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Somehow


I opened up because I thought that you deserved it,
Because true friends should know;
I could not anticipate it would all turn to shit,
But I don't feel like being blamed, somehow.

Do you realize how much trust it took for me
To describe what it's like inside my head,
To not know whether I'd rather be dead;
I told you everything there was to hear,
Showed you all there was to see,

From the scars of September to the ashes of snow,
You wanted to hear it but you're tired by now,
Rather sleep than listen and smile and pretend
That an airplane that crashed did somehow land.

The raging fire at the fall of night
Was nothing to be concerned about, right?
And when the flames reached out higher
And lashed out at you,
When I became restless and told you what's true,
That I loved you more than you did love me,
That I was paying the price, trying to be
Everything for everyone all at once,
That I carried your world and that I was done.

I made you say sorry and somehow you did,
It was not your intention, but you didn't think
About airplanes and fires and burning skin -
You said pretty words about what you felt
Without addressing my descent into hell,
And now that I reached the surface again,
You're getting back at me with that kind of revenge
That makes me want to say sorry for being honest with you,
For being upset, being vocal and carrying through.

Caring for me is a difficult task,
My life is a burden but whom should I ask
When my friends tell me that it is too much?
It's now a topic I can no longer touch.

I told you, you hurt me by not taking care,
And now your solution is that I shouldn't share
Anything on my mind with you, my dear
This isn't friendship, it's not equal, I fear
I don't want to be there for you if you won't put out,
I always thought that's what friends are about,
Not one of us taking all that there is,
While the other one starves, dying to miss
Another chance to say it got worse.

Don't pretend to be scared of asking me
How I have been and what I feel,
When it's your pride that's hurt and you are ashamed.
Your arrow found its mark when you aimed,
And I am unwilling to say it's not that bad,
While dying to scream that I am sad.

I don't know if this means I am vile,
I'm not going to suffer under you with a smile,
Even if cutting ties is fucking rough,
I will do it if you don't think I'm enough.
Maybe you thought I'd always be nice,
That I'd be willing to pay any price,
To keep you around no matter what,
I gotta wonder if those ties need to be cut.

Because you knew I'm a snake at heart,
You knew about this from the very start -
You don't want to lose me as your friend
Because that would be a bitter and bloody end;
You needed me more than I needed you,
Better believe it, otherwise I'll provide proof.

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