there's a difference between toxic behaviors
and good behaviors for a reason
and I understand why the confusion
but what I will not allow
is a toxic behavior to be believed into a good one
I have lived that life
well, my life is a walking trigger for me
my own body an enemy and anxiety
I live with but I fight
and that is also my problem,
anger and strength
two words to describe the coursing blood
in my system
raised with anger in hands
in words
in faces I see
It creates itself an entity within me
see anger, bubbles up
and within time it implodes
in good and bad
because the strength the anger has
creates other problems for me
for example a certain smell can bring
me to a memory I have locked up
so far in my mind that it festers
infecting me with anger to which then
boils down to me self inflicting
to which boils down
to me drinking
then to overeat and vomit to
then lashing out in a hysterical cry of
a breakdown.
my last emotional terrorizing breakdown.
but I have gained control of this,
however some of have not
that's really on them because we choose
and believe me I do not want to coach
anyone on what to do seeing as I can't do
that for even myself
but in the lieu of me noticing this
I want to be the person to say
a TOXIC behavior is a TOXIC behavior
for a reason, you are the only one
in your mind to understand what
this reason is, no one can tell you this
however a TOXIC behavior is not
an excuse to cover it up as A GOOD one.