"What happened?"

Lisa put down her cup of coffee, gesturing me to sit down across the table. 

I didn't know what to say. She was as innocent as they came, even with the work she had. Sometimes I wanted to ask her how she got into her profession, but it never seemed like the right time. In fact, I knew virtually nothing about her, while she knew plenty about me. Perhaps that was the reason I didn't want to tell her more. I wasn't her patient, and I didn't have to justify my choices in front of her. 

"It went well."

"You know, if you would actually tell me exactly what went well, we might stand a chance at having a discussion that's worthwhile." She arched an eyebrow for effect. 

"Fair point, but I'd like to go. You finished with your drink?" 

Lisa rolled her eyes, stood up and grabbed her jacket from the chair. "You should see someone about those manners of yours." 

I grinned. I knew she couldn't resist me if I put on my charmer mode. I knew my manners were bad, and I knew I was being an ass to her, but I felt cornered.

I didn't do well in corners. 

On the way out, I stole a look at the establishment across the street. Nothing on the outside gave away what kind of club it was. I liked that. It was stealthy. Undercover. It suited me just fine. I stuck my hand down my pocket and grabbed the small piece of paper. He asked me to call that number later. One part of me had no intention of calling, while the other part was curious. 

Snapping out of my thoughts, I saw Lisa stomping off towards the metro station without looking back. 

I really upset her this time, great. 

"Lisa, wait." I jogged a couple of steps and caught up. 

"You know, sometimes I wish I didn't like you," she muttered. 

"You love me!" I tried my biggest smile, hoping that she wouldn't see how much it hurt that she was disappointed. 

"Actually, Ethan, I don't. Not always, and definitely not now." 

There it was: that hollow feeling that seemed to empty my insides. Like a vacuum sweeping things clean. It was an odd kind of pain. I smiled again. That hurt, too, but in a different way. 

It was tempting to take away the pain and thoughts. Very tempting. 

-----

Light turned to dark, hours passed and the pain remained. I couldn't handle being inside, so I sat in the park, watching people go by shaking their heads. I wondered how they knew. They were right to take a few steps to the side when they saw me. A few months ago, I would have pulled out a knife and asked for their cash. 

Politely of course. 

Except, I didn't do polite...

Slouching down, I pulled up the note from my jeans and read the number again. Mistress Jenna, he had said as he gave me the folded piece of paper. 

Apparently, she was expecting my call. 

My phone started to burn in my pocket.  I had no reason to prolong my misery; I was just being silly. I knew the choices stood between calling, or walking off to the guy standing at the corner. I even had enough cash in my pocket for once. I would have a great night; a great high. 

Shaking my head, I pulled out the phone and dialed the number before I had time to stop myself. 

After a few rings, I was ready to hang up. Then the dial tone broke, and a mechanic-like voice answered, "Yes." 

I was sure it was an answering machine and waited for the beep to sound so I could say something. 

The seconds passed, but there was no beep. 

I took the phone from my ear and stared at the display. The line was still open. 

"Hello?" 

"Took you long enough. What do you want?" I almost jumped back at her tone; except, I couldn't jump back since I was sitting on a park bench. 

"Sorry, I'm looking for Jenna."

"Is that so?"

"Yes?" I was hesitant. She sounded so odd. I didn't like her voice at all. It gave me the wrong kind of chills. 

"Head down to the club, wear an orange tie." 

The call closed, and I was left to stare at the phone once more, wondering what the hell happened. Orange tie?

How was I supposed to find one of those at this hour? It wasn't exactly something I had at home. 

Everything about the phone call made my skin crawl. I had no wish to see this Jenna, and it was weird, considering how much I had fantasized about this since reading a bunch of novels in my e-book reader. During my treatment, I found that reading was the only way for me to pass the time without feeling like a complete mess. 

Perhaps this was an awful idea. 

I began to change my mind, stealing glances at the guy on the corner. He seemed decent enough. I would probably get a good deal. 

I clenched my fists so hard that my nails dug into my palms, probably leaving small little half-moon marks. Pain always seemed to help, at least that kind of pain. It took my mind off of things. 

So, an orange tie. 

I got up from the bench and took the long way around the guy, knowing that temptation would take over if I let it. I had to stay strong. 

-----

An hour later I stood outside the club, holding an ugly tie in my left hand and my ID-card in the other. The large bouncer wore regular bouncer-looking clothes, but the people in the line gave it away. They wore enough leather and lace to fill up a fetish boutique two times over. 

The line moved quickly since the bouncer seemed to know every other person, but of course, it ground to a halt when it was my turn. He looked at me with beady eyes, assessing my attire from head to toe. 

"You're new here," he said. It wasn't  a question; more like a statement. 

"Yes." 

"You got an entry pass?" 

I backed away a small step. He was so much taller that I felt crowded standing so close. 

"Didn't think I needed one."

"You do. Now stop wasting my time." He put a hand on my shoulder blade and pushed me aside. 

"Hey, I have someone waiting for me inside, you know," I snapped. 

There was a murmur behind me, but I resisted the urge to meet their glares. If I backed down now, all would be lost and I would end up in an alleyway with those who actually accepted me. I could feel it. These guys knew that I wasn't one of them. 

I was a fool to think they would let me in to their community.

Alone, always alone. 

The bouncer stopped pushing. "Who's waiting?"

"Jenna." 

"There's no Jenna in here." There was something in his tone that made me turn around and stare back into his eyes. I knew there was a Jenna in there. He just didn't want to let me through. 

"Can you please tell Mistress Jenna that a guy with an orange tie is waiting for her outside."

The bouncer glared at me like I was the devil himself. "Piss off, kid" 

I held my ground. If this guy wanted to be an idiot, so be it. Jenna had told me to be here, and I wouldn't fuck things up when I had fought so long for things to happen. I didn't need to be an idiot just because he was. 

"Look, I talked with the owner of this place this morning. Do you know what he told me?" The bouncer huffed and turned to leave. I grabbed his arm. "He told me to listen and obey, and here I am--obeying Mistress Jenna's request to come here tonight." 

His beady eyes flashed. 

"I don't see why she'd want to meet with you. But perhaps we'll all have fun watching her humiliate you tonight. Stay outside, if she wants you, she'll come and get you. Now get out of my sight." 

I backed up against the brick wall, ignoring my speeding pulse. I should be used to this; people usually looked at me like a piece of trash, or someone they'd rather not see at all. The problem was that I though this world would be different, and that they would be accepting. Clearly, I was wrong. 

I should have bought some stuff from the guy instead of standing here in the cold autumn air with nothing but a thin jacket. Unwanted and whiny.