Author: KaynatK01

Reviewer: amaya_kashaf

~~••~~

Amplify (Cover)

The cover is nice, but in my opinion, you should change the background of your cover instead of glimmer and shimmer it should be something vibrant, also Swara's Ex should be there in the cover, if you are planning to show love triangle in the story.

Accent (Title)

The title was common and no altered or revive words were used, but it suited the story very well.

Crescendo (Blurb)

Blurb was okayish, but i think you can work more on it and try making it more intriguing.

Hook (Prologue)

You asked me to read the first chapter as your prologue, but I would still suggest you add a prologue because your first part is a chapter, and a prologue is what we called a page filled with writings/quotes that gives hint about the lead characters as well as about the story through some blank scenes of the future chapters.

Ballad (Plot)

The plot was common, Swara is heartbroken and Sanskar is a kind of a playboy who attracts a bunch of female population wherever he goes. And how he will me mending Swara's broken heart and if I'm not wrong after they will fall in love or be in a relationship, Sahil will enter again in their life.
Though the story is in its initial stage and the plot isn't developed much, I don't possess the right to judge it. But I can conclude this from the chapters which I have read.

Ensemble (Characters)

Sanskar's character was well developed in the story but I feel Swara's character should be more clear here.
Because as per her character as you defined in her character sketch, she doesn't trust people easily after her past experiences but here she was sharing her past to a man whom she met a few days ago.
You need to trust someone to share your whole past, and I don't think a broken girl will trust someone so easily, she can share bits and pieces of her past through puzzle talks or something, but I feel one will be really reluctant to share his/her whole past to a person whom you made a few days ago.

Avant Grad (Storyline)

As I said earlier these types of stories are commonly seen nowadays, but that doesn't matter, what matters is how well you develop the storyline and add your own charm to it through your imagination skills.

And I feel you are doing a decent job there but still to make it more unique and memorable to your readers, you need to work on the storyline and some twists which will make it remarkable.

Cantabile (Grammar)

A lot of grammar mistakes!

Ellipsis were exorbitant the story.

The articles a, an, the should be taken care.
And the most important thing is puncuations, as well as the pronouns you use and also auxiliary verbs

I'll give you the exapmles.

Swara's dream sequence in the story.

'And in quick moment Swara opens her eyes....
She realised it was a dream...'

Instead, you should try framing

And in a quick moment (,) Swara opens her eyes and she realised it was a dream.

Or

In a quick moment, Swara's eyes snapped open, and she realised it was a dream or rather say nightmare.

Next example

So every morning I had to remember him.

Should ideally be

Every morning I have to remember him.

You see the changes of auxiliary verbs?!

Same goes for pronouns, in the place of he or she it should him or her.

Dolce (Opinion)

You should avoid using emojis, instead try weaving the emotions in words, that's what the writers are known for right?! Creating havoc with the usage of right words. Also, take care of the points I pointed out in the grammar domain and your story really needs proofreading.

Also, there is a very thin line between story narrating and story telling.

"Now the focus of the story directly moves towards the big mansion shown having nameplate of Maheshwaris"

This is called story narration

If you have directly started with song after giving (***) 👈 this signing off sign after Swara's seuqnce ended and started with the song you used for Sanskar's introduction it would have been better and this is called as storytelling.

And we are story teller, not story narrator.

Amaya.K
Reviewer, FMC

Payment: Mention that your book was reviewed by me by tagging me as a reviewer of FMC.
A permanent follow and add any one of my books in your reading list (If you like any)

Note from the reviewer:

K (Kaynat) you really owe me a treat for making me read about Anurag and Prerna even if it was for a few seconds 😂🙈😗😣

And hope I haven't offended you in any way.

•••♥♥•••

Hope we have helped you.

Kindly complete the due payment of the reviewer.

See you again 😊

#Musicophilias
FMC 💙🎶