~Wren~

I woke up from a nightmare I couldn't remember. Cassie was curled up next to me, fast asleep, though I had no idea when she'd come in. The room was dark, and for a moment I couldn't remember where I was. The shadows were strange, unfamiliar. This wasn't my room at the manor. Where was I?

Slowly, I sat up, trying to get my bearings. That's right, this unfamiliar bedroom was in Teddy and Victoire's apartment. Filtering through the blinds was a little light from the street below, as well as the sounds of the occasional car driving by, or siren. A clock sat on the bedside table, reading a little after one o'clock. I could see the vague forms of furniture around the room.

We were here. We were safe. This was real, and whatever I'd been dreaming about wasn't. It was all over.

I pushed back the blankets and crawled out of bed, being careful not to disturb Cassie. I wanted a glass of water, I told myself, though really I was just wide awake, now, and knew I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep again without thinking through a little bit of what had happened over the past two days. Over the past eight months, really. Because it was finally past. Maybe I could let some of it go.

The door didn't make a sound as I slipped out of it. I tiptoed down the hall, aware of the sleeping people behind the doors around me. As opposed to the manor at night, this apartment felt peaceful, even familiar, though I'd never been here before. Honestly, it felt like a dream, and I couldn't quite convince myself it wasn't. At least it was a good one, I reasoned. I couldn't help smiling as I walked into the kitchen, then quietly searched for a glass to fill up at the sink.

"Wren?"

I started, nearly slamming the cabinet I'd just opened. When I turned around, I realized James was on the couch, propping himself up sleepily and grinning at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I whispered. "I didn't realize you were sleeping out here. Did I wake you up?"

"I only went to bed about half an hour ago," James said, waving his hand dismissively. "I wasn't really asleep." He pushed himself up and crossed to the kitchen. "Why're you up? Bad dream?"

I shrugged. "I mean... yes, but I can't remember it. I just needed some water, really."

"Ah, I see." James sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter as I pulled a glass out of the cabinet, then stepped over to fill it. "Are you feeling better?"

"If by better you mean less tired, yes." I turned back to him, and couldn't help smiling. He'd propped his head up with his hands, and was watching me with a very soft expression on his face. I walked over to lean on the counter across from him. "None of this quite feels real, I guess."

"That's fair," he said, nodding. "It will eventually, I'm sure."

"Probably." I took a sip of my water, then frowned. "Were you up talking with Teddy and Victoire?"

James faltered for just a moment before he nodded. "Oh, yeah. They were just catching me up on some DA news, and I was letting them know how Astra's been doing."

"What's the DA news?" I asked curiously. I couldn't tell exactly what it was, but James's mood seemed to have shifted imperceptibly, his expression grown a little tighter.

"Well... Astra and Ciara made it to the Malfoys all right. Apparently they got in contact with Haverna. Not sure what their plan is from there."

I tilted my head. That didn't explain the shift. "Anything else?"

For a moment, James studied me. Then he shook his head. "We can talk about that tomorrow, all right?"

"Are you sure? I—"

"I'd rather talk about it tomorrow," he said softly, looking down.

A pit formed in my stomach; it had to be something bad, surely, or he'd tell me. Was there a reason he didn't want to tell me? Did he think I couldn't handle it? Or maybe he was trying to be here for me, and thought that meant he couldn't be upset about something? Was it something with his family? The DA as a whole? Surely... Zaria would've told me anything, if only to try to break me down more. I couldn't imagine what it could be, and that was scary.

But if he didn't want to talk about it yet, I wasn't going to press him. And imagining all the worst case scenarios wouldn't help anything. I managed a smile, then reached across the counter to take his hand. "Are you doing all right?"

He glanced up in surprise, though he seemed a little wary. "Am I doing all right?"

I nodded, frowning. "You were tortured by Stillens earlier, James. You've been acting like it wasn't a big deal."

A confused squint at me. "I... Wren, you've been being tortured since June. Half an hour isn't really anything in comparison."

"It isn't about comparison, Jamie."

"I know." He sighed, rested his head in his hands. "You don't need to worry about it, though, is what I meant. You... I don't know, I'd assume that's a lot to... to process through, and all."

"That doesn't mean I can't be here for you, too." I tilted my head, wanting to be able to express what I was feeling, but I couldn't find the right words. Something about how James had had a very traumatic experience, and sometimes those things didn't hit right away, but it wouldn't take away from my own trauma processing to be there for him. We would both heal better together.

"Thanks, Wren." He didn't look up, but he didn't sound frustrated, either. Just tired. "I know. I appreciate you, really. I honestly haven't thought about that, and I'm not sure I'm ready to. Not yet."

