we were born from a generation
that didn't love themselves,
they cut, drugged, consumed, and
addicted to the very truths of life.
i cut, and I liked it.
i cut cause i was crazy
and a sensitive little bitch
owning up to it was the first step,
i would blame everyone except me
for what I went through
because I allowed it,
letting everyone step over me like
a branch on the sidewalk
they didn't care if I broke in half
but I cared that they didn't care
so I cut my wrists and I cut the inside of my
thighs so it would burn when I slide up
my jeans to go out i mentally enjoyed
the sensation and you have no idea how many times a day I would think about it
on the ride back home from school
hearing my dad complain about my mom
seeing my father sip and sip
sip and sip and sleep a drink away
from death or crashing into a car when
picking me up from school.
once i hurt myself
sixteen times, why?
i don't even remember enough
to tell you but I went to the supermarket
with my sister because I needed to make
food for a teacher and she had no idea that
less than five minutes ago
i had an eyebrow razor and marked up my wrists but it was hidden under my
sweatshirt. I am from a generation
from which we hurt in order to love ourselves
while being raised by parents who
lived to hate themselves.
can you blame me or anyone for
this? yes.
i am a problem and an everlasting
flaw to myself,
i'm more than just a self indulgent
girl who cared about others before herself
still struggling Day and Day how to
forget my sensitiveness and let others
let their pride aside and own up for
their faults because it's me and not me
at the same time.
I may not have importance,
but fuck, I am human.
the united front we put up is
just stupid, if we explained that
we just hate being alone
and never want to be
maybe at the end of the day
we could have been able
to have this conversation
i know we are just afraid
to say what we need to say but isn't it
while we are young that we should
say what we mean
and explain we are just nobodies
with a lot of pain
in this game.
here's my words,
i am almost two years clean
been through a lot and I
was the only person who
cared about what happened to me
and how it affected me
I was my hero and my villain
and it cause a lot of pain
and to my family too.
but I changed and accepted
my faults, flaws and voices
inside of my head.
So what are you waiting for?