Riley

I'm filming an episode of Linked By Ink when Lucas walks in with Stan. He's an hour and a half early. My eyes don't leave his body as I watch him walk in to sit in the waiting room area. I don't know how long I've been leering but my customer cleared his throat in humor.

I quickly look down and begin his tattoo giving it all my focus which is hard with Lucas here. I am almost done and finishing the final touches. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you have a positive, you're getting married again. You're in love. That woman is gone and better out of your life."

I smile at the customer and I put his bandage on. "I love the cover-up, you did an amazing job." The customer looks at me so happy and elated like a weight has been lifted off his chest.

"Can I get a hug?" He asks hopeful.

"Most definitely," I smile and walk around my workbench and pull him to me. I grip him hard. "Good luck with the wedding," I say as I let him go. He walks past Lucas and makes his way out the door. The cameras turn to Lucas because he is here and they want extra drama for the show.

I make my way over to him with my eyebrow raised. "You're early," Our eyes connect and his look completely empty and void.

"Well, I brought these for you to sign." Stan holds the books out to me. It's my art collection. I slick my finger down the spines. He has every single one. One of which there were only a hundred copies made.

"Bring them over here to the front desk," I say while making my way over there. I take a marker out of the holder. Stan places the pile on the counter. I grab the first one which is the more rare of the books. I sign my name big and then under it I write 'If what you say is true you are the sweetest person I ever met and I'm glad I met you.' My stomach drops.

"I honestly didn't think you liked me when we met the other day. You were pretty harsh," He says his voice sounding dejected.

"I'm still trying to make up my mind about you," Which is honest. I love him and want him I just don't know if I can ever see past the hurt.

For a long time, I felt meeting him was the worst thing that happened. The hurt part of me felt that way. Seeing him today and hearing his side of the story I am happy I met him again. I leave the book open so it can dry on the counter. He comes over and bends to read it. There's no way I can look him in the eyes so I take another book.

I sign my name and then write "You have beautiful eyes and your smile is not so bad too." I smirk, close the first book, and then place the second book on top of that one.

The next book I take from the pile. "This book is my favorite one. The fans weren't so hot for it though." I sign my name and write 'I love your tattoos but especially the neck ones.'

"It's my favorite too! Each piece is grim but majestic."

I grab the last book. I sign my name and write 'Your music is mediocre but I won't hold it against you.' Then I draw a happy face.

I place the last one down and watch as he reads it. He looks up at me with an amused look on his face his sparkling eyes dancing with happiness. The emptiness has vanished. "Well, what kind of music do you like?" He smiles at me.

"Classic rock," I shrug one shoulder and look away from him because I'm getting overloaded by his presence.

"Do you want to leave early?" He asks me nervously.

"Alright just let me get my bag,"

"Can I have a word with you, Riley?" Jonah says with anger. I grab my bag and walk over to him.

"When are you going to tell him? You need to do it right away, like right now. Put that poor man out of his misery. He fucking thinks you might be dead. If you ever loved him how could you be doing this?"

I ignore him turn around and leave through the exit with Lucas and Stan following me. A black car with tinted windows drives up to the curb. Stan opens the car door for us. I want to just punch the asshole in the face. Lucas scoots to the far side giving me tons of space to get in and sit. Stan tries coming in after me.

"Where are the other guards?" I ask curiously.

"In the car behind us miss," I turn around and look and see Rose in the driver's seat.

"You can go in that car," I say as I wrench the door from him and shut it in his face. There is no way I am sitting next to him. To have our elbows brush it would make my skin crawl. Just having him in eyesight is enough to make my head want to explode.

Out the side of my eye and I can see him still standing there. "Honk the horn please," I say to the driver.

"Alright miss," He blares the horn. Stan jumps and then I turn my head and see him walking back to the other car.

"What was that about?" Lucas asks me confused.

"I just don't like his face, something is off about him," I say while turning back to get comfortable in my seat.

"His face?" Lucas laughs. "Most ladies like his face."

"I guess I'm not categorized as most ladies."

He nods his head. "I can see that," He grins.

The car drives off to take us to our destination. "Where are we headed?"

There is suddenly a bing noise. Lucas got a message on his phone. "Oh my god, someone sent in a perfect video of me and Jen on stage!" He is frantically swiping and typing on his phone. He tilts his phone so it's horizontal and plays the video. "Here come see," He doesn't hold it out so it can be in the middle of us I have to lean over his shoulder. "This is the second song we sang."