"I understand."

He glanced up quickly. "But I love you." A small smile. "And if you need to talk about anything right now, I can listen."

So he said, but he looked so tired now that I was afraid he might fall asleep on the stool. Though he'd sat up straight and was smiling at me, now, I could tell it was taking a lot of effort. Slowly, I shook my head, setting my glass down on the counter. "I think you need to go to sleep. I'm all right, really."

"Are you sure?"

I shrugged. "Like I said, none of this feels real. When it hits me, I might actually need to talk through it, but I'll let you know when that happens." With that, I darted around the counter to give James a quick hug. "Go to sleep, Jamie."

He managed a tired smile, eyes seeming to tear up a little. I didn't know if that was because he was tired, or overwhelmed from the day, or something else. I didn't ask. Instead, I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead, then waved a little. "Sleep well. I love you."

"Love you too."

I made sure he stumbled back to the couch before I started back to the spare bedroom. Cassie was still fast asleep, curled tightly under the blankets. I slipped under the covers, and though I'd been worried that my thoughts might not let this possible bad DA news go, I ended up falling asleep within a few minutes.

~~~~

Though I'd assumed I would wake up obscenely early, after having gone to bed at like five in the evening, it was nearly eight o'clock when Cassie woke me up to ask if we would get in trouble for being late to breakfast. Apparently, she'd been up for a while, peeking through the blinds to stare at the city out the window. Victoire had popped her head in a few minutes ago to see if we were awake, and told Cassie she was going to make eggs, if she wanted any.

"Oh, I don't think there's a certain time we need to eat," I said, blinking the sleep out of my eyes as I sat up. "You don't need to worry about that here, all right? Even if you are a little late to something, they won't mind."

Cassie frowned as if she didn't believe me, then hopped back over to the window. "You can see so many buildings from here!"

"I'm sure." I walked over to open the blinds for her, so she could see better. She was wearing a t-shirt that must have belonged to Victoire, because it fit her like an incredibly oversized dress. Her clothes from the previous day were folded up and sitting on the dresser. "Do you want to get dressed?"

"Oh, right." She bounced over to the dresser and started to change as I made the bed. "Did you know that I counted thirty-two windows in the building across the street?"

"That's a lot of windows, for sure."

"And there've been so many cars! Like, maybe a hundred!"

"Wow," I said, because I wasn't sure how much of a response she was looking for.

"And did you know that Charis's hair changes colors?" She was at my side again, grabbing my hand away from the pillows I was trying to put back. "It turned brown like mine when I was playing with her!"

"Yeah, it does that," I said, nodding. "I think Astra said that when she was a very little baby, it changed to match whoever was holding her."

"James said it's because she's a meta... metalmorphimus!"

"A metamorphmagus?"

"Oh, yes, that. That means you can change what you look like! And Mr. Teddy is one, too!" Her eyes widened dramatically. "He made his whole face change to look like Astra! Then James! Then a pig nose!"

I chuckled as she burst into giggling at the memory of that. "It's pretty cool, isn't it?"

"Can I be a meta... whatever it is?"

"I'm afraid it's something you're born with."

She wilted in disappointment for a moment, but before I even had time to pat her head, she was up and bouncing again, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the door. "Can we go see if Charis is up?"

I might've liked a few moments to myself before facing people who would likely be wondering how I was doing, now that I was alert enough to answer. As if I had any idea how I was doing. But Cassie was going to keep chattering away at me until I agreed to leave the room with her, and there was no way she'd go on her own. I stifled a sigh, reminded myself that we were safe and I needed to be happy (even though I wasn't sure what I was feeling like, either), and put on a smile as Cassie dragged me out the door.

Charis was indeed awake, sitting in a booster chair at the table and eating a plate of scrambled eggs (mostly) with her fork. Cassie seemed less scared of Teddy and Victoire than she had the day before, though she was still wary. She said a very polite thank you as Teddy placed a plate of eggs in front of her at the table, and was able to say, "Juice, please," when Victoire asked what she wanted to drink. Charis seemed very excited to see her (she nearly knocked her bowl of eggs off the table more than once), which might have helped.

James was also up, though he only managed a weak smile when I said good morning. I couldn't quite tell if he was tired, or if something else was bothering him. Maybe he'd actually realized that I'd broken completely and we had no idea what Stillens had seen. Or maybe it was the cloak being gone weighing on him. Or maybe there'd been bad news about Ciara and Astra? I would never forgive myself if they'd been caught.

Teddy and Victoire kept up a lively chatter during breakfast, making Cassie laugh enough that she almost seemed to forget to be scared a few times. That was good; I don't know how to talk to kids in general, and I was starting to realize that I was no less overwhelmed by everything than I had been the day before. I was grateful to be able to just watch the Lupins and Cassie, and occasionally assure her that everything was all right. She was comfortable enough to run off with Charis to play again after breakfast, at least, leaving us to talk.

