Chapter 16: He Knows

Kristan's death snapped me back to sanity and brought so many realizations I always tend to forget. There's nothing to be grateful for in the life I have become. I died the moment I turned into a vampire, but it never got into my system totally until the horrible death of one of the closest people in my life.

Somehow, I knew I was at fault. But Kristan's right, hindi ko dapat sisihin ang sarili ko. I was a victim of their vile ways, too.

Hinawi ko ang luha sa aking mga mata nang manlabo ang tingin ko. Andito ako sa rooftop ng malaking building, nakaupo sa edge habang pinagmamasdan ang mga naglalakad na tao sa hindi kalayuan. I was once one of them, free and ordinary. Look how far I have become, in just a blink of an eye, I am already an immortal.

Naramdaman kong may umupo sa tabi ko. "You've been here for hours now. Hindi ka pa kumain," saad ni Oscar.

Suminghap ako bago hinawi ang mga panibagong luha.

I heard him let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I could have stopped it..."

"It's done..." I mumbled.

Ramdam kong bumaling siya sa 'kin ng tingin.

Mapait na ngumiti ako bago tiningala ang bilog na buwan. Bahagyang tinatangay ng hangin ang buhok ko.

"Kristan is dead. There's nothing I can do about it," I continued. Surprisingly, I didn't stutter stating his name. "He's still lucky, you know? He's free now. No one can hurt him anymore." I bit my bottom lip.

"He's really evil. Ako na ang humihingi ng pauman—"

"We all are," I cut him out as I looked at him, lips slightly stretched for a smile. "I am evil, too. Sure you are. Just in different ways."

Confusion crossed his face. "Let it out, your anger. Don't let it reside inside you, Astra."

I laughed. "Why do you care so much about me, Oscar?"

Natigilan ito sa tanong ko.

"I-I just kind of feel you, your pain—"

"I don't need it," I cut him out for the second time. "I am here to serve the man who saved me, not to make friends or make personal attachments to any of you. That's how it works. Slaves are nothing but helping hands when you need them."

Umiwas ito ng tingin.

"I could still feel your frustration," he mumbled.

"What about it?" I chuckled. "It's not like I can do anything to ease it."

I stood up and prepared myself to leave. I need to wake up early in the morning to go to school, hindi para mag-aral kung hindi para mag-quit. I am not capable of doing anything normal at this moment. I can't afford to make another commotion due to the current state of my mind.

"I need to go," I waved my goodbye.

Tumingala sa akin si Oscar. "If you need someone to talk to, know that I am always here. Anytime and anywhere, Astra."

"Thanks but I don't think I will ever need it again."

Tumalon ako pababa sa likod ng building kung saan walang makakakita sa akin. Nakatungo ako habang naglalakad. Nanunuyo na ang lalamunan ko, naghahanap na naman ng likido ang aking katawan. Sabagay ay kaninang umaga pa ang huli kong inom.

Nang makauwi ay dumiretso ako sa kusina. Pagkabukas ko ng cabinet ay may stock na ng mga supot ng dugo. Kumuha ako ng isa saka naglabas din ng isang bote ng alak. Isinalin ko sa pitsel ang alak at inihalo ang dugo.

Dinilaan ko ang pumatak na dugo sa aking daliri. My entire body reacted just by the taste of one drop of blood. Hindi na ako nakatiis na magsalin pa sa baso. Diretso akong uminom sa pitsel. Isahang lagukan hanggang sa huling patak.

I licked the remain on my lips.

Saka ko lang napagtanto na nagkalamat nang kaunti ang pitsel dahil sa higpit ng pagkakahawak ko. Hinugasan ko ang pinag-inuman at itinapon ang supot sa basurahan. Palabas na sana ako nang kusina nang biglang sumulpot si Brix.

I immediately bowed my head. "What can I do for you, Master Brix?"

I didn't get any response from him, still I remained my head on the ground.

