I will always miss harming,
it's hard to stay away from
did it for so long that the edge
of a table makes me wonder
if it would mark my skin
red if I run it fast enough.
there's no explanation
to where it started although
when I bring it up
some have their theories
but I do it because it's satisfactory
and relieves my stress.
with the way I'm feeling
lately I just wish I could have
these moments,
to do it and not be penalized
but I'd hate to be caught again
and be shunned like a cast away.
my favorite part was my arm because
it bled the fastest and when I pulled
a sweater over it it was a rush of
adrenaline cause it felt - oh so nice
like ice cold water down your throat
or when you pull up your jeans on
your thighs where you freshly cut
felt like a thousand snowflakes kissing my
eyelashes goodnight.
but i am as clean as I can be
even if I have small pencil sharpeners
or eyebrow razors, or the body razors
or my moms old blade for work,
but they are here just in case
I miss it and I want to visit
just like a do today.
but I am not clean
I just got what I am missing.