"So, Wren, how are you doing?" Victoire asked as Teddy hopped up to clear the table.

I managed to not wince at the question, though I still didn't know how to answer. How had my transition back happened when I'd escaped the first time? How had I even started to get back to normal after that? Maybe being in custody for a month and having to talk through the entire ordeal with Mr. Potter had actually been a good thing.

"Um... good," I said softly, after I realized that I'd been thinking about the question for far too long, and they'd all gotten that look of concern on their face that used to frustrate me so much. As if I was broken somehow and they were trying to find the words to fix it. As if one wrong move might shatter me even more. The thing was, nothing they could say would do anything about how I was doing, one way or the other. I wasn't that fragile.

Maybe you are, though, my mind whispered. After all, you did break.

"That's good," Teddy said, nodding seriously. "But it's also okay if it's more complicated than that, you know."

I recognized that as an invitation to open up some more, as well as Teddy was trying to disguise it. I didn't want to talk about any of it yet, though. I didn't know how. And admitting that I was totally okay would force me to have to confront why, even though we all knew why. I wasn't ready for that. Not yet.

"Yeah," I said, after a few moments too long. "I know."

I pretended not to notice that they all shot concerned glances at each other. Instead, I took a drink of water, then forced a smile that I think might actually have been believable. "So, how's the DA been doing?"

"Oh, yeah," James said, nodding in interest. "All I know is people have been going into hiding, like Mum."

Victoire narrowed her eyes. "Not sure we should be discussing DA business with you, James, considering you're not in the DA."

"Oh, come on." He rolled his eyes. "I thought we got this figured out last night."

"We certainly didn't," Victoire snapped. "If you're not joining the DA, you don't get to hear DA news."

"Are you a complete—"

"Wait," I said, cutting him off before they could start arguing; I'd never seen Victoire and James going at it, but from the way he'd argued with her siblings in the past, I had a feeling it wouldn't be pretty. "I thought... I mean, James said, last night, you'd told him at least something about the DA?"

Victoire pursed her lips, then glanced at Teddy with an expression that showed a different kind of concern than a moment ago. I couldn't understand what it was, but when I glanced at James, he'd gone pale and was staring at his plate.

That couldn't be good. So it was bad news? If they refused to tell him about the DA, then it had to be something with his family, right? They wouldn't have kept something bad about them from him. Was it Mrs. Potter? One of his cousins? Had someone been hurt?

"Right," Teddy said, after the silence had grown uncomfortable. "That... yes, I suppose that was DA news. James, do you... do you want to tell her?"

He glanced up, met my eyes for only a second. His mouth opened and closed a few times, as if he was trying to speak, but couldn't get the sound out. After a moment, he shook his head and looked down again.

I felt my stomach twist. Very bad, then.

Teddy was nodding solemnly. His expression would have fit in at a funeral, which wasn't making me feel much better. "Listen, before I tell you, just take a deep breath." I did, though it wasn't helping. "We don't really know what's going on, all right? As far as we know, no one's died, so—"

"As far as we know?" I felt the blood drain from my face. "What does that mean?"

"Well, like I said, we're still trying to figure out what's going on, where they've been taken—"

I jumped at the sound of James's chair abruptly scraping across the floor. He was blinking quickly, and before I could ask what was wrong, even reach for his hand, he'd hurried out of the kitchen, down the hallway.

Victoire winced. "Oh no..."

I had so many questions, so many fears, but I didn't know how to put any of them into words. I could only turn back to Teddy and Victoire, eyes wide, and try to breathe.

Teddy had started rubbing his temple as if he was in pain. "It might not be as bad as it seems, we don't really know, all right?"

"What's going on?" I managed.

Victoire answered, in a much more collected manner than Teddy had been. "Last night, Albus and Colette were arrested at school."

"What?"

"We're not sure why, or where they were taken. The aurors apparently told Kimmel they needed to take them in for questioning, though they wouldn't explain what about." Victoire took a deep, somewhat shaky breath. "The DA is doing all they can, and Aunt Ginny said she'd contact us as soon as Ernie Macmillan found anything about where they are or what they're being held for, but it's likely they were taken to a detention center last night."

I felt like throwing up, or crying, or both. The room seemed like it was spinning, or maybe closing in on me. I couldn't see much of anything, actually, and it took far longer than it should have to realize it was because my eyes were full of tears. I couldn't breathe.

Albus and Colette? Last night? This couldn't be happening.

I managed to pull myself together (Victoire was eyeing me warily, as if afraid I might fall out of my chair) enough to ask, "There wasn't any reason for it?"

"Well, we think they might want something from Colette," Victoire said softly. "Albus might just be... motivation, I suppose?"

