TEN || poison
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𝐓𝐄𝐍
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FLASHBACK: SPRING 2017. CORA, AGE 28.
"Kendall." Cora breathed the word as he moved past her and into the hall.
She closed the door behind him, turning to follow as he moved down the hallway and into the living room. He came to a stop before the windows that faced out onto the New York skyline, his arms crossed his chest, hands clasped at the crook of his elbows. She stopped short behind him, catching a glimpse of his face in the reflection cast by the light of her apartment. It was evident that he'd been crying, his eyes damp and red, and he sniffed as he caught her eye in the reflection.
Hurriedly, he swiped the back of his hand against his eyes, turning to face her.
She had told him not to come, but had been grateful he had anyway. She hadn't been able to eat all day, far too nauseous after the phone call from Shiv, unable to stop herself from repeating the conversation over and over in mind. More than anything, she was confused why she was feeling this way. She'd felt nothing but apathy for the last few years, the idea of the consequences of her actions seemed completely divorced from any sense of responsibility that she did have. Cora lived for herself and herself alone, and yet guilt wracked her at the idea of hurting Kendall, of being the cause of disruption in his life. He had a family, after all, not just a wife but children too. She couldn't imagine him as a father, but she knew that didn't make it any less of a fact. After all, she was sure that many people had been surprised when they found out Reagan Vernon was a mother.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." Kendall croaked. "It was a bad idea. I should go."
He moved to walk past her, and Cora caught his arm. Kendall swung around to face her, his brows descended low above his eyes, the muscles in his jaw taut. Cora shook her head, finding herself almost dizzy at the thought of being alone again.
"Please, don't. I can't ... I can't be alone with my thoughts anymore. Just stay. Let's ... I don't know, let's talk about this."
"Talking will do nothing, talking's the thing that's fucked me over, Cora."
"Do you really think this situation can get any worse, Kendall?" Cora couldn't believe how she sounded, like she was pleading with him. She pressed her lips together, feeling her cheeks flushing as he met her eyes. "This might be the last time we even see each other. Can we just get drunk? Just one more night."
He paused, seeming to consider her words, his eyes drifting downwards as he thought to rest somewhere on her chin. Cora was suddenly aware of their proximity to one another and the feeling of his skin beneath her fingertips. She loosened her grasp, letting his arm fall from her fingers.
"Fine, yeah." Kendall muttered, running a hand through his cropped hair. "How much worse can it get?"
Kendall settled into the couch while Cora paced into the kitchen, beginning to rifle through her cupboards. It didn't take her long to find a full bottle of whiskey, carrying back two shot glasses, one stacked into the other. It wasn't until they had chipped at least a quarter of the bottle away that either of them seemed willing to speak. Cora snuck a look from her side towards Kendall as she took a gulp of the liquor. It was burning her throat more than ever tonight, a sensation not helped by the fact she was drinking it on an empty stomach. She felt warm and dangerous.
She balanced her glass on the side of her leg, which was balanced across her knee, concealed by a pair of flowy linen pants.
"So." she said, her eyes watching the amber liquid in her glass shift slightly from her movements.
"So." Kendall repeated.
"Can I ask how fucked you are?" She was surprised by the boldness of her question, and a quick glance towards Kendall showed that he was too. "I'm just ... I'm probably sick of trying to be pragmatic after the conversation I had with Shiv."
"Yeah, no, same." Kendall said with a nod. "There's absolutely no denying that I'm screwed."
"I told her nothing was going on. It's crazy she'd even think that." Cora said with the shake of her head. "You're like, a weird older brother."
"I am?"
His reply had been quick, causing Cora to flush bright red. She giggled nervously, shaking her head.
"I mean, no, you're not. You used to be I guess. But ... I'm probably better friends with you now than I am with her ... " She let her voice drift off as she sighed. She could feel the weight of his eyes on her, tracing her skin. "All things considered."
"Yeah, bit of whiplash since I didn't know you two hated each other."
"We don't hate each other." A breath, she revised the words. "I didn't think we did. I don't know. Everything's been screwed up with her for a long time."
"Yeah, wouldn't have anything to do with Roman, would it?" Kendall muttered, casting her a dark look. "Honestly, what the fuck happened between you two?"
Usually alcohol mellowed Kendall out, but it seemed to be having a different affect. His directness caught her off guard, and she straightened up, pulling her glass from her leg. She placed her glass down on the coffee table with a clatter, standing up to walk to the kitchen. Kendall followed after her.
"Cora, come on."
"What do you mean come on?" Cora replied sharply. She was looking in the cupboards high above her kitchen bench, feeling blindly until her hands grasped around a short plastic cylinder. She pulled out the medicine bottle, clumsily dropping it on the kitchen bench. "Since when is it anyone's business?"
"Because that's when shit got weird, right? And sorry for being curious. It's just kind of the last time I get to see you, probably ever. Probably ever." Kendall replied, throwing his hands up dramatically. Cora unscrewed the top of the bottle, dumping out the baggies of white powder housed inside. He watched her like a hawk as he continued. "So fuck me for wondering. You know usually when people covet shit, it's them making the big deal, not the people who ask."
"There's nothing to tell."
"Clearly there is."
"Ok? So what. Whatever you're alleging happened, happened a decade ago. So who really gives a shit?" Cora replied, her voice rising. She picked up one of the bags, thumping it softly against the palm of her hand. "Also don't be dramatic."
"What do you mean?" Kendall said.
