lying to James about Zaria Hempsey. I wasn't even lying about anything! I just didn't want Poppy to know, not yet.

"You can't tell her."

Wren wilted. "Can she at least know you're here?"

"No!" I frowned at her. If I saw her, if she tried to get near me, I wouldn't be able to avoid touching her without her asking why. Then I would be lying. "No one can know except for you and Nico. No one."

She frowned at me, but it was more sad than frustrated. "I... all right. I won't tell her."

"Promise?"

"Of course." For a moment, it looked like she was trying to smile, but she ended up just looking down at her lap. "Just... tell her soon, please? She's so worried about you..."

I nodded, but I wasn't really sure if I meant that or not. "So, um, anyway... Nico's working with Astra, huh? That must be tense."

That brought a faint smile. "I think it's getting better, slowly. I thought she might kill him the first time, though. She made Mr. Longbottom let her talk to me through a mirror, and I really think she might've tried to kill me if we'd been in the same room."

"You... you've talked to her? Recently?"

"I mean, not that recently. That was over two months ago. The only other time I got to see her was weeks ago."

"Did... I mean, I guess her family forgave her for running off."

Wren nodded slowly, brow furrowed in confusion. "Why are you asking?"

"I just... it's like... I don't know. I was really angry at her, okay? I didn't mean... didn't mean to..." I trailed off. My breaths were coming too quickly. Was I about to cry again?

Wren put her hand on my arm. "Al? What's wrong?"

I needed to tell someone. Explain to Wren that I wasn't the heartless monster Astra probably thought I was, even if Wren didn't know anything about what had happened. Even if Wren ended up thinking the same thing as Astra. I closed my eyes tightly, determined not to cry. "She came to see me. At Teddy's. But... but I was so angry at Teddy, so overwhelmed... and I was angry at her, too, but not... I don't think it was this much? But... well, I... she was sitting there, crying, begging me to forgive her, to just talking to her..." I took a deep breath. "It felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean, and I saw her sailing a ship far above me. And I tried to swim to the surface, but it was so far away. By... by the time I got there, well... she was already long gone."

At least Wren didn't look disgusted when I opened my eyes. But she was frowning at me, maybe trying to connect the ocean thing to everything else. I didn't know how to explain it better. After a minute, she shook her head. "So you didn't talk to her, you mean? But you wanted to?"

"I... I think I wanted to. I don't know. I wasn't talking to anyone, not just her. But now I wish I had."

"What did you want to say? You forgave her?"

I pursed my lips. This was Wren I was talking to—was she going to go all moral high ground on me for saying no? I guess it didn't matter. She'd be able to tell if I lied, probably. "I don't know. I don't think so. It's like..." I swallowed, then continued in a whisper, "I don't think I've forgiven her. I haven't. I can't."

To my relief, Wren just nodded slowly. "That's okay. It might take a while."

"Yeah..." There was more to it than that, though. "It's just that... well, it hurt so much when she left, and Colette and I had to go through all of that together... I just don't think I can forgive Astra without her." I looked down. "I know that sounds ridiculous."

"I don't think it's ridiculous." Wren shifted a little. "I don't really understand what that feels like, but... I can see how that would make sense. It's okay, Al."

"But... I mean, was it okay to not even talk to her?"

She hesitated. "It's understandable."

"That's not the same thing."

"Al, it sounds like you couldn't. You were too overwhelmed. Of course, if that happened now it'd be different, but you wouldn't let that happen now, would you?"

The horrible thing was I wasn't sure. I could talk about her reasonably now, but if I saw her again? I really didn't know. "I'm not sure..."

Wren took my hand. "That's okay," she whispered.

"You're saying that to make me feel better."

"If you feel that bad, I really think you wouldn't do it again." A sigh escaped her. "Do you want to talk to her?"

"No!" I pulled away. "She'd tell the DA where I was."

"I don't think—"

"I don't want to talk to her! I don't want her knowing where I am. Don't try to meddle in it, Wren."

She shrank back. "I'm not trying to do that."

"Good. Don't." Guilt for yelling at her was worming its way into my chest, and I looked down to avoid her eyes. "I don't want to talk about her anymore."

Wren didn't say anything, a sure sign that her head was getting filled with worries. Of course, I knew she wasn't going to tell me about any of them until I brought this up again, until I let her talk about it. I cast about for a change of subject, but we'd already been through just about everything I could think. Finally, I settled for just sighing and saying, "I'm really glad you're here. Safe."

"Likewise." She smiled faintly as I turned back to her. "I know the detention center was so much wor—"

"If you're about to tell me they're worse than being at the manor, don't even try." Why did Wren always try so hard to downplay whatever she'd been through? I reached out to take her hand back. "All Welling could really do was hurt us physically. Stillens is a completely different level."

She stared at me, seeming caught off guard. After a few seconds, her gaze dropped to her lap. "They're too different to compare."

"So don't compare them." I squeezed her hand as gently as I could. "It was hell either way, wasn't it?"

"I... I guess it was."

"But we both made it through, somehow. Miraculously. We're both here."

"Right." That finally got a smile back on her face. "And Colette will make it through too, okay?"

I didn't believe that, and I doubted she did, either, but I nodded anyway. Maybe we needed to pretend in order to keep going. It was pretend or despair, and I finally felt like I could choose not to despair. Not yet. 

~~~~

Big huge news: I told my mom about this series. Hardest thing I've ever had to tell her, obviously, even though I love this series and I'm honestly a little too proud of it. It's just hard as a college graduate to look your mother in the eye and say, "Yes, the biggest accomplishment in my life thus far is writing a seven book Harry Potter fanfiction." She barely even knew what fanfiction was. Anyway, she's reading it now (pdf versions, so don't go interrogating random commenters to see if they're my mom) so we'll see how that goes.

Question of the Day: Do people in your real life know you read and/or write fanfics? If not, would you tell anyone?

Answer: I started using "I used to write Harry Potter fanfiction in high school" as an interesting fact for icebreakers in college, because it's the perfect amount of kind of funnily-embarrassing vulnerability without actually oversharing about your life, so most of my friends know that at some point I have written fanfiction. It's somehow a lot harder to tell people that I still currently to this day write fanfiction and it's actually the same one as when I was in high school? I think inked_depths might be one of the only ones.

Vote and comment!

~Elli

Word count: 7710