"None that makes sense," Teddy said. "Apparently, there was an incident last week where Colette used a spell she'd created in the middle of defense against the dark arts, which is taught by someone we're pretty sure works for Stillens. But there wasn't much of a reason for the professor to suspect Colette made the spell, and Kimmel chose not to report it to the Ministry. It doesn't make sense why she would've changed her mind over a week later..."

It was like someone had punched me in the stomach. "You think it was because she makes spells?" I whispered.

"That's our best guess right now," Victoire confirmed. "Maybe... maybe Kimmel changed her mind and reported it, or maybe Rinduli was talking around to other professors and realized what had actually happened...? I just don't know what would have changed by yesterday, who would have told her anything, why Kimmel would've changed her mind..."

I had a horrible feeling that I knew what had changed yesterday. As my throat started constricting, and I started fighting the sobs building in my chest, my thoughts flew back to yesterday afternoon. I gave in. I broke. And though a lot of the details of what Stillens saw were hazy, I knew for sure that I'd known about Colette all this time.

What had changed yesterday was that Stillens himself had learned that Colette created spells, and apparently that was something he wanted.

"I think it's my fault," I said, my voice a hollow whisper.

"What?" Victoire stared at me as if I'd suggested that I had been the one dragging them off myself. "Wren, that's ridiculous."

I shook my head. "It's not. Yesterday, James didn't say..." I blinked, tears welling up so quickly that I couldn't keep them from spilling over. "When Stillens caught us, initially, we didn't just escape. He tortured James, with the cruciatus curse. He was trying to get me to break. And..." I closed my eyes, resisting the urge to bury my head in my arms, "I did."

Both of their mouths dropped open. "What?" Teddy asked.

"He didn't find out anything about the DA," I quickly reassured them. "Nico Jasper had erased a lot of my memories, though he's restored them, now..."

"Nico Jasper?" Teddy asked incredulously.

Shaking my head, I said, "I can explain that later..." That wasn't the important part. I took a breath, trying to get at least one more thought out before I broke down crying. "I think... I think he might have seen about Colette, though."

Before I realized it, Victoire had moved to the chair James had vacated. She leaned forward, putting her arms around me, and I lost control. The sobs started coming, and wouldn't stop. My whole body shook, and I clung to Victoire.

"I'm sorry," I managed, though I didn't know if I was apologizing for crying, or for breaking. It probably didn't matter; Victoire just stroked my hair and shushed me.

What brought me back to the present was a small hand on my knee and Cassie's voice, worriedly asking if I was okay. I sat up, tried to wipe away my tears and force a smile that didn't seem to comfort her at all. "I'm sorry," I said, dropping the smile. "I'm all right. We just..."

As I faltered, Teddy jumped in. "We got some bad news about some of our friends."

"Bad news?" Cassie shrank back. "Like... the scary man?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes. The scary man. I'm worried about them." And it's my fault. "But we're safe, Cassie, it's all right."

Cassie seemed very unconvinced, and glanced back at Teddy for confirmation. He smiled sadly. "We're safe here, yeah. And we're going to do everything we can to help our friends. Just like James helped you and Wren."

"Oh." Cassie put her hand on my knee again. "I hope you can help them."

"Me too." I smiled a little.

"Cassie, do you want to go see what books we have in Charis's room?" Victoire asked, her tone light enough that you might have suspected we hadn't just been talking about Colette and Albus being arrested.

To my surprise, Cassie only considered that for a moment before slowly, shyly nodding. She took Victoire's hand and followed her out of the room, only glancing back at me once to wave.

Teddy waited until we heard the door close before he turned back to me. "Wren, it's not your fault."

"You don't know that," I said quickly, almost defensively. Why was I being defensive? I wanted to be talked out of this, didn't I?

"Yes, I do." He sighed. "Sure, maybe Stillens broke you down and realized that Colette might have something he wanted. But it's not your fault that he did that, or that he had them arrested. You had no control over any of that."

"I... yes, I did. I could've been... stronger, held out longer—"

"You said he was hurting James, though. Not you." I nodded, and Teddy held his hand out as if that was a point in his favor. "Listen, I can't say I've ever been in that situation, obviously, but I know there's very little I wouldn't do to keep Victoire or Charis from being hurt. And when you add that to the fact that he's spent close to eight months trying to break you... Honestly, Wren, it's very understandable."

"But..." I blinked, determined not to let the tears in my eyes fall again. "It being understandable doesn't make it right. And it also doesn't make it not my fault."

Teddy frowned. "I'd say that it makes it something you shouldn't feel guilty for, at the very least. I'm pretty sure Colette and Albus wouldn't blame you at all."

I resisted the urge to snap at him. Telling me I shouldn't feel guilty for something so far had a zero percent success rate in lessening my feelings of guilt about anything at all. But Teddy was trying to cheer me up, and I could tell he was upset about it, too. With a deep breath that only shuddered a little, I nodded. "Right. I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry." Teddy chuckled, though he still seemed dampened. "We're all reeling from it, you know. We've all got to work through it in our own way, I guess." A glance towards the hallway, where James had disappeared a few minutes ago. "I'm not really sure how to help any of us along, either."