"Master Brix, how can I serve you tonight?" ulit ko sa tanong.

"You are feeling resentment for the life of that human?" he asked with his voice as cold as ice.

I stayed calm. "I'm sorry for acting like that a while ago. Hindi dapat kita sinigawan, itinulak sa pader at hinalikan. You are my master and that's so disrespectful. I will take responsibility for my reckless decision from now on. You can punish me, Master Brix."

My fists slightly clenched.

"You pushed him to death, Astra. You are so reckless—"

Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya, nanatili pa ring nakayuko.

"Please, punish me, Master Brix," I pleaded.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Sa pagkakataong 'yon ay sinabayan ko na ang kanyang malalim na tingin. Same old him, after what he did, I couldn't see anything from those deep and vile eyes. For a moment, I still got surprised. But right at this moment, I also accepted he is capable of more than that.

I smirked. "Serving the man who saved my life. The greatest Cardinal."

Bumali ang leeg nito, tila hindi makapaniwala sa mga lumalabas sa bibig ko.

His lips slightly opened. "Why can't I read you now?"

Nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa kanya.

Nilapitan niya ako at hinawakan ang mukha ko gamit ang kanyang nanginginig na kamay. He's mad again. Surprised? Not really.

"Let me in," he ordered. "That's an order, Astra. Don't you dare close your mind to me."

I flinched my head to remove his hand. "I don't know what you are saying, Master Brix."

"Your mind. You are my slave but why can't I read your mind?" Kaunting gulat ang bumakas sa kanyang mukha. "You loathe me that much, huh?" Then, there goes his devilish grin. "Anyway, just came by to check you are not planning on doing another stupidity again."

"Don't worry, Master Brix..." Bumali ang leeg nito dahil sa tinawag ko sa kanya. "You don't need to worry about me from now on. I will live the rest of my life, serving you and making sure not to cause any trouble that can affect your reputation."

Humakbang ito paatras sa akin at bahagya nang tumalikod. "You are faking it. Apektado ka pa rin sa pagkamatay ng lalaking 'yon."

Mas humigpit ang pagkakakuyom ng aking mga kamao.

"You should have known better than being a reckless driver of your own ship. Ikaw mismo ang magpapalubog sa sarili mo." Tuluyan na niya akong tinalikuran. "They will either kill him or turn him like us. I thought I did you another favor by killing him instead, since I know you loathe the life you have now. Tragic. Goodnight."

Naglaho na siya sa paningin ko pero ang kanyang mga salita ay naiwan sa utak ko.

I shook my head.

Tumayo na ako at tumungo sa kwarto ko. Kumuha ako ng damit bago pumasok sa CR. Sandali akong naligo para maalis ang panlalagkit ng katawan ko. Habang nagsusuklay ako sa salamin ay bigla kong naisip si Mama.

Tumayo ako para kumuha ng jacket sa cabinet. May mga bago na rin pala akong damit. Nang makakuha ng panlaban sa lamig ay binuksan ko ang bintana at tumalon pababa. I put my hands inside the pocket of my jacket as I walked through darkness.

Pinuntahan ko ang puntod ni Mama. Umupo ako at hinawi ang ilang dahon na tumatakip sa kanyang lapida. It's been a while since I got to visit her.

The night breeze lingered on my bare face as I tried my best not to drop a single tear again. I was shaking while looking at her grave. Hindi ganito kabigat ang lahat kung nandito lang siya. Hindi katulad ngayon, tila pasan ko ang buong mundo sa bigat ng balikat ko.

"Sorry, Ma. Hindi ko na matatapos ang pag-aaral," bulong ko habang niraragasa ng palad ang kanyang lapida kung saan nakaukit ang kanyang pangalan. "Sorry kung kailangan kong patayin ang anak niyo para mabuhay uli. I promise to be brave. I will live but not as your daughter anymore."

My lips trembled.

I felt a presence behind me. "Why are you crying on that stone?" a gentle voice from a woman.

