━━ CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE / losing you

Sleep was never fitful for Demi, not even with Lockwood curled up into her side. When her eyes snapped open after a particularly ghoulish nightmare that she couldn't even remember now, his arm was curled up against her stomach. His head pressed into her hair, his entire body tugging her close to him. An unconscious attempt to make up for what he had done and Demi had no choice but to let it happen.

His hold was tight on her and she lay there, the warmth radiating off him as she stared at his bedroom wall. Her hand pulled up towards her face and she looked over the cuts, bandaged shoddily and the frown appeared. It didn't entirely surprise her now that she looked at it with fresh eyes that he had avoided the kiss. She would have too in his position.

But then, she felt Lockwood move. His hand moved from being wrapped around her up to her face where he gently brushed her hair out of the way. It fell gracefully from her shoulder and he leant forward, nuzzling his face sleepily into her neck. She could feel the breathe on her skin but closed her eyes against it.

"Lockwood," She said softly and he let out a sleepy 'hm' of acknowledgement which made her sigh, "I need painkillers." That was a lie. The pain hadn't hit her yet but she couldn't deal with how close he was. It was making her head hurt. He let out a mumble of something that she didn't quite catch and then she was free from him.

He rolled over in the bed to reach into his bedside drawer and Demi slipped out of the bed completely without a second though. Lockwood was lankier than she was and his t-shirt had gotten caught around her hips which she tugged down as she stiffly moved across the room.

But before she could make it to the door, Lockwood was up and rushing towards her. His body blocked the door as he looked down at her, concern etched across his face.

"Where are you going?" He asked. It wasn't an optional question. It was a demand. Tell or she wouldn't leave but Demi didn't want to tell.

"To bed," She mumbled. That was a lie. She was going to go downstairs and probably end up hurting herself while she tried to cook breakfast. But he didn't need to know that. She didn't want him to know that. He frowned.

"Do you want to go back to your room?" He asked. Demi nodded and he stepped out of the way. She gave him a half-smile and stepped towards the door, pulling it open. When she trudged out, George was walking down to the bathroom and she stared at the back of his head for a minute before she walked down the stairs behind him. He didn't even notice her as he went into the bathroom but Lockwood noticed how she didn't go to her room at all.

Every movement was awkward and stiff as she reached the kitchen. It didn't hurt as much as a few hours ago but it was still enough to make her want to cry. DEPRAC had checked her over at Combe Carey Hall and she was beginning to remember the concerned faces of the EMT when they saw the bruises. The painkillers in the white bag on the table were the reminder that Demi needed that they had in fact written her a painkiller prescription. Demi wasn't sure who had even picked it up but she opened the crinkly bag and looked inside.

There were two types of painkillers. A gel of some kind and then pills. She pulled out both and dropped the gel onto the side. There was no way she was going to be able to apply it to her wounds so she popped out a pill and dropped it onto her tongue, swallowing it dry before she began to read over the pamphlet.

Which quickly told her that she should eat before taking the pill. A huff escaped the brunette's lips and she walked stiffly to the fridge, pulling it open. Nothing sounded particularly appealing inside and the thought of cooking made her want to throw up.

So, rather than do anything, she turned slowly on her feet, only to find Lockwood in the doorway of the kitchen. Demi avoided his gaze as she walked over to the table, she slipped the gel and pills into the bag before rolling it up and pulling back.

"Demi," Her head lifted up at the sound of her name and he was frowning again. A heavy-set frown. She had never seen him look so concerned, "Let me help you," He insisted. She didn't say anything as she stared down at the floor. She couldn't even come up with a response and then Lockwood was in front of her. His hands moved to cup her cheeks, forcing her to meet his gaze somewhat, "I'm sorry. I should have listened. I should have let you. I know that but I care about you, okay?" His fingers were wrapped around her face as he leant down slightly towards her.

"I should never have gone to Combe Carey." Her tone was so defeatist. It terrified him. Lockwood sighed.

"I should have protected you." He mumbled. Demi hummed.

"Yeah." There was no argument against him. There was nothing Demi could say to argue against his words. He had promised to protect her and he hadn't. She couldn't even remember what had happened fully. All she remembered was that it felt just like Fittes.

"I wasn't thinking," He attempted but it was a horrible excuse. She pulled away from him, her fist tightened around the crinkle-y prescription bag. Her gaze fixed to the floor again.

"I could tell." It wasn't meant to be harsh but it was. Demi wasn't particularly angry about what had happened. Even despite his promise, she knew what would happen. She knew it would bring everything up and she knew from the second that she saw Chase on the platform that it would only turn into the worst night of her life.

And it did.

And there was nothing she could do to change it.

"You should've left me behind," Demi wasn't entirely sure where that thought came from but it spilled out before she had really thought about what she was saying. And it made her heart ache watching as Lockwood's face crumpled at her words.

"I would never do that. Not to you. Not ever," He responded firmly. Demi chuckled humorlessly and Lockwood just stared at her. The concern etched across his features as he watched her shift uncomfortably.

"I need to change," She suddenly said as she shuffled towards the door, "I'm going to the chippy. Do you want anything?" Demi slipped past him and pulled the kitchen door open. And she left him standing in the middle of the kitchen, frowning and completely unsure of what to say to her until he stumbled out a soft 'wait'. He rushed up the stairs after her and caught her before she had even made it to the second landing.

