~Astra~

Sharing a room with two other people isn't so great when you feel like crying yourself to sleep. I know I'd had four or five roommates nine months out of the year since I was eleven, but at least at school there were always places to go to be alone. Here at headquarters, that was hardly a concept. The most alone time I ever got was walking past the unused holding cells to get to Artemis, and there weren't any good places to cry there, at least not without the threat that someone might walk by to bring her a meal or meet someone clandestinely (after enough encounters with Nico here, I realized that was the real purpose of this building).

Of course, when Mrs. Potter had brought me back from Teddy's she'd offered to let me use her office if I needed to be alone, but I hadn't taken her up on it. I didn't want her to know I wasn't taking this well, in case she told my family. While it might help if Albus knew how horrible I was feeling, I couldn't let the rest of them worry.

Every spare moment, my mind kept flitting back to that conversation. Well, attempt at conversation, I guess. There was still a part of me that simply couldn't accept that Albus had refused to talk to me. That I'd sat there sobbing, begging him to say anything, and he hadn't even looked my direction. He really, truly hated me. I'd known from the second I'd decided to disappear that my friends would be angry, but I hadn't expected that. And maybe I should have, because he'd punched James in the face and told him he hated him for running off too, but somehow I'd always thought it would be different with us. Albus and I had a different kind of friendship than he had with James.

I'd thought he would forgive me.

But he didn't. And I had to live with it. That meant a lot of forcing my emotions down as far as possible, playing the role of the excited and happy Astra that everyone had come to expect. I did my broadcasts perfectly, got to know all the children, dragged Artemis everywhere when she wasn't helping Mr. Jordan with the technical parts of broadcasting. I was trying very hard not to let anyone know I was even upset, since I couldn't explain why. The only people who might have suspected were my roommates, because it was much harder to keep everything pushed in the dark.

Even if I'd been allowed to tell anyone about Albus, I probably wouldn't have. No one here, at least. All the people I'd confided in before were off doing their own things, practically uncontactable. I couldn't even get a message to James through Wren, though I was sure he was the only one who'd really understand. I really doubted I'd be able to convince Mr. Longbottom to let Wren come here just to talk to me, too. I'd always felt like I could talk to Teddy and Toire, but I knew they were hurting a lot from this too, and like I said, I didn't want to worry them.

Of course, the person I really wanted to talk to was Colette. We'd grown so much closer since she'd started living with us, and I could imagine exactly what type of borderline unfeeling answer she'd give to my complaints, followed by a more serious and even empathetic discussion where she'd somehow know exactly what I needed to do (even if I probably wouldn't do it).

But she was the most inaccessible of all. Just thinking about her made me want to cry all over again, on top of the crying I already wanted to do over Albus.

Suffice to say, I was an absolute wreck. So I think it was fair that when Mr. Longbottom asked me to meet him at the holding cells for "some restoration work," I was less than pleased. Less than a week after I basically lost my best friend, and he was asking me to come work with Nico Jasper. I didn't have the emotional capacity to hold back right then. An explosion was bound to happen, and I felt like I shouldn't be held liable for the damages.

Mr. Longbottom wasn't actually there, to no surprise. He'd probably show up with whatever kid we were working with and their guardians, which could have been in ten minutes or in forty-five. I knew the drill, though, and walked down to the room that connected to the tunnel. I was hoping that Nico would be late and Mr. Longbottom would show up really soon, but apparently I really used up all my luck earlier in my life because neither of those things happened.

I spent the few minutes before Nico arrived taking deep breaths. If I'd thought about it, I might have written a note or something for him to pass on to Wren. It was too late now; it felt like all my sadness and grief and confusion was being funneled into a much less painful emotion: anger at Nico.

But I couldn't blow up! I'd get in trouble! And right now that would probably make me break down in tears or something ridiculous, and then I'd be crying in front Nico Jasper of all people, and Mr. Longbottom would probably be concerned and tell my family and then they'd all be worrying about me...

"Hey, Lestrange."

My head snapped up towards the trapdoor, where Nico was standing a bit awkwardly. I'd been so consumed with my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed him arrive. That wasn't a good sign. Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it—"Jasper." I scowled at him. "I was hoping you'd died on the way."

He didn't even react to that. Instead, he walked over to a chair on the far side of the room and sat down. I kept scowling at him, because concentrating on scowling kept my mind from wandering elsewhere. After a few seconds, he checked his watch. "I suppose you wouldn't know when Professor Longbottom's coming?"

"Shut up."

"What's the kid's name again?"

"I said shut up!"

He was asking to get me talking, of course. Maybe he wanted to calm me down. There was no way he didn't already know who we were helping today. He'd probably studied their file for hours last night. I didn't know why he felt so compelled to talk to me about it.

