She had always been the girl next door, the sweet and quiet girl who did everything she was told. She was the eternal good girl, who confirmed to her grandmother's idea of a dutiful daughter and who had been happy doing so. She never had any dreams or wishes of her own and was willing to live life on their terms, till love took root in her heart.

A love that was dark and twisted. And which had transmogrified her to an unrecognizable shadow of her former guileless self. A love that had swept through her heart, set her mind on fire and almost burnt her soul.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

Swara, her neighbour; the first person she loved, as a friend and a soul sister. Loved her selflessly, for being different, for being brave, for being strong, for being everything she could not be. Those differences had not mattered; she adored her friend and had been thrilled when they discovered that they were half-sisters. But then those ties of blood had not been as strong as the bonds of the heart. She had been willing to share her father, her grandparents, her name, her home and her room. But when her sister had fallen for the only man she could ever love, it made her heart bleed and her love for her sister turn to ashes.

She had pretended to be happy for her sister, yet had silently schemed and plotted. When everything failed, she took the extreme step, her voice had quivered when she apologised but it was with steady hands that she had pushed her sister into the murky waters, hoping she would die.

Her sister had surfaced with Sanskaar by her side, and they had fought a dirty battle; pitting her insecurity with Laksh, fueled by intense fear of losing him, against her sister's insistence that the truth was needed to reunite their parents. She had lost that battle but had not given up the war.

She realised the magnitude of her error of misplaced trust when Laksh betrayed her for Kavya and both Swara and Sanskaar had supported her. Her sister had spared no efforts to reunite her with a remorseful Laksh but she could not trust her when he had been jailed. And had been unable to utter a single word of protest, when Swara had walked out on Sanskaar, blaming him for Laksh's disappearance.

She now knew that she would always need Swara and wondered if she had simply labelled that need as love.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

Her Sharmishta Maa, the one who loved her as much as her daughter, even more at times. She had fought alongside her sister, against her grandmother whom she worshipped and feared, against her father whom she loved and respected. She had been the happiest when her Baba had married her Maa; she finally had her complete family.

That family lasted till she chose the man she loved over the mother she had always wished for. All her life she had done what they had wanted, lived the way they liked and had loved that man they had chosen for her. But she could not give him up when they asked her to; she loved him too much, she did not care that her actions cost her parents their marriage. She had also not bothered to think on the enormity of her action when she kidnapped her Maa to ensure that Swara and Sanskaar got married, convinced that it was the only way she could make sure the Laksh would give up on Swara.

And then, she had tried to make amends by pretending to be pregnant to protect her unborn brother, an attempt that led to a series of disastrous events, each more detrimental to all her relationships and had culminated in the disappearance of Laksh from her life while her sister had broken off with her husband.

She had her mother back but was not sure how much of a daughter she remained.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

Sanskaar, first her friend, then enemy and now her sister's beloved but estranged husband. He had been driven by revenge yet had been the only one sympathetic to her pain; he knew the agony of losing a loved one. He was also the one who realised when to stop and tried to tell her, but she had not heeded. She continued her descent and had not just stopped with forsaking him but had also tried to malign his character. Even then he was sympathetic to her though perpetually wary of her actions.

Today when she saw how pained he was that Swara had chosen her over him, she mourned that lost possibility of her being a friend to him.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

Her dadi, who called her laaddo, in whose eyes she could commit no wrong. She loved her Dadi, the one person who would always be by her side and who never stopped her in any of her schemes. Her Dadi suspected what she had done to Swara, yet stayed by her side. She knew that her fears were misplaced but her Dadi had flamed those glowing embers into a roaring inferno.

It was Dadi's scheming that enabled her to wrest control over the Maheshwari fortunes, humiliate her in-laws and almost destroy Swara and Sanskaar's relation. It was her Dadi who had supported her father when he insisted that Swara leave Sanskaar as a befitting response for Laksh betraying her.

And despite being aware of her Dadi's malignant intentions, she had hesitated to openly oppose her. She was not sure if it was love for her Dadi or a remnant of her childhood worship of her. Her Dadi had no such qualms, as it later transpired, when they discovered who the mastermind behind Laksh incarceration and torture was.

She had rarely thought why it had been so easy to descend to the depths she had, why her Dadi always guided her wrong steps, till she realised that her Dadi had hated Swara and her Maa, much more that she could ever love her granddaughter.

She now wondered what kind of a twisted love that was.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

Laksh, the only man she had ever loved. The only one she would ever love. And who could never love her the way she did, with that intensity bordering on obsessiveness. She had killed, literally and figuratively, for him and would do so again.

He had been chosen by her family and when he had extended a hand of friendship, he had awoken love in her heart. She had fallen for him, fallen fast and fallen hard, a fall that left her breathless. When he confessed to be in love with Swara, he kindled the fire of jealousy and stoked the flames of envy in her. She tried to give him up but had been unable to do so.

Swara bore the brunt of her machinations and had almost died, still she did not repent. Aided by her father and abetted by her Dadi, she had continued to malign Swara to ensure that Laksh remained bound to her. It was only much later, after she had been used and discarded by him, and he married Kavya, did she realise the extent of her depravity.

Her remorse and regret, however, did not last longer than the time he took to say 'sorry'. When they had married again, it had been a dream come true for her, finally, she had it all, her love, her sister's happiness and her parents together. But like everything else, it had been too brief a time before she and her love for him were tested. She had not hesitated, though she was not sure how right he was, she stood by him, as he slandered his brother, vilified his Chachi and consigned those relationships to the fire. When they learnt how wrong they had been, it was a little too late and in vain; for he left her, once again.

She had been broken and that had shattered Swara and Sanskaar's relationship. She missed him terribly and cried when she was alone, in longing and anger. She also accepted that whatever happened, she could never stop loving him.

Cause you loved too much and you dived too deep....

____________________________________________________

Cont'd.