Time stood still or maybe it moved too fast, it did not matter, there was no feeling of time for him, as the days merged into nights which faded to light in a never ending stream of greys. That was his life, drab and dusty, a constant flow of smoky images and clouded memories.

He had never paid much attention to his thoughts, words or deeds. He had not cared much either for the effect his impulsiveness would have on his family and friends. Alone and lost, with no way to turn back he could not help but wonder if that was the reason he could never have one steady relationship.

Everything you touch surely dies....

Kavya, his friend, who was convinced that he was reason for her childhood being destroyed. In their childhood days, he had been a friend but could not help her deal with her loss; he could not be the support she wanted. He was right, he knew, in reaching out to his parents when she pushed the household help to commit suicide. He knew that he was not responsible for her house burning down when the curtains caught fire by the sparkler she played with. Yet, she pronounced him guilty for not being with her when she needed him and had stepped back into his life to destroy him.

She almost succeeded. Blinkered by the love she pretended to have for him and misguided by the desire to take revenge on Ragini, he had wrecked his family. He almost paid with his life, would have if, the very family he had forsaken had not stepped in to rescue him. He had been healed though Kavya had crumbled to ruins at the failure of her efforts to destroy him.

He was not sure how right Kavya was in blaming him but he was saddened to see the ruin of the sweet bubbly girl she once had been.

Everything you touch surely dies....

Swara, his fiancée's sister. He had been bedazzled by her free spirit and blinded to his fiancée's gentle nature. An act of love, which almost had her killed. And though she survived, their dreams of a life together had died. He loved Swara but had trusted Ragini at every step, till Ragini had finally bound herself to him. He could not accept Ragini but did not believe Swara, especially when she was supported by Sanskaar. He stood to a side, and at times even helped Ragini, in her attempts to malign Swara.

It had hurt him terribly, to watch the woman he loved in the arms of the brother who had betrayed him. With time, he had reconciled with them, and realised he did not love her as much he thought, though he could never be as good a friend to Swara as before and there was still a hint of mistrust when it came to Sanskaar.

His initial friendship with her, which had subsequently blossomed to love, had withered under the poisonous air of mistrust.

Everything you touch surely dies....

Uttara, his cousin but more his sister than Sanskaar's. He had involved her in his disgusting plan for revenge over Ragini for the loathing she had filled him with. He had also allowed her to take the entire blame for the crime when her involvement had been minimal. It had been his last desperate attempt to get rid of Ragini, and a futile attempt to break up Swara and Sanskaar. His sister had borne the brunt and his family had paid the price when Ragini had risen as Medusa, her love replaced by rancor and with twice the venom in her heart.

And he knew that his sister still loved him more than he deserved, though he had almost destroyed her innocence.

Everything you touch surely dies....

His parents, he was the apple of his mother's eye and loved by his father. They were always there for him even when he could not be for them, all he did was ask and they gave. He had gotten engaged to Ragini for his brother, and then broken off with her because he had fallen in love with her sister. His father disagreed but finally gave in. When he had married Ragini because he believed Swara had left him, his mother accepted it wholeheartedly. Then, when Ragini's perfidy came to light, they had supported him but had believed her to be reformed.

For every hasty action of his, they had given their constant support. For every sorry of his, they had been quick to forgive. And yet it had never been enough for him, to be the son they had wanted.

They were the cornerstone of his life, but he rarely thought twice before he broke them, repeatedly, with his words and deeds.

Everything you touch surely dies....

Sanskaar, his cousin, brother, best friend and idol. He had adored him, always followed him. And taken him for granted. He had been hurt when he learnt that Sanskaar had believed him to be responsible for Kavita's death but had felt deceived when he thought he had married Swara. When he learnt that it had been a pretense to reveal Ragini's treachery, he had expected Sanskaar to convince Swara to accept him and give them a chance. But even during that time, he chose to listen to Ragini and considered it a betrayal when he discovered that while Swara no longer loved him, Sanskaar had fallen in love with her.

It had taken him a long time to forgive his brother but he could never forget what he believed was Sanskaar's penchant for deception. He had gotten over Swara, made peace with his actions and had grown to love Ragini, yet he could be quick to mistrust Sanskaar.

He knew that Sanskaar loved him and would always try to do what was right but he could not help believing the proofs and the evidences. And in a fit of impulsive rage, he had burnt that brotherly bond to ashes.

Everything you touch surely dies....

Ragini, the one to whom he had been betrothed. The only one who had truly and completely loved him to the extent of mutating herself beyond recognition. He had broken off the engagement with her twice but married her on an impulse. He had promised to love her but had pined for Swara, and even in those early days when he loved Swara and hated Ragini, he would always trust her.

He trusted her till he realised that she had no intentions of uniting him with Swara and that Swara herself was unwilling to be more than a friend. And when crime of kidnapping Ragini backfired and his family was being embarrassed and humiliated, he took revenge on her by sleeping with her. He convinced himself that it was just punishment, after all that is what Ragini had always wanted.

It had been easy, blaming her for being the malicious and manipulative woman she had become, forgetting that even if her reactions had always been a little extreme, it was invariably his actions that had prompted them. He had not even thought about the consequences, when he had pretended to love her, proposed to marry her all over again but married Kavya, instead. Everyone had been disappointed with him and he had almost destroyed Sanskaar and Swara's marriage too.

She had taken it as a just punishment and had almost given up her life to save him, which was when he realised that he actually loved her. When they had gotten married again, willingly and in love, it had been a brief season of sunshine and warmth, love and laughter.

And as with everything in his life, it had not lasted, despite him supporting Ragini in her well-intentioned but impractical plan of pretending to be pregnant to save her unborn brother. Her brother had been saved though he had allowed himself to be betrayed by one brother and chose to mistrust the other. Ragini had been by his side, even though she soon realised how hasty they had been and had tried to make him see the error of his ways.

But try as he might and irrespective of how much she loved him, he could never heed her for long or constantly be by her side. He always left her in tears, always left her alone.

Everything you touch surely dies....    

________________________

Cont'd.