If I had learned anything within the past ten years, it was that disappointment was a common part of life. I had always considered myself resilient to it, or maybe even invincible, because when things went south I had bounced back with ease. But right now I couldn't fathom the thought of anything ever being the same again.

Realizing my very own father was working with one of the largest drug cartels in the world put an awful taste in my mouth. He had left mom... left me and Anna for what? For drugs? Money and power? He was a liar. Nothing but another disappointment I could add to my ever growing collection. And I had no idea how to cope with it.

I could no longer look at the picture of him glaring at me from Chapman's screen. Standing abruptly, my legs carried me out of the office and down the hall to the elevator.

I ran but my mind was a blur. Where was I going? I finally found the elevator and let it close me into its confined space. My chest was heavy with an invisible weight I couldn't lift. Was I suffocating? Was I having a panic attack?

Tears rimmed my eyes while I rested my back against the cold wall of the elevator. My eyes stayed locked on the panel showing its decent to the ground level.

How could he do this to us? After all this time not once had I ever considered this a possibility. I wondered if mom knew. Had she kicked him out after discovering what he was involved in and decided it was best he never came back?

I stumbled out of the elevator and headed to the doors. I had no idea where I was heading but I was desperate to get as far away from this building as possible. The longer I stayed here the harder it was to breathe.

The California heat hugged me as I made it outside. The sun beat down on me but I still felt cold. Dead. God where should I go?

Before I could have a mental breakdown in the middle of the street I heard my name. "Alexa!"

I didn't turn around. I couldn't. Why had Melissa followed me? I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to anyone. My legs continued to carry me down the street away from her. Away from the NIA and Chapman. Away from the horrible truth.

Then a soft hand grabbed my own. Melissa's eyes locked with mine as I came to a halt. I should yank away, push myself off of her and run in the opposite direction.

"Let me go Melissa," I ordered. My voice trembled. When had I become so fragile? A knife of pain slowly twisted into my gut. My knees buckled.

But she didn't let go. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around me. My head buried itself into her shoulder in response. She had opened the door to all of my emotions that I always kept shut under lock and key. That's when the tears came. They came hard like the first rain of Spring. Like a balloon bursting because it was too full. My arms held her for support, afraid that I would crumble to the ground if I let go.

Pain like this shouldn't exist. How would I tell Anna? How would I deal with this?

I soon realized what I was doing. Crying in the middle of Los Angeles while Melissa held me. This wasn't who I was.

I'm Alexa Cortez, I told myself. I'm stronger than this. I have to be.

I pulled away, Melissa's arms falling back to her sides. She just stared at me, unsure of what to do. "Alexa..."

"Leave me," I demanded, "I'm fine."

All she did was shake her head. Had she not heard me?

She stepped in closer. My eyes looked past her and at Derik and Willi who watched from afar. I was glad they didn't feel the need to join us.

Melissa grabbed my hand. "I'm not leaving you."

I felt like shattering glass but no more tears came. I allowed her to hold my hand and guide me back over to Derik. "We're gonna get you home."

I obliged without any more protest. The drying tears on my face made me want to run and hide as we joined Derik and Willi in the car. I didn't want them to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

As we made it back home no one spoke the entire time. Maybe this was my karma. Maybe this was the universe's way of finally getting me back for all of the evil things I had done.

It seemed to be the cruelest of jokes life could ever play. The irony of it all made me sick.

And the only thing I could think about was thelook on my father's face when his very own daughter put him in prison for therest of his life.

* * *

The next day was spent in seclusion. I had tried not to think myself to death but had failed miserably. Derik had popped his head into my room about three times an hour to make sure I was okay but never stayed long. I didn't blame him. What could he possibly say to make this better? Both of us knew that coping with this would take time. But we didn't have a lot of it. We never did.

After almost two days of being alone I had gained the courage to exit my room. According to Derik, our final job would be tonight and I wasn't sure if I was ready. Two days hadn't been long enough.

I was lacing up my boots and readying myself to face the truth when Derik knocked on my door.

"It's unlocked," I called. I didn't look up when it opened.

He walked in but didn't speak. This caused me to stop what I was doing and give him my attention. There was a look in his eyes that made me uneasy. It had been there since the meeting with Chapman. It was like an ominous cloud that hung in his eyes. "Alexa..." he paused, "We don't have to do this..."