Pinanatili ko ang tingin sa lapida.

Naramdaman kong naglakad pa ito palapit sa akin. "Humans are really weird. Ah! Diyan ba nilibing ang puntod ng Mama mo?" mahina siyang tumawa dahil sa napagtanto. "Pero kahit na humagulgol ka riyan ay hindi ka na niya maririnig e."

"You said it yourself. Hindi mo maiitindihan dahil hindi ka kailanman naging tao," sagot ko at sa pagkakataong 'yon ay tiningnan ko na siya.

A woman in a black cloak appeared in front of me. Ibinaba niya ang hood ng kanyang cloak. Isang magandang dalaga na may biluging mukha, pulang labi at magaan na tingin. For a moment, I thought she was an angel but no... she's also one of them.

"Albina," she introduced herself.

I just nodded. Ibinalik ko uli sa puntod ni Mama ang aking atensyon.

"Astra, right?" I heard her asked. "The infamous slave of the successor of Nightfall Clan. I've heard what Brixton did to your friend. Truly, devastating."

"Sino ka ba?" tanong ko.

"Albina nga." Maging ang kanyang pagtawa ay marahan. "Well, just to be frank, we are kind of enemies."

Napatingin ako sa kanya dahil sa sinabi niya.

Insurgent. Ito agad ang unang pumasok sa isipan ko.

She chuckled while shaking his head. "No, not really enemy. Pero magkaiba tayo ng clan. I am part of Luminous Clan. We are also leading the top but not as superior as your clan, Nightfall."

"And?" I arched my brows.

Bahagya itong naglakad palapit sa akin. "I have a proposal..."

Napalunok ako.

"Brixton is a huge threat to all vampires. His immense ability has kept their clans on the top—"

"Gusto mong traydorin ko si Brix para mas umangat ang pangkat ninyo?" prangka kong putol sa kanyang mahang salita. "I am his slave. What do you think will happen if he finds out about this? Ako ang mapapahamak."

"Hindi lang ikaw ang gusto siyang mapabagsak, Astra." Nagseryoso ang mukha nito. "You see all those vampires around him? You think they are really praising him? No. Half of them want him dead, too. Unahan lang 'yan."

Natutop ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"Unfortunately, with all those, hindi siya kayang pabagsakin. He sleeps with one eye open. He was once the leader of insurgents. Funny, even those insurgents fear his presence. Tragic but killing him seems impossible even for the superior vampires."

"Buti alam mo," sagot ko.

Kumunot ang kanyang noo. "You don't hate him despite of everything he did to you?"

"What can I even do?"

"Actually..." he smirked. "You've got the perfect spot to shoot him down. You are his slave. Just think of all the privilege your position possess. Nakakausap mo siya, mata sa mata. Nalalaman mo kung ano ang gusto niyang gawin. You just need to be a good pet."

"I don't get it," I responded.

She touched my lips. "You are a woman, Astra. With those spitting fire lips, alluring eyes..." I stiffened when he cupped my tits. "Blessed soft spots. You can turn the tables around. You just need to use it for your own advantage." And she winked.

I pushed her away. "Fuck off!"

She laughed, mockingly.

"Why, Astra? Don't you want to taste the greatest Cardinal, too?" She licked her bottom lip, smirking like a maniac. "He has fangs bestowed to kill anyone in just a matter of second, hands that are harder than any rock, eyes that penetrate any boundary. Above all, he can make you lose all your senses just by mere touch and make you feel the greatest vampire to ever live by his kiss. Truly, a beast."

"You are horny."

She winced and rolled her eyes. "It's given. Come on. Are you blind? He's a drop-dead gorgeous devil."

"Huwag mo siyang itulad sa 'yo, Albina." Sumulpot din si Erikson sa kanyang likod. Mabilis na lumayo si Albina at naging alerto. "Huwag mo siyang itulad sa 'yo na masyadong hibang pagdating kay Brixton."

