In the dim light of a single candle, I critically studied my reflection in the square mirror. The dark circles under my eyes had lightened a bit. I still looked worn down though, haggard and old, so much more than my nineteen years. Nineteen, was that all? Leaning closer, looking steadily into my eyes, I examined the pale green depths. Nothing of substance gazed back at me, only a hollow emptiness. I turned away in sudden aversion.

Tears burning my eyes, pulling on a nightgown I climbed into bed. It wasn't lonely and hadn't been since Cooper left. Somehow, I was warmer on my own, and nestled deep into my pillow. The rifle within easy reach of my hand, I closed my eyes. My last thoughts were of Joss, and I wondered how he was, where he was, and if he were thinking of me too.

"Well now ma'am," it was Coombs speaking over breakfast, waving his fork for emphasis. "I ain't denyin' that some varmits are downright clever enough to frustrate a man, but they ain't gotta hope of really outsmartin' us."

I had made the mistake of bringing up the subject of trapping techniques, inquiring about the animals' ability to learn and adjust. Coombs was lively and intense, while Timmons sat back in silence, just smiling. He'd heard this argument many times before.

"I have no experience of course," I replied mildly, keeping a straight face. "However, it seems that I've heard such animals as the wolverine are notoriously hard to catch, even going so far as to rob trappers of their catches."

"Blasted Devils is what they are!" Coombs shouted in sudden indignation, and I suppressed a giggle. "We had one of them follerin' us for nigh on three months! Robbed every trap we had on the line, leavin' us nothin' but scraps!"

"How frustrating," I sympathized, then arched a brow at the fuming trapper. "Did you catch him eventually?"

"Naw! He's too wily to fall for all th-" he stopped as we all burst out laughing. "Now, Miss Lilli, that's not fair play!"

I couldn't stop laughing, my ribs aching as Timmons roared. Jinx chuckled under his breath, genuine amusement twinkling in his eyes. Coombs glared at us all in mock irritation.

"What's so funny anyhow!"

"Mister Coombs, I just thought you'd have determined to catch such a persistent nuisance, being that it was just a wild animal!"

"He tried, Miss Lilli!" this came from Timmons, who finally caught his breath. "He spent near two months layin' snares an' settin' up waiting, but that clever devil never took the bait! Once this 'un stayed out all night to wait 'im out, and come mornin' we found tracks where the wolverine had sat 'bout fifty feet away just watching Coombs, all night!"

I burst out laughing again, Timmons and Jinx joining me, while Coombs only stabbed his fork at the stew I'd served. He looked sour, but I knew it was only a facade, he had more respect for the animals he hunted than anyone I'd met. When I was able to catch my breath, giggling a little, he gave me a sour grunt, shaking his head, but I saw the tiny echo of a smile.

Getting up, I refilled their coffee cups, then went over to Jinx and filled his, pausing to look out the window. He kept an ever-present eye on the trail rim, ensuring that no one came into Blue Water without his seeing them.

"Say, we ran into a fella up in the snow country who says he knows you, Miss Lilli," this was from Sam Timmons.

"Oh? What a long way from here," I glanced at him, an easy smile on my lips, though I felt a cold shaft of fear. He wouldn't dare! "Who was it?"

"Half-breed fella, didn't offer his name," Coombs spoke up. "Jagged scar here," he indicated his brow and cheek.

The pot almost slipped from my fingers, but I tightened my grip just in time. Ranse! Deliberately going back to the fire I put the pot back over the flames, managing to keep my features calm.

"It's interesting how far flung this country is," I murmured wistfully. "Anyone passing through here could be half-way across the world next I hear of them."

"He seemed mighty keen on word of you, ma'am," Timmons offered.

"Sam!" Coombs tone was sharp. "Mind your business!"

"No, please!" I interceded. "He is well known to me, a very good friend! Was he well?"

The trappers exchanged glances and I bit my bottom lip, afraid they'd only bring bad news. Timmons looked at his plate as though he'd never seen it before and Coombs cleared his throat uncomfortably. Jinx didn't look at me but he was paying keen attention, I could see it.

"Please, someone tell me! Was he alright?" I persisted.

