Author: 000_aamira

Reviewer: satchitanandini

~~~~~~~

Amplify (Cover)

The cover could've been much better. It was too blunt. The pictures weren't highlighted much. Just four pictures of either Manik or Nandini crying didn't do justice. The fonts were also not clear. I had to search for the word "Love" and found it after seeing intricately. Do ask for a redo from the designer.

Accent (Title)

The title was not suitable. After reading the story, I felt the title could have been much better. Not having a baby and family suggesting for remarriage isn't an obstacle in love. It's an emotion between two people. Manik and Nandini's love for each other was not because of the baby and it's absence isn't bringing a problem in between them. The problem creator is someone else. So there is no obstacle in their love. So I suggest you to think of a different title.

Crescendo (Blurb)

The blurb could have been much better. It just explained the situation. You could've made it more hooking. It didn't push me to press the read button.

Hook (Prologue)

This was a major disappointment. There was no prologue. A few scenes from the
story's future would've made it better.

Ballad (Plot)

The plot isn't anything new. It is like an old wine in a new bottle. It was on the concept of a couple not conceived even after 5 years of marriage. Again the
same drill of the girl impotent and the boy's parents (here granny) forcing him for remarriage. There are a lot of shows and books on this concept. It wasn't anything new.

Ensemble (Characters)

The casting was also same except Krissan's name as Niharika. A grandma who is a vamp just because she wants a great-grandson, a father who doesn't support the daughter in-
law. Manik was the same monster while Nandini, a middle-class damsel in distress isn't anything new. But I liked the way she took to stand for
herself at times. Apart from this
nothing noteworthy.
One can't feel the characters. It feels it's all rushed. Make it a little slow. Manik's emotions are not portrayed well. He can't be a father. There I couldn't feel his remorse, while when he motivates Nandini saying they can hope, I couldn't feel it. Make sure the characters' emotions are felt. Give time for the development of the characters and their emotions.

Avant Gard (Storyline)

The storyline, as I said earlier, is an old wine in a new bottle. There are a lot of ways a couple can have a child apart from surrogacy and in 2020 this seems to be a declined plot. It didn't entice me as a reader.

Cantabile (Grammar)

You need to work on grammar. Many sentences need reconstruction. Do give English translation for Hindi. The book has lots of mistakes and needs heavy editing. Use period (.) instead of ellipses (.......). Also use proper punctuation like a comma, the semicolon in places required. Also in the last chapter there is a line.

Manik leaves from here and Niharika goes inside.

Since you're writing in 3rd person POV the correct way is as follows-

Manik leaves from there and Niharika

goes inside.

Start every new thing in a new line. For example:

After some time, Nandini came with

food and all of them had lunch.

After lunch,

Niharika: .........

Make it this way so that we can understand. Also when you're saying that a person smiles or frowns, keep the expressions in the next line of the dialogue. Since it's in a play format writing like that would be better.

Dolce ( Reviewer's point)

I suggest you work on your writing skills. Ponder over the emotions for a while. When Nandini knew that she can't be a mother she ran out and was
crying in a storeroom. That scene should have been heartbreaking but it didn't touch me the way it should. You need to concentrate on all this. Also after Dadi gets to know about Nandini's impotency her behaviour changes but it was all too sudden. You should have made it a gradual process with a few scenes instead of making it a narrative.

Reviewer's Note

This is a personal note dear. I hope you don't take it offensively. You've a lot of caliber in you as a writer. So take time and think of a new plot. Pen it down properly. Ponder over each character and their emotions. Take your own time and then publish it. You'll do great.
I hope this review has helped you.

Good luck!

Love,

Satchita Nandini. (FMC)

•••♥♥•••

Hope we have helped you.

Kindly complete the due payment of the reviewer.

See you again 😊

#Musicophilias
FMC 💙🎶