Demi stood a few steps higher than Lockwood as he held onto her hand. The hand which was free from cuts and bruises and harm. His fingers intertwined with hers and he stepped up a step.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked as he looked down at her. Demi stared at him for a moment. The words had sent her completely through a loop and she seemed completely paralysed by it. But Lockwood didn't move an inch until she stumbled out something that seemed to resemble 'yes'. Honestly, she wasn't entirely sure what she said because Lockwood's lips were pressed against hers in the next second and everything fell away.

It was so short. A peck as he held her face but it was enough for everything to melt away. Their foreheads pressed together as her eyes stayed closed. His hands stayed on her face and he kissed her again. Another soft peck and it broke her.

In the next second, she had broken down into messy sobs as her arms clung around his neck. Her face buried in his chest as he held her tightly around the waist, "Did I- Did I do something wrong?" He asked quickly but Demi shook her head as she clung to his body. The sobs wracked her as he held her tightly. His face buried in her hair as he pressed kisses to the top of her head in some attempt to calm her down.

But it didn't seem to work. It made her sob harder as she gripped tightly onto him, "Do you want to go back to bed?" He asked quickly. Demi nodded her head and he moved his hands down to her thighs, gently pulling her up around his waist. Her legs locked behind his back and he carefully walked them back upstairs and into his bedroom.

Demi carefully placed her feet on the floor and pulled her face away from Lockwood's chest. Snot was dripping down her nose and he was quick to pull a tissue from the box on his dresser. He cleaned up her nose and used his thumb to wipe away the tears that still trickled down and she just stared at him.

"I thought you were gonna die. I thought I was going to lose you. Never scare me like that again, please," Demi begged through messy tears and Lockwood stared at her for a moment. Watching as she continued to sniffle, a few sobs still reverberated through her chest. Her eyes were red, puffy, her cheeks were tear-stained and the guilt twisted his gut, "In that stupid Red Room, I thought you were-" Demi choked on the words before they even left her lips, "I thought you were going to die." His eyes widened at her confession and she pathetically brushed the snot away from her nose again.

"I'm right here," He said simply as he tucked hair behind her ear. He then took the tissue from her hand and wiped the snot away, brushing her cheeks to get rid of some of the tears. But they trickled slowly still.

"You nearly weren't," She managed as she looked up at him through teary eyes, "I know- I know you think nobody cares but if you... if you had... if we had lo-" Demi couldn't even bring herself to say it. Her hands were shaky as she reached out for Lockwood, "I can't lose you. Don't make me survive without you, please." He had never seen Demi so emotionally wrecked. Even when he had first met, it hadn't been like this. It terrified Anthony that someone cared about him this much.

"I won't," He said as he wrapped his arms around her body and head, pulling her right back into his chest. Her head nuzzled into him.

"Promise me," She begged and he nodded.

"I promise." Demi's shoulders visibly relaxed at that and he ran his fingers through her hair. And eventually, they moved back to bed and Demi curled up against his chest. Not leaving an inch of space between them. Her head pressed against him. Their legs tangled together. Her arm wrapped tightly around him.

"I can't lose you." She whispered once the tears had subsided and their breathing had returned back to normal.

"You won't," It was another promise that she wanted him to keep but she was beginning to doubt whether he truly would. Anthony Lockwood was a liar but she tried to ignore that fact for her own sanity as she squeezed her eyes shut.

-

Demi and Lockwood slept through most of the night that night and when they woke up the next morning, they both decided to take it slow. But Demi woke up in more pain that she thought was possible and so eventually, she couldn't take it anymore. However, rather than take the pill, Anthony had offered to put some gel on the bruises.

There was no way in hell that Demi would deny that so as she leant forward, her hands on her knees and his t-shirt pulled up onto her shoulders, he began to apply the gel. At some point in the night, she had discarded her bra due to the pain and it left her feeling both exposed but also thankful now. He could cover every inch of her bruised skin and hopefully the pain would clear up quicker than it had last time.

And at some point during this, George had knocked on the door. He had heard the two quietly talking. He knew that they were awake and he was already going to make breakfast for him and Lucy. So he made them some too and brought it up on a tray with two mugs and a pot of tea. He had noticed how Demi's mug had vanished but he had found a suitable replacement.

Lockwood was still applying the gel when he called for George to come in and the boy nearly dropped the tray, terrified of what he was walking in on before he realised what it was. He then walked over and placed the tray on the bed. He opened his mouth to ask about the mug but when he saw Demi's bandaged hand, it wasn't hard to put it together.

Which meant that he left with merely a mumble of 'Me and Lucy are downstairs' which Lockwood smiled in response to, saying something about how they would be down soon. It was a lie. Demi didn't want to leave the bed right now but she knew she would have to eventually.

So, when Lockwood finished applying the gel, they drank their tea but ended up taking down their plates to the kitchen, eating and talking with Lucy and George rather than excluding themselves more.

-

NOTE

okay, the madness is over, three updates in like 12 hours is something for me but i hope you enjoyed (and i promise there won't be another for a little bit) <3