He watches the video but I watch his face instead. His eyes light up like a child seeing their first firework. "I thought I imagined she loved me back for so long. But seeing her looking at me in this video it's clear she did." His eyes follow my every movement in the video. His eyes are shining brightly but I watch them fade before my eyes.

Even though it's obvious he is in pain he continues watching the video and then plays it again.

He keeps playing the video for the rest of the car ride. I'm a horrible person. I should tell him but I'm stuck and I don't know why.

It took us fifty minutes to get where we needed to go because of terrible traffic. Lucas must have watched the video one hundred times by now. Each time the pit in my stomach grew exponentially. "Lucas.. I..." I start to say but he interrupts.

"Where here!" He says excitedly and jumps out of the car. Lucas taps the trunk of the car and the driver presses the button to open it. I exit the car and observe Lucas gathering two big bags out of the trunk. Stan goes to him to grab them but he pulls away and starts to head up the stairs. I take in where we are and it's the orphanage I was in until I was nine.

Stan grabs two huge boxes and starts bringing them up the stairs. Rose and the other two security guards start doing the same. I walk over to the trunk of the car and see there is multiple big bags stuffed to the brim. I decided to take two bags to help. They are a little heavy but I manage. I make my way up the stairs and Lucas comes immediately to take them from me. I turn around and walk back to the car to help with more.

I grab two big boxes and heft them up higher on my body. Aw fuck these are heavy. I'm slowly going up the stairs but I make it to the entrance and Lucas's eyes are bugging out. He grabs them from me so quickly the loss of them makes me droop. "Ooph," Lucas makes a sound of strain. He wasn't expecting them to be that heavy. I smile to myself. I turn to go get more.

"Don't worry about getting more the guards will get them."

The head of the orphanage comes over to speak with us. "Oh, Riley I didn't know you were coming today it's great to see you." Mrs. Kent says to me.

"Oh, you come here too Riley?" Lucas is observing me more closely his eyes roaming every inch of me. I swallow hard.

"So do you want the banquet in the same place as last year?" Mrs. Kent asks Lucas.

"Yes, that's the best place." Just then I see a bunch of people coming through the door with tables and chairs. Behind them is a bunch of workers bringing in tons of food. My eyes are wide with curiosity about what is going on.

I hear a bunch of quick footfalls of running feet. "LUCAS!" Many of the kids shout and run over to him and start jumping all over him. He crouches down in the middle of them. "Woah Nick, You're getting tall." He exclaims while his hand is messing up the kid's hair. Many more kids show up and their all chanting his name hoping for some of his attention.

At the same time and Lucas I both look up. His eyes become pained. There is a girl around twelve years old that could have been me at that age. I remember her every time I came. She sees me her eyes grow wide and then she runs up the stairs and doesn't come back down.

I believe her name is Samantha. She turns to run but Lucas shouts her name. "Sam, I got some things for you. Meet me in the craft room." She looks at me and starts backing up one step at a time her eyes bugging out. She's scared of me and I don't know why. It bothers me greatly. Lucas looks up to me and back to her. She turns and books it up the stairs.

I can tell I look upset I can feel it in my face and body. "Riley, are you going to color with us again?" The five-year-old redheaded girl named Emily asks me.

"Do you guys want that?" There's a bunch of cheers and kids bopping up and down on their feet.

"Alright let's go." Emily takes my hand and Michelle a nine-year-old with pigtails grabs my other. She's a funny kid. The craft room is right down the hall so it takes no time at all. I grab the art supplies out of the cabinet and place them all on the table.

Lucas smiles at me while he brings an easel and some boxes into the room and places them down at the end of the table. He turns and leaves hastily. I'm enjoying myself drawing and answering questions all the kids have for me. "Is Lucas your booooyfriend?" Michelle asks me with a gleam in her eyes.

"No," I laugh because I find her amusing. Lucas clears his throat while attempting to laugh. He finds her humorous as well. He reaches behind him tugs Samantha forward and she peeks around his side at me. He walks into the room and she is clinging to him and her eyes are focused on me. What the hell? This is really upsetting me. I try not to let it show. I ignore her and joke around with the other kids as I continue coloring a princess fox.

"I know you can see the easel, but I got you watercolors and oil paints and tons of paintbrushes. I got you top-of-the-line colored pencils and pastels. I got you another drawing pad and drawing pencils. I also brought you a bunch of art textbooks." Lucas tells her but out of the corner of my eye, I can tell she is still watching me.