"Well, he was in fine health, an' seemed to be in good spirits," Coombs was hedging and now I was confused. What was going on here?

"Okay, thank you for telling me," I couldn't figure why they were so uncomfortable.

"He gave us a message," Timmons tentatively reached into his pocket, pulling out a worn and crumpled piece of paper.

I took it hesitantly, looking from one to the other of them.

"He didn't say anything?"

"We didn't figure to pry, ma'am, he was livin' with the Cree at the time, and we was some anxious to keep our hair. They can be mighty notional at times." This was from Coombs.

"Did you say he was living with the Indians? How do you know?"

"We do a little tradin' with the Cree, and this here fella came outta a fine lookin' lodge. We thought he was one of 'em until he spoke. Mentioned he'd been through here a few months back, and we said we was familiar with a woman by the name of Stone. He perked up.

"He called back to the lodge an' a pretty young squaw comes out carryin' a saddlebag with paper, pencils, an' a book. That's when he wrote out that note, askin' us to give it to you next time we came through."

My heart beat so hard it hurt, my lungs squeezing tight. A pretty young squaw, I thought, surely enough to keep him happy, perhaps be what I was not. What a ridiculous thought! I chided myself, as if he was ever in love with me!

"Tell her!" hissed Timmons severely, and I was jerked back to present.

"None of our affair, nosey!" retorted Coombs, but too late.

"Mister Coombs, was there something else?" Looking him directly in the eyes, I tried to keep my gaze soft. "You can tell me, whatever it may be,"

Coombs looked away awkwardly so Timmons spoke up.

"He said he was sorry, Miss Lilli, said to tell you he was sorry for the kiss," though he flushed a little, Timmons spoke frankly, his eyes on mine.

For a moment there was no movement within the room at all.

"Did he?" Moisture flooded my eyes and I sharply turned from them, my long skirt rustling in the silence. "He should be," I don't think they believed me. I couldn't blame them, I didn't believe myself.

Resolutely tucking the letter unread into my skirt pocket, I tried to blink back tears. What was I crying for anyway? He had every right to his own life and happiness. Setting my shoulders I took a deep breath and turned back to face them, putting a smile on my face.

"I have some apricot pie in the cellar, would anyone care for some?"

In bed that night I sat propped up against the headboard, staring intently at the folded piece of paper in my hand. I'd stared hard at it since getting into bed almost an hour ago, and I'd yet to open it. Somehow I didn't want to, I didn't want a good-bye, nice to have met you. I wanted that feeling in the woods that night to last. Looking at Ranse in the starlit darkness, breathing in his scent, feeling as though we were the only two people in the world.

It was a girlish fantasy, an irrational desire for the fairytale and I realized I should know better, but that's what I wanted. I wanted love like my pa loved Ma, only more. Knowing I was loved wasn't enough, I wanted to hear it, to feel it every moment we spent together, for the rest of our lives.

Although, I told myself, nothing about Ranse suggested to me he was that sort of man. I had no doubt that he'd known his share of women, but what kind of lover he was I could not guess. Straightforward, intense, fiercely loyal, yes...yes I knew that very well, but what about when we lay alone in the dark? What about when I wanted a tender whisper in my ear, or the touch of his hand? Was he matter of fact, a realist, a dreamer, a romantic?

I did not know, and holding the letter in my hands, I did not want to know. How much safer to dream, to let myself believe that someday he would come over the trail into Blue Water. He'd take me in his arms, stare right into my eyes and tell me he was going to stay, that we would belong to each other, body, and soul.

Sliding down I pushed the letter underneath my pillow unread, tucking it inside the pillowcase. Sorry for the kiss indeed, I grumbled silently. Well I wasn't sorry! I told myself that until I fell asleep.

Coombs and Timmons were up and outside, readying their horses and pack mules when I got out of bed. Jinx was talking with them at the stable so I set about making a hearty breakfast, knowing they would need a good meal to start the day with. Fried sausages, venison steaks, corn cobs, dough for biscuits, and butter with apple jam completed the meal. The coffee was ready and piping hot when the three came back inside.