Nico had obligingly shut up without any argument, to my surprise. He was just watching the door now. It occurred to me that now might be a good time to confront him about other things, when Mr. Longbottom would likely show up before I really got myself worked up enough to fight. For example, how much did he know about how Wren and James escaped? Artemis claimed Wren had given in, but that couldn't be true—at the very least, Haverna was still at Hogwarts. Stillens would've been looking for more than just information about where I'd disappeared to.

"Did you obliviate Wren?"

Nico started at the sound of my voice; I guess it had been a bit sudden in the quiet. And sharp. All he did was turn to blink at me. "Did she tell you that?"

"No. I figured it out on my own."

That made him frown. I wasn't going to give him any more, of course; he'd have to confess it himself.

"When are you talking about, exactly?" Nico asked

I forced a neutral expression instead of rolling my eyes. "At the manor."

He studied me for a moment, as if he were trying to see if my lack of anger was a façade (it was). After a moment, he nodded. "Not everything. Just whatever looked like important DA business." He shrugged before quickly adding, "I restored it as soon as I could."

So many things wrong with that. Who was he to decide what was important? Beyond that, how dare he invade my friend's mind like that? I narrowed my eyes at him. "I suppose you're the one who gets to decide when Wren's too overwhelmed to be in control of her own mind, is that it?"

Nico blinked at me, almost as if he were at a loss. "I... she asked me to. She was scared she was going to break. You think I would've just done that without her permission? You think I wanted to?"

"That's kind of your thing."

"Merlin, Lestrange, what do you want me to say? 'Oh, yeah, I thought it'd be a fun little prank to erase her memory, specifically in a way that's guaranteed to get me in trouble with Stillens'? Whether you like it or not, I wouldn't hurt Wren any more than you would."

"You're not allowed to care about my friend!"

Instead of yelling at me, Nico just frowned at me for a long moment. I fought the urge to shift uncomfortably under the weight of his stare, and instead just glared back. It hadn't occurred to me that Wren would've asked him to obliviate her, I'll admit. And I couldn't deny that that sounded like her, more afraid of breaking than she needed to be. But if I admitted that, I couldn't be angry with Nico about it anymore, and I so badly needed to be angry. If I stopped, I'd start feeling everything else.

Finally, he sighed. "Listen, if you're really upset about this, you should find a way to talk to Wren about it. You're clearly not going to believe a word I say, so if you're that concerned about her, she's the one who can put you at ease." He rolled his eyes. "And if you're just angry on principle, then I'd suggest you drop it. I thought you had enough reasons to hate me as it was. You don't need to start making them up."

I glared at him, miffed that he'd seen through me so quickly. "You can't tell me what to do."

"I can tell you you're being irrational, though."

"I'm not!"

"You are." He crossed his arms, eyes narrowing. "I was right about one thing all those years. Being stubborn and unreasonable is what you're best at."

My mouth dropped open. "How dare you? You chose to work for Stillens. You're a murderer and a criminal and a horrible, terrible person. You made me kill Mr. Potter! You can't insult me!"

"You can hang that over my head all you'd like," he snapped. "It won't change the fact that you're the one acting like a prat today."

Just then, Mr. Longbottom walked in, followed by a little boy named Calvin and his guardians whose names I couldn't remember. I glared daggers at Nico as introductions went around, only managing to snap out of it when Mr. Longbottom was gesturing at me and little Calvin had taken my hand. Though I plastered on a smile after that, said all the comforting things I needed to as if reciting from a script, my mind wasn't really there as the restoration process began.

How was I the one acting like a prat? Of course, Nico didn't know how hurt I was underneath all of that, didn't know about Albus and the fact that I might have just lost one of my best friends. A small voice in my head whispered that I couldn't blame him for not knowing, that he just reacted to the anger I was projecting toward him. But I wasn't being a prat! I couldn't help being upset right now.

But maybe... maybe I was? Even if Nico was an objectively bad person, was it fair to take out all my pain on him?

Before I knew it, Nico had finished and Calvin was clinging to one of his guardians with a dazed, confused look on his face. Mr. Longbottom took over from there, reminding the guardians that he'd given them a copy of Calvin's file and it was important that they keep talking things over with him over the next few weeks. I barely managed a smile at them before they'd all left and Nico and I were alone again.

He eyed me warily for several moments as I fought the urge to punch him in the face. Unfortunately, I didn't have good enough reason today. I'd have to think of another reason to be angry for next time. As for right now... "Okay, fine, I guess it was fine that you obliviated her. But you have to realize how that sounds, without any context, just knowing what you've done in the past."

