PANIC

GRAYSON WAS DOING HIS BEST to avoid Steve Harrington at school the next day. He saw on the news that Will Byers's body was found and he tried to ignore the pang in his chest when he remembered the night with Matthew where they found his bike. It's not even like saying anything would have changed things, Will was probably already dead by the time they found it, but it was sickening to know they withheld that information from anyone besides each other. His plan seemed to fail when Steve stopped him in the hallway after school while he was heading to the car.

"Hey..."

"Don't talk to me," Grayson snapped, not even turning to face him. He just wanted to pretend all of yesterday never happened, he felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. He was selfish, not even caring about the hearts he broke, how could he? How could he face the person he fucked up with when he can't even face his own reflection?

"Gray, what's wrong?" Steve asked, trying to force the other boy to turn around but instead, he kept walking. They got all the way to Grayson's truck and he tried to open the door, but Steve closed it again. "Talk to me. Please don't be like this, Nance and I just got into a fight and I don't need this from you right now."

With that comment, Grayson whipped around, already fuming, "You don't need this right now? Really? You already fucked up my relationship and now you're fucking up yours, too? You know who really doesn't need this right now? Me. Wanna know why? Because my boyfriend saw us and dumped my ass and I know that I'm the one who is so incredibly fucked up and I absolutely deserve it but I still feel like shit. So, I'm sorry you and Nancy are fighting over God knows what, but at least you still have her. Go fucking appreciate her and treat her like a fucking queen because you are just as fucked up as I am and you oughta be kissing her feet, not out here acting like I'm yours."

He didn't even realize he was crying until a tear dropped onto his t-shirt. Steve looked like he was in shock, meanwhile, Grayson knew his expression was vile and unwelcoming, just how he wanted it to be.

"Grayson, I- I didn't know, I'm sorry..." Steve stammered, clearly not knowing what to say. Grayson never used to be someone who raised their voice, he never used to be someone who cried. Steve Harrington was going to be the death of him and he didn't even know it. They needed to get out of this loop of kiss and make-up or else Grayson was going to go crazy. Maybe he already was.

"Yeah, of course, you didn't know, because clearly, neither of us care about anyone else besides ourselves," Grayson said with a sarcastic, close-lipped smile, "Because of what we did, one of my best friends isn't talking to me and my boyfriend has a broken heart and I hate myself, so congratulations Steve. Now you can add me to the list of notches on your belt and hearts you've broken."

Steve sighed, "Gray, you know that was never the reason I was with you."

"Right, you just wanted to experiment, was that it? Well, the experiment's over. Go be straight with that nice, good, kindhearted girlfriend you have and stay the fuck away from me, got it?"

With a nod and stone-cold expression, Steve muttered a quick, "Got it."

Grayson didn't say another word as the boy walked away. Once he was gone, the dark-haired boy breathed a sigh of relief and fell back against his truck, sitting on the asphalt. After a moment, he wiped his tears and got inside. Without thinking about where he was going, he just drove. As if out of muscle memory, this led him to Benny's. The restaurant was closed now that the namesake was dead. The windows all boarded up and a big 'OUT OF BUSINESS' sign on the door. He remembered the many Saturday's spent there with the twins and even some with Steve. Now the only person he had was Elise. It was almost as if a light bulb went off as soon as he thought of her. Getting back in his truck, he drove, actually, sped describes it more accurately, to the twins' house. He found the key they gave him on his key ring and unlocked the front door. Emma was sitting in the living room, but he ignored her questions and ran upstairs to Elise's room.

"Grayson? What are you doing here?" the girl asked, sitting on her bed surrounded by homework.

He didn't say anything as he fell into her arms, hugging her. With no hesitation, she hugged him back, rubbing his back softly. He may have cried into her shoulder a little bit, but he wasn't going to admit that even if the tear stains on her sweater did so for him. As soon as he pulled back, he started to speak, but Elise just shut him up by shaking her head.

"You don't have to justify to me why you're upset and I know you're just gonna talk about how messed up you are," she said with a small, comforting smile, "but I'm not going to let you, okay? Yes, you've made mistakes, but just the fact that this is how you feel means you're still the same boy I've known for my whole life, okay? Just rest here, stay the night if you want to, but don't sit here and try to tell me what you've done wrong because I know and I still love you and you're still my best friend."

Giving in, Grayson nodded, "Okay. Why can't your sister feel this way?"

"She's got some problems of her own, trust me," Elise scoffed, "She just.... isn't ready to tell you, okay? She doesn't hate you, either, I promise."

"I really don't," a new voice joined the group. It was Emma, leaning against the doorway of her sister's room, "Can we talk?"

"I'll leave," Elise went to get up, but Emma stopped her.

Taking a deep breath, she said, "No, I need you here, too, for moral support. Grayson, I wanna tell you why I ran."

All he could do was nod. He felt powerless but more than that he just wanted his best friend back so he was willing to sit through anything she had to say.

"I ran, not because I hate that you're gay or some bullshit like that, but because what you feel for guys, I feel that for guys, too, but also... girls. To hear you just say it like that, so easily like it was something you had known your whole life and were okay with was something that hit me. I felt like it was unfair because what appeared to come so easy for you was something I've been struggling with for the past year. Not to mention, it being you was so much harder because last year, well, it feels like a million years ago, I had this stupid idea that one day we could be together and now I know that's never gonna happen. I don't even like you like that anymore, at least, not as much as I used to, but it just felt like a knife was being stabbed into my back. Not to mention, Elise knew and I... I didn't. It had always been the three of us, but then in a second, it felt like it was only the two of you and I hated that. I hate that feeling more than anything else because I love both of you so much and to have you not care about me the way you always have would have killed me. It did kill me. So, that's why I ran. Not because I hate you, but the opposite. And before you worry about me having stupid feelings for you, don't worry, I've moved on."

"Wait, to who? You didn't tell me that part!" Elise exclaimed, cutting off whatever Grayson's response was going to be.

Emma's blush was slightly visible through her dark skin, her eyes darting to the ground and away from her sister. In a whisper, she said, "I don't know, I've been kind of thinking Nancy was cute, but she's with Steve so it doesn't matter."

Not caring about holding himself back anymore, Grayson just burst out, "Don't worry about that Steve's been cheating on her."

"How do you know?" the girl gasped, stepping into the room and closing the door as Elise slapped the boy on the arm.

"Grayson!" she scolded, "You can't tell her."

"I just decided that I don't care anymore and if she just told me all of that, she deserves to know my whole story, too," Grayson sighed, not even thinking before words left his mouth anymore, "Remember when Steve would come to Saturdays at Benny's sometimes? Yeah, that's because he and I were screwing and then I fucked up and fell in love, but he dumped me because he couldn't handle his dad finding out he was with another boy. Fast forward, I have a new boyfriend, but then fucking Steve invites me to his party and we kiss and then we kiss again the next day in my truck and my boyfriend sees me and then he dumps me and now we're here. So, if you wanna talk about messed up problems, I think I'm the one to talk to if you wanna feel better."

Emma's expression fell, "Oh, Grayson... you poor thing."

"Please don't feel bad for me," he whispered, "Please, I don't deserve it."

"What the hell did I say, Grayson?" Elise rolled her eyes, moving the homework and pulling her best friend and sister into a hug on her bed. It wasn't long until they fell asleep like that and Grayson may have been eating himself alive over his mistakes, but at least he had his friend back.

this might be the angstiest thing i've ever written have fun