Author: Psr1403

Reviewer: neha_satakshi

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Downbeat (Title)

The title of your story is short and simple. It tells that it's the story of the lead protagonist Naina. But I feel you could have been more creative with the title. As this was a poem format story so you could have rhymed it a bit. Nonetheless the present title is simple and sweet.

Amplify (Cover)

I think this cover was not made by any Graphic designer. The cover has just naina's picture, where she is thinking something, maybe about her life. The cover could have more changes. Like a girl writing. So I suggest you to ask some graphic designer to make a cover for you.

Cantabile (Grammar)

The grammar portion of yours was spot on. The hindi words you used along with rhyming them was commendable. But at the last 3 or 4 paras I felt that the link broke. Those lines used were not rhyming with each other well. So please, have a look there. There were some errors in punctuation marks. When you change a para or go on any other part of the phase you should keep ample space so that the readers can know that one they will be reading something else or a new scene. I feel your story would need a bit of editing there.

Vocal (Speaker)

The speaker of this poem, Naina was fabulous. You had portrayed her well. From her point of view ,the dilammas of choosing for her happiness or her family's reputation and the pain she had to endure in that course had been shown. But you have used "Boli Naina .." "Bola shekhar" a lot of times. So maybe you can twist it a bit. As for every character you started the dialogues in same way. Also from the point where the family members leave and then Naina applies for divorce, you could have joined the line "chal diye sab log" in the para just above it. Or maybe you can omit it as well. Start off from the divorce thing and marriage of Naina and Sameer.
Also you have used many a times 'tha' in the place of 'thi'
For example:

Mali hui thi daman uski

Should be

Maila hua tha daman uska
Andhakar tha chaya hua.

Also if you are writing poem in hindi choose only hindi as far as possible.

Harmony (Mood)

You have maintained the mood of the poem in the correct format from the start till the end. From Naina's description as a bubbly girl in the start to each phase of her life and the turns it took towards pain, sacrifice, helplessness and the final aggression and the way She took a stand for herself was well written. I really felt the pain and the emotions of the girl as I kept on reading. It was a complete story which had everything in a poetic format. You did a great job there.

Aria (Theme)

The theme of marital rape is a big issue which you took and have really carefully and properly written keeping in mind all the aspects on how the society thinks and also the emotional pain the protagonist goes through. The protagonists Naina from being a victim of abusive marriage to fighting for her self-respect and finally becoming a writer is been presented really well by you.

Docle (Reviewer's opinion)

I really liked your poetic story and it was amazing and well written. Your book needs a bit of editing work and then it's good to go. Do check your spelling errors and the points I had mentioned above.

I hope this review of mine helps you and your book. Thank you so much.

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#Musicophilias
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