Nico's eyes narrowed. "Actually, I don't know how it sounds. What do you think I've done to her? Didn't she tell you about Caldwell?"

"Of course she did!" I closed my eyes and balled my hands into fists. Calm calm calm calm calm. "I'm not talking about that, or her!"

"I don't see how this would have anything to do with you, if that's what it is. I barely obliviated you at all last year, and I've already undone it so there isn't much more I can do to fix that."

He'd already undone it? I tried to think back to last year, the times he'd put me under the imperius curse. I could distinctly remember not remembering a voice at all back then, but now that I thought about, I could remember his voice in my head now. "When did you do that?" I snapped.

"Literally the first time I saw you here."

"And you didn't bother to tell me?"

"Why the hell would I have told you when you were a breath away from trying to kill me if I so much as looked at you wrong?" He held up his hand and cut me off before I could argue. "I get that your anger was justified there, Astra, but I really don't think it is here. It was Wren's choice. Not mine, not yours. Are you going to go scream at her about it, too?"

I shifted in my seat, an uncomfortable notion that he was right flooding through me. I really had just jumped to conclusions when I realized she must have been obliviated, after all. It seemed I'd decided to act first and ask questions later. That wasn't fair, and even if I wasn't convinced that Nico deserved my fairness, if Wren found out I knew she'd be disappointed. Of course, I wasn't upset with her. I wasn't even particularly upset with Nico anymore, at least no more than normal. But this sea of emotions that was threatening to drown me needed some kind of outlet, and I really didn't see what would work better than rage.

I didn't realize I was tearing up until one fell. Though I quickly wiped at my eyes, it was too late. Nico's expression had switched to something between concerned and uncomfortable. "I... um... are you okay?"

Even though I wanted to snap at him, tell him to mind his own business and leave me alone, my voice didn't seem to be working. Instead, I turned away and buried my face in my hands, trying desperately to just take deep breaths instead of actually bursting into tears. What was wrong with me? Crying in front of Nico Jasper?

Unfortunately, he didn't take my unspoken, almost-nonexistent hint to go away. I heard him shifting in his seat, then hesitantly, "Astra? What's wrong?"

Somehow, that made me start crying in earnest. Thankfully Nico didn't come closer to try and comfort me or anything (I probably would've punched without even meaning to, if I'm being honest). He also didn't leave, though. Even though I hated him with every fiber in my being, it was just a little comforting to not be crying alone again.

This wasn't fair. How was it that Nico Jasper was sitting here, more concerned for me crying than Albus had been last week? Everything was wrong, upside down, and I couldn't hold on anymore. Couldn't keep the pretense up, of anger or chill or being fine. I lost hold of my little lifeboat, and just had to hope that instead of drowning me, the waves might bring me to shore.

I don't know how long I was crying, only that Nico was still sitting across from me when I finally looked up. His brow was scrunched up in concern, and he seemed almost at a loss. For once that didn't make me want to scream at him. I didn't have the energy to care.

"So... I'm guessing that wasn't about Wren." I shook my head, looking away, and Nico ran a hand through his hair. "Um... do you, like... need to talk or something?"

I shot a skeptical glance at him, but there wasn't any sort of malice in his expression. Not that there had been over the past months. Old habits, I guess. Slowly, though, I shook my head. "I'm not allowed to."

"To anyone at all?"

I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone I wanted to talk to. I felt myself tearing up again, and before I even realized what I was doing, I blurted out, "It's Albus."

Nico sat up straighter, eyes widening. "Albus? They've heard something about him?"

"They... he.... They got him out." I swallowed down a sob and wiped my eyes, avoiding looking at Nico.

"That's fantastic, right?" I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. "So... I mean, what's wrong?"

I found myself shaking my head. "He hates me now. He... he wouldn't even look at me." When I glanced up, Nico looked genuinely worried, and something broke. I found myself telling him about all of it, Colette being left behind, Albus's anger and shock, the way he didn't even seem to notice I was there. It didn't even matter that I was explaining all of this to Nico Jasper, I just needed to get it out. At least I could be relatively sure that Nico could keep it secret.

When I'd finished, the tears had dried and the lump in my throat had disappeared, thankfully. I pulled one of my knees up close to my chest and hugged it, leaning my cheek on top. Nico was frowning thoughtfully at the floor, and for a moment I watched him, trying to figure out how to ask the question that had just popped into my mind.

"If... if Colette taught you occlumency, you must've spent time with Albus too, right?"

He glanced up quickly, frowning at me as if trying to figure out some motive for me asking. "Yeah, I did."

"Was he different then?"

"What do you mean, different?"