"Yes we do. You know we don't have a choice."

It took him a minute to respond. We both knew it was too late to back out now. We were already neck deep. The only way out of this was to finally allow ourselves to sink into the truth.

"There's always a choice."

"Derik, if we don't do this we'll never be able to protect Vic from the GIB. We're doing this for her. For us. We have to look at the bigger picture."

He wanted to argue like he always did. He wanted to protect me. But he couldn't. This was inevitable and he knew I was right. If we didn't help Chapman, then we would never get back into the Bureau to erase the information they had on us. Victoria would remain imprisoned in hiding for the rest of her life. Derik and I would never be safe. We deserved the chance at freedom.

"Alexa, I..." Derik stopped as his voice trembled.

I looked up. "What?"

He opened his mouth but nothing more came. Was he okay? His shoulders shrunk as he exhaled the breath he was holding. Then he shook his head. "Nothing. I'll tell you later. We're leaving soon."

I went to ask again but he left the room in a hurry. He had planted a seed of worry that was now blooming in my stomach. If he was sparing his words because he wanted me to have a clear head tonight he had done the exact opposite. But there was no time to dwell.

Willi and Melissa arrived at sunset. It wasn't long before we left for the NIA building to meet Chapman. This time he and Monroe would be accompanying us on the mission and the six of us would be one unit with the same goal.

Arriving in the parking lot we spotted the two waiting. I prayed silently that I did well tonight, knowing I wasn't in my right mind to do this. I wasn't ready. But would I ever be?

We exited Derik's car and Chapman's eyes fell onto me. I said nothing. Everyone was tip-toeing around me as if they were afraid to set me off. I thought it made things worse. Acknowledging the fact that my father was one of the targets wasn't the hardest part. Accepting his arrest would be.

"Put these on," Monroe ordered. He handed each of us a bullet proof vest.

I slip the vest over my head and turned to Melissa, silently asking her to tighten it. Everything about this moment took me back to the bank job where I had done the same thing seconds prior to entering the building. The memory of bullets whizzing past my head haunted me. Was I ready to walk into that again? Would I freeze? What if someone got hurt? Or died?

My heart pounded in my chest. The breaths I took were shaky. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't have a meltdown right now. Not before my most important job yet.

That's when soft hands gripped my shoulders and turned me around. Melissa's eyes searched mine, looking as if she knew what I was thinking.

"Breathe," she ordered, "It's gonna be okay. I have your back."

That was enough to douse the worry that was burning my stomach. How could Melissa do that so easily? Was it because I trusted her?

"Guns," Chapman said. His voice interrupting my moment as he handed one to Willi first.

Eventually Melissa and I were handed ours. Semi-automatic rifles were a bit different compared to the hand pistols I was used to, but they weren't unfamiliar. The heaviness of the weapon settled in my arms as I threw the strap around my shoulder. Then I checked the safety for further precaution.

"Do not shoot unless absolutely necessary," Chapman demanded. "We may not need them at all tonight. They're just for precaution. Now let's go."

We climbed into the vehicle, Chapman in the passenger while Monroe sat in the driver's seat. Melissa and I crowded all the way to the back.

Chapman turned to face us. "It's a bit of a drive, so I'll use this time to re-brief you. We're the special unit. The police are already staking out and giving us word on what's going on. No one's arrived yet, but there was an unidentified chopper dispatched from the Bureau not long ago. That means the meeting is soon."

I let the information sink in. It was nothing special, so I just continued to gaze out the window. Focusing was still difficult. I knew that would become a huge obstacle if things went wrong tonight.

"We'll have to travel on foot for about half a mile through the brush to stay undetected," Chapman said. "But as long as we don't cause a disruption getting in should be easy."

"Do we have any visuals on the side we're going in on?" Derik asked.

"No."

"So we have no idea what we're walking into?"

"Not necessarily," Monroe added. "The police will give us a head count once we're in radio range."

All the talking was a great distraction. It allowed me to sit in the back and quietly freak out without all the attention. I assumed it was post trauma from our old jobs. Near death experiences did that to people, right?

Everything had been a disaster from day one. This job wouldn't be any different. Nothing was black and white, the plan was loose, and to top it all off my father was going to be there. What a proud, proud moment for our family.

Then Melissa's hand touched mine. "Alexa, are you sure you're okay enough to do this...?"

