there used to be something
in the house which smelled
like rotten eggs and bit like
ants poisoning mixed together.
the garbage bags would fill
the kitchen and trap us
but your cans would spill inside them
and I knew it was time to get rid of
the bags, the ones on my shoulder as well.
the wind would lead me, blow me
toward the big cans to throw them all away
but I kept the ones on my shoulder,
I liked the heavy weight
the deep fish smell on me
I am so in love with the hurt he gave me
I am young and I believe it
cause I am his responsibility
he made me I am the end result of
a somewhat bad decision
and he's fucked.
my mother told me,
he's bad to you, look at them
and ask me if he really cares about you
and I knew that more than 10
years meant nothing.
it meant nothing to me either.
it was good to be without.
I was easy to love but such a bitch in the fall.
I told her, I'll let it go.
but I never did.
not until today.
not until you said it all to my face
and said "I already forgot about it."
that's when I smelled the fishes, the rats,
and the ants
they weren't pure anymore
it felt like poison once again
but this time it won't be easy
to let you go
somehow
I knew this
was how it would all end
I just need some changing
before any admitting.
I'll never not love you
but it's time to grow up.