"Like... do you think he'd changed? After James and I left?"

Nico stared at me for a moment, almost as if he didn't understand the question. "I can't say I really knew him before to know if he'd changed."

"There wasn't any difference at all?"

"I mean..." Nico shrugged. "I've never seen him as angry as he was that whole term. But most of it was at me, so I don't know if that was really that out of the ordinary... but every time anyone mentioned James Potter he looked like he was about to punch a hole in the wall."

A sinking feeling started to grow in my stomach. I mean, I already knew he'd been angry beyond what I'd ever seen when James went to see them. I shouldn't have asked a question I already knew the answer to. Albus did indeed have a much bigger capacity for rage than I'd ever realized when we were friends. "Oh."

Nico pursed his lips. "But listen, I think he was starting to tolerate my presence by the end of term. There's no way it'll take him that long to warm back up to you. I mean, you didn't kill his father."

"Technically—"

"All right, love, I can assure you he doesn't blame you for that." He sighed, growing a little more serious. "If I've learned one thing from Wren, it's that you lot are ridiculous about all your drama, but just as ridiculous in your capacity to forgive each other. I'm sure he'll come around soon."

That shouldn't have been as comforting as it was, coming from Nico Jasper and all, but I felt a little calmer. He was right—surely Albus would get over me leaving faster than his father's murder. He was coming out of something horribly traumatic, not to mention out of his mind with worry about Colette. Once she was safe, once Albus had a few weeks to breath, maybe he'd be more open to talking. I just needed to be patient.

It occurred to me then that I'd just spent a significant amount of time being vulnerable to Nico, of all people. I sat up straight, adjusted my position in my chair without meeting his eyes. "Um... thanks, I guess," I said a little stiffly. "You can't tell anyone about this, even Wren. It's top secret. I definitely wasn't supposed to tell you."

He winked. "Secrets are what I'm best at, Lestrange. After obliviation, I guess."

"You'd rank secrets above the imperius curse?"

"I'm really good at secrets." He smiled. "No, but seriously, I won't tell her anything. And I won't tell Poppy, either, which will probably be much harder."

I hadn't even thought of her, to be honest, which made me feel awful. "Once Albus is doing better, I'm sure he'll insist on seeing both of them."

"There's some optimism." With that, he stood up and started walking towards the trap door. "You'll get through this. You always seem to."

"That's called not being the scum of the earth," I shot back, though I couldn't manage to get rid of my smile.

Nico turned around, clutching at his heart as if I'd shot him. "Oh, wounded." It was followed up by a smile and a nod of his head. "See you around, Lestrange." Before I could respond, he'd disappeared through the door.

I sat blinking at the trapdoor for several minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened, and how I felt about it. Had Nico and I joked around? And I didn't want to kill him right now? Maybe I'd finally lost it.

I had to hurry off to do a broadcast then, so I didn't get a lot of time to think about it. Another one slamming Wren and James, which I was only barely got through without breaking down. I still needed to get a handle on my emotions, it seemed.

That night, it took me hours to fall asleep. My thought wouldn't stop racing, throwing back everything Nico had said today, everything Albus hadn't said last week, everything I needed to say next time. It was likely past two in the morning when I finally fell asleep, and it only felt like a few minutes before I woke up again, but this time in the void.

"Astra!"

I whirled around just in time to catch Cassie as she threw herself at me. It took a second to realize she was crying. I rubbed her back, whispered calming things, all the while running through every horrible scenario my mind could think of. Had something happened to Teddy? Toire? Albus?

Cassie was still hiccupping a little when she pulled back from me, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. I squeezed her arm a little, trying not to let my alarm show on my face. "What's wrong, Cass? Is someone hurt?"

She shook her head and sniffled. "No." Her lip trembled, but she kept going. "Teddy said... Teddy said I needed to wake you up, you need to go meet him outside..."

Teddy? I'd thought he was back at the detention center by now. "What happened?"

"I don't know. It's Albus, I think? I'm scared."

That calmed none of my fears. I pulled her back into a tight hug. "I'm going to go meet Teddy, all right? I want you to find Victoire and get a hug. I guess I'll probably be there soon."

She pulled back just enough to smile at me, though I could still see tears in her eyes. Then she was gone, and I was alone for the two seconds it took for me to wake up to the real world again.

My roommates were both sound asleep, thankfully, and didn't stir as I hurriedly got dressed and threw a cloak on. I was in such a rush that I nearly forgot to grab my wand. When I burst out of the dorm building, I almost knocked Teddy down the stairs. He grabbed my shoulders to steady me, and I found myself tearing up as I met his eyes. "What happened?"

