It was a silent night,

A night I knew to be the last

A night that would confirm my fears,

A night that would turn my nightmares to a reality

You could see it on their faces,

It was no ordinary night

This night was the last night of being whole

With courage I never knew I had,

I walked in and sat on edge,

Edge of the bed,

Edge of life,

Edge of the cliff I was so tempted to join you as you jumped over

My life wouldn't continue after this

The stars for the last time shone bright,

The same brightness of my eyes as tears glistened

I took one look and recoiled,

I couldn't face the truth,

It was the end,

Carved so deeply into those soft brown eyes I could search for years

He knew it,

I knew it

Still we spoke nothing of it

It was a piercing silence,

Until those soft hands reached for mine,

And in that instant I knew things would never be okay,

But for now it was

I looked up,

Lips trembling,

I couldn't escape the silent tears that fell

His thumb stroked and soothed my hand he held,

It did no justice,

Except still now I can remember what it felt like,

The rhythm and all

Breaking the silence he spoke words that I knew would

Haunt me and comfort me, til the day I died

'I love you bub, no matter what'

My wall was crumbling as he squeezed my hands,

Unable to talk I sat still, looking into those eyes I'd never see again

So slowly the dark was wrapping around me,

And on that last tie,

The heart beat stopped

My life stopped

My life's meaning stopped

And my smile vanished

That dark and gloomy night haunts me;

The feeling of his cold hand in mine,

The eyes sliding closed,

The repeated stroking ceasing,

The regret of not saying everything I should have said

And still as I take a step every second of my life,

One simple sentence echoes in my mind;

'I love you bub, no matter what'

• ♥ •