She was worried. I couldn't blame her, but I felt bad that I was the reason. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to arrest my father," I answered.

Sympathy crossed her features. She turned her head away but it was too late. I had seen it. "I can't let you out of his car without being sure that you'll be okay."

I wanted to be okay. I wanted not to care because I didn't want Melissa to worry. She would need to think about more important things rather than me not being okay.

"I'll be fine," I forced, unsure if that was the truth. But I wanted it to be.

She gave me a timid smile and then slipped her hand into mine. I took a deep breath in response. Her palm was soft and comforting as her fingers laced with mine. A small sense of serenity settled on my shoulders.

The rest of the way I stared out the window. The paved road we were on became more and more secluded. The street lights disappeared. Then we were on a dirt trail, the wheels of the vehicle crunched against the debris on the earth's ground. We made it farther into isolation. The darkness of the forest surrounded us as Monroe creeped down the path.

Then he shut off the headlights and drove blindly for another minute before putting the car in park.

Chapman picked up his radio. "We're in position. Copy."

He released the button for the other side. "Everyone's here. There's seven in the front where I am, but I'm not sure how many are around the back. I believe two or three."

"What about the inside?".

"A lot more than we predicted."

The information made my veins run cold. A lot more than we predicted... Well how many had Chapman predicted? Twenty? Thirty people? How many would we be up against if things got ugly?

Chapman glanced back at us before answering the officer. "Have you called for backup yet?"

"My backup is on the way."

Then Chapman looked at me. "Let's move."

My heart slammed against my chest as I exited the car. My boots crunched down on the hard California soil. The smell of green surrounded me while the nightlife came alive. Birds hooted and escaped through the trees. I felt Melissa's presence next to me as she climbed out the car.

Chapman threw his gun strap over his shoulder. "We're going down this way," he ordered. "Follow my lead."

I inhaled the smell of the woods but it did nothing to calm my shaking legs. I couldn't tell if it was the adrenaline or the nerves that caused them to buckle. Ignoring it would probably be for the best.

We slowly made our way down the trial. My quads burned from the strain of keeping my balance. Not to mention this armor was pretty damn heavy to carry.

Then Chapman stopped to press his back against a tree. We copied his movements as he looked over to us. "Monroe and Willi," he whispered.

Monroe seemed to already know what he wanted, nudging Willi along as they crept closer to the approaching sawmill. There was little to no light there, but I could faintly see their silhouettes. I watched them scope out the area to make sure it was clear. Then they signaled us over.

Chapman looked over to the rest of us. "Let's follow."

I repeated Monroe and Willi's technique and crept slowly along the tree line. Suddenly I was grateful that California was having its annual drought. If it would've been wet, all of us would be tumbling down this hill.

Monroe walked up, holding his gun to his chest. "I don't see any guards around here, but there's one by the fire escape. Another one is standing outside the chopper. Our best bet would be to take them out at the same time."

Chapman stood on my right and Derik on my left. I could feel the tension. I hoped that when this was all over everything could go back to normal, but I had a feeling that wasn't the case.

"Willi," Chapman paused, "Take out the guard by the fire escape. Monroe and I will get the guard by the chopper. Derik will take out the pilot."

"What about us?" I asked.

"Watch and learn," Willi answered. A smirk played on his lips before he disappeared with the rest.

Melissa and I stood alone, accompanied by nothing else but the moon and probably a few rodents in the trees. I found myself gazing at her through the dark, attempting to read her. Even when she was holding that heavy rifle to her body I still found her beautiful.

Then she shook her head. "You know, sometimes I think they underestimate us."

"Sure," I answered, "But I don't think a one hundred-and-thirty-pound girl can take down a man the size of Willi."

She gave me side glance. "My dad was real serious about teaching me self-defense. I know a few things."

I was curious all of a sudden. I knew absolutely nothing about Melissa, much less her family, and I wanted to ask. It didn't seem like the appropriate time, but I couldn't stop myself.

"When exactly was he...?" I asked.

"Five years ago," she answered. Her straight expression never faltered. Was she trying not to show emotion on purpose? I couldn't believe that she was completely over the death of her father. Maybe she was just trying not to think too hard about it because of where we were.

"I'm sorry for asking," I whispered. "I know it must've been hell..."

