39.

JACE WALKED OUT of the pool area, his towel slung around his neck and water dripping from his hair. He swung his keys around his finger, and I lifted a brow at him, folding my arms over my chest.

"Took you long enough," I teased. "Had to put on makeup, did you? Fix your hair?"

He rolled his eyes with a grin, throwing an arm around my shoulders and pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

"Had to say goodbye to everyone," he said. "What can I say? I'm popular."

"I'm sure Dolores and Beatrice can live without you."

"I don't know, they seemed pretty teary eyed," he shot back, glancing over his shoulder where the older clients chatted. Dolores tilted her head back, letting out a loud laugh, and I sent Jace a dubious look.

"Yeah, she looks real torn up," I said.

He shrugged. "Probably just reliving old memories. We have a lot of those, you know."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm," he hummed. "Like that time we did star jumps to Queen. Or when we did high knees to Queen. Or when we did our cool down to Queen." He paused. "You sure like Queen."

"They're classic," I replied. "And I didn't see you complaining when you were nodding and singing along."

"It was pity singing-along."

"Of course," I teased, playing along. "I'll let Dolores pick the music next time."

My voice faded and I looked up to find Jace already staring at me. I sent him a tight-lipped smile and he squeezed my shoulder.

Next time.

Wordlessly, we made our way out of the centre, crossing the parking lot until we reached his van where he released me, stepping back to pull his bag off of his shoulder. His muscles flexed as he moved. He was no longer that lanky boy I'd seen limping through the hallways.

His limp had vanished, along with those crutches and that hoodie that hid his grimace.

Now, he had grown a tan. His muscles had become more toned. His hair streaked with golden, sun kissed strands from all his training in the sun.

And I knew what it felt like to run my fingers through his hair now. I knew what it was like to feel his skin against my palms, and his heartbeat thrumming beneath fingertips.

"What?"

I blinked, realising I'd been staring, and he threw me a lopsided grin. He stepped closer, looping his arms around my waist.

"I know," he began, teasingly, "I'm too handsome to look away from."

"That's not it, idiot."

"Hm?" he leaned closer, his fingers reaching up to brush my forehead, pushing strands of hair off of my skin. "What is it, then? What's on your mind?"

His hand drifted down to my cheek and I sighed, leaning into his palm.

"I was just thinking about how different things are from when we first met."

"Different?" He laughed, his teeth flashing at me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, look!" I exclaimed, stepping back, and gesturing vaguely towards him. "Your limp is gone. You're finished with your physical therapy. I just – I'm going to miss seeing you on weekends."

"You'll still see me," he said. "We have school and the rest of the weekend together."

"Yeah, I know." I threw him a pretend pout. "I'll just miss seeing you shirtless and dripping wet."

He didn't miss a beat. His smirk grew and he said, "You'll still see me shirtless and dripping wet."

I laughed, slapping his chest, and rolling my eyes. He caught my hand there, grinning as my laughter died down.

"Seriously, Jas. We'll see each other. Just because things are changing doesn't mean I'm disappearing. We've still got the rest of our senior year together."

"Right, senior year," I said, my smile vanishing and voice turning grim. "And then we graduate, and then what?"

He shrugged. "And then, we'll figure things out. College. After college. We'll figure it out, eventually."

I sighed, my shoulders sagging. "It just feels so quick. Too quick."

He smiled gently, taking my face in his hands. His thumbs brushed my jaw and he stroked the skin there, his eyes pools of bronze as he stared into mine.

"We'll figure it out when we get there," he said. "I mean, college is probably the smallest hurdle we've come across so far, right? I'd say the whole 'depression and PTSD' thing is a lot harder than what sorority to join, you know?"

"Sorority?" I snorted. "Who said I was joining a sorority?"

"Who said I was talking about you?"

I laughed, wriggling out of his arms, and pointing a finger at him. "If you join a sorority, I'm coming with you."

"Of course, you are." He pulled the car door open and gestured for me to slide in.

It was different now. The leather of the seat, creaking beneath me. The belt strapping across my chest. Familiar and unfamiliar all at once.

Underwater, but still seeing the light pierce through the surface. Wading through day by day. And sometimes, it was hard. Sometimes, the tide pulled me further out. But compared to a year ago, I was closer to the shore than ever, and one day, I'd enjoy the sand beneath my feet.

"Now," Jace said, turning to me once he'd buckled into the driver's seat. "Where to?"

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

Visiting Amber's grave had become a monthly thing.

I'd gone so long without seeing her, without visiting her, it felt like I had to make up for all that lost time. I had so many stories to tell her.

I sat on the grass, my fingers brushing over the stone of the grave. Over the engraved letters that marked her name and birthday.

Someone had cleaned it. Flowers and photos always lined the soil – lively, just as she was in life.

I leaned forward, pressing my own bouquet of flowers against the stone. White daisies I'd picked with Jace on one of our road trips. He was waiting now. I could see his van parked in the corner of my eye.

A gust of wind pushed a stray curl onto my forehead, and I laughed, remembering how Amber was always pushing my hair out of my face. She was always jealous of my curls, complaining that her silky, straight hair was too thin to hold any curls or texture.

"I miss you, Amber," I said finally, my voice ripping through the silence. "I'm going to graduate in a few months. I wish you were here. We were always meant to graduate together. Go to college together."

We'd graduated pre-school together, tiny hands clasped with long black robes flowing over our wrists. We'd graduated kindergarten and middle school together, swearing to stay together, even in high school. And now, I'd be graduating high school without her.

I'd be okay.

I had Jace. I had Piper. I had my family and my therapist and a support system, always ready to catch me if I tripped along the way.

And the trips were inevitable.

The stumbles and falls. The days where the nightmares were worse than usual. The days where I couldn't get into a car or couldn't leave my bed. But they weren't forever. They passed, and everyone was always there to help me back up – to hug me and listen to me rant.

To curl under my sheets and watch America's Next Top Model until our ears were bleeding.

"I've gotten so lucky," I said quietly, hoping Amber was somewhere listening to me. "You should know, I'm getting better. Jace and I both are. Together. We may be broken. Our pieces might be jagged and sharp. But we've put ourselves back together, and the cracks have hardened into gold. We're getting there, Amber. We're getting there."

In the corner of my eye, I could see Jace looking at me and I turned to him and sent him a smile, hoping it would relieve any worries he might have.

"I wish you could meet him, Amber," I whispered. "I really love him."

He was still watching me, so I stood, dusting my pants off. And with one last glance towards Amber, I spun, and I ran.

Towards Jace.