Everyone was reeling from it. It wasn't fair for me to focus on myself, on my own guilt. We all loved Colette and Albus, and none of us knew how to handle this, guilty or no. How must James be taking this? Clearly, not well, though he'd tried to put up a brave face for me. Had he even seen them since he and Astra had gone off on their own?

"Maybe I should go talk to James," I said softly. "He's... he's having a hard time, I'm sure..."

Teddy nodded grimly. "That might be a good idea."

It only took a minute or two to find James, though he wasn't actually in the small apartment. He was sitting out on the fire escape, which appeared to have been enchanted along with the rest of the flat. I climbed out through Teddy and Victoire's bedroom window into the chilly cold of a bright morning.

James sat on the edge of the platform, legs dangling off and arms resting on the bars. Though he must have heard the window opening, he didn't turn to see me as I stepped over to him. His gaze remained on the buildings across the street, but it was really like he was staring through them. As if peering hard enough into nothingness might give him a glimpse of our friends.

"Hey," I said softly, sinking down to sit next to him. "Are you doing all right?"

James turned his head quickly to look at me, as if he'd only just noticed my presence. "I... yeah. Decent."

I frowned, and after a moment he sighed and looked down, seeming to realize I hadn't bought it. "All right, fine, I'm not. But you don't need to worry about me, all right?"

"We just went over this last night, Jamie." I reached over to take his hand, shoving down a hint of frustration. "I want to worry about you. Please, let me."

For a moment, James just looked down at our entwined hands. Then his gaze travelled up to my face, something broken, deep, hurting in his expression. "I... I just..." He swallowed, looked back at the buildings as he blinked quickly. "The last thing Albus said to me was that he never wanted to see me again."

I squeezed his hand a little. I had no idea what he was talking to about; apparently he had seen Albus more recently than when he and Astra had disappeared, but he hadn't told Albus the truth?

His eyes closed tightly, and he leaned his head against the railing. "And now... you know, no one's ever come out of a detention center. I'll probably never get to apologize, or make things right. He's going to die hating me, and I deserve it, really. I just thought I'd get to explain before... before anything happened..."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder. I really didn't know what else to do, what else to say.

"Maybe... maybe if I'd been there, this wouldn't have happened..."

My heart clenched. "You couldn't have stopped it. It's horrible, and difficult, and... and your feelings are valid, of course. But it isn't your fault."

He sighed. I didn't look up to see whether he believed me or not. After a moment, I felt him shake his head slowly. "I know I probably couldn't have done anything about them getting arrested. But that doesn't change the fact that I left on really bad terms, Wren. And that hurts, too, nearly as much as knowing they're gone. And that is my fault, even if it was the only way this would work."

I squeezed his hand again, wishing there was something I could say to make this easier. I couldn't just say that surely Albus and Colette would have forgiven him, that surely Albus didn't really hate him. If they thought he'd abandoned the DA, they likely did hate him, and that wasn't going to change now. And hoping they might get out was useless. The DA wouldn't be able to save them, most likely. They hadn't been able to save me.

"This is why I have to do what I planned, you know," James said quietly, breaking a silence that had lasted several minutes. He shifted his weight, turning towards me and forcing me to sit up. I blinked at him, not sure I wanted to know what he was talking about. "Maybe I could find out what happened to them, or even convince Russey to let them go..." A shake of his head, then he added, "I know that's a long shot. But I do think I need to do this even more, now."

Though what I wanted to say was absolutely not, I bit my lip until I could find something else. I hoped my expression wasn't wavering, though I wasn't sure. The truth was, I had no idea what he wanted to do. More than that, I was concerned. This sounded incredibly risky, needlessly dangerous. I couldn't stand by and let him walk into something like that, could I? "I... what are you wanting to do, exactly?"

His eyes darted around my face for a moment, then he turned back to the street. "Like I said, I'm going to go get a job at the Ministry. As high up as Russey will let me."

"And what are you going to do there?"

"I've been thinking a lot about that," he said seriously. I almost wished that had caught him off guard, because then it would've been easier to point out that this wasn't a good idea. "Obviously, I can't do anything with the DA. Even if they trusted me, which I'm sure they wouldn't, that would complicate everything. Russey can't have any reasons to suspect disloyalty, and being part of the DA is about the only real reason anyone has at the moment. Besides, most of the people who are at the Ministry now genuinely distrust the DA, but that doesn't mean they necessarily support Stillens, or trust Russey."

"Right..." I frowned. "So, in that case, you're planning to...?"