She looked down. "It's fine. I always ask you personal questions so I can't blame you for being curious."

"I'm not just asking cause I'm curious," I stated. God, what was I doing? She looked over to me with a confused expression. I took in a deep breath. "I'm asking because I care too."

A tiny smile threatened to show itself but she looked away, preventing me from seeing. We remained silent while refocusing on our team that was about to attempt to eliminate three guys all at once. My hands shook with anticipation.

Then it happened. Willi took his guy into a sleeper hold, dragging him to the ground. Monroe butted the other guard with the end of his gun. Chapman threw open the chopper door for Derik to knock out the pilot. And in a blink of an eye all three targets were out.

Melissa and I quickly rejoined the group, giving our congrats while awaiting further orders.

Chapman grabbed his radio. "Guards on our end are down. Wait for further instruction."

"Copy," the officer on the other end replied.

"Into the fire we go," Willi sang while we followed Chapman to the fire escape.

Chapman placed his hand on my shoulder. "We're gonna lift you up. Pull down the ladder."

I nodded, securing my gun before being hoisted up into the air. My palms gripped its edge and I pulled it down. I went up first, and then the rest followed.

Chapman walked up to the door and twisted the knob. It didn't budge. "It's locked," he claimed.

"Allow me," Melissa answered, weaving her way around us and to the door. She knelt in front of the lock and did what she did best. I couldn't help but smile to myself in the dark.

It didn't take her long to unlock the door, silently opening it and peeking her head inside.

She stood. "I'm not going in first, but it looks clear."

Chapman just nodded before taking the lead. We crept inside, the smell of sawed wood filled my nose. It was hot and stuffy, and suddenly I was aware at how fatigue my body was. The vest clinging to my torso didn't help. I could feel sweat forming on my brow. My biceps ached from carrying this gun and my legs were heavy. If anything went wrong, I would be completely reliant on adrenaline.

We moved quietly along the top floor. No guards were in sight, which made me uneasy. Where was everyone?

Then Chapman stopped. I listened closely and heard voices. Two to be exact. We waited for orders.

"Monroe and I will scale down to the floor," Chapman informed. "Alexa and Melissa, I need you two on the far side of this level. Derik and Willi stay right here. Cover us in case something goes wrong before I can order for detainment on the outside."

All we could do was nod.

I looked at Melissa. "C'mon."

We crept along the wall, hiding in the shadows. Melissa stayed close behind as we made it around the corner. Then the view opened up, allowing us to peer down to the first floor of the mill. I could see the entire meeting. All of the guards seemed to be on the first floor covering the entrances.

That's when I saw him. My father stood across from Stanley, who was actually more familiar to me. He was almost unrecognizable. Hints of silver highlighted his dark hair. There were visible rings under his dark brown eyes. One of the many traits I had inherited. But I didn't like the thought of sharing anything with this man.

Melissa grabbed my arm, gently pulling me behind a crate. "Here."

I knelt beside her in the dark. Even when I couldn't stand looking at my father I couldn't seem to pull my eyes away. I should be watching Chapman and Monroe. I should be focused.

"You don't think we'll have to use these things, right?" Melissa asked, referring to her gun.

I shook my head while holding mine close to my chest. "I hope not."

Eventually I was able to pull my eyes off of my father and found Chapman. I could still feel Melissa's gaze on me but I was already unfocused. If I returned her stare it would only make it worse. Plus, I didn't want her to know I could feel it.

There were things left unsaid between me and Melissa. We both knew that. There had been a number of times where I had almost said too much to her. Whether it was personal information or something else. After she had saved my life things had dramatically changed. And I refused to admit that there was something deeper I felt for the girl. In my opinion, the feelings I had were more dangerous than the rifle resting in my hands.

Love meant vulnerability. And vulnerability meant weakness. I couldn't be weak. But no matter how hard I fought, I still seemed to be losing.

"Alexa..." Melissa whispered.

I couldn't help it anymore, and my gaze met hers. "Yea?"

Her eyes were a soft gray. Delicate almost. The most delicate I had seen them since we met. She didn't even have to open her mouth for me to know what she was saying. On a whim I felt the need to respond. We seemed to be in a silent debate on whether or not we wanted to say what we were feeling. The fear of not making it out alive threatening to spill our secrets.