"Like, sure I get that she's mad, but she'll calm down. New York's small. Maybe it can't be the same way it was before bu-"
"My dad's sending me to Shanghai." Kendall burst out suddenly. Cora froze, her lips parting to gape at him. "He's ... He's exiling me. He heard about this shit and told me to pull my fucking head in and then he had a contract drafted up for me to go to Shanghai for god knows how long. So yeah, we probably won't be speaking ever again, unless I want to be shipped off to Antarctica."
Cora turned to face him, and she could see a shadow of the distress he'd entered the apartment with. For some reason, she felt like crying, though she couldn't quite pin it down. She hadn't known Kendall for all that long, not in the way she did now. Yet this felt like loss, like her life would be worse off without him. She would miss him, she realised, she would truly miss him.
"You can't go." Cora said, and suddenly her eyes were stinging. Despite the ache in her throat, she found herself laughing. "You can't. You're my only friend. You can't go to Shanghai."
Kendall turned away from her, his hands on his hips as he looked down at the floor. She could see his jaw was tensed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.
"I have to." He said after a time. "I don't have a choice. He said if I don't go then I'm going to fuck up my life. If I fuck up my life then I can't be head of the company. Going to Shanghai's the only thing that's keeping him from releasing the photos. The only thing keeping my marriage together."
Cora let out a sound of exasperation. She couldn't help it, the situation felt entirely unfair. Kendall turned to face her, his brow creased.
"What?"
"I mean," Cora threw her hands up, laughing. "It's not like we were caught leaving a hotel. It was dinner. Is that a crime? I mean, on top of that, we're not even having an affair. We just hang out, we're just friends."
"You don't see anything inappropriate about us hanging out?"
She shrugged. "Kind of but not really. Maybe sometimes. Maybe on some days." She let her voice fade as she met his eye. Something in his gaze had shifted, the sadness gone for a moment, replaced with what she didn't quite know yet. "Do you? Do you think this is weird?"
He took a step forward. Cora inhaled sharply, catching a hint of his scent; cologne, aftershave, whiskey. She felt her breathing stammer, biting down on the inside of her cheek as she swallowed. Despite the intensity of his gaze and the nervous squirming it caused in the pit of her stomach, she couldn't tear her eyes away. She felt suspended in the sudden tension between them, enthralled in the pause his silence had created.
"Tell me honestly," he said, his voice low, "that you haven't ever wondered."
Cora opened her mouth, but all she could manage were stammered consonants. He lifted his hand then, sliding it to cup her cheek.
"I haven't been able to stop, personally."
She registered his words moments before he kissed her, but any words she could have conjured in response disappeared the moment his lips met hers. The feeling suddenly felt exactly right, as though she had never needed anything before that point in time. Naturally her arms looped around his neck, her body pressing into his, as though she were attempting to imprint her shape against him. She was sure he must have been able to feel her heart, which thudded noisily against her chest, as his free hand found the small of her back, finding the edge of her shirt and slipping beneath it to trace his hands against her skin.
All too quickly she became aware of herself, and she gasped against his lips, suddenly jerking away from him. His hands fell away from her body, falling to his sides. In the silence of the kitchen, she found herself clutching her throat, breathing hard.
"Fuck." Kendall muttered, his face clouding with concern. "Did I do something wrong?"
"You have a wife." Cora breathed, the sound ragged and panicked. "You have kids. I can-"
"Do you think my marriage doesn't have problems, Cora? My wife hates me. My kids barely know me. My family want me to go to fucking China. I have nothing. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain. You don't have to worry about my life being destroyed, believe me, it already is."
Cora's hand had found her mouth. She brushed her thumb against her bottom lip, blinking rapidly. She wanted to throw caution to wind, but reality had caught up to her, inhibition slipping through her fingers. If his marriage had been so bad, why had he never mentioned it before? Was he just saying all of this before he was leaving the country? Had this been his plan all along? As much as it had made sense in the moment, Cora couldn't stop her brain from questioning all of their interactions, all the moments she had thought she was spending with a friend.
She turned away from him, unable to face him any longer. Betrayal nipped at her throat, the feeling of hurt suddenly unbearable. She needed a drink. She needed him gone.
"Cora?" Kendall reached forward, placing a hand on her shoulder gently. Cora pulled away, shaking her head.
"You need to go."
"Are you serious?"
"I can't have you here anymore. You shouldn't have even come here." Her voice was shaking. The bag of white powder was still pinched between her fingertips. She could feel her body aching for a hit.
"So, you too." Kendall's voice sounded defeated. Cora felt something pang in her chest, but she squashed the feeling down, gritting her teeth.
"Please."
"Fine. Fine." He said. "Goodbye, then."
She didn't move until she heard the door to her apartment close. Her shoulders slumped as the sound rung in her ears, taking in a shaky breath. Cora moved quickly, almost throwing herself onto the floor in front of her coffee table.
The morning after she would find herself still on the floor, having passed out sometime after midnight. Her head would be throbbing, nose stinging and her mouth would be dry as bone. And she would pull herself upwards using the side of the couch and blindly feel around until she had found her phone, after which she would unlock it to find no text messages from Kendall, which in the back of her mind had been what she had been searching for her phone for in the first place.
Instead she would find numerous text messages and emails from those who knew her, asking if what was printed in the NY Globe was true about her, if she really was running around with the billionaire Logan Roy's son, if she knew that he was married, congratulating her for bagging a sugar daddy. She would delete them with shaking fingers, one by one by one. And after wading through those texts and emails, she would find Shiv's number with one final message and a photo of Kendall leaving her apartment building attached.
[TEXT: Shiv] thanks for showing me exactly the person you are. delete my number
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