I turn my head to make eye contact with her and her little chest starts rising and falling rapidly. Lucas looks at me then back and her and kneels down and begins whispering to her. This causes her to give him all her attention.

"You guys want me to teach you how to draw my favorite cartoon character?" I ask while looking at Michelle and Emily and two boys I don't know their names who are gawking at me. "Yeah! That sounds fun!" Michelle says while passing around blank pieces of paper. She hands me one and gives me a toothy smile.

I draw a circle lightly on the paper. "Everyone draw this lightly." I hand it to Michelle and she passes it around. Samantha peeks at the paper and opens her drawing pad. Lucas digs in the box until he comes out with drawing pencils. He opens them for her and hands them to her. The paper comes back around to me. I do this multiple times until we are done and everyone has a cute drawing on their paper. "Alright time to let me see."

All the kids hand over their papers. All except Samantha. Michelle drew a different picture entirely and Emily's is wobbly lines but she got the base idea. The boys did a good job. I get up and walk over to Samantha from the other side of Lucas pinning her in.

"Let me see what you worked on." I crouch down to be in a better position. She shakes her head numerous times over and over. I grab the drawing pad and flip it over with her trying to grasp it from me. I look at the drawing and start cracking up laughing so hard that I snorted once. She drew my favorite character but with a mohawk, a leather jacket with spikes, and a cigarette. The drawing was better than mine. She is really talented. I flip the drawing pad back over and place it on the table. "You're really talented and I like your rendition of the character." I smile wide. Her cheeks turn bright pink and she looks down at her lap her shoulders sinking in.

"Lunchtime!" Was yelled and all of us piled out into the banquette area. I find a seat and instantly Samantha is by my side and sitting next to me. Michelle sits on the other side. We all eat and Michelle talks the whole time. She grills Lucas about him thinking I'm pretty and other cute questions. The gifts Lucas brought are handed out and all the kids are ecstatic.

"Can you come with me, Riley?" Mrs. Kent asks me grabbing my elbow gently. I walk to the room that's far across the way but I can still see Lucas. I watch him transfixed by how he is with the kids. "I'm sorry about what happened with Samantha. You're her idol and she gets scared when you get here. She always wants to show you her art but she never finds the courage."

"It's okay I was hurt 'cause I didn't understand but it all makes so much sense now." Not being able to help myself I look back over to Lucas and one of the other women that works here is handing Lucas a baby that's just a few months old. He's looking down on it with so much warmth it chokes me. Tears start falling like a downpour, I hear myself sob out loud so I need to cover my mouth with my hand. My eyes turn to the side and Stan looks at me then back to Lucas. His eyes grow so wide it looks like they might pop out. He knows.

"Excuse me," I say and dart outside and around the corner of the house. I begin pacing in a small line back and forth. The tears won't stop and I feel like I can't breathe. I break down and sob over and over into my hands.

Samantha peeks her head around the corner and sees me. A tattered drawing pad in hand. I would try to hide that I'm upset but I can't I'm too distraught. She places her hand in mine and walks us to the swing set. She takes a seat and I take the one beside her. My breathing is labored so much that I'm gasping for air. Samantha squeezes my hand to get my attention.

"You lost a baby huh?" She says soothingly. I nod my head quickly. "His baby?" I sob again and nod my head. "I'm sorry," She says calmly. Her presence is relaxing. "Let me distract you,"

She hands me her disheveled drawing pad. "This is my work."

I open it up and I'm blown away. "These are... fantastic. You have such raw natural talent." I tell her while leafing through all the drawings. "Oh, I really like your pen drawings. Can I keep this?" I ask showing her one of the drawings I like.

"Really?" She squeaks. I nod my head. "Yeah Sure!"

I remember why we are out here and I start crying again. She brings her hand over and rubs my back. "Riley?" I hear Lucas call out to me. "We're leaving now," I get up from the swing.

"Can I give you a hug?" I ask her.

"Yes! I mean sure," I lean down and hug her.

"I'll see you soon," I tell her then tuck her hair behind her shoulder. Looking at Lucas the the tears come faster. He looks at me like he's worried and doesn't understand what happened. I pass him and head for the car. "You can sit in the passenger seat the driver was sick and had to go home. I'm going to drive us." He says softly he's concerned I can hear it in his voice.

I get in and buckle then lean into the door and look out the window while I cry softly. Stan gets into the back seat and shuts the door. Lucas drives us off to our next destination. It's quiet for some time. I can't stop crying. It's like the tears I've repressed all these years are now coming out all at once.