Then a strong hold was around my neck. My words lodged in my throat. A force pulled me backwards as I choked for air. My hands grabbed the metal cutting off my oxygen.

I couldn't see who was to blame, but I could see Melissa. Her gun was raised. The barrel pointing close to my head. I felt my legs trembling as I was pulled to a standing position.

"Party crashers, huh?" A man. It had to be one of the guards. His arm replaced the gun around my neck. The barrel then pressed against my skull.

I yanked against him in fear. My body screamed for oxygen as his arm tightened like a boa around its prey. I no longer had a visual on Chapman or Monroe. Had they called for the outside to detain yet? I hoped so. Once again things had gone wrong and I was at the center.

"You two aren't as talkative as you were a few seconds ago," he teased. "What changed?"

Melissa's gun was still pointed but I knew if she shot our cover would be blown. My life was more a risk the longer she held her aim. Our eyes finally met and she seemed to read my mind. Her gun fell.

"Good girl," the guard spoke. "Now start walking."

I knew the man holding me could feel my heart pounding against my chest. This wasn't the plan. I wasn't supposed to come face to face with my father. We weren't supposed to meet like this.

I forced my feet to carry me down the stairs. As we made it closer to the bottom my eyes finally found Chapman who had the radio close to his mouth. Monroe spotted me before he did but it was too late. I was already front and center.

"Hey! Looks like we have a few intruders!" the guard announced. Everyone's attention was on us. I wished I could see Derik and Willi. No telling what their faces looked like right now.

Then my eyes met my father's. He looked at me as if I was the only thing in this room. This was the confrontation I had been dreaming of since his disappearance. Of course, I hadn't exactly imagined it to be like this.

Stanley recognized Melissa first. "You? How are you...?"

I pulled against the guard still holding me. "We're here to clean up your mess."

Fury rushed to the surface of Stanley's face. Why had I said that? Did it even matter anymore? I had a strong feeling I was about to die anyway.

He walked closer to me. "You stuck your nose in the wrong mess, girl."

His gun raised in the air. The barrel pointed straight between my eyes. I refused to close them in fear. Instead I forced my glare to my father who stood about ten feet away. He would be the last thing I saw before I died. And he would know this was his fault.

But he protested. "Wait!"

Everything in this stuffy building stopped. Stanley dropped his gun and turned back towards my father. Melissa shifted nervously. Chapman and Monroe had their guns pointed at Stanley but looked around in confusion. What was my father doing?

I watched him shift uncomfortably after gaining all the unwanted attention. "Don't you want to find out how she found you? There could be a leak in your system!"

His accent was heavy. He looked so much like Anna up close... The pain in my heart was worse than anything I had ever experienced. Why was he even trying to save me when I had been dead enough to him over the past ten years? Why risk it all now?

Then Stanley grabbed Melissa's vest, bringing her close to his face. "Tell me how you found us!" He then threatened her with his pistol.

I reacted, tugging against the guard still holding me. I wanted the attention off of her. I needed Stanley's attention on me. Not Melissa.

My eyes frantically searched for Chapman. His gun was aimed at Stanley. That's when Stanley looked over to me. He knew.

He pulled Melissa towards his body, pressing the pistol against her temple. "You will tell me who you two are working for, or she'll get a bullet."

If I could talk I would, but the pressure on my throat made it impossible. I strained against the guard holding me while Stanley's eyes burned into mine.

"Tell me!" he shouted.

My heart pounded as my eyes met Melissa's. They were watery, clouded with fear as she shook her head. Terror had us in its hands. What would I say if I could speak? My body was aflame. My jaw flexed as I attempted to conjure up something, anything, to get that gun away from her head.

Then Stanley pulled back the hammer, a bullet dropped into the chamber. I pulled harder against the guard but it was no use. I watched his finger slowly tease around the trigger.

"Stop!" I cried, the word burning its way up my throat.

That's when more guards barged through the entrances of the first level. I felt my knees buckle as the guard released me, Stanley freeing Melissa at the same time. She stumbled over to me as I grabbed my rifle.

"Drop your weapons!" a feminine voice ordered. Even I felt the need to comply. "Director Fallon here on behalf of the U.S. National Investigative Agency to arrest Dave Stanley on account of many, many crimes. We have this place surrounded, so it's best you cooperate."