Albina flipped her hair. "Ang epal mo talaga, Nadija."

Erikson smirked.

"Don't listen to her. She has been persistent to get Brixton's attention for decades now. Tragic, Brixton never liked women like that." Humalakhak si Erikson na mas nakadagdag sa pagkayamot ni Albina. "Fuck off, Luminous. Huwag mong isama si Astra sa kahibangan mo."

Nagtaas ng kilay si Albina. "Shut the fuck up, Erikson. You are nothing but an underdog to Brixton. Don't pretend you never felt envious of the attention he has been receiving effortlessly. Tragic, even the love of your life has fallen—"

Sa isang kisap-mata ay hawak na ni Erikson sa leeg si Albina.

"Did I hit a nerve?" Albina chortled.

"Umalis ka na bago pa kita masaktan," pagbabanta ni Erikson sa malalim na tinig.

Albina kicked Erikson on his stomach. Nakawala siya at agad na lumayo. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang mapang-asar na ngiti sa kanyang labi.

"You will never be Brixton whatever you do, Erikson. You are nothing without your clan." Bumaling naman siya sa akin. "We can be friends, Astra. You know? Let's have a drink sometime. Don't worry. I won't harm or let anyone harm you."

"Cheap." Nathalia suddenly appeared, too. Tiningnan niya mula ulo hanggang paa si Albina. "Your taste on fashion didn't change after all this time, Miss Montereal."

"Here comes the bitch of Cardinals," Albina chuckled.

"Long time no see, my old friend," Nath greeted her and she knew Albina wouldn't like that.

Umismid si Albina. "Don't say that again. Nakakasuka," pabalang na sagot nito. "I won't befriend you if not because of your brother."

Naglakad palapit sa akin si Nathalia. Hahawakan na niya sana ako pero umatras ako at bahagyang yumuko. Naguluhan ang tingin nito. "What's wrong? Did this bland bitch hurt you or said something nasty?"

"Oh, come on, Nath. You know that I am against violence. I am just licentious. Why are you even here? Hindi ba dapat ay natutulog ka na dahil takot kang lumaki ang nasa ilalim ng mga mata mo?" Albina frowned while shaking her head. "Anyway, ako na lang ang aalis. Baka kung sino pa ang dumating. Hindi ako nakapag-ayos ng mukha."

"Can you like go? No need for goodbye," iritang sambit ni Nath.

"Huh! Goodbye!" And just like that, she disappeared.

I gulped. "I need to go home."

Nathalia's confused eyes turned towards Erikson's direction who happened to be bowing, too.

"Did I miss something?" she asked. "Wait. Brixton? What did he do?"

Tila may bumara na naman sa lalamunan ko.

Suminghap ako at umiling. "Nothing," pabulong kong sagot.

"Erikson..."

"He killed one of Astra's friends," diretsong sambit ni Erikson. "Well, that human saw Astra's ability. It's inevitable, Lady Nathalia."

Hindi nagbago ang reaksyon ni Nathalia. Hindi ito nagulat o ano man lang. Napatango lang ito na parang naintindihan na kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.

"Tragic," she whispered. "I'm sorry for your loss, Astra."

I just nodded. "Sige. I need to go home." Saka na rin ako tumalikod at nilagay uli ang talukbong sa ulo.

"Please do wash your face before going to bed," pahabol pang sabi ni Nathalia. "Don't let that asshole ruin your gorgeous face!"

Even in silence, Albina's words wouldn't leave me alone. I know what she wants me to do, I understand it clearly. But I hate her ways, that's so childish and predictable. I know what to do... I know what I want.

I know why Brixton is hard to defeat. It's not just about his immense ability to fight but also his wise ability to think. To think that with all those attention and recognition, it's not possible to live in peace. He understands how this world works. He knows his enemies aren't those who see him as an enemy but rather those who see him as an ally.

I can be both. I can be the enemy of his eyes and ally on his back.

I smirked. I will make him trust me.