Teddy opened his mouth, then closed it again. I could see tears in his eyes, too. "Not here," was all he managed to get out before offering me his arm. I took it without a second thought.

When we arrived at the flat, I realized Mrs. Potter was already there, pacing up and down the hall and whispering into a mirror in such a frenzied manner that I didn't bother trying to say hello. Toire was standing in the living room, holding Cassie tightly despite the fact that Cassie seemed a little too big for her to be able to carry her. Teddy took her out of her arms and whispered something soothing to her while I turned to Toire, completely at a loss.

She'd been crying, too, it seemed. As she pulled me into a tight hug, I felt a lump growing in my throat even though I still didn't even know what was wrong. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "He ran away."

Now I was the one sobbing (yet again). Toire steered me to the couch and rocked back and forth with me as the tears kept falling. It took me several minutes to pull it together, and by then Aunt Andromeda had arrived and was sitting beside me, holding my hand.

I blinked. How could he... Why did he... Was he going mad? Slowly, I shook my head. "Why would he run away?" You didn't have to be a seer to know that the glance the three of them exchanged foretold nothing good.

Teddy had sat down in one of the armchairs, Cassie curled up in his lap. Now he sat up straighter, circling an arm around her to keep her steady. "I... Astra, I did everything I could. The whole team did. I don't... don't understand..."

I had a sick feeling that I knew what sort of bad news I was about to get. I glanced up at Aunt Andromeda, silently begging her to tell me that my mind had jumped to the wrong thing, that nothing had happened to Colette. Instead, she just closed her eyes tightly. "I'm sorry, my dear..."

"Colette disappeared," Toire whispered. "Teddy said she's been completely erased from the records, even. She's completely gone."

My breath caught. Surely gone couldn't mean... couldn't mean dead, right?

Teddy had figured out I was thinking, it seemed, because he shook his head. "I've never seen them erase someone like this. We're trying to figure out what happened, but I have to believe that this at least means she's still alive."

"Have to believe..."

"I can't bear the alternative," he admitted softly. "Not right now."

Somehow there were tears in my eyes again; I wondered if you could get dehydrated from crying, because surely I was on my way to. I shook my head slowly. "So Albus got angry and ran away?"

"He blew up," Toire said. "Screaming bloody murder at Teddy, scaring Cassie half to death..." She pursed her lips. "Next thing we know, the front door's slamming closed in the middle of the night and he's apparating away."

"Where would he go?"

"We don't know," Teddy said quietly. "That's what Mrs. Potter's trying to figure out."

I glanced toward the hall, where Mrs. Potter was closing one compact mirror while fishing for another one in the large bag she had over her shoulder. Something in me said that was hopeless. If Albus didn't want to be found, he wasn't going to be.

"I can't believe he'd do something like this," Toire said, irritation seeping through her tone. "He has to realize how much danger he's putting anyone he goes to in."

"He didn't even take the wolfsbane potion they brought for this month," Teddy explained, as if that clarified anything.

I felt a chill go down my spine as my stomach flipped around like it was training for the Olympics. What would Albus need with a wolfsbane potion? Unless... "Wait, you can't mean that."

Teddy and Toire shared a glance, but it was Cassie who spoke up. "He's a werewolf, he said. It's someone who turns into a wolf every full moon."

They'd turned him into a werewolf? Those monsters! I bit down several swear words. "No one thought I needed to know that?"

"We were giving him a chance to tell you himself, in his own time," Victoire explained, looking down. "No one thought he'd pull something like this before he even spoke to you."

My throat was closing up with sobs again, and I leaned against Aunt Andromeda. "And there's nothing you can do about Colette?"

Teddy shook his head sadly. "Not if we don't know where she is."

Tears were blurring my vision. I could barely nod before I was sobbing again, clinging to Aunt Andromeda, wishing they'd never even told me Albus had been rescued.

~~~~

Sorry about the unplanned but apparently needed hiatus, my friends! I've been trying to figure a lot of things out about my future recently, and it's taken a ton of my mental energy. I really think I just needed to rest and reset after graduating from college, honestly. The past four years were so busy, and it was almost like I got whiplash going from that to relatively nothing to do this summer. A lot to process! Anyway, I've unfortunately had only had the brainpower for the Sims 4 until recently, but I'm hoping to get back into my writing grind, since nothing else is stable at the moment.

Question of the Day: Tell me something insane I should do with my sims.

Answer: Examples of what I've already done are create the entire Twilight cast as well as I possible could and make my own doomsday cult (it's called the Order of the Blessed Pigeons). I will spend ridiculous amounts of time making ridiculous things just for the fun of it :) 

Vote and comment!

~Elli

Word count: 4943