What the hell was going on? I continued to hold my hands up, unsure if I would be put in cuffs like everyone else. Then my eyes found Chapman.

He stepped forward. "Assistant Director Chapman here, also on behalf of the U.S. National Investigative Agency for the arrest of Dave Stanley and Raymond De Savia."

My eyes found Derik and Willi who were still on the second floor. They looked just as confused as the rest of us.

My dad shifted towards me. "Alexa..."

I looked at him. A painful disgust rose up my throat. My name sounded so foreign coming out of his mouth. I hated it. "Raymond," I muttered.

His right eye twitched at the muttering of his name. Another trait we both shared with each other. I shook my head in disgust. If he thought I would call him "dad" after all of this then he was mistaken.

Derik and Willi were soon joining us on the first level. Police officers and NIA agents detaining all of Raymond's men that had accompanied him tonight. The only thing I could think about was why Fallon hadn't announced the arrest of my father like Chapman had. Wasn't he one of her targets too?

"Detain Stanley," Fallon ordered. "I want both of these men in my headquarters for questioning."

That's when my father spotted Derik. Just by the look on his face I could tell something was off. "Derik," Raymond started. "How did you...?"

Derik held up his hand. "It's a long story."

More betrayal. More pain. More lies coming to light. Derik and my father knew each other? I felt like I had been stabbed in the gut.

I stormed over to Derik. Guards ready to take defense if I got too hostile. "You know my father?!" I shouted.

Derik stepped back, looking past me and at Raymond. "Alexa... not now..."

"After all this time you knew him and never thought I deserved to know?!" I couldn't help myself anymore. I couldn't contain the anger.

"You never told her?" Raymond asked behind me.

Derik just shook his head, "You told me not to."

His answer was simple. As if he hadn't lied to me for so many years of my life. As if it made no goddamn difference that the trust I had for him was crumbling to pieces.

I was no longer in control of my hands. They grabbed at Derik but guards were already behind me, detaining my wrists in cuffs. "You're a liar, Derik!"

"Alexa, honey please let us explain..." my father pleaded.

I turned towards him. "Explain?" I growled. "Explain how you two knew each other and never told me? And don't call me honey! You lost that privilege years ago."

Red clouded my vision. It was hard to breathe from all the anger that was piling on top of my chest. I felt out of control. Like an animal being apprehended for becoming too deranged. I felt myself yanking against the cuffs that were tight around my wrists. I wasn't the bad guy. I wasn't the liar.

"Get these cuffs off of me now!" I ordered, but the guard continued guiding me outside.

Melissa stayed next to me. "Alexa, you need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down," I hissed.

She just looked at me and then wrapped her arm around mine. I heard her talk to the guard. "I'll bring her to the van."

I knew I was overreacting and causing a scene but I couldn't help it. Confusion and anger was never a good mix for me.

Melissa and I were ordered to climb into a large van, where we were joined by Derik, Willi, Chapman, my father, and Fallon. All seven of us sat in silence as the doors closed behind us. How could Derik lie to me for that long? Didn't he believe I was worth the truth?

Fallon broke the silence. "Someone has some explaining to do." She looked at Chapman.

No one responded. I grew impatient. Was no one going to say anything after this whole mess? Did they not know where to start?

After a long amount of silence Fallon shifted her view. "Chapman, please explain how you ended up here," she ordered.

Before Chapman could even get a word in I jumped the gun. "Yeah Chapman, please explain how the hell you had no idea you were investigating the same case as your boss?"

"Because me and Fallon's case was private," Raymond answered. "No one in the NIA knew except us."

I just stared at him, "What?"

"Alexa your father works for the NIA," Fallon included. "He's been working undercover with the drug cartel Stanley was involved with."

The truth always seemed to hurt nowadays. It was painful, but at least things were finally starting to make sense. But there was still a bit on confusion.

Then Chapman was shaking his head. "Wait... so the rumors were true?"

"What rumors?" Fallon asked.

"That an agent was working undercover for you. Everyone would talk about it... but no one knew if it was true." Chapman answered.

Fallon looked disappointed, "No one can truly keep anything a secret anymore."

Oh, you have no idea, I thought.

I buried my face in my hands. I was going to be sick. I felt like my world was spinning out of control. Like I was on one of those horrible carnival rides that made you want to vomit.

"Can someone please explain before I lose my mind," I begged. I needed more clarification.