"Start an underground resistance within the Ministry."

My eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

"I mean, it's my middle name." He winced and shook his head. "Sorry. Not the time. Yes, I am. I've thought it through."

"You have?"

"There's only a couple places I can conceivably see Russey letting me work, and I have a plan for each of them. He might make me an auror, which I don't really want to do, but that would work really well for distancing myself from the DA. Last I heard, Mr. Macmillan's still in charge there, even though practically everyone knows he works for the DA. I could undermine him, a little, make it clear I don't like him or support what he's doing. It could get me in with a lot of people who might be willing to go against the Ministry and Stillens, but don't want anything to do with the DA." He paused, frowning. "I just don't really want to undermine the DA that much, is all. And I know of at least a few aurors who know me, and are in the DA, and they might complicate things."

Well, that sounded like a horribly counter-productive idea. So far, it seemed like it might be easy to help him see reason. "What are your other options, then?"

"Well, I could see him making me an assistant to some member of parliament, as well," James said. "That seems more likely, honestly; it could be public more quickly, and there wouldn't be three years of training. I would have a lot more freedom to move about the Ministry and get to know people, there. Figure out who's dissatisfied, who might be interested in fighting from the inside. That's the DA's problem, you know. They don't have enough people inside this time around, but that's where the real fight needs to happen."

"What happens if you're an assistant to someone who works for Stillens?"

"I act." James shrugged. "Even if they know legilimency, I should be able to hold my ground."

"It's not that easy," I said softly.

He turned his head quickly to meet my gaze with wide eyes. "I know it's not. I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to imply that would be easy or anything. There are some things I won't know till I'm there, though. I don't have all the answers. I just... I think this is important. And I don't know who else could do it."

My throat tightened, and I swallowed. I wasn't about to cry and make him feel bad. "This could be so dangerous," I whispered. "What if Russey doesn't believe you?"

"He will."

"James, you don't—"

"Wren." James reached over to take my other hand. He peered deeply into my eyes, like he was searching for someone. "I know it's dangerous, okay? I understand. I just need you to trust me." He paused, and as much as I wanted to cut in and argue with him, I couldn't find the words. I blinked quickly, determined not to tear up. I could guilt him into doing what I wanted if I cried, I was sure, but I didn't want to do that.

James continued. "I know how hard it is to watch someone you care about walk into danger over and over again and not be able to do anything about it. But as hard as it was, I never tried to stop you, because I knew you were doing what was right. I just tried to support you as best I could. Please, all I'm asking is that you do the same for me, now."

Oh. Well. That certainly put it into a new light. I closed my eyes, pushing aside the danger and the worry, trying to think objectively. If it wasn't James, if it wasn't this person that I loved, would that change things? Was this worth the risk?

Wouldn't I do the same thing, if I was in his place?

I opened my eyes again, trying not to wince. "Wow, I didn't realize you had it so hard."

He laughed in surprise. "I mean, I can't say it's been fun." The smile faded quickly. "Do you... do you still think I shouldn't do it?"

Yes. I absolutely thought he shouldn't. The James I'd left at Hogwarts in June wouldn't have been able to handle this, I was sure. But it had been eight months. I wasn't entirely sure we were the same people we'd been then. This James had surprised me more than once. Performing occlumency against Stillens, his care with Cassie, his maturity towards Nico. Not rushing off impulsively to save me but actually giving it time and thought, and actually being able to do it. Going through with this ridiculous plan at the cost of his family and friends, then explaining it to them calmly in the face of their anger.

Maybe this James could pull it off.

Maybe this Wren could let him.

I swallowed and looked down, shaking my head. "It could work."

"Really?" I could hear the grin in his voice. "You think so?"

"Yeah." I managed a smile as I glanced up at him, though I felt like I was about to cry. "I do."

He squeezed my hands. "I promise, I won't do anything stupid. And maybe, if they don't decide you should go off to hiding somewhere else, I can still see you sometimes here." He bit his lip. "That'll be hard, but we can manage."

I'd be in hiding. I'd forgotten. I pulled back a little, looking down. Going into hiding sounded no more appealing than it had in June. In fact, after being trapped at the manor for so long, I wanted anything but what would essentially be a different kind of prison.

That wasn't the point. I shook my head, but a few concerns had come to mind anyway. "What if Russey asks about me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Surely Stillens will tell him what happened, even if it's not till after he hires you. What will you say? It's not the best look to have your girlfriend in DA hiding if you're supposed to have nothing to do with the DA."

James's brow furrowed, proof that he hadn't thought of that. "I... I mean, I suppose I could say you're in hiding on your own? Say I can't tell him more, for safety reasons?"

