Gazing at the doorway she felt Deja' vu. The events of the night before, the rocking on her heels, Johns lips, Pauls fingers, tea, smiling at George, being called 'Sweets' by Rings. All flooding back as she stood in the darkness, adrift and alone.

Lily would have to move now, Norman had her address and even if that wasn't reason enough, she would have to move because she hasn't a job, she hasn't money for rent. Licking her lips, she tapped her teeth together, serves him right, he wanted something without asking. So, without thought, she bit down~ hard. He screamed, and his eyes bulged; And the blood that she had somehow made run... when he spied it...made him scream again.

She shouldn't have come tonight, she didn't want them to get into trouble and with her, it seemed she was always trouble. Even Paul felt trouble last night although she managed to shift his thinking to more pleasing entertainment. And what is it with that. Norman. Her father. Her father's clients. They were all so horrid and terrible but these boys/men - John, George, Paul and Ringo she would likely move mountains for, she would let them touch her, she would willingly make them grin ear to ear.

Was it because of Liverpool and what they did, was it payment for services rendered? Lily contemplated her night away; she didn't really think it was that. She liked them, they were sweet and nice to her, they chatted with her and joked about, and let her speak, even though she hadn't much to say.

Neil walked out of the building and stood on the bottom step, they hadn't yet met, would he know of her past? Would he look at her with pity or lewd pursuit? Lily stepped forward, she would see the boys, smile with them, laugh at their antics, even enjoy a cup of tea in their company. Then they would leave and she would turn about and try and live another day.

"Hello Lily" Neil offered his hand and she shook it politely.

"Hello. Evening Nell, Neil?" Lily was instantly comfortable again, that inane feeling he was one of the lads overcoming her, steadying her in his presence.

"Neil, but the goofballs call me Nell for some weirded-up reason" Neil shrugged, he didn't mind much, as long as sheilas didn't pick up on it and look at him different. "Come on I'm on orders to deliver a pretty Lily to the studio tonight, no loitering in shadows getting me in to strife tonight, yeah?"

"Oh, I didn't mean to get them upset with you"

"Not much early on, but I got a bollocking from Brian when only half the quartet turned up at the hotel..."

Lily blushed. She was blushing, what was wrong with her? She was a tart she didn't even know she carried such emotions around.

Lily quickly trotted after Neil; he was walking with purpose and impatience- not with her- but just a no-nonsense stride of determination, Lily jogged a few steps and Neil spun to face her.

"Sorry Lily, bad habit of taking off when I'm on a mission"

"All good, let's get me delivered then"

**

Earlier in the day

"George, what's it mean when you blush?"

"I'm not blushing"

It was bright and sunny and George was the only one there. Lily had stood waiting on their last day in London and George was the only sod to get out of bed. So here they sat on a wooden park bench in a park down the street, watching the current swirl eddy's, and boats motor by.

"I didn't mean you. I meant a person. When someone blushes, what does it exactly mean. Say when some girl blushes"

"You're kidding right? Pull the other one"

"George...." Lily sighed, she knew this was a silly question in her heart of hearts, she knew it was something to do with boys and girls and romantic love and it was embarrassing, so embarrassing...

She hadn't had a chance to blush proper because things were always forced onto her. No chat ups, no drinks, no flirting. 

"Alright, Well then.... When a guy says something nice to a girl, a compliment, or if they did something nice like kiss and he reminded her she might blush" George pretended to toss his chip high in the air then quickly slammed it in his mouth to act like he had caught it. Lily looked stunned til she realised he had tricked her and smacked his arm, grinning.

"And it means...."

So embarrassing that she was immature to the fate of hearts but knew how to make a man cum in minutes. Lily guessed most men liked that particular attribute of hers the best. Never mind having a grown-up conversation just stick it in and pound, pound, pound away.

"And it means she's into it, she likes the feelings he's reminding her of or the words are sweet and pretty in her ears... she likes that he is being nice, just to her" George shook his head a little awed that she had to ask such a question, hadn't anyone been so nice to her to make her blush, hadn't she been in a situation to see a friend blush around a boyfriend?