Things went silent again. Once again everyone was at a standstill. I looked to my father for answers.

He nodded, and then took a deep breath. "Ten years ago I went on a job down in Mexico to release another NIA agent from jail. That's where I met Derik. I found out he had been booked for being affiliated with a very powerful drug ring that was on the NIA's radar. Derik and I made a deal. I agreed to free him on the condition that he come back to the states with me and tell Fallon everything he knew about what he had been involved in."

My confused stare must've provoked my father to continue.

"Derik obliged and came back with me. He explained everything to Fallon and I was ordered to go undercover and infiltrate the gang. We faked you, mom, and Anna's deaths with the house fire and moved you all up to Los Angeles for protection. And I left. I gained their trust. I learned how they worked and waited for the right time to contact Fallon again. Then I found out the cartel was being funded by the GIB, or Stanley, to be more specific. Chapman was investigating Stanley, Fallon was investigating the drug cartel, and we inevitably crossed paths."

My hands shook in my lap. How could something like this happen to me? How had I ended up in the middle of all of this?

I leaned forward. "You left mom to raise me and Anna on her own for this?" I could taste the bitterness on my tongue. "You left us for your job?"

"Alexa," Ray started. "I didn't have a choice-"

"Bullshit," I interrupted. Then I looked at Derik. "And how do you fit into all of this?"

Derik hesitated. He looked at my father who was still looking at me. After years and years of being in the dark I felt it was time to shed some light on this bullshit situation.

Derik scratched behind his head. "I promised your dad that I would watch over you after he brought me to the states. I just didn't know he would be gone for ten years."

There was hostility between Ray and Derik and I finally understood why. But it didn't erase the anger I felt.

"And you didn't think to tell me as soon as we started working with Chapman?" I asked Derik. "When you knew there was a possibility of running into my father?"

Derik exhaled heavily. "I made a promise to protect you."

"By lying to me!" I shouted.

"Alexa!" My father leaned closer to me. "Don't you see why we did what we did? Why we faked your death and moved you away? It was for protection. So that if anything happened to me the bad guys wouldn't come after you. I did this for my family. This was my decision. Not Derik's. So if you're gonna take your anger out on someone let it be me. Everyone else here did what they had to do to protect you."

I leaned back against the wall of the van. "Well, I hope it was worth losing your family."

There was nothing else to say after that. My father looked as if he was going to vomit. I knew I probably looked the same. Derik and Willi couldn't even look me in the eye anymore. Fallon and Chapman were most likely regretting this entire night. And Melissa... well I just felt lucky to have her next to me right now.

The wound my dad had left was painful, but the one Derik had made was the worst of them all. Losing trust for Derik was like losing trust in a parent.

He could've told me the truth. He could've told me before it was too late. But he hadn't. He refused to warn me even though he knew I was a firm believer in honesty. He was no different than my own father. They were both liars.

The rest of the ride back home felt like an eternity. All I could really think about was how I would tell Anna all of this when the time came. Would there ever be a right time for that kind of truth? As of right now I couldn't even stand the thought of going home much less telling her what I had found out tonight.

How would I cope with this? It all felt so impossible. I needed space. I needed to get away from these people and comprehend all of this information. But where would I go? I couldn't leave. I still had Anna. I still had mom.

We finally arrived back at the headquarters, allowing all of us to file out the van. I immediately started to walk away when Melissa caught my arm.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I don't know," I answered. "But I can't go home."

"Stay at my place... You shouldn't be alone tonight." Then she dropped my arm but I stayed in place.

After everything that had happened tonight Melissa was the only one I still trusted. And that said a lot.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Alexa," Derik called. He ran up to me. "Please let me-"

"Stop," I interrupted. "I don't want to talk to you anymore tonight."

He dropped his shoulders. "You don't understand... I couldn't tell you without risking-"

"You could've told me weeks ago when you saw my father on the freighter ship! You could've told me when I asked you for the millionth time why you had acted so strange! You could've told me this afternoon in my room. You could've told me and you didn't. You're a coward."

I turned away but he grabbed my arm. "Listen to me Alexa... I didn't have a choice!"

This was painful. I couldn't even bring my eyes to look at him. I yanked my arm out of his grip. "There's always a choice Derik."

Then I turned away, knowing I would never trustDerik the same after tonight.