"I feel like he'll guess what that means." I bit my lip. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to mess up your plan..."

"No, this is something I have to think through." He frowned at the buildings across the street, as if they might have answers hiding just beyond the bricks. "That's tricky."

"And if he asks about Astra? Stillens knows we were with her."

"That's easier. I say I was keeping tabs on her while I was in France, but we parted ways. Maybe I say we fought about me joining the Ministry, and she sided with the DA, so we went off on our own and I genuinely have no idea where she went. That much might end up being true, anyway."

"That would probably work." I pursed my lips. "One more thing, though... All this is assuming he thinks you don't know he works for Stillens, right?"

James cocked his head. "I... I guess so? Does that matter?"

"There's no way you'd side with him if you thought he did, would you? Not without some ulterior motive."

"Then... yeah, I suppose." James frowned. "I mean, reasonably, I might not know. If I wasn't in the loop before you were captured, I might not have been told when you found out. And I think people would believe it if they thought you hadn't been allowed to tell us anything, even if they know you were double-crossing them. I don't suppose Stillens saw anything to the contrary?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea. That's not really the problem, though. Russey's going to know you've been with me, at least for a little bit, and I think you'll have a hard time convincing him that I didn't tell you that. There's no reason why I wouldn't have. And if telling you that didn't dissuade you from joining Russey, then that means you have ulterior motives."

The expression that had slowly crossed James's face was a mixture of pain and something close to horror. Now that I fell silent, he closed his eyes, leaning his head against the railing. He swore, softly, then hit his fist on the fire escape platform. "So all this, ruining my relationship with my family... it was for nothing."

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Completely wrecking him hadn't been my goal. While the thought of him changing his mind and not running off into danger was very appealing, he'd won me over. The truth was, he was right: from what I could tell, the DA wasn't any closer to winning this war than they had been three years ago, when I'd started spying for them. We really needed something from the inside to loosen Stillens' grip in Britain. Maybe James could do it.

But that was a valid concern, and something James clearly hadn't thought about. I hated the fact that him rescuing me had complicated his plan, maybe ruined it. I didn't want to force him into hiding, which was his only other real option at this point.

But... maybe this didn't have to do that. My thoughts drifted back to a cell phone that was probably sitting in the bottom of my trunk at the Potters' house, and I tilted my head as an idea came to me. "Maybe... maybe this could be better."

"Better?" James glanced over at me with an incredulous expression on his face. "What are you talking about?"

I closed my eyes, trying to think of a way to say this that wouldn't have James shutting me down immediately. "If Russey thinks he knows the reason you would still want to work with him, even knowing that he works for Stillens, that would be good, right?"

"What reason would I have for that?"

"If you enemy is Stillens, and only Stillens, then perhaps aligning yourself with people who you know might have... well, other agendas, would be helpful." I took a deep breath. "If you can manage to convince him that you don't care who comes out on top, as long as Stillens isn't the one, he might be willing to take you on, and come up with something to tell Stillens about it all. I know he can do occlumency, too."

Now James was staring at me with dawning hope in his eyes. "That's genius, Wren. But... how would I convince him of that?"

"Simple." I shrugged. "I'd tell him that."

James blinked at me. "Excuse me? You... you'd tell him that?"

I nodded, forcing myself not to cower; James wasn't about to scream at me. "I think it might not work unless I'm there."

His mouth dropped open. "Are you completely mad, Wren? You can't do that! You just escaped from Stillens!"

"Yes, a known terrorist. I haven't done anything illegal. Technically, if I can keep from getting kidnapped, nothing's stopping me from going back to normal life."

"Bloody hell, Wren, how do you plan to keep from getting kidnapped?" James shook his head. "This is mad. Entirely mad."

"If I've disappeared into DA hiding, Russey's not going to believe a word you say. You're not going to be able to act as innocent as you could have, James." I reached for his hand again, begging him silently to listen. "This could work in your favor, though. Russey wants power. He's not as loyal to Stillens as he acts. And if he thinks you're playing the same game, you might just earn some of his trust."

"You'd be in so much danger, Wren! It's not worth it."

"I've been in danger since I was eleven years old," I snapped. "Trust me, the novelty's worn off. Besides, I'm pretty sure Russey will do whatever we want, from giving you a position in the Ministry to giving me protection. He'd be able to come up with a reason for Stillens."

"What reason?"

I shrugged, smiling. "That's his problem."

James was still staring at me, but the initial shock seemed to be wearing off as he considered what I'd said. After a few moments, he shook his head. "Okay, so, maybe that would work. But... I'm sorry, but I don't get why Russey would do anything for you, exactly."

"Oh, trust me," I said. "He would."