He guessed he had the answer to his question right in front of him, her forehead was gently crinkled thinking about his answer, the way her eyes looked troubled as she listened. George picked up a piece of crumbed fish offering her a little, he poked it in the side of her mouth even when she again shook her head declining his sharing of his meal. He grinned as she ate slowly, she had been eyeing his dinner like a seagull on a pier and he'd offered to share over and over.

"Just pick up some chups would ya Lils" George flopped the newspaper about, salt bouncing all over "There's plenty, even by my standards!"

"I'm sorry George"

"What for eating chips? I told y-" George licked the salt and vinegar that smothered his fingers off as Lily gazed out over the Thames.

"It's so beautiful here"

"If you like brown muddy water and trash floating by" His Liverpool accent so droll and broad washed over her ears and she stood to her feet, hugging herself.

"It's beautiful, freedom is beautiful"

"I guess. If you say so"

"I say so" Lily walked back from the edge of the bank and George took in the beauty of her, never mind the dirty water, her, she was so young yet old, so knowing yet a child. "I'm sorry I ask silly questions"

"It wasn't silly, everyone has to learn Lils. Everyday something is learnt. It's not your fault you learnt some things far too early and other things far too late"

Lily flopped down beside him, legs kicked out in front of her, hands clutched on her belly, as if she had overeaten Christmas dinner and was recovering.

"Com' on, let's see if any of the others blighters have stuck their heads out of their beds"

"But I just sat down, George!"

"Come on lazy bones"

"Oh, all right"

***

"I'll write soon" Paul stood on the kerb watching her intently as the lads piled in the van, squished in tightly with instruments, snacks, suitcases and newspapers. Lily had had tea in their hotel room while they bustled about. One at a time she had sitting and joining her then hurrying away to return to packing.

"I'll write too this time" George grinned around a biscuit he'd swiped from the bowl in the room. "I'll make 'em all write ok"

"If they don't want to write it's fine. Paul......"

"Yes darling?"

"Wait a few weeks, alright" Lily tinkered with the buckle on her purse, she didn't know why she had even brought the darn thing, there was absolutely nothing in it. Paul let an eyebrow raise in question "I ummm, I'm moving. It's a dogs breakfast there"

Lily stumbled backwards a little as Paul went to hug her, you could read this girl so easily and he knew something must have happened. Paul took her arm gently and walked her off down the road to the pedestrian crossing on the corner.

"What's happened"

"Nothing"

"Look at me and say it"

"Nothing! Don't give me that look. I just. Damn it Paul, stop cocking that eyebrow at me! ...Argh! I lost my job! I'm going to go live with Ophelia for a bit"

"How?"

"I'll pack my stuff up and-"

"Your job Lils?"

"I don't see how that's of any worry to you. Go on, Neil's waving his arms about like a windmill" Lily smiled brightly and looked down at his hands now grasping both her elbows, his eyes worried and his lips pulled tight. "Come on Paul, back to Liverpool with ya, let London have a rest from you lot"

Lily wiggled free and walked off to Johns arms, hugging him, drinking in the safety and smell of him "Take Paul home he's becoming a bother"

"Stop bothering Lolly ya wanker"

"She lost her job and won't tell me the circumstances"

"Lolly? Alright?"

"I'm fine .... I'll see you on the telly, yeah?"

That made John grin, and that grin made her forget her worries. Turning her about so Lils stood against the car John kissed her cheek and then again softly beside her lips. Bittersweet and tender, she held his collar and kissed him once more. Lily managed to push John away with a smile, hoping her eyes matched, hoping they didn't see too deep under the surface. Lily then pushed Paul into the motor and quickly she waved to them all "Go.... Bye!"

Watching the van pull into traffic she felt like running after them, something inside made her wonder if she could do this all over again. It was like the first week had raised its ugly head and decided to give her a second dose of panic and lost at sea distress.