It was silent over breakfast, the only noise the occasional clink of utensils against plates, or the light sound of the coffee mugs on the table. I kept my eyes to my plate, saddened by their departure. Timmons and Coombs were among those dearest to me, and I always enjoyed their conversation and company. As we were on our second cups of coffee Coombs looked over at me.

"We was speakin' with Jinx here, ma'am, an' we wanted to put somethin' to you'."

"Oh?" I glanced at Jinx, but his green eyes revealed nothing. "What would that be?"

"Sam an' me generally spend our time in the north, comin' down to the Territories only to sell the finer furs we get. It takes a lot of time, travelin' slow to save the horses an' all. We could use a place to keep spare animals,"

I was surprised and knew my face showed it.

"What are you suggesting?"

"We was hopin' to buy a few extra horses and mules, an' leave 'em in your care, even pay you to board 'em. Then we could swap out our animals when we come through. It'd make travel a lot easier." Timmons kept his voice low, but he was sincere.

I looked from one to the other, then over at Jinx.

"What do you think?"

He didn't answer for a moment, his eyes studying my face, and then he set down his cup and leaned forward.

"I think you should take the offer."

"What about the wild animals? Won't more horses in here attract them? You mentioned a grizzly a while back, won't that be a problem?"

"I figure if we got a stallion in here, he'd go a long way towards keepin' us alert to what's out there. We got the rifles, I think we could hold our own." He answered.

I contemplated that for a long while, letting my eyes wander outside to the bright sunshine and the fast-coming spring. The men waited patiently for me to think it over, and at last I nodded.

"We have an agreement Mister Coombs. You may board your spare animals here with me."

Ten days later the trappers were pulling out, and it had not snowed in five days. The sky was blue and clear, and though the air was cool, the yellow sun was bright in the heavens. They had gone to Fort Benton and come back with four fine horses and four large sturdy mules. Two of the horses were stallions, and Coombs left his roan gelding at Blue Water with me, saddling the sorrel stallion.

"Be best to have one rooster in the hen house at a time," he told me, and I smiled, nodding.

They had also purchased a large amount of food stuffs, leaving me with thirty pounds of flour, eight pounds of ground corn, twenty pounds of coffee, five large slabs of bacon, ten pounds of sugar, a case of canned fruits, a twenty-pound sack of beans, and a bag of assorted seeds for my summer garden. In addition, there was almost fifty pounds of grain and feed for the horses and some new rope and hackamores for the mules. Then Timmons took a burlap sack from behind his saddle and handed it over to me, smiling.

"Saw this and thought of you, ma'am, if'n you'll pardon me,"

Curious I put the bag on the ground and looked inside. Two novels and four cases of rifle cartridges and ten dollars were inside. I giggled faintly.

"Thank you, Mister Timmons, I'm much obliged to you, and you, Mister Coombs."

We all shook hands and Jinx and I bid the partners farewell, watching as they made steady progress up the trail and then dropped out of sight over the rim. I turned to look at Jinx and found him smiling at me.

"What?"

"You impress me, Miss Lilli, that's all." Pushing his hat back on his head, he considered me for a moment. "You deserve a good man to stand by you,"

"Do you forget, sir, that I am a married woman?" Alarm jolted through me, but I kept my tone soft. His face tinged a little red, but he didn't look away.

"I haven't forgot that, ma'am, an' just so you know, I wasn't speakin' for myself. Now, I think plenty highly of you an' all, but I'm old enough to be your pa!"

"Then what were you implying?" I was uncomfortable speaking this way about my personal affairs, but Jinx had been with me through the worst of my life, and I trusted him implicitly.

"You read that letter yet?"

Startled I stepped back, blinking rapidly. Though my lips opened, no words came out, and I just barely shook my head.

"Maybe I'm steppin' outta line here, Miss Lilli, but I've been a man in love, and I can read the signs when I see them." He reached for the makings of a smoke as he turned away. "Perhaps you should see what Ransom wrote you,"

His words left me speechless, though I shouldn't be surprised he knew about Ranse. Cooper had spent enough time using and abusing the name. Jinx's words made me wonder though. A man in love?