~~~~

"Blackmail?"

I glanced at James, trying not to feel uncertain as both Teddy and Victoire stared at us in shock. Teddy was shaking his head, seeming completely unable to put his thoughts together. Victoire was the one who continued, "You've both lost it, you must have..."

"No," James said, shaking his head and gripping my hand a little harder. "It's a brilliant idea, really. He told Wren that he has his own agenda, and she'll turn that back on him if he tries to double cross us. He's got to know Stillens won't take that lightly. Wren can threaten to show him the memory if Russey tries anything."

"It'll work, because Russey will think we're on an even playing field," I explained. "We've both got a reason not to turn the other end, and we have a common goal: eventually overthrowing Stillens. I think he'd buy that we'd both be fine with him taking power after Stillens is gone. After all, I think I have just as much a reason to hate the DA as James does, if not more. I mean, they... they did leave me for dead."

Teddy and Victoire exchanged a very unsure glance, then Teddy closed his eyes and groaned. "I suppose you're set on this?"

"Very," James said, nodding. "And we're both of age. You can't stop us."

"Not sure I'd be able to, anyway," Teddy muttered. He shook his head. "Fine. I suppose it's not the worst idea I've ever heard."

"I suppose it's a little better than James going in alone," Victoire agreed, rolling her eyes.

"Some practical considerations, though." Teddy raised an eyebrow. "What about Cassie?"

"Simple," James said. "Astra took her when we split ways."

"Stillens knows she didn't leave with Astra."

"They don't know if we met up afterwards or not," James countered. "You said Ciara apparated to Malfoy Manor. They could have easily apparated anywhere else, to some other rendezvous. She took Cassie from there, and whisked her off to DA hiding."

Victoire sighed. "Okay. But what's actually going to happen to her? I'm not sure she'll handle being taken anywhere else well."

I hadn't considered that. I bit my lip, glancing over to where Cassie was reading Charis a picture book in the living room. "Would you mind if she stayed here, for now? Until something better can be arranged? She's warming up to you faster than I expected."

"No, we don't mind." Victoire's tone had softened, and she actually smiled a little at me. "I suppose it's good for Charis to have some company, after being cooped up here alone for so long."

"Another thing," Teddy said. "Russey asks where you rendezvoused with Astra. What do you say?"

"Muggle hotel in Dublin," James said automatically. "She left before we did, and I don't know where she went. Wren and I will head back home tomorrow, and go to the Ministry from there." He leaned forward on the table. "Now, you can't tell anyone about any of this. Even my mum."

"We got it, James." Teddy rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want to just stay here?" Victoire asked, wincing a little. "Going into hiding could just mean staying with us, you know. It's not as horrible as it sounds."

I shook my head. "We can't do that."

"This needs to be done," James agreed. He smiled at me. "We'll be okay. We have to be."

As Teddy and Victoire reluctantly agreed, I felt my resolve growing again. Something had shattered in me, but maybe that didn't matter. Maybe I could keep going. Stillens had broken me, but I wasn't going to back down now. I wasn't going to hide. I was going to fight.

We were going to fight. Together.

~~~~

A few days ago, I did a little math and realized that if I keep up the momentum I've had for roughly the past year of updating once a week, we'll be done with this book by this time next year. Not just this book, but this series. I think I might throw up. To be totally honest, this has been such a constant part of my life for so long that I'm really not sure what I'll do when it's done.

Question of the Day: Let's play a game. Two truths and a lie! For anyone unfamiliar, just give me two truths and a lie about yourself. The goal is for me and other readers to try to guess which one the lie is, but you win if no one can!

Answer: 1) I changed schools six times before ninth grade. 2) The first story I ever wrote was about a boy named Egghead, whose head looked like an egg even though everyone else looked normal. 3) I was once pulled over in a mall parking lot at midnight because the cops thought me and my coworkers were high.

Vote and comment! And please send me ideas for questions of the day...

~Elli

Word count: 7964